snopes.com Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply
search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hello snopes.com » SLC Central » Soapbox Derby » Boys Mow Lawns, Girls Do Dishes: Are Parents Perpetuating the Chore Wars? (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: Boys Mow Lawns, Girls Do Dishes: Are Parents Perpetuating the Chore Wars?
snopes
Return! Return! Return!


Icon 220 posted      Profile for snopes   Author's Homepage   E-mail snopes       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
A nationwide study by the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research shows boys ages 10 through 18 are more likely than girls to be getting paid for doing housework -- even though boys spend an average 30% less time doing chores. Boys are as much as 10 to 15 percentage points more likely than girls at various ages to be receiving an allowance for doing housework, says the institute's newly completed analysis of data on 3,000 children ages 10 through 18.

http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB116545148018742855-J3ppXA27Pbb9HgNXVGRtsawKkOs_20070105.html

Posts: 36029 | From: Admin | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Morgaine La Raq Star
The "Was on Sale" Song


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Morgaine La Raq Star   E-mail Morgaine La Raq Star   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Neither my brother or I got paid for chores. We both mowed the lawn & did laundry on occasion (read: We had no clean jeans & mom refused because we didn't bring them down) but neither of us did dishes. I don't know why she didn't make us.
We did get an allowance but it wasn't tied to chores. Most of what we did around the house was of the 'do it because I need it done' variety as opposed to a daily, weekly or monthly 'job'.

--------------------
I cannot live without books-Thomas Jefferson *~* A child educated only at school is an uneducated child - George Santayana
I'm going to pummel you with such zeal, Buddha will explode! *~* Never miss a good chance to shut up - Will Rogers

Posts: 6585 | From: Dallas/Fort Worth, TX | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Echinodermata Q. Taft
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Echinodermata Q. Taft   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I think one of the (minor) reasons I spent time wishing I were a girl was that I really hated yard work. I didn't mind mowing the lawn so much, but pulling weeds....ugh! Hated it so much. If I'd been a girl, I probably would have been expected to do more work inside the house...which, though not necessarily fun, I found more tolerable.

(Of course, for all I know, had I actually been born female, I would probably feel just the opposite.)

However, since my parents had two kids, both boys, we did do at least some housework...mostly setting the table, washing and drying and putting away dishes. (And cleaning our room, but I think all genders are expected to do that --though I wouldn't be surprised if girls are frequently held to a higher standard.) Really, though, I think our parents didn't make us do enough work (not that I felt that way at the time....).

--------------------
http://eqtaft.blogspot.com

Hope for the future! http://www.runobama.com

Posts: 3218 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Archie2K
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Archie2K   Author's Homepage   E-mail Archie2K   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
At work, it is men who take goods out to customer's trolleys. Always. Some of the more patronising management even refer to us as the "lads". There are women who are equally capable of doing this, yet no-one ever asks them to do so. Even without meaning to, we perpetuate the gender divide there.

I wasn't actually expected to do much housework when I was younger. I think my parents were too soft and accommodating, but when asked both me and my Brother were expected to wash dishes and mow lawns.

--------------------
Vox populi vox canem

Posts: 1985 | From: Reading, England | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Auntie Witch
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Auntie Witch   Author's Homepage   E-mail Auntie Witch   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Archie2K:
At work, it is men who take goods out to customer's trolleys. Always. Some of the more patronising management even refer to us as the "lads". There are women who are equally capable of doing this, yet no-one ever asks them to do so. Even without meaning to, we perpetuate the gender divide there.

One of my favorite memories from working the front end of (tiny) Walmart was the day one of my cashiers flashed me over for a carry out. I took one look at the furniture on the customer's cart (a man), shrugged, and said, "I'll be right back, then."

The look on the man's face was priceless. (FWIW I know some men can't lift things. But if this guy could get it in the cart without help, and the store I was in was small enough, I would have known, then he could get it from his cart to his trunk alone!)

--------------------
"Feel my head! I feel like a puppy!" -My mother
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
Myspace about my mom, kids

Posts: 3289 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
At work, it is men who take goods out to customer's trolleys. Always. Some of the more patronising management even refer to us as the "lads". There are women who are equally capable of doing this, yet no-one ever asks them to do so. Even without meaning to, we perpetuate the gender divide there.
Another way this is unfair is that, at least here in Canada, the "bag boy" who helps a customer out to the car often gets a tip. The cashier, of course, does not. But, to be fair, I'd say the "bag boy" isn't always a boy anymore. Just mostly always.

