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Author Topic: Your favorite porn spam?
NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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Have any of you had any particularly amusing porn spam, be it title or content?

I just got to thinking about this today, when I opened my e-mail to see an e-mail with the subject "The *safe* way to drown your girlfriend in cum"

I just found that hilarious.

--------------------
"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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I recently posted this in another thread, but I don't remember which one. The subject line was "Vagina, vagina, vagina!" Aside from reminding me of Jan Brady I thought it was funny that they used a medical term instead of something dirty.

--------------------
Me: "He's 19? Uh oh, I bought him a beer."
A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
"Sweet spell check: keeping drunks off the radar since 1995."- IND
God Re-Animate Green Pork Bush

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Towknie
We Three Blings


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I'm feeling left out here. I went through my bulk folder, and there was nary a porn spam in there. All mortgages, Viagra, and gambling sites.

I have, however, always found it amusing that I get spam for both penile enlargements and breast enhancements. I guess there's a big market out there for people who want to become ladyboys.

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Towknie: Ryda-certified as wonderful, enlighted, and rational.

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MissBethie
I Saw Three Shipments


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I usually just get porn spam from Germany and can't read it. (They didn't teach me those words when I took German in high school!)

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"Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?" --the Scarecrow

"The Christian Right is neither."

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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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quote:
Originally posted by Towknie:
I'm feeling left out here. I went through my bulk folder, and there was nary a porn spam in there. All mortgages, Viagra, and gambling sites.

I have, however, always found it amusing that I get spam for both penile enlargements and breast enhancements. I guess there's a big market out there for people who want to become ladyboys.

I don't get junk mail in my normal e-mail, this is on a different e-mail I use when signing up for stuff.

--------------------
"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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black roses 19
Xboxing Day


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I love the ones that say "Connie, gain 9 inches by Christmas!"

...I'm a woman, genius...

One of those women who were BORN a woman...never had a penis and doesn't wish to acquire one...

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"I find them to be in contradiction of the basic principles of YOUR MOM!!!" -We've Got Mail

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Echinodermata Q. Taft
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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My favorite was an advertisement for some kind of herbal treatment, I think, that was supposed to increase the volume and pressure of the male ejaculation, so that you could shoot your cum clear across the room, and in enormous volume. I actually went to look at their website, and the testimonials were hilarious. One woman allegedly wrote that now after she and her boyfriend have sex, she can feel it inside her "oozing for hours" afterwards.

Suffice to say, I am not convinced that even if the product works as advertised, it's something most women would find particularly attractive...though it might get you a job in adult films.

--------------------
http://eqtaft.blogspot.com

Hope for the future! http://www.runobama.com

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Steph Summers
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Black Rose,

A lot of us were born WOMEN, but we'd like to acquire a penis temporarily...at least internally.

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Oualawouzou
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Personnally, it's these two:

"Would you like to hold a brick on your dick?"

Uhhhhhhh.......... no.

"Would you like to use your dick as a remote control?"

Uhhhhhhh.......... no. For one thing, the sound would go up every time I had a naughty thought, and I'd flip channels so quickly the darn thing would blow up.

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Le champignon arrive.

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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I like getting the ones, such as the one I just got, that say, "Sluts who like cocks big and meaty."

First off, does this line actually work on anyone?

Second ... I'm gay. I don't particularly care if the slut likes her cock big and meaty.

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Troodon
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Not quite porn spam, but worth mentioning:

Everybody knows the great sexual scandal known as "Klinton-Levinsky".
After the relations like this Klintons popularity raised a lot!
It is a natural phenomenon, because Bill as a real man in order not to
shame himself when he was with Monica regularly used Voagra.
What happened you see. His political figure became more bright and more attractive.
It is very important for a man to be respected as a man!

See our Voagra shop to enter upon the new phase of your life.
--URL deleted--

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Fools! You've over-estimated me!

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U.T. Raptor
Jingle Bell Hock


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I once opened a porn spam message out of curiousity and it had a portion of what seemed to be an essay in it...

--------------------
"Elly: Oops, I'm a damsel in distress now. Better scream girlishly and all… ahem. EEEK!"

Schwarz: Look, there's three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Ninja way.
Rey: Isn't that the wrong way?
Schwarz: Yup, only stealthier.

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Karmyn
Jingle Bell Hock


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I once got one that said:
"Be bigger than Ron Jeremy"

I'm too scared to find what what they mean by that.

Got one today that while not porn, was amusing and scary.
quote:
Angel Soft wants your bathroom moments
I'd send it to Spammusement, but I'm scared as to what they may do with it.

