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Author Topic: Response to gender "rules"
Squishy0405
Wii Wiish You A Merry Chriistmas


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*I am just reposting the myspace bulletin to here, I don't have the one they're responding to but you can make your own assumptions*


These laws are just being posted up as a response to someone else's bulletin but hey they might come in handy. LOL.

1) When ur man arrives to pick u up make sure u make him wait like an extra hour. That way he'll be anxious and excited to see u.

2) Always act friendly with ur man's friends. For instance, when ur at the club with all his homeboys make sure u slash ur number to his BEST FRIEND and in the process make sure he's watching. Guys love a lil competition.

3) Bitch and nag until ur man takes u to a real expensive restaurant. When ur posted up in china grill make sure u order the most expensive thing on the menu and then take 2 bites maximum and leave the whole thing. Guys love to spend money like that; trust me he won't mind.

4) Very important rule ladies. If ur man's a baller and he has a 22" or Higher ride then U MUST DRIVE IT. But while driving make sure u make a quick out of control turn (u have to make sure u hit the curb very hard) and **** up the rims. Trust me he won't mind; guys love to play fix-it in front of their ladies.

5) O.k. (This one's good). Ivite ur man over and be sure to wear the sexiest lingerie u own. Then make ur man want the pum-pum real bad and just when u think he can't take it anymore just kick him out. Have ur friend knock on the door and say she's sleeping over. This will teach ur man that he gets it when u want not when he wants.

6) When ur man stays over and leaves his toothbruch make sure u clean the bottom of ur pumps with it and put it back (O.k. this is disgusting but funny). Then watch him brush his teeth with the same toothbrush u used to clean the shit out of the bottom of ur shoes; oh and let him know. Trust me, guys love an adventurous chick.

7) When ur man falls asleep and he is snoring with his mouth open u come and throw raw pieces of rice in his mouth. Then just when he's about to choke tell the sucker u only did it to see if he was still alive. He'll love u more because u showed concern for his health and well-being.

8) When the super bowl is playing make sure your man is all into the game and the game is at its best. Then go outside and cut ur main line switch. (This will turn off all the power to the house). Ur man will appreciate the fact that u let him know there's life outside of a game and as he sits in the dark he'll be thanking u.

9) If ur man hasnt seen u in days; u just make sure ur looking spectacularly GRIMY. (Nappy ass hair, no shaving, and if possible don't bathe). Guys love a NATURAL WOMAN and he'll love u more.

10) Everytime u go to ur man's house always steal clothing items. Then on ur next family reunion make sure ur uncle, brothers, and daddy are wearing all his shit. TRUST ME, he'll love u more because u have now taught him the true value of "sharing". He won't mind.

11) Remember always KEEP IN TOUCH WITH UR EX. Have ur ex call u constantly. This will show ur man that if he doesn't tighten up the other nigga can easily have u. Once again, trust me in the end he'll love u more because u taught him how to appreciate u more.

12) Once in a blue when ur man is concetrated driving somewhere u need to SLAP HIM. He can't do anything because he's driving. If he ask's why u simply tell him u just wanted to make sure he was ****ing paying attention. This is good reinforcement ladies; and he'll appreciate the fact that u had the courtesy to see if he was fully paying attention to the road.

13) Alright ladies, this rule only applies if ur man is a drug dealer. Always keep in handy or speed dial 911 and the D.E.A. Make sure that on a daily basis u remind him u will call them on his ass. This is a true sign of affection and that u care; he'll adore u for it.

14) On the same note, make sure that u teach his ass a lesson. Wake his drug dealing ass at about 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning. Start yelling, "THE COPS R HERE!!" Then make his ass run out the back door and through the neighbors yards. Go look for him and laugh in his face. Remember he won't be mad becuase u will tell him it's for his own good to have PRACTICE DRILLS AND EVACUATIONS. (This sign of affection will also let him know that ur a prepared and organized female).

MORE RULES TO COME.

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"Fate is like a strange, unpopular resturant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never ask for and don't always like."-Lemony Snicket

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Cabcere
A View to a Krill


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So that's what I've been doing wrong all these years! [Razz]

OK, I'll get it. [fish]

~Cab "still single, but not because of any of these 'rules'" cere

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Izzy Quigley
Jingle Bell Hock


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This bulletin was brought to you by the letter U!

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A Viennese fellow is walking along the Karntner Strasse and notices a banana peel lying in his path. "Alas," he sighs, "now I must slip and fall down!"

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Page Three
Deck the Malls


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I don't know what annoys me more, the "ur man" or the "u/ur" by itself. Gah.
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BluesScale
Deck the Malls


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Uh, when did it become perfectly ok to abuse men but terrible to abuse women?

