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Author Topic: Your worst insults
TallGeekyGirl
O Read, O Read, The Manual


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Got a scathing, hilarious, or clever insult?

Post 'em here!

They don't necessarily have to be NFBSK, but I put this thread here so you have the freedom of posting such insults if you like.


I shall add these:


You look like you've been hit by the ugly end of a shit-stick.

They told you you were a great asset. They were off by two letters.

He has the brains of a bucket of slugs.


And the geek one ... you're so FAT you can't upgrate to NTFS!

(500 geek points if you get that one ... )

--------------------
See, if I tell you about it, it won't be a mystery. It'll just be a fact, an ugly, moist fact, squatting on your brain like an octopus. And you don't want an octopus squatting on your brain, do you, son? -- Stan Smith, American Dad

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Jay Tea
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Chow

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This is where I come up with something right? Something really clever...

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Squoval
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Not really the same, Jay, as she isn't asking for profane expressions, she is asking us to post insults just for the hell of it.

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I can't believe it's not Square!

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Jay Tea
The "Was on Sale" Song


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quote:
Originally posted by Bill D:
Not really the same, Jay, as she isn't asking for profane expressions, she is asking us to post insults just for the hell of it.

Which is what everybody is doing on the other thread as well, basically.

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This is where I come up with something right? Something really clever...

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robbiev - singin' off key
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by TallGeekyGirl:

And the geek one ... you're so FAT you can't upgrate to NTFS!

(500 geek points if you get that one ... )

I'm assuming it has something to do with upgrading a FAT partition to a NTFS partition in Linux, and I'm also assuming there's a reference to the fact that the NTFS partition has no size limit (other than the physical limits of the hard drive).

Please tell me I a geek and got that right!


Here's a couple (although by no means original):

You're not the dumbest (or ugliest) person in the world, but you sure better hope he/she doesn't die.

I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can go on a diet.

I may be drunk, but you're ugly, and tomorrow morning I'll be sober.

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Every time I see a good looking woman, I think, "0oooh. There's another one I'll never have!"

Corvette. The louder you scream, the faster I'll go.

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Squoval
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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If you were not such an insignificant little twit, I might of mustered the energy to give a shit about your crappy little mind.

For starters.

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I can't believe it's not Square!

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tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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One of the worst things to call a New Englander: You Yankee Lover!

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Rhea
We Three Blings


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Swedish.
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LeaflessMapleTree
The twelve shopping days 'til Christmas


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"Thou art a crusty botch of nature indeed..."

(10 pts. for reference)

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"For me, religion is like a rhinoceros: I don't have one, and I'd really prefer not to be trampled by yours. But it is impressive, and even beautiful, and, to be honest, the world would be slightly worse off if there weren't any."
-Silas Sparkhammer

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NobbyNobbs
Deck the Malls


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You fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

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Back in the days before electricity, we were forced to watch TV by candlelight.

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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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MapleLeaf: King Lear?

I thought of this one the other day, and was quite proud of myself. Best said to someone who acts like a know-it-all, but really doesn't

"If I want your expert opinion on something I'll ask you what it's like to be a douchebag."

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Me: "He's 19? Uh oh, I bought him a beer."
A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
"Sweet spell check: keeping drunks off the radar since 1995."- IND
God Re-Animate Green Pork Bush

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TallGeekyGirl
O Read, O Read, The Manual


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quote:
Originally posted by robbiev427:
quote:
Originally posted by TallGeekyGirl:

And the geek one ... you're so FAT you can't upgrate to NTFS!

(500 geek points if you get that one ... )

I'm assuming it has something to do with upgrading a FAT partition to a NTFS partition in Linux, and I'm also assuming there's a reference to the fact that the NTFS partition has no size limit (other than the physical limits of the hard drive).

Please tell me I a geek and got that right!

You're a geek, Nobbie ... 500 points to you. [Big Grin]

--------------------
See, if I tell you about it, it won't be a mystery. It'll just be a fact, an ugly, moist fact, squatting on your brain like an octopus. And you don't want an octopus squatting on your brain, do you, son? -- Stan Smith, American Dad

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momto4+
Deck the Malls


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Your momma is so ugly when she walks by the bathroom the toilet flushes itself!!!

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A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wits and add drama to an otherwise dull day! -Calvin and Hobbes

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First of Two
The Bills of St. Mary's


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She's like lettuce. A quarter a head.

He thinks a quarterback is a refund.

She can't go to the beach anymore.
sunburn?
No, environmentalists. They keep trying to push her back into the water.

He stands out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark.
Really??
Yeah. Like bat piss.

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"Liberalism is a philosophy of consolation for western civilization as it commits suicide." - Jerry Pournelle

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Avril
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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I wish sincerely we might become better strangers.

--William Shakespeare (As You Like It, I think)

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There is no failure unless one stops. --Ray Bradbury

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Ogre4Hire
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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You have a heart of gold.
Cold, hard, and yellow.

Flies wouldn't even rest on your corpse.

Mirrors beg for mercy when they see you.

You are the stinking backside of a diseased hyena.

You look like you set your face on fire and tried to put it out with an ice pick.

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"I felt a great disturbance in this farce..." Nodwick in Lich Wars: the Henchman Strikes Back

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Dr. Winston O'Boogie
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by First among Eagles:
He stands out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark.
Really??
Yeah. Like bat piss.

