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Author Topic: Why are religious jokes so funny?
Louise
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:
Originally posted by Zabia:
please don't let this thread dye. Many many YOMANK. Sadly, I don't have anthing to add. However, if you need jew jokes. My rabbi is twisted

what does YOMANK mean?

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"Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." -- Mark Twain

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Rhea
We Three Blings


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^
|

FAQ

You Owe Me A New Keyboard

ETA: Welcome to the boards.

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Louise:
what does YOMANK mean?

You owe me a new keyboard. Generally used when someone's said something funny.

Here's more snopester lingo.

And welcome to the boards!

ETA: Rhee beat me to it -- a transatlantic spanking!

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Rhea
We Three Blings


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Hey, this is the second time I spank someone on this topic! I'm getting better...
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Louise
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Ok, thanks all the people who have aided me. I'm new as a poster, I've been reading threads for awhile though.

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"Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." -- Mark Twain

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Louise
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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I have another religious joke:
Two men are golfing. One goes, and the ball falls into a water trap. "oh shit!" he exclaims. The other man warns him against cursing, because God can hear you. This happens several times. Finally, a lightning bolt shoots down and hits the second man. "oh shit" rumbles from the heavens.
(the oh shit came from God)
Yeah, it's rather silly.

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"Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." -- Mark Twain

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Echinodermata Q. Taft
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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God was getting kind of overwhelmed with the problems of running the universe. "I wish I could take a vacation," he complained to one of His angels.

"Why don't You go to Earth for a while?" the angel suggested.

God shuddered. "No, not there. I went there 2,000 years ago and I had an affair with this little Jewish girl, and would you believe they're STILL talking about it?"

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http://eqtaft.blogspot.com

Hope for the future! http://www.runobama.com

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Deansinger
Deck the Malls


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And then there's the one about the Buddhist burger joint that will make you one with everything.

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It doesn't matter if you're wrong.. Be Wrong Loud!

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Smalltime33
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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I can't believe no one told this one:

One day the janitor at the local Catholic Church discovers the priest is running late for confessional duties and a line has built up. So he slides into the confessional booth and slides open the little door. The first young lady in there says "Father forgive me for I have sinned. I had extramarital relations with a young man."

The janitor says "Sometimes this happens, recite one hail Mary and go and sin no more." The young lady says, "You don't understand, I had oral and anal sex." The janitor says, "OK, just a second." So the janitor steps out and seeks out an alter boy. The janitor says to him "What does the father give for oral and anal sex." The alter boy says "He usually gives me a Snickers bar and a Pepsi".

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smartymarty66
I Saw Three Shipments


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These are all so funny. I think the penguin one has my vote.
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Jay Temple
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by Deansinger:
And then there's the one about the Buddhist burger joint that will make you one with everything.

It took me a second to figure that one out, but it was worth it!

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"Well, it looks we're on our own ... again."--Rev. Lovejoy

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Sullen Moon
Deck the Malls


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I now have a new link to send to people who think I'm going to hell!
I ain't got nuthin' on you folks! [lol]

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***sig line edited for content***

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Twankydillo
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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St Peter gets fed up with standing at the pearly gates and giving or denying access to Heaven. Jesus offers to take over. A man comes up to him.

"I'm looking for my son." he says
"And who are you" says Jesus
"I'm his Father; well not really." says the man
"What do you do?" asks Jesus
"I'm a carpenter; well not really" says the man
"And does your son have holes in his hands and feet?" asks Jesus excitedly.
"He does!" shouts the man
"DADDY!" shouts Jesus
"PINOCCHIO!" shouts Geppetto

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+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please reinstall Universe And Reboot +++

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Molasses Cellany
Deck the Malls


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In the beginning, there was dark. And God separated the light from the dark, and did two loads of laundry.

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Not Mandatory

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Nonny Mouse, on Santa's laptop
Once in Royal Circuit City


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quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cellany:
In the beginning, there was dark. And God separated the light from the dark, and did two loads of laundry.

But one red sock got mixed in with the whites, and that's why all the flamingos are pink.

Nonny

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When there isn't anything else worth analyzing, we examine our collective navel. I found thirty-six cents in change in mine the other day. Let no one say that there is no profit in philosophy. -- Silas Sparkhammer

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Dr. Winston O'Boogie
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I am so going to hell for this....

OK, this is a visual joke, but I think you'll be able to imagine it.

Why was Jesus crucified rather than stoned?

Because it's a lot easier to go like this (make a sign of the cross) than like this (start hitting yourself all over your body)

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"The large print givith, and the small print taketh away" -- Tom Waits, Step Right Up

"The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad." -- Salvador Dali

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itsalx
No, I'm a frayed knot.


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"There's a town with three synagogues, one Orthodox, one Conservative, and one Reform. And they each have a problem with squirrels nesting in the building. So each tries to solve the problem according to doctrine.

The Orthodox shul figures that God ordained for the squirrels to be there, so they have to live with them.

The Conservative shul buys some humane traps, captures the animals, then takes them to a wooded park at the edge of town and releases them. But three days later, the squirrels are back.

The Reform shul holds several board meetings, involving every member of the congregation, and numerous votes. Finally, they make the squirrels full members of the synagogue. Now they only see them on Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur."


As the scion of an easter and Christmas Catholic family, this is in the only joke on this post that made me laugh out loud.

Now to my own.

The Pope dies and goes, of course, to heaven. He's met at the Pearly gates by St. Peter and ushered in. "Welcome, your Holiness," said St. Peter "Make yourself comfortable. You can spend your time however you like."
"Well," said the pope " I've always wanted to read the scriptures in their original form, without any translation or error."
"Right in that building there are the original copies," said the Saint. "You'll find that you'll have no troubles with language."
So, some time goes by, and a few days later St. Peter is passing by and hears a scream of anguish from inside. He rushes in and finds the pope prostrate over a book and weeping.
"It says we're supposed to CELEBRATE!!!"

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There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who do not.

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itsalx
No, I'm a frayed knot.


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More of a lawyer joke really, but:

The pope and a lawyer die at the same time, and end up in heaven. They are welcomed at the gate and turned over to an associate angel to show them to their places. The angel asks the pope if it's ok with him if he drops the lawyer off first, and the pope says sure.
They get the lawyer's place and it's awesome. A penthouse suite with a wet bar, jacuzzi, king size bed and a big plasma screen high definition TV.
They drop the lawyer off, and move on. When they get to the pope's place, it's a nice little apartment, but nothing special. Twin bed, shared bathroom, little television. "Look," said the pope " I'm not complaining. I'm happy just to be here. But I'm gotta ask, why do I get this dinky little place and that other guy got that great penthouse. I mean, I was the pope!"
"Well, it's like this," said the angel, " We get popes up here all the time, but that's the first lawyer that ever made it."

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There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who do not.

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