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"I have a very cunning plan."

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chillas
Coventry Mall Carol


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quote:
Originally posted by Karmyn:
I once got one that said:
"Be bigger than Ron Jeremy"

A Krispy Kreme ad?

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Come on, come on - spin a little tighter
Come on, come on - and the world's a little brighter


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Spikey
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
SEXUALLY-EXPLICIT: Schoolgirls And Teacher Insert Anal Dildo In Ass
It sounds more like a headline than an advert! [lol]

"A camping trip turned nasty when one of the teachers and her class sexually assaulted a donkey with an array of sex toys..."

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"The fact that "uvula" and "vulva" look and sound similar was just a happy coincidence." - Lainie

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Ardeco
The World According to Carp


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I used to have a Hotmail account in the late 90s. It overflowed with spam. I kept the spam for when I needed a good laugh, but that got real old real fast.

My favorite non-porn spam moment was a spam titled "Lose 10 Lbs by Valentine's Day", dated 11:10pm February 13th. My favorite porn spam moment was one I have all but completely forgotten and have been unable to find. It was one of those typical straight-laced-girl-walks-on-the-wild-side-click-here types of spam, and it concluded with the words "lawyer turned slut". I read that and asked myself: is there a difference?

I also love the porn spam with the random words thrown in, especially when the random words are more suggestive than the body of the message. Example:

'prudent schoolgirl smudgy stork controversial class desist headmaster'

This needs some punctuation:

'Prudent schoolgirl + smudgy stork = controversial class.
"Desist!"
- headmaster.'

quote:
Originally posted by Karmyn:
I once got one that said:
"Be bigger than Ron Jeremy"

Well, I am a foot taller than him. Does that count?
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Anyte
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by black roses 19:
I love the ones that say "Connie, gain 9 inches by Christmas!"

Around your waist. Enjoy the cookies!

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Too broke to pay attention

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Echinodermata Q. Taft
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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This wasn't porn spam, but I was riding in an elevator today which has a little display screen that flashes headlines from MSNBC. These are frequently more cryptic than edifying, I find, particularly the ones that headline feature articles. But today there was one that read something like: "North Korean Cheerleaders in Prison Camp."

Here is the actual story -- apparently the cheerleaders performed in South Korea, and are being imprisoned for breaking restrictions on discussing their experiences there, or so it is rumored. If so, a nasty human rights violation, but nothing that I suppose is surprising from Kim Jong Il.

But at the time, all I could think of was that "Cheerleaders behind bars!" would make a great concept for a soft-core porn film...

--------------------
http://eqtaft.blogspot.com

Hope for the future! http://www.runobama.com

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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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EQT, I think I've seen that movie.

--------------------
Me: "He's 19? Uh oh, I bought him a beer."
A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
"Sweet spell check: keeping drunks off the radar since 1995."- IND
God Re-Animate Green Pork Bush

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Spikey
Jingle Bell Hock


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I think I own that movie.

--------------------
"The fact that "uvula" and "vulva" look and sound similar was just a happy coincidence." - Lainie

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Steph Summers
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Popcorn, please
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Page Three
Deck the Malls


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I'm sure this has been posted before, but it's relevant:
Spamusement

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lazerus the duck
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
I like getting the ones, such as the one I just got, that say, "Sluts who like cocks big and meaty."

First off, does this line actually work on anyone?

Second ... I'm gay. I don't particularly care if the slut likes her cock big and meaty.

??? It didn't say the sluts were female I know plenty of male sluts, straight and gay.
I believe the first recorded use of the word sluttish was by Chauser and described a man.

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All the world's a face, And all the men and women merely acne.

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Tarquin Farquart
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Originally posted by lazerus the duck:
quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
I like getting the ones, such as the one I just got, that say, "Sluts who like cocks big and meaty."

First off, does this line actually work on anyone?

Second ... I'm gay. I don't particularly care if the slut likes her cock big and meaty.

??? It didn't say the sluts were female I know plenty of male sluts, straight and gay.
I believe the first recorded use of the word sluttish was by Chauser and described a man.

I'm always getting the "big and meaty" one no matter how many ways I attempt to block them. Serves me right for using hotmail really. Just this morning I received an invitation yo view MatureNudeAnd BustyOldHoesHere. [Eek!]

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I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from "Now We Are Six" through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So there!

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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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quote:
Originally posted by Tarquin Farquart:
quote:
Originally posted by lazerus the duck:
quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
I like getting the ones, such as the one I just got, that say, "Sluts who like cocks big and meaty."

