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Author Topic: Parents Upset Over Rude Rhymes
Purple Cow
Deck the Malls


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The version of the "everybody hates me" song was:

quote:
Nobody loves me
everybody hates me
guess I'll go eat worms

Big fat juicy ones,
itty-bitty skinny ones
gimme-gimme-gimme-gimme worms.

Bite their heads off,
Suck the juice out,
throw the skins away!
Nobody knows how much I thrive
on worms three times a day!

Hmm... which other ones?

One I learned at 4-H camp:

quote:
The littlest worm (the littlest worm)
I ever saw (I ever saw)
Got stuck inside (got stuck inside)
my soda straw (my soda straw)
The littlest worm I ever saw aa-aa-aa-aw
got stuck inside my so-da straw-aa-aa-aa-aw

He said to me (He said to me)
"Don't take a sip ("Don't take a sip)
for if you do (for if you do)
you'll surely flip" (you'll surely flip")
He said to me, "don't take a sip (don't take a sip)
for if you do, you'll surely fli-ii-ii-ii-ip."

I took a sip. (I took a sip.)
And he went down. (And he went down.)
Right through my pipes, (Right through my pipes,)
He must've drowned! (He must've drowned!)
I took a sip and he went dooooown
Right through my pipes he must have drowned.

He was my pal, (he was my pal)
he was my friend. (he was my friend)
But now he's gone (but now he's gone)
And that's the end! (And that's the end)
He was my pal, he was my friend!
but now he's gone, and that's the end!

There was also some song about a yellow bird... all I can remember of that was it being on the windowsill, something about it waking me up, and something about crushing it's little head. That one was taught the year before they stopped doing the really fun songs.

At the boy scout camp that I worked at for a few summers, there was the song "froggy" which they actually did two versions of, they'd sing the first version (which I've completely blanked out on), then someone would come out, yelling that that was the "wussy, Otari version of the song" and did we want to sing the Powhatan version? (And cue the kids going crazy, hollering, of course they did.)
The second version went like this:
quote:
TEAR
TEAR HIM
TEAR HIM UP
FROGGY!
Itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie
TORE UP little froggy!
Jump high, hope you die,
stupid little froggy!

Die, die, die little froggy (Die, die, die little froggy)
ribbit-ribbit, ribbit-ribbit, ribbit-ribbit SPLAT!

That one, they had to stop singing for a bit, after making a little camper cry with it. [Embarrassed]

--------------------
No one ever wants the super boob.
-Dr. Heisler, American Dad

Baby Alex!

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Izzy Quigley
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by Purple Cow:
There was also some song about a yellow bird... all I can remember of that was it being on the windowsill, something about it waking me up, and something about crushing it's little head. That one was taught the year before they stopped doing the really fun songs.

This one?

quote:
There is a bird
With a yellow bill
There is a bird
With a yellow - billll!
There is a bird with a yellow bill,
Sitting on my window sill
And now my sins are washed away, I've been redeemed!

I coaxed him in
With a piece of bread (etc.)
I coaxed him in with a piece of bread,
And then I smashed his little head
And now my sins are washed away, I've been redeemed!

I cooked him up
I a little pot (etc.)
I cooked him up in a little pot
And then I ate him on the spot
And now my sins are washed away, I've been redeemed!

I threw him up
In a little cup (etc.)
I threw him up in a little cup,
And then I drank him right back up...

Taught to me by a friend, who apparently learned it at a church camp with a morbid sense of humor.

--------------------
A Viennese fellow is walking along the Karntner Strasse and notices a banana peel lying in his path. "Alas," he sighs, "now I must slip and fall down!"

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Purple Cow
Deck the Malls


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Very similar to that... but nothing about sin & redemption, and I think a verse about a doctor or something. [Smile] Thanks.

--------------------
No one ever wants the super boob.
-Dr. Heisler, American Dad

Baby Alex!

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Jusenkyo no Pikachu
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by KatrinaDuck:
Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack
All dress in black, black black,
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons
All down her back, back, back.
She asked her mother, mother, mother
For 15 cents, cents, cents
To see the elephants, elephants, elephants
Jump over the fence, fence, fence.
They jumped so high, high, high
They touched the sky, sky, sky
And didn't come back, back, back
'Til the fourth of July, 'ly, 'ly.
They jumped so low, low, low
They stubbed their toe, toe, toe
And that was the end, end, end
Of the elephant show, show, show.