How about we treat each other with some earned respect?

BluesScale

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Avril
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Er...this is not written by a woman, obviously, BluesScale. It's more of a man's impression of what a woman is thinking--or something.

Avril

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There is no failure unless one stops. --Ray Bradbury

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spooookay
Bone Appétit!


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Well, I am just glad to know I have been treating my man right all these years!
quote:

You should never never doubt what nobody is sure about...
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HenryChicane
I Saw Three Shipments


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"Then make ur man want the pum-pum real bad.."

This line actually made me laugh.

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http://www.myspace.com/ironhillpark

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TwoGuyswithaHat
Happy Holly Days


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I think I lost 10 IQ points trying to translate that into something intelligible.

I need a rye now.

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In politics, absurdity is not a handicap - Napoleon Bonaparte

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Drizzly Quigley:
This bulletin was brought to you by the letter U!

U for "ugh!" and "unintelligible." U.

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
MORE RULES TO COME.
No, it's okay. I swear. I've had enough pum-pum for one night.

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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franjava
Deck the Malls


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Pum-pum... HAH! Gotta use that one on the DH. Of course, he'll probably get so weirded out by the phrase, I won't get any. [Razz]

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Never eat anything given to you by a toddler.

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HenryChicane
I Saw Three Shipments


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quote:
Originally posted by franjava:
Pum-pum... HAH! Gotta use that one on the DH. Of course, he'll probably get so weirded out by the phrase, I won't get any. [Razz]


Yeah, but see, if you do number 5 correctly you won't be getting any anyway. You just make him want the pum-pum real bad, then send him away. Poor guy.

5) O.k. (This one's good). Ivite ur man over and be sure to wear the sexiest lingerie u own. Then make ur man want the pum-pum real bad and just when u think he can't take it anymore just kick him out. Have ur friend knock on the door and say she's sleeping over. This will teach ur man that he gets it when u want not when he wants.

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http://www.myspace.com/ironhillpark

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Salamander
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Hmmm... while I admit that stupidity does not discriminate, I can't help but ponder the possibility that while this has been written in such a way as to paint the writer as a black woman that I get the feeling that the writer probably wasn't black and quite possibly not a woman.

So... the question for me I guess, is which of the following terms apply to it:

1) Misogynistic
2) Racist
3) Misandristic

?

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"victory thru self-deception"

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Llewtrah
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by HenryChicane:
"Then make ur man want the pum-pum real bad.."

This line actually made me laugh.

It made me reach for my Trojan X-rated Box Set of reggae/dub! Darn it. I'll be singing "International Pum-Pum" and "(Don't) Touch Mah Tomato" all day now!

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Messybeast Cat Resource Archive
Llewtrah's Soapbox

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Llewtrah
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by HenryChicane:
quote:
Originally posted by franjava:
Pum-pum... HAH! Gotta use that one on the DH. Of course, he'll probably get so weirded out by the phrase, I won't get any. [Razz]


Yeah, but see, if you do number 5 correctly you won't be getting any anyway. You just make him want the pum-pum real bad, then send him away. Poor guy.

5) O.k. (This one's good). Ivite ur man over and be sure to wear the sexiest lingerie u own. Then make ur man want the pum-pum real bad and just when u think he can't take it anymore just kick him out. Have ur friend knock on the door and say she's sleeping over. This will teach ur man that he gets it when u want not when he wants.

Or maybe he'll ask for a threesome?

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Messybeast Cat Resource Archive
Llewtrah's Soapbox

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Salamander:
Hmmm... while I admit that stupidity does not discriminate, I can't help but ponder the possibility that while this has been written in such a way as to paint the writer as a black woman that I get the feeling that the writer probably wasn't black and quite possibly not a woman.

Where did you get the impression that the writer is supposed to be a black woman? Apart from the last two rules ("if ur man is a drug dealer ...") I didn't see anything implying that - and the last rules imply it only under the assupmtion "drug dealer = black".

I'm not trying to be snarky, I just want to know if I missed anything.

Don Enrico

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My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

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Tarquin Farquart
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Originally posted by Don Enrico:
quote:
Originally posted by Salamander:
Hmmm... while I admit that stupidity does not discriminate, I can't help but ponder the possibility that while this has been written in such a way as to paint the writer as a black woman that I get the feeling that the writer probably wasn't black and quite possibly not a woman.

Where did you get the impression that the writer is supposed to be a black woman? Apart from the last two rules ("if ur man is a drug dealer ...") I didn't see anything implying that - and the last rules imply it only under the assupmtion "drug dealer = black".

