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Author Topic: Don't share your wedding ring
snopes
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Comment: Is it an old wives
tale/superstition that if other people wear your ring its bad luck...
That it breaks the bonds of marriage...

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FrogFeathers
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There's nothing in my "Dictionary of Superstitions" about letting someone else wear your ring- but there's a bit about not dropping it during the ceremony because of bad luck involving death.

It does say:
quote:
A wedding ring should never be removed once it has been put on, and its dstruction or loss is widely thought to presage the collapse of the marriage itself. Should the ring be lost or broken, the consequences can only be avoided through the other party presenting a replacement and renewing the vows [as soon as possible].
Then it lists several times a ring is removed for various love charms and such- ie: determining the gender of a baby with the mother-to-be's ring on a string.

On a personal note- my husband and I can't wear our wedding rings. His no longer fits due to a disability and mine from breaking my finger. (they cannot be resized because they have a carved design). And we've been married 19 years next month. [Wink]

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Little Pink Pill
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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: Is it an old wives
tale/superstition that if other people wear your ring its bad luck...
That it breaks the bonds of marriage...

How often do people lend out their wedding rings? When is that last time you heard, "Hey your diamond really goes with my dress, can I borrow it?"

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Emke
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quote:
Originally posted by Little Pink Pill:
quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: Is it an old wives
tale/superstition that if other people wear your ring its bad luck...
That it breaks the bonds of marriage...

How often do people lend out their wedding rings? When is that last time you heard, "Hey your diamond really goes with my dress, can I borrow it?"
What does happen is that friends (mostly girlfriends) do tend to ask to see your wedding ring and tend to try it on. (or at least, my friends do [Wink] ) I have heard this old wives tale before, but only found a ref. to it on "wedding" sites under the heading of folklore/superstitions.

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Laura......The one with the rage
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I also heard that if you wear a ring on your wedding finger (if you aren't married or engaged), that it is bad luck for your love life.
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BeachLife
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quote:
Originally posted by Laura......The one with the rage:
I also heard that if you wear a ring on your wedding finger (if you aren't married or engaged), that it is bad luck for your love life.

Sorry, but well duh.

Generally, if the finger is occupied people assume you are either engaged or married. So that would probably put a damper on your love life, or at least the number of people who you meet that are interested.

I wear one for exactly that reason. We like to call it a 'no pest strip'. Though on one of the few dates I've been on since being married the lady I was with was none too happy when she noticed it. It kind of puts a damper on things when you are asked 'are you married'?

Beach...back then I wore a simple silver ring, now it's hematite...Life!

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Rhiandmoi
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A silver or hematite ring on the wedding finger and I would be thinking you were gay and were in a gay relationship. So if you were heterosexual and looking for a lady that would definately send the wrong signal to me.

On the other hand, I have worn my mom's class ring, my birthstone ring, and various other rings on my wedding finger without any apparent damage to my love life. The rings themselves sustained some damage which is why I don't wear any rings nowadays.

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BeachLife
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Sorry, did I miss something. Do gay men where different metals on their ring finger?

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Rhiandmoi
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Here they do.

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I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

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Ganzfeld
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Here most people wear platinum so I guess they would be mistaken for gay?
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Rhiandmoi
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No Platinum and gold are standard wedding band metals here. If a man was wearing a platinum band on his wedding finger I would think he was married. Even some gay couples go with gold or platinum, around here some couples have very formal commitment ceremonies that they take as seriously as weddings. But for a more informal sort of *promise* ring type ring, around here many gay couples go with silver rings. It is sort of like the difference between being engaged and being married.

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I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

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BoKu
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Strange, I've never heard of these conventions.

When my original wedding band started wearing out and getting sharp edges, my wife got us a new matched set. She got me a titanium one; they didn't have any made of carbon fiber or boron.

Every few weeks I take our rings out to the shop and polish them up on the buffing wheel.

Edit add: my 1849th post, and not only is it not about gold, it's about not gold. Huh.

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Ulkomaalainen
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Hmmm,

I really have to look out more, but with my friends, silver seems to be the stuff to go when looking for a wedding ring, with gold a close runner up and not much else. Certainly not platinum with diamonds or similar, which would be considered (by the admittedly small sample of people) "over the top" and "showing off". Gay rings don't seem too different, at least not the one of my cousin and his bf. I myself must admit to wearing a silver ring - but more of a "no pest strip", though that's not intentional, just a side effect :-)

Ulkomaalainen

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BeachLife
The Bills of St. Mary's


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I don't know how one can tell silver from platinum at first glance.