:-D

ETA: It's really sad that I feel really smart being able to remember that.

I remember the last lines being

July can walk walk walk
July can talk talk talk
July can eat eat eat
With a knife and fork fork fork

Although for some reason the kids I sat around liked to cap it off by shouting the last word.

--------------------
"Never underestimate a nerd from outer space."
--Von, that alien from that Kids Incorporated episode.

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Radical Dory
God Rest Ye Merry Retail Clerks


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quote:
Originally posted by PallasAthena:
(sung to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree")

Oh, Todd the Toad,
Oh, Todd the Toad,
Why did you jump into the road?
You used to be so green and fat
But now you are so very flat.
Oh, Todd the Toad
Oh, Todd the Toad
Why did you jump into the road?

*Sorry Frogpond! I don't really mean it!

We had Possum Pete, too:

Oh, Possum Pete
Oh, Possum Pete
Why are you lying in the street?
You did not beat that truck across,
And now you look like applesauce.
Oh, Possum Pete
Oh, Possum Pete
Why are you lying in the street?

quote:
Originally posted by PallasAthena:
And I almost forgot this one, which is to be sung to the tune of "God Bless America"

quote:
God bless my underwear.
My only pair.
I adore them,
And tore them,
On the seat of the old rocking chair...


From the washer...to the dryer...
To the clothesline...where they haaaaang!
God bless my underwear,
My only pair.

And nothing helps the Christmas spirit like a little arson:

Deck the halls with gasoline
Fa-lala-lala-la-la-la-la
Light a match and watch it gleam
Fa-lala-lala-la-la-la-la
Burn the schoolhouse down to ashes
Fa-lala-lalala-lalala
Aren't you glad you played with matches?
Fa-lala-lala-la-la-la-la.

--------------------
"But about the reindeer...what kind of a nose shines? How did he get it? Maybe it's not a reindeer after all. It could be something else."

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glisp42
I'm Dreaming Of A White iPod


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Joy to the world, my teachers dead
I cuuuut off her head
What happened to her body
I flushed it down the potty
and around and around it goes
around and around it goes (etc.)

--------------------
What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK" and other lingo mean?

And we'll collect the moments one by one I guess that's how the future's done. -Feist

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moonfall86
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Pseudo_Croat:
Yankee Doodle went to town
A-ridin' on a rocket
Accidentally turned around
And p*ssed off Davey Crockett

-------------------------------------------------

I hate you, you hate me
Let's go off and hunt Barney
With a 9 mm, shoot him in the head
Aren't you glad that bastard's dead

-------------------------------------------------

Old McDonald sat on a fence
Hittin' his knee with a monkey wrench
Missed his knee and hit his b*lls
P*ssed all over his overalls
Jumped so high and ran so fast
Stuck a finger in his mother' a$$

(There are a few more lines to this, but I forgot them)

- Pseudo (rude rhymes are a part of childhood) Croat

I heard the Old McDonald one as "beatin' his MEAT" with a monkey wrench.

Another verse to "Tom the Toad" is Jake the Snake:

Oh Jake the Snake
Oh Jake the Snake
Why are you floating in the lake?
(repeat)
You did not see the motor boat
And now your guts are all afloat
Oh Jake the Snake
Oh Jake the Snake
Why are you floating in the lake?

I heard the yellow bird song with the "moral of the story" being "you gotta use some bread to get some head" from a guy who learned it at National Guard training.

Alvin Schwartz has written some really good collections of folklore, superstitions, and childhood songs.

ETA: How come no one has mentioned this one:
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Throw your teacher overboard
Listen to her scream

We had an addition to that one:
Five days later floatin' down the Delaware
Chewin' on her underwear
Wish she had another pair
Six months later eaten by a polar bear
That's how the polar bear died!

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Seaboe Muffinchucker
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Purple Cow:
One I learned at 4-H camp:

quote:
The littlest worm (the littlest worm)
I ever saw (I ever saw)
Got stuck inside (got stuck inside)
my soda straw (my soda straw)
The littlest worm I ever saw aa-aa-aa-aw
got stuck inside my so-da straw-aa-aa-aa-aw


I know a variation on that involving a bear and a hike in the woods, but it's not gross and disgusting.