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


Icon 503 posted      Profile for Four Kitties   E-mail Four Kitties   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
There was none of this in my house growing up, none. My brother and I were both had to help with dinner, do dishes, laundry, shovel snow, mow the lawn, lift heavy things, vacuum, take out the trash, etc.

I made a lot of money shoveling snow for the apartment house across the street when I was in high school.

CatNip's mother taught both her boys the "girl" chores as well: she said, "You may not always have a woman to do for you, so you need to know how to do these things for yourself."

In the Kitties household, cooking and dishes are mine, laundry is his. But that has more to do with preference and skill than anything else -- I hate laundry, and I'm a better cook. I'm the one doing the cooking, so it makes sense for me to do the shopping as well, since I know what I need. We both do the house cleaning. I tend to do the things that need to be done right away, since I'm home, and CatNip does more on the weekends.

Four Kitties

--------------------
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Posts: 13275 | From: Kindergarten World, Massachusetts | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Four Kitties:
There was none of this in my house growing up, none. My brother and I were both had to help with dinner, do dishes, laundry, shovel snow, mow the lawn, lift heavy things, vacuum, take out the trash, etc.

My family was much more traditional. The only chores my brothers were expected to do were mowing the lawn and shovelling the driveway, oh and putting out the garbage -- when they remembered and my mother could catch them.

I functioned as my mother's helper pretty much from the time I was old enough to toddle around wielding a duster. My sisters, on the other hand, not so much.

So while I did end up doing the more traditional "girl" stuff - my sisters pretty much did nothing. So I don't think gender had much to do with anything.

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Doug4.7
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 98 posted      Profile for Doug4.7   E-mail Doug4.7   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
boys ages 10 through 18 are more likely than girls to be getting paid for doing housework

Pay?!?!?! Pay my kids to do housework or yardwork?!?! [lol] [lol]
That would be a YOMANK, but I'll just get my kids to clean it up....

Pay my kids to do housework/yardwork.... that made my day... [fish]

--------------------
And now for something completely different...

Posts: 4164 | From: Alabama | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
What got me angry when I was growing up wasn't that my brothers got paid to do chores and I didn't - it was that they would mow the lawn once a week and that was supposed to equal doing dishes everyday, vacuuming, dusting, making beds helping with the laundry, helping with the cooking etc. Even my sisters (lazy so and so's though they were [Big Grin] ) did more than a once a week, at most, chore.

That was the thing that stuck out for me and that was what I tried not to do with my own two. It wasn't so much which specific chores they got (after all if the boy prefers outdoor work and your daughter would rather wash dishes I don't think you need to prove anything to anyone by insisting they switch roles) it was that they pretty much did an equal amount of work.

And I agree with Doug, my kids got an allowance every week (until they were earning their own money) that was never tied into chores. They help around the house because they live here too, not because they get paid for it.

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Cervus
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cervus   E-mail Cervus   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I'm an only child so there was no such thing as boy's or girl's chores. Whatever my parents told me to do was my job. (Whether or not I chose to do it was another matter.) The article cites taking out the garbage as a chore. Huh? Cooking? How is that a chore unless you're cooking for ten people?

But the idea of getting paid for chores is ridiculous.

quote:
That echoes previous studies showing a similar gap, and mirrors an even bigger gulf between adult women's and men's housework time. Women now do about 19.4 hours a week to men's 9.7 hours...
WTF??!! Exactly what constitutes housework? I think I spend less than 8 hours a month doing "housework"...

--------------------
"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


Icon 503 posted      Profile for Four Kitties   E-mail Four Kitties   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cervus:
Huh? Cooking? How is that a chore unless you're cooking for ten people?

Well, let's see. I spend between 30 minutes and 2 hours making dinner for my family each day, depending on if it's something easy like spaghetti with meat sauce or something more complicated like a stuffed pork roast. That doesn't include the time putting together lunches and snacks, and then there's the big family breakfasts on weekend mornings. I spend probably 3 hours a week going to and from the grocery store and the butcher and food shopping, but not all at once. Dishes take at least 15 to 20 minutes each day (no dishwasher).