I'd also say that I've never heard of such a thing. I don't think gay changes the standards for such things though. Maybe it's a California thing.

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Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
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Minstrel gone caroling
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When I lived in West Virginia several years ago, things were getting serious with the boy I was dating, and we'd been discussing the possibility of wedding jewelry. I had mentioned that I greatly prefer silver-tone over gold-tone, and he said he couldn't wear a silvery band because people would think he was gay. I had never heard of such a thing. He was from Oklahoma-- maybe it's just a western thing?

I think it's a style that's changing, though, as I know a LOT of straight couples who use(d) white gold wedding rings, including my ex and me. And for all our issues, being mistaken for gay was not one of them.

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moonlight
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Now this thread has got me interested. Maybe I should do a poll about wedding ring metal. My DH has a titanium band, and my gay uncle wears a gold wedding band (though that may have more to do with him getting it in the 80s). Hmmm...

Anyway, if any of those wedding ring superstitions were true I'd be in trouble. I only wear my rings when I leave the house; I can't stand having them on while cooking or cleaning. And my sister (and a few friends for that matter) has tried it on several times. She is expecting one soon and likes to see her finger with a ring on it.

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Errata
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quote:
Originally posted by Rhiandmoi:
On the other hand, I have worn my mom's class ring, my birthstone ring, and various other rings on my wedding finger without any apparent damage to my love life. The rings themselves sustained some damage which is why I don't wear any rings nowadays.

I'm surprised that it didn't affect your love life. We men aren't too perceptive about such minor distinctions between types of jewelry. If a woman is wearing any sort of ring on that finger I'll assume its a wedding/engagement/promise/going-steady/back-off type ring, since I don't even pretend to know the subtleties. Then again when I'm talking to someone it usually takes too much attention to try and count fingers and figure out which hand to check, so that wouldn't be an issue for me right away.

quote:
A silver or hematite ring on the wedding finger and I would be thinking you were gay and were in a gay relationship. So if you were heterosexual and looking for a lady that would definately send the wrong signal to me.
Simple platinum or titanium bands seem popular among married men and women in my acquaintance. I have never heard of silver-toned metal wedding bands being "gay". I don't know enough gay couples to know if they wear different jewelry. It seems like a pretty weak basis for a stereotype, since most married people wouldn't even know about it when choosing. If there is a stereotype, its probably just that there is a much wider availability of platinum and titanium than there was in previous genrations.

I went with a platinum engagement ring (Kretchmer V) for my fiance, not because of the color but because of the tensile strength. A platinum ring can be used to make interesting tension set rings. I might get a platinum band, and I really don't expect that everyone can tell the difference from silver on sight.

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moonlight
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quote:
Originally posted by Errata:
We men aren't too perceptive about such minor distinctions between types of jewelry. If a woman is wearing any sort of ring on that finger I'll assume its a wedding/engagement/promise/going-steady/back-off type ring, since I don't even pretend to know the subtleties. Then again when I'm talking to someone it usually takes too much attention to try and count fingers and figure out which hand to check, so that wouldn't be an issue for me right away.

I always wondered about that...do unmarried men even really know which finger they are looking for? And I will probably get flamed for asking such a question, but let's remember that snopsters are the exception a lot of times. I'm talking about guys in their 20s who have never had to do any thinking about engagement rings. If a girl had a big sparkly right-hand ring on, would a guy at a bar know the difference?
Then again, I have been out with my girlfriends and had my big old engagement ring and wedding band on and have had guys blatantly hit on me. Do they not know? Are they not looking? Do they just not care? Am I just that hot (kidding...)?

Also, this metal argument has me totally intrigued now. When I was engaged I was a regular on a wedding planning site where tons of girls showed off their rings and gold is the very slim minority nowadays. Platinum is the biggie for women and men, and metals like titanium for men's rings are steadily gaining in popularity.

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Salamander
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My ring is gold & titanium.

I was, for quite some time, going to have a gold band with a celtic knot design but being a fussy bastard I couldn't find a pattern I liked.

Eventually, I went for the gold & titanium because it compliments the gold & titanium dress watch I wear.

As an interesting note, it is apparently 2 rings. They heat the titanium ring and then shrink it onto the gold band (or something like that anyway). Since the gold basically is on the inside and outer edges of the band, the titanium takes a majority of the "rough stuff" and handles it far better than the gold normally would.