My father taught me a Salvation Army song, which also isn't disgusting but I thought was pretty fun when I was a kid:
quote:
Lying in the gutter,
All covered up with beer,
Pretzels in my mustache,
I knew the end was near,
Then came the glorious army and saved me from this curse
Let's bust another gut while we sing the second verse.
Oh, hallelujah
Oh, hallelujah
Throw a nickel on the drum, save another drunken bum,
Oh, hallelujah
Oh, hallelujah
Throw a nickel on the drum and you'll be free
Oh, it's G-L-O-R-Y to be S-A-V-E-D,
Oh, it's H-A-P-P-Y to be F-R-double E
Oh, it's V-I-C-T-O-R-Y o'er the wage of S-I-N
Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, Jesus Christ Amen
Oh, hallelujah
Oh, hallelujah
Throw a nickel on the drum, save another drunken bum,
Oh, hallelujah
Oh, hallelujah
Throw a nickel on the drum and you'll be free

It's interesting to note that the versions I found on the internet were cleaned up. They don't mention JC and they don't bust a gut.

Seaboe

--------------------
Education is not the filling of a hard drive, but the lighting of a bulb. -- Yeats via Esprise Me

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moonfall86
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Stoneage Dinosaur:
quote:
Originally posted by mattie:
My cousin and I drove our parents crazy one summer with:

Stick a chicken in the air, stick a deck chair up your nose,
Fly a jumbo jet, then bury all your clothes,
Paint your left knee green, and casserole your gran,
And pretend your name is Keith

After singing, we'd say, Hi, my name is Keith, wanna know why?

ad nauseum

[Smile]

She brought it back to the states with her after visiting London.. Never heard it from anyone here, but I guess it was a thing in parts of the UK?

Spitting Image - The Chicken Song

Even more irritating than I remember it.

That was the stupidest thing ever. It makes the Llama Song seem coherent.
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Silas Sparkhammer
I Saw V-Chips Come Sailing In


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quote:
Originally posted by moonfall86:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Pseudo_Croat:
[qb] Yankee Doodle went to town
A-ridin' on a rocket
Accidentally turned around
And p*ssed off Davey Crockett

Well, speaking of Fess Parker...

Daniel Boone was a man, yes a Big Man...
but the bear was bigger
so he ran like a ......
up a tree.

Silas (politically incorrect...but kinda funny anyway...)

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Pseudo_Croat
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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quote:
Originally posted by Radical Dory:
And nothing helps the Christmas spirit like a little arson:

Deck the halls with gasoline
Fa-lala-lala-la-la-la-la
Light a match and watch it gleam
Fa-lala-lala-la-la-la-la
Burn the schoolhouse down to ashes
Fa-lala-lalala-lalala
Aren't you glad you played with matches?
Fa-lala-lala-la-la-la-la.

I've heard that one too, except it was "Watch the school go down in ashes" instead of "Burn the schoolhouse...."

Speaking of rude Christmas rhymes, I'm surprised no one's mentioned this:

We Three Kings of Orient are
Puffing on a rubber cigar
It was loaded, it exploded
Now we're on yonder star.

- Pseudo "slap-happy holidays" Croat

--------------------
"At all events, people who deny the influence of smaller nations should remember that the Croats have the rest of us by the throats." - Norman Davies, Europe: A History

God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.

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SiKboy
Deck the Malls


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We had

We three kings of orient are
One in a taxi, one in a car
one on a scooter, tooting his hooter
following yonder star.

and

Good king wensleslas looked out
on the feast of steven
Turned his knickers inside out
Because his bum was freezing.

And of course jingle bells, batman smells. But I assume that one is fairly universal.

--------------------
This Space For Rent.

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BlueStar
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
I went to her funeral,
I went to her grave.
Some people threw flowers.
I threw a grenade.

I'm sure that was a later verse of:

At the top of the school yard,
All covered with sadness,
I shot my poor teacher,
I did, yes I did,
I shot her with goodness,
I shot her with pride,
You could barely miss her,
She was 40ft wide.

You've got them flooding back to me now, some of them are quite shocking considering our tender years!