I'm not trying to be snarky, I just want to know if I missed anything.

Don Enrico

quote:
Remember always KEEP IN TOUCH WITH UR EX. Have ur ex call u constantly. This will show ur man that if he doesn't tighten up the other nigga can easily have u.


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I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from "Now We Are Six" through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So there!

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Okay, I missed that. Thanks!

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My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

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Llewtrah
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Don Enrico:
quote:
Originally posted by Salamander:
Hmmm... while I admit that stupidity does not discriminate, I can't help but ponder the possibility that while this has been written in such a way as to paint the writer as a black woman that I get the feeling that the writer probably wasn't black and quite possibly not a woman.

Where did you get the impression that the writer is supposed to be a black woman? Apart from the last two rules ("if ur man is a drug dealer ...") I didn't see anything implying that - and the last rules imply it only under the assupmtion "drug dealer = black".
Isn't "pum-pum" also a clue? Must read my Box Set liner notes again, but it seemed to be black slang.

quote:
Punani may be the origin of pum pum, a slang word for vagina or women in the Rastafarian culture.
freeagencyalways.blogspot.com/2006/07/hawaiian-flower.html

quote:
The only thing that I would add is a possible link to the Caribbean 'punany'/'punaani' (I'm not sure that there is an established spelling (cits to date include both of those plus 'punyani', 'poonany' and 'punani'),
meaning vagina, and used in the same ways, lit. and fig. that 'c*nt' is in 'standard' slang. Unfortunately Allsopp has chosen to exclude it, he
presumably sees it as overly coarse, from the Dict. Caribbean English Usage, nor is it in Cassidy & LePage's earlier Dict. of Jamaican English. I cannot offer a precise ety. though there maybe links to the synon. 'pum-pum' (which
is rooted in W. African Krio) or S. Afr. 'pundu' , itself from Xhosa 'impundu', buttocks or vagina. All that suggsted, I have no cit. for 'punany' earlier than 1980s.

listserv.linguistlist.org/cgi-bin/wa?A2=ind0109a&L=ads-l&P=2827

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Messybeast Cat Resource Archive
Llewtrah's Soapbox

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ThistleSoftware
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by Don Enrico:
quote:
Originally posted by Salamander:
Hmmm... while I admit that stupidity does not discriminate, I can't help but ponder the possibility that while this has been written in such a way as to paint the writer as a black woman that I get the feeling that the writer probably wasn't black and quite possibly not a woman.

Where did you get the impression that the writer is supposed to be a black woman? Apart from the last two rules ("if ur man is a drug dealer ...") I didn't see anything implying that - and the last rules imply it only under the assupmtion "drug dealer = black".

I'm not trying to be snarky, I just want to know if I missed anything.

Don Enrico

To me it came across as definitely not a woman writing, and probably not a black person. Most likely a teenage white or Asian male, the two demographics that in my experience most wholeheartedly embrace this type of fake urban culture. The only part that makes me think it could possibly have been written by a black person is the use of the word "nigga" which most non-blacks in my experience do not use even in satire, especially not satire of this extremely amateur calibre. However, some wannabes do use the word so who knows.

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Officially Heartless

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Jay Temple
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Llewtrah:
quote:
The only thing that I would add is a possible link to the Caribbean 'punany'/'punaani' (I'm not sure that there is an established spelling (cits to date include both of those plus 'punyani', 'poonany' and 'punani'),
meaning vagina, and used in the same ways, lit. and fig. that 'c*nt' is in 'standard' slang. Unfortunately Allsopp has chosen to exclude it, he
presumably sees it as overly coarse, from the Dict. Caribbean English Usage, nor is it in Cassidy & LePage's earlier Dict. of Jamaican English. I cannot offer a precise ety. though there maybe links to the synon. 'pum-pum' (which
is rooted in W. African Krio) or S. Afr. 'pundu' , itself from Xhosa 'impundu', buttocks or vagina. All that suggsted, I have no cit. for 'punany' earlier than 1980s.

listserv.linguistlist.org/cgi-bin/wa?A2=ind0109a&L=ads-l&P=2827
Great. Now you've got me looking for a possible etymological link to "poontang."

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"Well, it looks we're on our own ... again."--Rev. Lovejoy

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Eddylizard
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Great. Now you've got me looking for a possible etymological link to "poontang."

Per Tony Thorne's excellent Dictionary of Contemporary Slang Poontang is derived from Luisiana French, and is a corruption of the word putain, standard French for whore, and first applied to black women.

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"Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations - like people."

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