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Author Topic: Stop clapping
snopes
Return! Return! Return!


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Comment: Bono is at a U2 concert in Glasgow when he asks the audience for
some quiet.

Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.Holding the
audience in total silence, he says into the microphone...

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from near the front pierces the silence...

"Well, stop bloody clapping then!"

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trollface
The Bills of St. Mary's


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This was mentioned in the "heckling" thread in "Entertainment" a month or two back, but I don't think whether it was true or not was established.

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seriously , everyone on here , just trys to give someone crap about something they do !! , its shitting me to tears.

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James G.
Xboxing Day


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A quick Google for "Well, stop bloody clapping then!" just returns a number of joke sites and a few Myspace profiles. The rest of the text is pretty much identical.

"Stop clapping then" retuns several more sites, which again appear to be primarily joke sites, blogs and messageboards.

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Squishy0405
Wii Wiish You A Merry Chriistmas


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I know I've heard this before...is it already a topic? Not sure...

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"Fate is like a strange, unpopular resturant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never ask for and don't always like."-Lemony Snicket

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Victoria J
Jingle Bell Hock


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It was the heckling thread I started in entertainment, with an article from a newspaper where people had sent in funny stories about heckling. There was no supporting information to go with stories, and times and places weren't identified (though this particular story is pinned to Glasgow - and it is certainly funnier if you imagine the accent).

I wouldn't normally want to chow Snopes - but it seems quite appropriate in relation to heckling - where the outsider barges in to have their say and talk over the person who is actualy running the show.

Victoria J

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Post accompanied by maniacal laughter.

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surfcitydogdad
Jingle Bell Hock


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I read an old joke from the UK about a politician and a heckler.

The MP says, "I mourn for my bleeding country," and someone in the audience responds "And so you should; you're the one what's been bleeding her!"

The Bono story, with it's punchline of "stop clapping," also reminds me of a man who went to the doctor, complaining (holds his arms up), "Doc, it hurts when I go like this." So the doctor replies (holding his arms up), "So don't go like this."

I guess that one isn't so funny, but I love the first one. Very English.

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Only when we remake ourselves can we remake the world.
- Outer Limits (2001)

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Spikey
Jingle Bell Hock


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Jimmy Carr tells this as a joke on one of his DVDs:

"Has anyone else seen those incredibly powerful advertisements in cinemas where each time a famous person clicked their fingers, an African child dies? I watched those, and couldn't help thinking, 'Well stop clicking your fingers!'"

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"The fact that "uvula" and "vulva" look and sound similar was just a happy coincidence." - Lainie

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Mosherette
Deck the Malls


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An older variation? I remember this quip on the Mary Whitehouse Experience, in the early 1990s:

"Every day an area of rainforest the size of Belgium is destroyed. Why not just destroy Belgium?"

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Silence should never under any circumstances be construed as agreement. A lot of the time, it's simply a reflection that someone just said something so stupid that no response could possibly do it justice. - Ramblin' Dave

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Spikey
Jingle Bell Hock


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Again, Jimmy Carr pinches this in his show:

"Every day an area of land the size of Wales is destroyed. Why is it never Wales?"

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"The fact that "uvula" and "vulva" look and sound similar was just a happy coincidence." - Lainie

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Major D. Saster
The First USA Noel


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More variations :

- You know what ? Every time I breathe, someone dies.

- Have you tried a good mouthwash ?

or:

- In New York City, a person's hit by a car every 5 minutes.

- OOOH, poor guy !

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Desperate, but not serious.

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