Cooking has less to do with the number of people for whom your cooking than it does the complexity of the dishes you're making -- pasta for 10 takes the same amount of time as pasta for 3. Stir fried pork with sweet bean sauce uses multiple bowls, measuring utensils, pots & pans that have to be cleaned whether you cook for 2 or 20.
quote:
Exactly what constitutes housework? I think I spend less than 8 hours a month doing "housework".
Laundry. Dusting. Vacuuming. Cleaning toilets, bathtubs, floors, and windows. Making beds. Doing dishes. Cleaning the fish tank and the litter boxes. General picking up and putting away. ETA: CatNip usually spends about five hours each weekend just doing the laundry.

Four Kitties

--------------------
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Posts: 13275 | From: Kindergarten World, Massachusetts | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Cervus
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cervus   E-mail Cervus   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Four Kitties:
quote:
Exactly what constitutes housework? I think I spend less than 8 hours a month doing "housework".
Laundry. Dusting. Vacuuming. Cleaning toilets, bathtubs, floors, and windows. Making beds. Doing dishes. Cleaning the fish tank and the litter boxes. General picking up and putting away.
OK, I don't do any of that stuff on a regular basis.

--------------------
"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Lainie
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lainie   E-mail Lainie   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Cervus:
quote:
That echoes previous studies showing a similar gap, and mirrors an even bigger gulf between adult women's and men's housework time. Women now do about 19.4 hours a week to men's 9.7 hours...
WTF??!! Exactly what constitutes housework? I think I spend less than 8 hours a month doing "housework"...
You live alone in a small apartment, IIRC. Some of the families studied have 5 or 6 members and live in houses of 2000SF or more. More people generate more laundry, dirty dishes, and general dirt and clutter -- especially if some of those people are very young children. There are more toilets and sinks to clean, more furniture to dust, and more floors to be vacuumed or mopped.

--------------------
How homophobic do you have to be to have penguin gaydar? - Lewis Black

Posts: 8322 | From: Columbus, OH | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
magpie
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for magpie   E-mail magpie   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
When I was growing up the chores were evenly split between my brother and I. My mom always left a list for us, and we each got to choose which 4-5 things we would do. And the only thing I ever got paid for was not watching TV.

My own plan for my kid is to just make him clean up after himself. Clean his own room, make his own bed, bring his own dirty dishes to the sink, throw his own trash away- you wouldn't think these are very high standards, but I can't even get this out of my husband. He grew up with a nanny and I think it did a great disservice to him.

Posts: 439 | From: Redondo Beach, CA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Auntie Witch
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Auntie Witch   Author's Homepage   E-mail Auntie Witch   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Christie:
(after all if the boy prefers outdoor work and your daughter would rather wash dishes I don't think you need to prove anything to anyone by insisting they switch roles)

The only issue I have with that mentality is if you don't push the issue to the degree that your (hypothetical, I'm just using your post as a springboard, Christie) daughters don't know how to use a lawnmower and your sons don't know how to use a vacuum.

My father made a point of teaching me how to mow the lawn. I can do some minor repairs. J's mom made a point of teaching him how to cook and clean. If you look at division of labor in our house, it's very much reversed. I have the more traditional "male" chores, and he does more of the "female" ones.

--------------------
"Feel my head! I feel like a puppy!" -My mother
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
Myspace about my mom, kids

Posts: 3289 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
NeeCD
Happy Holly Days


Icon 1 posted      Profile for NeeCD   E-mail NeeCD       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I am an only child, so I got a mix of the chores, too. My mom had a card box of all the household chores, divided by how often they needed to be done, and except for taking care of my room, the "guest" bathroom, and setting the table (which were all "my jobs"), I could choose which ones I did. My favorite chore was mowing the lawn, actually. When I was eight I was so excited that I was finally strong enough to push the lawn mower (a manual reel mower) and then we moved and got a power mower and I had to wait another two years before I could mow the lawn again.

Although my mom does the cooking and laundry (she enjoys cooking and we don't dare let dad touch the laundry), all the rest is done by both of them - they both clean the house, they both do yard work. I never really got a "boys do this, girls do that" message.

--------------------
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK!" and other lingo mean?

Posts: 1720 | From: Stafford Hamlet, OR | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Archie2K
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Archie2K   Author's Homepage   E-mail Archie2K   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I really feel sorry for some of my (male) friends, who by 18 hadn't been taught how to cook, do laundry, iron or clean anything. They must've got a real shock upon arrival at university, and even more of a shock if they chose to live off Pot Noodle every day.

quote:
My father made a point of teaching me how to mow the lawn. I can do some minor repairs. J's mom made a point of teaching him how to cook and clean.
Exactly. I was taught how to use the washing machine, iron, vacuum and dusting when I was younger. Slowly learning how to cook. I think I can do four meals so far.