I first heard that as part of a Monty Python skit where Wilde, Whistler, and Shaw were trading insults as witicisms and blaming them on the other:
quote:
Whistler:Your Highness, you are also like a stream of bat's piss.
Prince: What?
Whistler: It was one of Wilde's. One of Wilde's.
Oscar: It sodding was not! It was Shaw!
Shaw: I ... I merely meant, Your Majesty, that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark.

The last one in the skit....
quote:
Oscar: (to Whistler) Right. Right? (to Prince) Your Majesty is like a dose of clap.
Whistler: Before you arrive -- before you arrive is pleasure, and after is a pain in the dong.



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"The large print givith, and the small print taketh away" -- Tom Waits, Step Right Up

"The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad." -- Salvador Dali

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glisp42
I'm Dreaming Of A White iPod


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Some of my favorites.

I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire

You think your hot shit but your just a cold fart warmed up

--------------------
What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK" and other lingo mean?

And we'll collect the moments one by one I guess that's how the future's done. -Feist

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Izzy Quigley
Jingle Bell Hock


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"She is spherical, like a globe. I could find out countries in her." - Shakespeare, The Comedy of Errors.

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A Viennese fellow is walking along the Karntner Strasse and notices a banana peel lying in his path. "Alas," he sighs, "now I must slip and fall down!"

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qualli
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Okay, bets on how long before someone mentions elderberries?

I had to dig up my latin insult book for this:

nates pilosas, fili, non potes asse venditare

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"I still say Obi-wan Kenobi was The Force's bitch."

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Morgaine La Raq Star
The "Was on Sale" Song


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I've never had the opportunity or nerve to use this one but I've often thought it:


'Who lit the fuse on your tampon?'

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I cannot live without books-Thomas Jefferson *~* A child educated only at school is an uneducated child - George Santayana
I'm going to pummel you with such zeal, Buddha will explode! *~* Never miss a good chance to shut up - Will Rogers

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Nappy Solo
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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"I think the best part of you ran down your daddy's leg"

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Virtue is its own reward. But, then again, so is vice....

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Hazed
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by Nappy Solo:
"I think the best part of you ran down your daddy's leg"

Isn't it your mommy's leg?
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tribrats
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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You think your hot shit on a golden platter but your just cold diareah in a dixie cup.

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Senior
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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You have every characteristic of a dog except loyalty.

You're so uncoordinated you can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

Oh God. Look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?

You've got all the personality of a paper cup.

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Ad astra per asparagus.

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Sabrina_Fairchild
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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What about this one?

"You think you're hot snot, but you're really just a cold booger." [Big Grin]

My cousin said that about Paris Hilton.
Geni

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As heard on "Street Smarts":
Q: Chicago has 2 professional baseball teams. The Cubs and....what is the other one? Hint: It's something you probably don't wear a lot.

Girl: Underwear?

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Nappy Solo
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Isn't it your mommy's leg?

Nope, never even made it to mommy

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Virtue is its own reward. But, then again, so is vice....

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nurple
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by Nappy Solo:
Isn't it your mommy's leg?

Nope, never even made it to mommy

[Confused]
Perhaps I am dense, but I do not understand this one.

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"You better respect the Rap or the Rap won't respect you." Ledatru

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Steph Summers
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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I agree with Nurp. I think this is a "hard one".
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Nappy Solo
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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C'mon Steph, you get it, it's not that "hard".

Let's just say that in your father's, emmm, DNA, there are good and bad points. The best part of that DNA never made it into the womb to assist with your creation. I'd always heard the reference as being that a person is a product of "coitus interuptus", or the pull it out at the last minute method of (non) birth control - never got the good seed delivered to mom, it just trickled down daddy's leg, or as Hazed suggested, dribbled back out of mommy. Not exactly a compliment. Either way, you were created with the sub-standard stuff. I've used this on occaision when somebody says or does something stupid enough to get them fired, punched, hurt, killed, divorced, gang raped in prison, etc. Kind of like when in Smokey and the Bandit, Jackie Gleason says to his son "I can't believe you sprang from my loins".

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Virtue is its own reward. But, then again, so is vice....

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Sullen Moon
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by qualli:
Okay, bets on how long before someone mentions elderberries?

I had to dig up my latin insult book for this:

nates pilosas, fili, non potes asse venditare

Well, if you insist... [Wink]

"I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

The next line is a pretty good blow-off for someone who's being a pain: "Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"

Me, I'm pretty partial to "I bite my thumb at you, sir!" [Smile] (5pts.)

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***sig line edited for content***

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qualli
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Sullen Moon:

Me, I'm pretty partial to "I bite my thumb at you, sir!" [Smile] (5pts.)

Romeo and Juliet.

I used to bite my thumb at people a lot.

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"I still say Obi-wan Kenobi was The Force's bitch."

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Sullen Moon
Deck the Malls


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Yup [Smile]

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***sig line edited for content***

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momto4+
Deck the Malls


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Your mother should have swallowed!!!

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A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wits and add drama to an otherwise dull day! -Calvin and Hobbes

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glisp42
I'm Dreaming Of A White iPod


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Get thee to a nunnery
-Hamlet

--------------------
What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK" and other lingo mean?

And we'll collect the moments one by one I guess that's how the future's done. -Feist

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