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Author Topic: STUPID WARNING LABELS!
snopes
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And how stupid do they have to be to make the Weekly World News?

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/chamber/61630

- snopes

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Andrew of Ware, England
A-Ware in a Manger


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Seen on the bottom of a 'Tesco's' ready meal:

Warning: Do not turn upside down.

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Andrew, Ware, England

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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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quote:
Microwave Oven -- Do not use for drying pets.
[lol] Another UL turns up in Weekly World News.


quote:
Fat-Free Potato Chips -- May cause anal leakage.
I don't get why this would be a stupid warning. I know there were a lot of news stories about Olestra or whatever it was causing anal leakage, but to me that seems like a valid warning if it were true.

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A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
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LikeHeyScoob
The First USA Noel


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I agree, candy.

I'm going to want as much warning as possible before ingesting something that may cause "anal leakage".

"New Fat-Free Lays...Now with 40% fewer skidmarks!!"

LikeHey"Uh-oh. I drew mud."Scoob

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Snafu
Deck the Malls


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Kind of along the same lines...

I saw an ad for the new 'Kong Burger' from Burger King today. The burger shown must have been twelve feet in diameter, and seven feet tall. "Actual burger not this size." (or something to that extent) was printed at the bottom of the screen.

Nice.

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ica171
Deck the Malls


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I have to assume some of these are taken out of context. I'm going to guess that the "children's playhouse: this is not a toy" is taken from a plastic wrapper holding screws or something. The king size mattress: do not swallow, I have to imagine that that refers to the tag.

I agree with Candy on the fat free chips warning, although everybody thought this was sooo hilarious when those chips came out.

Stupid warning labels wouldn't be necessary if someone hadn't attempted to use the product incorrectly. It's just companies trying to avoid being sued.

I did have to laugh at the "do not feed dog shampoo to fish," though. Wonder how that one was found out?

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Wizard of Yendor
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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The dog shampoo was probably an anti-flea forumla. IIRC some insecicdes kill fish too. "Don't feed to fish" is a poor phrasing though.

And of course, people always laugh at warnings on peanut products that "main contain nuts", but it wouldn't be so funny if they were alergic to tree nuts.

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MapMaker
Maximillian Andorra


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The sad thing is that usually a warning has to be printed on a product AFTER a situation like that which is described has occurred.

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"I'm looking over your shoulder, but only because I've got your back" -Stephen Colbert

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El Camino
We Three Blings


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Probably the most reliable piece of journalism Weekly World News has ever created - most of these seem pretty plausible. Well, aside from the giant fish orbiting Saturn.
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snopes
Return! Return! Return!


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quote:
I saw an ad for the new 'Kong Burger' from Burger King today. The burger shown must have been twelve feet in diameter, and seven feet tall. "Actual burger not this size." (or something to that extent) was printed at the bottom of the screen.
A few days ago one of the local news programs did a fluff piece about Naomi Watts attending some kind of King Kong promotional event (perhaps a premiere) where she was posing for photos with a large gorilla figure out in front of the auditorium. The anchorman was quick to inform the audience that the ape was "not the real King Kong."

No shit! Really? You mean the actual fictional giant gorilla was busy elsewhere?

- snopes

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OldTread
Deck the Malls


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At Toys R US two years ago I saw a Lego Table. The box showed two children, 1 boy , 1 girl playing with it.

The fine print disclaimer honestly said

'Children not included".

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Doug4.7
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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My favorite is
quote:
Curling Iron -- Not for internal use
Now why would you want to... oh wait, forget it...

--------------------
And now for something completely different...

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robbiev - singin' off key
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Doug4.7:
My favorite is
quote:
Curling Iron -- Not for internal use
Now why would you want to... oh wait, forget it...
This one time, at band camp, I couldn't find a flute...

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Corvette. The louder you scream, the faster I'll go.

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robbiev - singin' off key
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Can't believe no one mentioned these:

Do not use while in shower - on a hair dryer (my hair dryer said this on the box)

Do not spray this product at yourself - on a can of pepper-spray

Do not attempt to drive vehicle with this in place - sunscreen for vehicle (I have one that says this on it)

--------------------
Every time I see a good looking woman, I think, "0oooh. There's another one I'll never have!"

Corvette. The louder you scream, the faster I'll go.