--------------------
Vox populi vox canem

Posts: 1985 | From: Reading, England | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Christie
The Bills of St. Mary's


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Christie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Auntie Witch:
quote:
Originally posted by Christie:
(after all if the boy prefers outdoor work and your daughter would rather wash dishes I don't think you need to prove anything to anyone by insisting they switch roles)

The only issue I have with that mentality is if you don't push the issue to the degree that your (hypothetical, I'm just using your post as a springboard, Christie) daughters don't know how to use a lawnmower and your sons don't know how to use a vacuum.
That's why I used the terms "would rather" and "prefer" [Wink] . They need to know how to do both in order to decide.

I guess I get impatient with the idea that in order to prove that you are a good feminist you somehow have to demonstrate not only that you can do all the traditional "boy" stuff but that the "boy" stuff is somehow better than the "girl" stuff. Personally I think boys and girls are going to be far better off, at least in the short term, if they move out of their parent's house knowing how to cook, clean and do laundry. Mowing the lawn and cleaning out the gutters are skills that aren't normally required in a dorm room or first apartment after all!

--------------------
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr

Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Doug4.7
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 218 posted      Profile for Doug4.7   E-mail Doug4.7   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Lainie:
Some of the families studied have 5 or 6 members and live in houses of 2000SF or more. More people generate more laundry, dirty dishes, and general dirt and clutter -- especially if some of those people are very young children. There are more toilets and sinks to clean, more furniture to dust, and more floors to be vacuumed or mopped.

Oh we never do stuff like that....


Oh wait, maybe I shouldn't have shared that.... [fish]

Right now, kids are doing their laundry and catching up on the dishes. They will make dinner (pizza), once I've started the dough in the machine...

--------------------
And now for something completely different...

Posts: 4164 | From: Alabama | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


Icon 503 posted      Profile for Four Kitties   E-mail Four Kitties   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I forgot about the yard work: except for special projects (digging new beds, putting down a patio, etc.) the yard work is mine, because I want it. But neither do we have a lawn that needs to be mowed on a regular basis:

front yard

back yard

All planting, fertilizing, watering, pruning, weeding, etc. is mine.

Four Kitties

--------------------
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Posts: 13275 | From: Kindergarten World, Massachusetts | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LeaflessMapleTree
The twelve shopping days 'til Christmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for LeaflessMapleTree   E-mail LeaflessMapleTree   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
My parents only had boys, and my brother and I never really did many chores (I used to mow the lawn before we decided to hire a gardener). But even though I never really had to do it on a regular basis, I was taught to cook (I can make anything as long as it's vegetarian), vacuum, do laundry, garden, take care of pets, etc.

--------------------
"For me, religion is like a rhinoceros: I don't have one, and I'd really prefer not to be trampled by yours. But it is impressive, and even beautiful, and, to be honest, the world would be slightly worse off if there weren't any."
-Silas Sparkhammer

Posts: 3239 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
sparklygirl
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


Icon 1 posted      Profile for sparklygirl   E-mail sparklygirl   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
We were raised girls did dishes, laundry, boy the outside chores. I hated it!

With my kids it's been a mixture.
Oldest dd -- sometimes it was just easier to do it myself (not good but true).
ds -- Quite lazy! We make him do a mixture of inside and outside chores.
Youngest dd -- Enjoys working inside the house or out. Have to "make" her not do ds's chores!

dh never cooks (just grills) or does laundry. He does work long hours at his job though so I don't feel like he is shirking.

sparklygirl

--------------------
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. -- Mark Twain
_ _______________________________ _

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Posts: 34 | From: SW Missouri | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
MaxKaladin
The First USA Noel


Icon 1 posted      Profile for MaxKaladin   E-mail MaxKaladin   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I'm basically an only child*. The jobs I was given were pretty much all "traditionally male" outdoor jobs. I was occasionally assigned an indoor job or two, but that was almost always something like helping with meal preparation rather than cleaning or anything like that. I was taught to help with meal preparation and how to do make certain meals, but that was about it. None of my jobs were ever on a schedule, they were assigned as my parents decided they needed to be done.