First off, does this line actually work on anyone?

Second ... I'm gay. I don't particularly care if the slut likes her cock big and meaty.

??? It didn't say the sluts were female I know plenty of male sluts, straight and gay.
I believe the first recorded use of the word sluttish was by Chauser and described a man.

I'm always getting the "big and meaty" one no matter how many ways I attempt to block them. Serves me right for using hotmail really. Just this morning I received an invitation yo view MatureNudeAnd BustyOldHoesHere. [Eek!]
Better than the subject "Mister Ed Gives Head, Cum See Inside!"

--------------------
"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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Steph Summers
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Noc G

I agree Big & meaty is better than Mr. Ed, but where are the sites that intrigue women? Can anyone help?

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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Well I suppose if said woman enjoys big and/or meaty cocks she could get a vicarious thrill watching the sluts who like similar cocks.

Why do I want to say this?

I myself prefer fun-sized soy cocks. [fish] [fish] [fish]

--------------------
Me: "He's 19? Uh oh, I bought him a beer."
A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
"Sweet spell check: keeping drunks off the radar since 1995."- IND
God Re-Animate Green Pork Bush

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Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by lazerus the duck:
It didn't say the sluts were female I know plenty of male sluts, straight and gay.
I believe the first recorded use of the word sluttish was by Chauser and described a man.

Can't let that pass: It's true that Chaucer uses "sluttissh" to describe a man, but it doesn't have anything to do with sex. The OED says"Of persons: Dirty and untidy in dress and habits, esp. to an extent which is repulsive or disgusting. Now spec. of women." "Slut" is exclusively female, and dates a little after Chaucer to mean "A woman of dirty, slovenly, or untidy habits or appearance; a foul slattern," and half a century later "A woman of a low or loose character; a bold or impudent girl; a hussy, jade."

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~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

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WildaBeast
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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I've posted this before, but my favorite porn spam was from "Barbara" and the subject was something like "The hot sex with a HAMMER!"

I received that not too long after I registered for this message board, and when I check my email I usually look at the sender before I read the subject. When I saw an email from "Barbara" my first thought was that it was an email from snopes' Barbara. Then when I read the subject I couldn't help but thinking that sex with a hammer does sound similar to sex with a hot dog or broom handel.

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"Unseasonable is an odd word to begin with. It sounds like it's describing something that it's impossible to sprinkle pepper on." -- Nonny

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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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YOMANK, WildaBeast. I can't stop laughing at that [lol]

--------------------
Me: "He's 19? Uh oh, I bought him a beer."
A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
"Sweet spell check: keeping drunks off the radar since 1995."- IND
God Re-Animate Green Pork Bush

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Buckeye
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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My favorite, actually Mrs. Buckeye received it:
"Knock down walls with your huge cock"

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Oualawouzou
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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[hijack]How come you're receiving so much spam in your Hotmail accounts? I have two accounts, have posted my addresses in several places (including somewhat risky ones) and receive very litle to no spam. Especially when you compare it with the odious amount of spam I receive at my work address![/hijack] [Confused]

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Le champignon arrive.

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robbiev - singin' off key
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Steph Summers:
Black Rose,

A lot of us were born WOMEN, but we'd like to acquire a penis temporarily...at least internally.

I'm here to help in any way I can. [Wink]

--------------------
Every time I see a good looking woman, I think, "0oooh. There's another one I'll never have!"

Corvette. The louder you scream, the faster I'll go.

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robbiev - singin' off key
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by candy from strangers with bird flu:

I myself prefer fun-sized soy cocks.


Is that anything like the fun-sized Snickers bars you get at Halloween? Not regular size, but much smaller? If so, I'm all yours. [Wink]

Robbiev -now with no razor blades!- 427

--------------------
Every time I see a good looking woman, I think, "0oooh. There's another one I'll never have!"

Corvette. The louder you scream, the faster I'll go.

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Tarquin Farquart
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Originally posted by robbiev427:
quote:
Originally posted by candy from strangers with bird flu:

I myself prefer fun-sized soy cocks.


Is that anything like the fun-sized Snickers bars you get at Halloween? Not regular size, but much smaller? If so, I'm all yours. [Wink]

Robbiev -now with no razor blades!- 427

I've never understood the logic behind "fun size" chocolate bars. What's fun about a chocolate bar that's exactly the same but smaller. They should be called "minis" or "chocolate bars for busy people on the go" or whatever. "Fun size" chocolate bars, IMHO, would be the size of a shoe.

--------------------
I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from "Now We Are Six" through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So there!

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