Post new topic  Post a reply
search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hello » Urban Legends » Humor » Noah 2006

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Noah 2006
Wii Wiish You A Merry Chriistmas

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Squishy0405   Author's Homepage   E-mail Squishy0405   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
*Not sure if this is the right place*

-----Noah in 2006

In the year 2006 , the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I 'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular resturant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never ask for and don't always like."-Lemony Snicket

Posts: 1119 | From: Bronx, NY | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Angels from the Realms so Glurgy

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Dropbear     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 


" The villagers had said justice had been done, and she'd lost patience and told them to go home, then, and pray to whatever gods they believed in that it was never done to them. -- (Terry Pratchett)

Posts: 823 | From: Hobart, Tasmania | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
I Saw Three Shipments

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cestrian   E-mail Cestrian   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Yes, the government stops you doing all sorts of inappropriate things in inappropriate places using inappropriate methods and this equates to destroying the world....

"Endeavour to persevere"

Posts: 104 | From: Gravesend, UK | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Happy Holly Days

Icon 1 posted      Profile for BlueStar     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
What I got from that is that the Goverment are so evil and spiteful that they're almost as bad as the wicked, childish God of the Old Testament.
Posts: 1710 | From: Newcastle, UK | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator

Quick Reply

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins

Post new topic  Post a reply Close topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Urban Legends Reference Pages

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2