My outdoor jobs went well beyond just mowing and trimming my parents yard. I was also responsible for mowing and trimming both grandmothers' yards, part of an aunt and uncles' property, an empty lot next door to our house and, less often, the grass at my father's store, the grass at a shooting club he was the president of (that was several acres by itself) and the yards of various neighbors and friends my parents decided needed some yard work done for them. I also had a plethora of other jobs like washing the cars, raking leaves, sweeping the chimney, cleaning the gutters, hauling in firewood and painting. I was also expected to help my father with all sorts of things, whether they were garden work, cutting firewood, car maintenance and repair or home repair and improvement projects. The latter could involve pouring slabs and foundations, carpentry, electrical work and roofing. There were a lot of outdoor jobs that I was expected to do or help do. Some were big, some were small, some were frequent and some only came once or twice a year but there were a lot of them. I did a lot of mowing but I also did a lot besides mowing.

I didn't get paid for chores. I got an allowance, but that was not related to my chores. I got the same allowance no matter what, how much or how little my parents told me to do. About the closest I came to being paid for chores were the occasions where my step-mother knew someone who wanted to hire a boy to do yardwork. She'd send me with to do the job and I'd be paid for it, but I wasn't given any more choice about taking the job than I was about doing my chores at home. That and the mowing and trimming at the store became a paid job when I was 13. My father decided that it was time I started working so he gave me a part-time summer job at his store and I started getting paid for that mowing.

I've been out of the house and on my own for nearly two decades now and I'm still pretty bad at the household cleaning jobs. I think my step-mother has pretty much given up on me in that department. She just keeps trying to convince me to hire someone to come in and clean for me.

* I have three step-brothers, but they were grown and out of the house by the time my father married my step-mother so I was always the only kid in the house.

Posts: 716 | From: San Antonio, TX | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Salamander
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Salamander   E-mail Salamander   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Poor Sal Jr is doomed to be either gay or perhaps a metrosexual (honestly, I'm not sure how I'd handle Sal Jr becoming a metrosexual but I'm sure I'd cope given time).

He has to clean his room, rake the front yard and do the dishes.

Raking the front yard is my main issue with Sal Jr at the moment. Unfortunately it isn't even that he avoids doing it... no... my problems are:

a) Being out the front means he sees everyone that walks past. Seeing someone walking past means he'll want to talk to them. As I've mentioned in another thread, the problem with this is that his brain sees no difference between "absolute stranger" and "trusted friend" so he happily starts telling whoever will listen about every tiny detail of our lives.

b) Its all or nothing for him. He came in the other day (his first day of raking the front) to complain that he would never, ever get it done and was in quite a bad mood as a result. I went out to investigate what he was trying to do and discovered that he'd raked about 2 square feet of lawn utterly clean of anything resembling a leaf.

I then spent a good 20 minutes trying to explain that when we said he had to rake the front yard it didn't mean he had to remove every last trace of leaf from the entire yard. I had to explain the twin concepts of "get rid of the worst of it, don't worry about the small stuff" and "I'm not expecting you to do the entire yard in a day".

I think he got it... I'll find out when he does yardwork again.

--------------------
"victory thru self-deception"

Posts: 2211 | From: Western Australia | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Hero_Mike
Happy Holly Days


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hero_Mike         Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
When I was growing up, I was expected to help my father in everything he did around the house. When I was 6, my mother took a 6 week trip back to the "old country" and I saw my father doing dishes and laundry and such. He told me that he learned to do this in the army, because in the army, everyone had to do everything for themself. Having heard this, there was no stigma attached to any chore being a "boy chore" or a "girl chore".

But "cleaning" of all varieties was a universal chore - everyone was involved in that. Once I got to high school, I was doing laundry and my own ironing. Then I also took an interest in cooking. And while my mother is an accomplished seamstress, sewing is the one thing I never really got the hang of. I was well prepared for the university experience, and after that, for living on my own.

I'm now 35 and I can take care of every household chore I face, though I'm still very tentative about baking, and I have come to hate gardening and yard work with a passion. But I can fix the brakes on my car, and cook dinner afterwards.

On the other hand, my sister is 7 years younger than me, only moved away for one year for school, and hasn't picked up any of my parents' "domestic" skills. She seems to have that genetic predisposition for not seeing clutter or dirt, and was never interested in learning to do anything for herself. I find that strange because a lot of people learn certain skills because they want things done "their way". One of my male cousins took up cooking at an early age because he was a picky eater.

