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Author Topic: Manliness is next to godliness
snopes
Return! Return! Return!


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Convinced that men are dodging church because it saps their masculinity, some evangelists invoke a tougher Jesus to get the rams back into the fold.

http://www.southflorida.com/news/la-na-godmen7dec07,0,6520118.story

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Tootsie Plunkette
Buy a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella


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quote:
When he spots a Wal-Mart clerk writing "Happy Holidays" on a window, he boldly complains: It should say "Merry Christmas."

The clerk erases the offending greeting. Chalk one up for Christian testosterone.

"I wouldn't have done that before," Stephenson says proudly. "I am no longer a doormat."

I... don't know what to say.

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--Tootsie

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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tougher... more masculine... comes up complete intolerance for anything that isn't Christian.

Jeeeeeez...

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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evilrabbit
Jingle Bell Hock


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Good for you, you're no longer a doormat. Now you're a pushy, obnixious jerk. Much better.

Do these people not realize that they have other options than "doormat" or "caveman"?

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"My sandwich choice is uncertain, until I actually order. It's like Schrodinger's Sandwich."
"Is plutonium involved in this sandwich in any way?"
"Maybe."

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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Read that article earlier today, and this was my favorite quote:

Eric Miller, a construction worker, admits his wife is none too pleased when he takes off, alone, on a weekend camping trip a few weeks after the GodMen conference this fall.

"She was a little bit leery of it, as we have an infant," he reports. "She said, 'I need your help around here.' "

Miller, 26, refuses to yield: "I am supposed to be the leader of the family."

He's pretty sure his wife will come around once she recognizes he's modeling his life after Jesus', like a good Christian should. It'll just take a little explaining, because the Jesus he has in mind is the guy on the wanted poster: "confrontational and sarcastic when he needed to be," Miller says, and determined to use "whatever means was necessary to achieve his goal."


So, if I understand this, he and his wife have an infant, he wants to go on a camping trip, and that trumps his need to assist with his own child! Yea. Christian. And not only that, but he's willing to use "any means necessary" to get his wife to shut up and bend over?!? Dude. I am so, so scared for the wives and children of these asshats.

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So many spankings! It feels so good! But at the same time, I don't care about meeting your family! - I'mNotDedalus:

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snopes
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quote:
He's pretty sure his wife will come around once she recognizes he's modeling his life after Jesus', like a good Christian should.
My copy of the New Testament apparently omits the parts describing how Jesus deserted those who needed Him most in order to attend to His own desires. I think it must be in Agenda 6:22.

- snopes

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Cowboy Joe
Deck the Malls


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I sense an upturn in the Christian divorce rate on the horizon.

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"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." -George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

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Kahuna Burger
I Saw Three Shipments


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
quote:
He's pretty sure his wife will come around once she recognizes he's modeling his life after Jesus', like a good Christian should.
My copy of the New Testament apparently omits the parts describing how Jesus deserted those who needed Him most in order to attend to His own desires. I think it must be in Agenda 6:22.

- snopes

Well, he did dis his mom once didn't he? And encourage one of his disciples to walk away from his ?brother's? funeral...

(not seriosuly arguing this is a WWJD solution, just envisioning these guys having a case of beers and reading John 2:4 over and over again, "Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.")

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Izzy Quigley
Jingle Bell Hock


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This is sad. They're using Jesus as an excuse to behave in ways which I seriously doubt Jesus would have condoned.

I don't like alpha males much...

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A Viennese fellow is walking along the Karntner Strasse and notices a banana peel lying in his path. "Alas," he sighs, "now I must slip and fall down!"

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Avril
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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[Roll Eyes]

Let's see here...

quote:
When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" he asked.

"Come and see, Lord," they replied.

Jesus wept.

John 11:32-35

So it seems Jesus was empathetic with a weepy woman. Hmm...

quote:
Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, "Don't cry."
Luke 7:11-13

So it wasn't the only time...

I could go on, but it would be fruitless, as it will not affect the appropriate audience. People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating.

Avril

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There is no failure unless one stops. --Ray Bradbury

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Mr. Fed
Happy Holly Days


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A reading from the Gospel according to Wayne.

And as the disciples gathered about Him, He sat upon a tree stump and scratched Himself idly.

"This above all things, He said. "There is no greater good, and no other way unto My Father's kingdom, but to act like an adolescent lout."

Jesus belched.

"Lord," said Peter Simon, "Lord, when you said 'turn the other cheek,' You didn't really mean it, did You?"

And Jesus rolled His eyes and walked up to Peter Simon and rapped His knuckles quite sharply on Peter Simon's head in an ostensibly teasing and friendly but actualy hostile manner. "HELLO? IS ANYONE AT HOME?" asketh the Lord of Hosts. "Of COURSE I didn't mean it. That whole routine -- the turning the cheek, the celebration of the meek, the Democrat class warfare stuff -- that was all to bring in the chick demographic. It's OK to lie to them, you know. They aren't real people."