I do take my wedding ring off, I certainly don't hand it around though. I figure "luck" be damned... I'd rather make sure that the skin underneath hasn't started to fall off (it goes real soft if I leave the ring on for several days).

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Silver
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DH can't get his wedding ring off. His knuckles grew or something. I don't know. But we've tried to take it off to get it cleaned, and the thing won't come off. I believe it's silver and gold -- I wanted to get a titanium ring, but mom insisted I get something less expensive. According to her, you're supposed to spend 1/4 to 1/2 on the man's ring as what was spent on the woman's ring.
He bought me a platinum ring with a small, but nearly flawless (I believe it has one flaw) diamond. I like it.
I've never heard about the gay ring thing. In fact, before I met dh, my previous bf proposed to me and we bought plain silver promise rings. I don't know what happened to mine. His he threw out in the street during our breakup fight, and it probably rolled down a drain or something.

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BeachLife
The Bills of St. Mary's


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I was a bit surprised, but pleasantly so, to see this thread back from the dead. I've been watching rings lately and talking to people about their rings and the 'only gay men where non-gold rings' concept is impossibly incorrect, at least in my parts. As a matter of fact of the dozen or so non-gold rings I came across, 0 were worn by gay men. On the other hand every gay man who I encountered with a wedding band was wearing gold. One of the more interesting bands I came across was one made from stainless steel.

On a side note, my hematite ring is no longer. It shattered into a dozen pieces when I was telling a joke that involved slamming my hand on the table. I'm back to big silver band with a black stone which doesn't look so wedding-ringish.

And finally, on the subject of 'do men notice', I for one am very conscience of it. I should say I am very conscience of it when I come across an attractive, intelligent women, closeish to my own age. For the most part though, I will try to get a decent look at the ring. A class ring or something similar would at least get me to ask more questions.

Beach...though a class ring on that finger would probably send me running...Life!

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STF
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by moonlight:
quote:
Originally posted by Errata:
We men aren't too perceptive about such minor distinctions between types of jewelry. If a woman is wearing any sort of ring on that finger I'll assume its a wedding/engagement/promise/going-steady/back-off type ring, since I don't even pretend to know the subtleties. Then again when I'm talking to someone it usually takes too much attention to try and count fingers and figure out which hand to check, so that wouldn't be an issue for me right away.

I always wondered about that...do unmarried men even really know which finger they are looking for? And I will probably get flamed for asking such a question, but let's remember that snopsters are the exception a lot of times. I'm talking about guys in their 20s who have never had to do any thinking about engagement rings. If a girl had a big sparkly right-hand ring on, would a guy at a bar know the difference?
Then again, I have been out with my girlfriends and had my big old engagement ring and wedding band on and have had guys blatantly hit on me. Do they not know? Are they not looking? Do they just not care? Am I just that hot (kidding...)?

Also, this metal argument has me totally intrigued now. When I was engaged I was a regular on a wedding planning site where tons of girls showed off their rings and gold is the very slim minority nowadays. Platinum is the biggie for women and men, and metals like titanium for men's rings are steadily gaining in popularity.

I knew and it impressed my cousin. We'd go somewhere and he'd want to flirt and I'd point out the engagement ring to tell him not to bother.

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STF
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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BTW I wear a white gold wedding band and I'm married to a woman.

Here's the link to mine.

Hopefully that works.

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BeachLife
The Bills of St. Mary's


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quote:
Originally posted by STF:
I knew and it impressed my cousin. We'd go somewhere and he'd want to flirt and I'd point out the engagement ring to tell him not to bother.

Wait a second though, you can still flirt with married women.

Beach...though it sometimes depends on who they're married to...Life!

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Doc J.
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Before I proposed, I showed my family the ring I had bought, and my sister was really off with me because I wouldn't let her try it on. It just seemed really wrong, like I'd be offering my intended a "used" ring.
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Don Enrico
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quote:
Originally posted by Ulkomaalainen:
Hmmm,

I really have to look out more, but with my friends, silver seems to be the stuff to go when looking for a wedding ring, with gold a close runner up and not much else. Certainly not platinum with diamonds or similar, which would be considered (by the admittedly small sample of people) "over the top" and "showing off". Gay rings don't seem too different, at least not the one of my cousin and his bf. I myself must admit to wearing a silver ring - but more of a "no pest strip", though that's not intentional, just a side effect :-)

Ulkomaalainen

I've been seeing (on peoples fingers as well as in jeweller store's windows) yellow gold, white gold, platinum and silver (in that order) as wedding rings. Mine used to be yellow gold.