In cub scouts we'd sing on the bus:

Walking down Canal Street (Walking down canal street)
Knock on every door (Knock on every door)
God, damn, son of a bitch, I couldn't find a whore

When I found a whore (When I found a whore)
She was tall and slim (she was tall and slim)
God, damn, son of a bitch, I couldn't get it in

When I got it in (When I got it in)
Wiggled it about (wiggled it about)
God, damn, son of a bitch, I couldn't get it out.

When I got it out (When I got it out)
It was red and sore (it was red and sore)
The moral of the story is to never shag a whore!


And a seemgly neverending number of verses of "Johnny was a parachuter"

Johnny was a parachuter in the RAF,
Johnny was a parachuter in the RAF,
Johnny was a parachuter in the RAF,
And he ain't gonna jump no more!

Glory glory what a hell of a way to die,
When you're haning by your knickers in the middle of the sky,
Glory, glory what a hell of a way to die,
And he aint gonna jump no more!

Followed by verses of

"He jumped at 50,000 feet and forgot to pull the chord"
"They scraped him off the runway with a knife and fork and spoon"
"They scooped him up into a jar and sent him to his mum"
"They put him on the mantlepiece for everyone to see"
"They put him in the sandwiches when the vicar came to tea"


And


Hi Ho,
Hi Ho,
It's off to school we go,
With a bucket and spade and a hand grenade,
Hi ho, hi ho...


All probably far more inappropriate for kids than anything referenced in the OP.

EDIT:

Another one that's just come back to me, to the tune of Frère Jacque

School dinners,
School dinners,
Concrete chips.
Concrete chips,
Soggy semolina,
Soggy semolina,
Toilet quick,
I feel sick.

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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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Radical Dory I used to sing that exact same version of Deck the Halls! I still do when I want to make my husband roll his eyes.

--------------------
"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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queen of the bah-caramels
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by BlueStar:


Hi Ho,
Hi Ho,
It's off to school we go,
With a bucket and spade and a hand grenade,
Hi ho, hi ho...


All probably far more inappropriate for kids than anything referenced in the OP.


One that was triggered by seeing this

To the tune of " I'd like to teach the world to sing"

I'd like to teach the IRA to blow up (insert name of school)
With gelignite and dynamite
And stink bombs down the loo...

I distantly remember singing it around 1974-75.

ETA spelling

--------------------
Focus On The Family- An opinion group who think more about Gay Sex than gay people do- Rick Mercer

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Richard W
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by BlueStar:
Another one that's just come back to me, to the tune of Frère Jacque

School dinners,
School dinners,
Concrete chips.
Concrete chips,
Soggy semolina,
Soggy semolina,
Toilet quick,
I feel sick.

Hooray! My copy of The Lore and Language of Schoolchildren by Iona and Peter Opie has arrived. They have:

What's for dinner? What's for dinner?
Irish spew, Irish spew,
Sloppy semolina, sloppy semolina,
No thank you, no thank you.

Recorded in Lydney, apparently. I remember something vaguely similar. Here's another that I don't remember, called "Today's menu":

Scab and matter custard,
Green snot pies,
Dead dog's giblets,
Dead cat's eyes,
And a cup of sick to wash it down.

They also have an excellent map showing the "mardy" isoglot, so I now feel qualified to shout at Mosh:

Mardy mardy mustard, can't eat custard! Mardy-baby! Ner ner!

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queen of the bah-caramels
Jingle Bell Hock


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Waffels

--------------------
Focus On The Family- An opinion group who think more about Gay Sex than gay people do- Rick Mercer

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moonfall86
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Whoever linked me to the Chicken Song, now I'm pissed. The damn thing is stuck in my head.
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Jason Threadslayer
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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I know this schoolyard -- and Navy -- gem:

quote:
Regurgitate, regurgitate!
Puke up the food you ate!

I learned the Miss Suzy one with several other lines... I don't remember it starting with a steamboat but I remember it have a line about a 40 acre bra.

--------------------
All posts foretold by Nostradamus.

Turing test failures: 6

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Stoneage Dinosaur
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by moonfall86:
Whoever linked me to the Chicken Song, now I'm pissed. The damn thing is stuck in my head.

Glad to be of service. [Razz]

--------------------
"You learn something new every day if you're not careful" - Wilf Lunn

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BlueStar
Happy Holly Days


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We three kings in Leicester Square,
Selling knickers, tuppence a pair,
They're fantastic, no elastic,
Buy your granny a pair.

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