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Gale
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by robbiev427:

Do not spray this product at yourself - on a can of pepper-spray

There are people this stupid. Or actually, he's not stupid, just clueless. Guy I know was sitting at a table with another guy and a woman. The woman picks up a fresh cigarette and Pascal (!) gets his own cigarette out, picks up the cute lighter attached to her keychain, unsnaps the protective harness, and proceeds to light both of their cigarettes by blasting them both with pepper spray. Somehow the bastard is impervious to it himself, but Lori and the other guy go streaking from the table. I turn to my companion (we're sitting directly behind them) and say "what do you suppose is the matter with Lori and--" before it hits me and I take off right behind them. In all, doofus got about six or seven of us pretty good.

Of course, maybe the warning label should be "if you have morons for friends, keep this pepper spray key chain in your purse."

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Emke
Ron Mexico


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quote:
Originally posted by robbiev427:
quote:
Originally posted by Doug4.7:
My favorite is
quote:
Curling Iron -- Not for internal use
Now why would you want to... oh wait, forget it...
This one time, at band camp, I couldn't find a flute...
YOMANK

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Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong - Oscar Wilde

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Bettie Page Turner
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by ica171:
I did have to laugh at the "do not feed dog shampoo to fish," though. Wonder how that one was found out?

Probably the same way the "NO PETS" sticker came to be placed in the underseat helmet storage compartment on my Vespa...

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You fail to consider, for such is the tyranny of fashion, that the swan is not a slim animal... -Jincy Kornhauser, Melinda Falling

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Andrew of Ware, England
A-Ware in a Manger


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On a tin of peas there was a picure of some of the peas on a plate with roast chicken, potatoes and gravy. Next to the picture were the words,
Serving suggestion

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Andrew, Ware, England

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Andrew of Ware, England:
On a tin of peas there was a picure of some of the peas on a plate with roast chicken, potatoes and gravy. Next to the picture were the words,
Serving suggestion

I think it's a good idea. I hate peas, and wouldn't mind them as hidden from my meal as possible.

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Tantei Kijo
The First USA Noel


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quote:
•Curling Iron -- Not for internal use.
Tell that to my mother. Her favorate threat was that she was going to stick it where the sun don't shine (cleaning up her langauge quite a bit). [Mad]

quote:
•Peanut Butter -- Warning: May contain nuts.

The dumb thing about this warning is the *may* part.

One of my favorites is those mini champaign-confetti poppers for New Years, where the warning not to point the bottom of it at your face is printed on the bottom. [Roll Eyes]

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Bender: Though you may have to make a metaphorical "deal with the devil". And by "devil", I mean the robot devil, and by "metaphorically" I mean get your coat. ------------ My sad site: A new way to be bored.

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AzureLion
I Saw Three Shipments


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quote:
Originally posted by robbiev427:
Do not use while in shower - on a hair dryer (my hair dryer said this on the box)

My mother once bought a hair dryer with a warning tag that said "Do not use while sleeping."
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Victoria J
Jingle Bell Hock


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I already complained about this one in the thread on sign posts but now there is a thread just for this :

quote:
WARNING. If broken may contain sharp edges
I think it was on a small wooden bookmark (I now only have the slip of paper with the warning).

Pretty much anything may contain sharp edges if you are going to fundamentally alter it. If hypothetical warnings like this take hold everything we buy will have a ten page disclaimer (and the disclaimer will have its own warnings in case you use it as fire lighter to commit arson, form a papier mache knife, or choke while trying to eat it).

Now I need to calm down before I start carving shivs from household objects and tracking down the people making unnecessary work for lawyers. [Wink]

Victoria J.

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Post accompanied by maniacal laughter.

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Seaboe Muffinchucker
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by robbiev427:
Do not attempt to drive vehicle with this in place - sunscreen for vehicle (I have one that says this on it)

So do I. I can only suspect someone who was only planning to move their car a few feet decided not to fold up the screen.

It's pretty much my favorite warning.

Seaboe

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Education is not the filling of a hard drive, but the lighting of a bulb. -- Yeats via Esprise Me

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Mythophobia
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
And of course, people always laugh at warnings on peanut products that "main contain nuts", but it wouldn't be so funny if they were alergic to tree nuts.
Reminds of this chocolate coated candybar I bought once. It had the warning printed in English first: "Warning - may contain traces of nuts!" and then in my own language, Danish: "Advarsel - kan indeholde spor af sindssyg!" (Warning - may contain traces of insane)
I'm nuts about chocolate, but I'm yet to go insane, luckily. Hehe. [Razz]

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Zero Driver
Christmas in Kill Barney


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quote:
Electric Cattle Prod -- For use on animals only.
I think I have a few friends that qualify... And I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking this.

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And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit! -The Tick

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Em
Happy Holly Days


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My favorite was in a technical manual: "Do not drink the hydraulic fluid. It will cause paralysis."