--------------------
"The fate of *billions* depends on you! Hahahahaha....sorry." Lord Raiden - Mortal Kombat

Posts: 1587 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
MaxKaladin
The First USA Noel


Icon 1 posted      Profile for MaxKaladin   E-mail MaxKaladin   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Hero_Mike:
a lot of people learn certain skills because they want things done "their way".

One reason I was never really expected to help with housework is that my stepmother is pretty particular about how it's done and has very high standards. She'd rather do it all herself than have me do something and not manage to do it as well as she wanted it done.

Then again, my father is just as picky about his outdoor stuff and he never saw that as a reason not to put me to work.

Posts: 716 | From: San Antonio, TX | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Syllavus
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Syllavus     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I only have sisters, so we all did different chores. I have never mown a lawn though, but that's because of allergies, and not any innate femininity on my part. [Wink]

We were never paid for chores, but we also never had an allowance. I've no children of my own, but I'm a firm believer in kids learning to help out around the house, simply because that's part of life, and not for any particular reward. Years ago I dated a boy whose mother did absolutely everything for him, including cleaning his room. A sweet kid, but it was positively sad to see how un-self-sufficient he was at 18 years-old. He came over my house for dinner once, and afterwards I asked him if he'd like to help out with the cleanup, and after about twenty minutes of watching him wash the same pot, he told me that he'd never washed a dish before. If by the time your child goes off to college, they cannot cook, clean, do their own laundry and pick up after themselves, you've done something wrong, in my opinion.

--------------------
"That would be really dangerous, you know. Indiscriminately extricating someone from the petrified corpse of a supernatural creature." - My Husband

Posts: 4308 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Elkhound
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Elkhound         Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I had certain chores that I was assigned, and I helped both my parents with various projects. I got an allowance, but if I wanted/needed extra money, I could negotiate on a case-by-case basis to take on extra projects.

--------------------
"The bicycle is the most civilized conveyance known to man. Other forms of transport grow daily more nightmarish. Only the bicycle remains pure in heart."--Iris Murdoch

Posts: 3307 | From: Charleston, WV | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
BlushingBride
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for BlushingBride     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
My brother and I shared most of the chores. It was understood that whoever helped make dinner and set the table did not have to do dishes, so I usually did that. I also had to wipe down the table after the meal. We shared laundry. We kept our own rooms clean. We both had bathroom-cleaning duties from time to time. We shared dusting and tidying. We were also on call to do whatever else we were told to.

The one chore that was never shared was vacuuming/lawnwork. He mowed the lawn, and I vacuumed every room in the house. I strongly suspect that this was less a gender bias, though, than it was a result of the fact that I can't regulate my body heat (and I don't sweat). I've mowed the lawn just one time, and my Dad, who had pneumonia at the time, came and sat in the driveway to watch me, made me take extended breaks in the shade, made me go in and sit under the air conditioning for long periods of time, made me drink several gallons of cool water and still says he shouldn't have let me do it.

Once, though, they let me tear out a sidewalk with a sledgehammer. (In January.) That was awesome.

--------------------
"In perfume, as in underwear, the scantiest of applications provides the greatest of returns." -Silas Sparkhammer

Posts: 858 | From: Arlington, Texas | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Starla
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


Icon 03 posted      Profile for Starla     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Christie:
What got me angry when I was growing up wasn't that my brothers got paid to do chores and I didn't - it was that they would mow the lawn once a week and that was supposed to equal doing dishes everyday, vacuuming, dusting, making beds helping with the laundry, helping with the cooking etc.

My brother got paid $25 each week to mow the lawn. My parents reasoned that a yard service would cost more. BUT, the yard service would weed and rake, but guess who did that at my house? Me! Because weeding flower beds was a girl's job.

I also made dinner three times a week, did the dishes most nights, cleaned the bathroom, dusted, etc. Got paid for NONE of those chores. Technically my brother and I were supposed to take turns doing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom, but if he skipped his turn my parents would just make me do both loads the next time.