On the OP (or rather the second one - loosing your wedding ring):
My father unce lost his wedding ring. After extended searching, he got a new one (I don't know whether my mother or he himself bought it), only to find the old one behind the bed when we were moving some years later. Now he's got two wedding rings - does that make for an especially durable marriage?

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STF
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by BeachLife:
quote:
Originally posted by STF:
I knew and it impressed my cousin. We'd go somewhere and he'd want to flirt and I'd point out the engagement ring to tell him not to bother.

Wait a second though, you can still flirt with married women.

Beach...though it sometimes depends on who they're married to...Life!

You make an excellent point. I have a feeling though had I not stopped him at that point he would have gone down a road where he'd only find pain. Mostly the physical kind from the wrong husband.

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Re: silver rings. My FIL (from Egypt) told me that it is the custom in Egypt to get married with a silver band. Of course, I can't speak for all Muslim nations, so I don't know if it's a Muslim thing or an Egyptian thing, but either way... he told me silver was the standard. However, when my husband and I got married, we got platinum... it looks silver, but does not tarnish (like silver does) or wear away over time (like gold does).

With regard to handing down an old ring... I have heard that this usually gets handed down by a grandmother. Presumably, her husband has died and she, herself, is either near death or nowhere NEAR considering matrimony again. So it is handed down as a way of keeping it in the family. Personally, I don't see how that could possibly be bad luck.

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BeachLife
The Bills of St. Mary's


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quote:
Originally posted by STF:
quote:
Originally posted by BeachLife:
quote:
Originally posted by STF:
I knew and it impressed my cousin. We'd go somewhere and he'd want to flirt and I'd point out the engagement ring to tell him not to bother.

Wait a second though, you can still flirt with married women.

Beach...though it sometimes depends on who they're married to...Life!

You make an excellent point. I have a feeling though had I not stopped him at that point he would have gone down a road where he'd only find pain. Mostly the physical kind from the wrong husband.
Yeah well that happens. I can say it's a bad idea to flirt with any married women when there are a lot of bikers about. Hell sometimes the unmarried women aren't much safer in that situation.

Beach...especially if you are some cocky little guy wearing a suit...Life!

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I remember hearing from a woman, "After you get married, never buy a man shoes, because he'll just keep walking." She said that buying shoes was a jinx. Personally, I think this is silly. If someone is going to leave you, they're going to leave you. Buying them shoes doesn't clinch the deal.

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

Posts: 2486 | From: East Stroudsburg, PA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Salamander
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Purple Iguana:
I remember hearing from a woman, "After you get married, never buy a man shoes, because he'll just keep walking." She said that buying shoes was a jinx. Personally, I think this is silly. If someone is going to leave you, they're going to leave you. Buying them shoes doesn't clinch the deal.

Particularly when he leaves her because she refused to by him those nice shoes he has always wanted as a present [Wink]

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"victory thru self-deception"

Posts: 2211 | From: Western Australia | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Anyte
Jingle Bell Hock


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I've never had anyone ask to try on my engagement or wedding rings. For the record, my engagement ring is white gold, and my husband and I both have titanium wedding rings.

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Too broke to pay attention

Posts: 452 | From: Omaha, NE | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
PrincessLeia
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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As far as determining whether someone is married or not by looking at what finger the ring is on, in Eastern Europe, people wear wedding rings on the right not the left hand. So if you live in one culture and see someone from the other, it would be easy to misinterpret that person's marital status.
Posts: 185 | From: British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
BelleMorte
Jingle Bell Hock


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My husband hardly ever wears his wedding band. He's afraid of snagging it on something when he's working on a car. I wear the ring my first husband gave me on my right hand.

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"Cheating Hall Of Shame"-in honor of the dishonest.
Every driver, owner and crew chief has a place in our Hall, which won't be moving to Daytona Beach anytime soon. Lone exception? Kyle Petty, who hasn't won a race since 1754.

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Little Pink Pill
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by PrincessLeia:
As far as determining whether someone is married or not by looking at what finger the ring is on, in Eastern Europe, people wear wedding rings on the right not the left hand. So if you live in one culture and see someone from the other, it would be easy to misinterpret that person's marital status.

In Hungary men and women wear a ring on their left ring finger to show they are engaged. They switch hands when they get married. So it pretty much means taken, either way.

I kind of like it. I mean, why don't men wear engagement rings in the West?

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The technical term is narcissism. You can't believe everything is your fault unless you also believe you're all powerful.--House

Posts: 2684 | From: Budapest | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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