This implies that not only have people actually drunk the hydraulic fluid, but enough have drunk it and been paralysed to provide a statistical sample so that they can say it will cause paralysis, rather than it may cause paralysis.

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What the NFBSK does YOMANK mean?

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me, no really
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by robbiev427:

Do not spray this product at yourself - on a can of pepper-spray


I once heard a first hand account of somebody who had bought a tazer, and then decided to test it and see what kind of effect it would have - by testing it on himself. I guess that's a whole lot better than using it on someone else just as a test, but still....

me

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Check back often because the page changes often

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robbiev - singin' off key
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by me, no really:
quote:
Originally posted by robbiev427:

Do not spray this product at yourself - on a can of pepper-spray


I once heard a first hand account of somebody who had bought a tazer, and then decided to test it and see what kind of effect it would have - by testing it on himself. I guess that's a whole lot better than using it on someone else just as a test, but still....

me

Amazing. Ok, not really.

[Tells on self] One time, a LONG time ago, I opened a package of Mace (back when you could still buy real Mace, as opposed to "pepper spray"). It was unintentional, but I accidentally bumped the button and got a small spray in my face. [Eek!]

--------------------
Every time I see a good looking woman, I think, "0oooh. There's another one I'll never have!"

Corvette. The louder you scream, the faster I'll go.

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Jack Dylan
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by robbiev427:

[Tells on self] One time, a LONG time ago, I opened a package of Mace (back when you could still buy real Mace, as opposed to "pepper spray").

Forgive me if this is a stupid question, but what's the difference between Mace and pepper spray?

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Eppis: Do you know why being a revolutionary doesn't work in this country? Being a revolutionary in America is like being a spoil sport at an orgy. All these goodies being passed around and you feel like a shit when you say no.

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Shadowduck
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by robbiev427:
Do not attempt to drive vehicle with this in place - sunscreen for vehicle (I have one that says this on it)

This reminds me of my personal favourite, from the manual for a 1994 Honda VFR750.

quote:
Do not engage the steering lock whilst the vehicle is in motion.


--------------------
But of course, I could be wrong.

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mnotr2
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by Em:
My favorite was in a technical manual: "Do not drink the hydraulic fluid. It will cause paralysis."

This implies that not only have people actually drunk the hydraulic fluid, but enough have drunk it and been paralysed to provide a statistical sample so that they can say it will cause paralysis, rather than it may cause paralysis.

This actually was/is a problem in the Soviet/Russian Army (according to a FOAF anyway). Young conscripts will drink pretty much anything trying to get a buzz. Not bad if you pour it through a loaf of bread first, or so I'm told.

Mnot - Will I go blind? - r2

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Infinite goodness is creating a being you know, in advance, is going to complain.
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Black Belt and Socks
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Forgive me if this is a stupid question, but what's the difference between Mace and pepper spray?
Not a stupid question at all.

Mace is a chemical solution designed to induce tearing and burning eyes. Most Mace now also contains some pepper. Pepper spray contains oleoresin capsicum derived from cayenne peppers.

Web Page

MACE is also the Mid-America Association for Computer in Education [Big Grin]

BB&S

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"How dare your reality hinder my ability to believe what I want!" Joe Bentley

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Xia
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Wizard of Yendor:

And of course, people always laugh at warnings on peanut products that "main contain nuts", but it wouldn't be so funny if they were alergic to tree nuts.

What's so funny about peanut products labels that say "may contain nuts" [Confused]
If I was allergic to nuts I'd really want to know if my Reeses or whatever might contain any...


One I found odd was on a bottle of 'Earthbath' pet shampoo:
Not tested on animals.

But....do I WANT to use a dog shampoo if it hasn't been tested on, say, dogs?

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Em
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by mnotr2:
quote:
Originally posted by Em:
My favorite was in a technical manual: "Do not drink the hydraulic fluid. It will cause paralysis."

This implies that not only have people actually drunk the hydraulic fluid, but enough have drunk it and been paralysed to provide a statistical sample so that they can say it will cause paralysis, rather than it may cause paralysis.

This actually was/is a problem in the Soviet/Russian Army (according to a FOAF anyway). Young conscripts will drink pretty much anything trying to get a buzz. Not bad if you pour it through a loaf of bread first, or so I'm told.
[Eek!] Eeeewww!

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What the NFBSK does YOMANK mean?

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lioness
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Zero Driver:
quote:
Electric Cattle Prod -- For use on animals only.
I think I have a few friends that qualify... And I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking this.
There was an episode of South Park where the kids got to use the cattle prod on Cartman when he screwed up on the lyrics to "O Holy Night."
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