I did not get an allowance at all once I was able to get the occasional babysitting job. My parents said my brother didn't have the "opportunity" to make money that I did. Apparently the idea that he could do yard work for other people was foreign. They told me they stopped my allowance because finances were bad and turned around to double my brother's money and told him not to tell.
-Star"still bitter"la

--------------------
This used to be the life, but I don't need another one.
MyBandwagon

Posts: 3254 | From: small town Texas | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
kathryn
We Three Blings


Icon 1 posted      Profile for kathryn     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
When I was younger before my mom got remarried I always mowed the lawn. My mom always worked full time so my sister and I were responsible for a lot of laundry/cooking/dishes, etc as well. She had a cleaning lady come in to do the major housework though.

Afterwards my step-brothers did the outside work and I did laundry and stuff inside. I don't remember *ever* getting an allowance but they didn't either. We just got $$ as needed for going out and eventually we just got part-time jobs.

We all were responsible for cooking dinner one night per week so I guess in our house it was pretty well divvied up. I don't remember ever being upset about it (the CHORES, anyway- there was plenty of things that I got mad about [lol] )

I figured it made up for it when they were out shoveling 2 feet of snow and I was inside where it was warm. [Big Grin]

That being said, my child(ren) will grow up doing all different kinds of chores. My son loads the dishwasher and "helps" with the laundry (as much as he can, at 4).

Kathryn

--------------------
Keeper of the American Idol Pool 2006

Pamper yourself!

Posts: 1085 | From: Transplanted Yankee in North Carolina | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Zorro     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Funny story about hubby: His mom was a stay-at-home mom all his life. Even after college, she made his bed, made his lunch for work...you get the idea. We moved in together when we were 29, and I sat him down and explained that, since I worked, too, he was doing some of the household chores. He got this panicked look and said, "But...I don't know what to do!" I told him we could start with vacuuming and mopping, because I HATE both of them. His face lit up. "Vacuuming...I can do that! It's the same concept as lawnmowing!" [lol]

To his credit, he's adapted quite well to doing chores. You can bet the Zorrling will be doing household chores when he is able. [Wink]

--------------------
"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Dancing Dragon
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dancing Dragon   E-mail Dancing Dragon   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
My older sister and I tended to have the chores divided up between us without regard for gender roles, but we got paid for mowing the lawn or shoveling the driveway. She tended to get paid more, though, and both my parents tended to draft me for unpaid manual labor, handyman projects and yardwork while my sister went and did her own thing.

I think part of that was probably trying to instill in me a love for craftsman-type things and keeping a well-kept lawn, which I really resent. I don't really care how a random selection of plants look unless they were grown for a specific decorative reason, and while I see the value of craftsmanship, I have no interest in doing handyman or craftsman-type projects myself.

I often asked them why they never drafted my sister for these things, and despite their constant protestations that division of chores had nothing to do with gender, their inevitable reply to the question of drafting me was "because you're the son."

Then, when I didn't do a good enough job for their standards, they would wonder why I got upset at their criticism. Despite their protestations otherwise, they rarely ever even tried to make it constructive...it was always, "you're not doing this well enough to sell to royalty" or "you're a lazy slob for overlooking one weed that needed to be pulled." Ok, I'm being a little bit hyperbolic in the phrasing, but not the tone or harshness.

Yeah...my parents aren't necessarily bad people, but oftentimes I really hate them.

Posts: 213 | From: Point of Rocks, MD | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Hero_Mike
Happy Holly Days


Icon 602 posted      Profile for Hero_Mike         Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by MaxKaladin:
quote:
Originally posted by Hero_Mike:
a lot of people learn certain skills because they want things done "their way".

One reason I was never really expected to help with housework is that my stepmother is pretty particular about how it's done and has very high standards. She'd rather do it all herself than have me do something and not manage to do it as well as she wanted it done.

Then again, my father is just as picky about his outdoor stuff and he never saw that as a reason not to put me to work.

My sister has managed to raise the technique of faking incompetence to an artform. When asked to do something trivial, like place the cardboard for an empty case of soda in the recycling bin, she will put it *near* the bin, but won't put it *in* the bin or fold it. The job is "done", but so poorly, that she's not likely to be asked to do it again.

There are people who are picky about how things are done, however, it's easy to get excused from many chores by doing them poorly. I have to say that I'd get more tired and exasperated by arguing with someone about technique, than I would by doing the dishes properly.

--------------------
"The fate of *billions* depends on you! Hahahahaha....sorry." Lord Raiden - Mortal Kombat

Posts: 1587 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post new topic  New Poll  Post a reply Close topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Urban Legends Reference Pages

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2