And the disciples applauded Him and hooted and pumped their fists and pounded each other on the back, and several farted for emphasis.

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With occasional, half-hearted, semi-literate blogging comes great responsibility.

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Avril:
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating.

Can I have this for a sig line? It's ... well, exactly what these people need to hear.

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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LeaflessMapleTree
The twelve shopping days 'til Christmas


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You know, I kept scrolling down trying to find the one REALLY stupid cake-topper to quote. Instead I found that everything that was said was equally sig-worthy material...so long as it was for a message board called
www . im-a-big-dolt . com

*sigh*

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"For me, religion is like a rhinoceros: I don't have one, and I'd really prefer not to be trampled by yours. But it is impressive, and even beautiful, and, to be honest, the world would be slightly worse off if there weren't any."
-Silas Sparkhammer

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Avril
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
quote:
Originally posted by Avril:
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating.

Can I have this for a sig line? It's ... well, exactly what these people need to hear.
Be my guest. It's about time I said something sig line worthy.

Avril

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There is no failure unless one stops. --Ray Bradbury

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Avril:
Be my guest. It's about time I said something sig line worthy.

Excellent! [Big Grin]

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Minstrel gone caroling
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Stine's wife, Desiree, says she supports manly leadership; it seems to her the natural and God-ordained order of things. As she puts it: "When the rubber hits the bat, I want to know my husband will protect me."
Hmm. I prefer knowing that my husband-to-be and I will protect each other.

And what the bloody hell kind of metaphor is "when the rubber hits the bat," anyway?

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Last year's goat was burned down by vandals dressed up as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man. They were never caught.
My blog. The Adventures of the Fish O'Thwacking.
Countdown: 177 days (or less!)

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Minstrel gone caroling:
And what the bloody hell kind of metaphor is "when the rubber hits the bat," anyway?

Sounds like there's some interspecies erotica going on here. [Eek!]

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Sara at home
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Ok, let me get this straight: A man proves he's the leader of his family by leaving his family to go camping with the guys. Someone explain to me how that is leading his family. Do good leaders abandon their followers?

I guess I just don't get this new Christian thing.

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Assume that all my posts will be edited at least once. Dyslexic -- can't spell, can't type, can't proofread.

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Mouse
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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The ridiculous amount of emphasis on machismo and being a real man mentioned among all these guys makes me think of a group of teenage boys. Teenage boys often affect a cartoonishly masculine facade because they're scared and insecure in the presence of the opposite sex. Most outgrow this stage, these guys clearly haven't.

Of course it's easy to make a "compensating for something" joke and don't think I'm above it. I'll resist temptation and keep said joke to myself but out of curiosity, has anyone ever actually been in a church where they had pink carpeting?

The funniest part for me was this bit:

quote:
A workshop called "Training the Penis" encourages men to talk openly about temptation and bond with guys who share their struggles.

Now I can't stop picturing a bunch of guys looking down at their penises saying, "Sit. Stay. Roll over." Curse my filthy mind.

Guess it's another reason on a long list of reasons as to why I'm going to Hell.

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"You see? The mysteries of the Universe are revealed when you break stuff." Coop from MegasXLR

"I distrust who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." -- Susan B. Anthony

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Avril
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Mouse:
The ridiculous amount of emphasis on machismo and being a real man mentioned among all these guys makes me think of a group of teenage boys. ... Most outgrow this stage, these guys clearly haven't.

I agree! I actually said this to a friend, though I didn't post it, last night. I see it as an influence of the broader, secular culture, where you have things such as the "Man Show" and whatnot glorifying a prolonged adolescence.

quote:
[O]ut of curiosity, has anyone ever actually been in a church where they had pink carpeting?
Not really, though I have seen plenty of "feminine" decor. The thing is, "feminine" is culturally defined. A few centuries ago, men went around in ruffles and lace with long hair or wigs.

I have not seen lace curtains, etc. But I did attend a church which had carpeting of a deep mauve which some might have called "pink," I guess, and quite a lot of big floral print loveseats in the foyers. The church I attend now is so neutral I really can't remember the color scheme, though I know gray is a heavy influence. There are large cloth panels that change with the liturgical seasons, though not to match liturgical colors, curiously enough, so what in "ordinary time" is yellow is red for Advent.

Avril

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There is no failure unless one stops. --Ray Bradbury

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Mistletoey Chloe
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Well, I was intrigued by the list of rules for real men, the first of which is "Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down." And I found an online list that begins with that here: http://funny2.com/mensrules.htm, where they're represented as being jokes. Among the charmers therein: "Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it," and "Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials." Yep, that's indicative of a loving Christian attitude toward your lifemate. And there's also "Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be," though I suppose a smart pastor might edit that one.

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~~Ai am in mai prrrrrraime!~~

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Rob D / Blackwolf, the yule dodo
Deck the Malls


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Now.. coming back to Jesus and turning the other cheek. It makes me wonder now which cheek is mentioned. If you slap Jesus does he turn around and moon you?

