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Author Topic: Banister of Life
Lil' Molly
Deck the Malls


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Got this one from the friend who sends me this stuff...

quote:
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember.

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

So ... as we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

I was a little "WTF?" when I read this. Seems a bit disorganized, even for junk mail.

As always, feel free to chow.

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... and now back to your regularly scheduled lurking.

I have 15 points and owe 1 keyboard!

Posts: 394 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mouse
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I liked it. What do I have to do to get stuff like this in my mailbox as opposed to spam? [Frown]

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"You see? The mysteries of the Universe are revealed when you break stuff." Coop from MegasXLR

"I distrust who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." -- Susan B. Anthony

Posts: 2246 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
So true.

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Check out my blog! http://fundiewatch.blogspot.com

Posts: 1527 | From: Buffalo, NY | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
noreen
We Three Blings


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quote:
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
That's Bakker

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"No matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'"

Posts: 1112 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ariadne
Deck the Malls


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I'll admit this one made me smile:

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

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saxea ut effigies bacchantis prospicit eheu | prospicit et magnis curarum fluctuat undis
-Catullus

Posts: 435 | From: Iowa | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TrishDaDish
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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If you slide down the banister outside your house of life, make sure your brother isn't sitting at the bottom. (If you've seen Spellbound, you'll know why.)

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I would prefer not to.
My blog

Posts: 4789 | From: Rhode Island | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
SmallTownKid
I Saw Three Shipments


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Or make sure you aim for a man who won't mind replacing his hat. As a Girl Scout who has been to the Julliet Gordon Low birthplace I am legally required to tell this story. [fish]

Julliet's mother (before she was Julliet's mother obviously) was fond of sliding down the banister in her home. She did this one evening when Mr. Gordon was over and flew off the end of the banister, crashed into him, and ruined his hat. He is said to have commented that she "knocked [him] off balance and kept [him] there for the rest of [his] life." [lol] [Big Grin]

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"I will take the Ring," he said, "though I do not know the way."

"Doesn't 'Frollo' sound like a delicious hobbit chocolate?"--Amanda F.

Posts: 107 | From: Kansas | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
qualli
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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also make sure there are no decorative post toppers at the bottom

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"I still say Obi-wan Kenobi was The Force's bitch."

Posts: 820 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

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