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~Reality, the refuge of those who fail in RPGs~
aka Darkfist Dragon
-==(UDIC)==-

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Strawberry Limeade
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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I'm seriously lamenting the fact they brought up John Eldredge and Wild at Heart. It is a book about being a "more manly Christian" but not in a "bring woman back to cave by hair, that is if you can be bothered with woman at all" kind of way.

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"My artist statement is incomprehensible and therefore full of deep significance." - Calvin

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TwoGuyswithaHat
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Mistletoey Chloe:
Well, I was intrigued by the list of rules for real men, the first of which is "Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down." And I found an online list that begins with that here: http://funny2.com/mensrules.htm, where they're represented as being jokes. Among the charmers therein: "Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it," and "Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials." Yep, that's indicative of a loving Christian attitude toward your lifemate. And there's also "Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be," though I suppose a smart pastor might edit that one.

That was a list from Maxim about five or six years ago. Are pastors now taking their cue from Maxim?

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In politics, absurdity is not a handicap - Napoleon Bonaparte

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lavender blue
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by Mr. Fed:
A reading from the Gospel according to Wayne.

Jesus belched.

And the disciples applauded Him and hooted and pumped their fists and pounded each other on the back, and several farted for emphasis.

[lol]

This has got to be one of the funniest, but most realistic thing anyone's ever written about Jesus. I mean, you know He must have gas at some point in His life. And the Apostles farting!

I think you should make bumper stickers with the phrase "Jesus belched".

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catagenesis [evol]-evolution leading to decadence and decreased vigor.

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Jenn
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Minstrel gone caroling:
And what the bloody hell kind of metaphor is "when the rubber hits the bat," anyway?

I think she's the only one who knows. Every hit on google for "rubber hits the bat" is about that line in the article.

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"You're the opposite of troll. It's a compliment!"

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Finite Fourier Alchemy
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
quote:
He's pretty sure his wife will come around once she recognizes he's modeling his life after Jesus', like a good Christian should.
My copy of the New Testament apparently omits the parts describing how Jesus deserted those who needed Him most in order to attend to His own desires. I think it must be in Agenda 6:22.

- snopes

It's in Matthew, actually.

quote:
Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law — a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Matthew 10:24-39

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Thinking about New England / missing old Japan

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Finite Fourier Alchemy
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Jenn:
quote:
Originally posted by Minstrel gone caroling:
And what the bloody hell kind of metaphor is "when the rubber hits the bat," anyway?

I think she's the only one who knows. Every hit on google for "rubber hits the bat" is about that line in the article.
My only guess is that she thinks a baseball is made out of rubber.

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Thinking about New England / missing old Japan

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Donovan
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
quote:
Originally posted by Avril:
Be my guest. It's about time I said something sig line worthy.

Excellent! [Big Grin]
I certainly hope you did that in the proper Montgomery Burns voice there...

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Illius me paenitet, dux (Latin for fun and business)

"It's like trying to hawk pork chops at a kosher PETA banquet." - Esprise Me

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Who in the world comes up with this stuff?
The Bible says I can be an obnoxious SOB? Ooookaay. [Roll Eyes]

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Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

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Doug4.7
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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This is a joke, right?

Please say this is a joke....

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And now for something completely different...

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Izzy Quigley
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by DawnStorm:
Who in the world comes up with this stuff?
The Bible says I can be an obnoxious SOB? Ooookaay. [Roll Eyes]

No, you're a woman. I think the chaps quoted in this article would agree that only men get to be obnoxious SOBs. (Except that they'd call it being a "Manly Christian" or something equally ridiculous. And I'm with you on the [Roll Eyes] .)

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A Viennese fellow is walking along the Karntner Strasse and notices a banana peel lying in his path. "Alas," he sighs, "now I must slip and fall down!"

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Tyrone Slothrop
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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Reminds me of David Cross's bit on the Promise Keepers talking about the son who got an earring.

"If you're that worried about your dad going all f*cking right-wing, Christian, nutty, beating the shit out of your family nutty thing then f*cking take it [the earring] out!"

Yay! Macho Christian men (do they come with free meth?)! Down penis, down!

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"The universe works on a math equation that never even ever really even ends in the end"

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Mouse
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Finite Fourier Alchemy:
quote:
Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law — a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Matthew 10:24-39
Maybe it's my womanly weak hormones that keep my from properly interpreting these verses but I fail to see how this section justifies him ditching his wife for a camping trip.

Of course these people seem to believe that being a Christian gives you the right to be a complete and total douchebag.

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"You see? The mysteries of the Universe are revealed when you break stuff." Coop from MegasXLR

"I distrust who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." -- Susan B. Anthony

Posts: 2246 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Sara at home
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
A workshop called "Training the Penis" encourages men to talk openly about temptation and bond with guys who share their struggles.
So that's what Ted Haggard was doing. Training his penis to bond with guys who shared his struggle. Ahhhh, now I understand.

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Assume that all my posts will be edited at least once. Dyslexic -- can't spell, can't type, can't proofread.

Posts: 8317 | From: Reading, PA | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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