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Author Topic: Fudging expense reports
DemonWolf
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Purchasing "Dimoxinil" to "keep brain from freezing" - the Simpsons

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Friends are like skittles: they come in many colors, and some are fruity!

IMJW-052804

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vtsquire
I Saw Three Shipments


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one I heard was about people who would get re-imbursed for their gas costs. Instead of putting $20 in the tank, they'd pay twenty (get a reciept for it), put ten in the tank, get $10 back in change... then spend the remaining $10 on whatever and get re-imbursed for the whole thing upon showing the reciepts, attributing costs to "bad mileage from sitting in traffic."
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Ganzfeld
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by jimmy101:
Story 2:
My dad again, he traveled a lot, all over the world. After a weeks long trip to Japan he put the tip he left in his room for the maids on his expense account.

Rejected by the company.

Dad sent a memo saying basically:
"Look, tips to the cab driver, waitress, baggage boy etc. are recognized expenses. Why is a tip to the people that most directly impact the quality of my stay not allowed? These are people that are trusted in my room when I am not there but my stuff is! These are the people that clean up after me! Why wouldn't they get a tip?

Because no one tips in Japan. (Instead, there is a concept known as "a decent wage".) If I were in accounting, I might have told him that. It's his responsibility to know if a tip is acceptable or not. (His tip was probably turned in to the house as lost money.)
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musicgeek
Deck the Malls


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Sent to me by a friend in industry:

"A Few Good Salesmen".

Sales: "You want answers?"

Finance: "I think we are entitled to them!"

Sales: "You want answers?!"

Finance: "I want the truth!"

Sales: "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!"

Sales (continuing): "Son, we live in a world that requires revenue. And that revenue must be brought in by people with elite skills. Who's going to find it? You? You, Mr. Operations? We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You scoff at the sales division and you curse our lucrative incentives. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know: that while the cost of business results are excessive, it drives in revenue. And my very existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, drives REVENUE! You don't want to know the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at staff meetings ... you want me on that call. You NEED me on that call! We use words like comps, pipelines, discounts, value add & global purchase agreements. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent negotiating something. You use them as a punch line! I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep under the very blanket of revenue I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a phone and make some sales calls. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"

Finance: "Did you expense the lap dances?"
Sales: "I did the job I was hired to do."
Finance: "Did you expense the lap dances?"
Sales: "YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I DID!!!"

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[God said] "I'll just sit back in the shade while everyone gets laid; that's what I call intelligent design." - Chris Smither, "Origin of the Species"

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jessboo
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Originally posted by jimmy101:
[QB]
...So, went out to the local bodega and got a can of bug spray for a little late night chemical warfare. Put the bug spray on his expense account.
QB]

I would have had the hotel take it off my bill.

Am i alone in not 'getting' the joke in the original stories? I don't understand it at all...although i am suffering from lack of sleep.

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Join me on Lost - www.lost.eu/edcf

Do you have any wine? All of this would go a lot smoother in an altered state of reality.

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mnotr2
Jingle Bell Hock


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I have seen bribes to customs/immigration officials listed as "excess baggage charges". I've also seen a ticket for failing to pay a bridge toll listed as "bridge toll". The first was approved, the second wasn't.

Mnot - $275.00 for a bridge toll? - r2

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Infinite goodness is creating a being you know, in advance, is going to complain.
Captain Billy Cutshaw

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DemonWolf
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Ganzfeld:
(His tip was probably turned in to the house as lost money.)

Usually, when I leave a tip for housekeeping, I leave it in an envelope maked
quote:

to: housekeeping
thank you

This is to let the person know that the money is intended for them and not left behind. But that's just me.
Even if the hospitality workers in the US got a decent wage, I would still tip to reward good service. It is one way that I ensure that I will receive good service the next time.

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Friends are like skittles: they come in many colors, and some are fruity!

IMJW-052804

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Ganzfeld
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by DemonWolf:
quote:
Originally posted by Ganzfeld:
[qb] (His tip was probably turned in to the house as lost money.)

Usually, when I leave a tip for housekeeping, I leave it in an envelope [marked]...
That's a good idea. But even still, I doubt they would keep it. It would be like taking something that didn't belong to them. Perhaps in the hotels that get a lot of visitors from tipping countries, the management does give it back to them or perhaps they have even been instructed to keep tips.
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Aud
We Three Blings


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On a business trip in May there was a party for customers that the office staff was allowed to go to. Our ED said that if you went to the party you could not expense dinner that evening. Well, the party was lame and had hardly any food. I bought dinner and expensed it. I think this got by the ED because for him "dinner" costs $70 or more and I only submitted $10.

My hubby tells a story about someone needing a bunch of alcohol for a process they were running in a pilot plant. (He's a chemical engineer.) Their supplier kept sending them denatured alcohol but that wouldn't work. They were running out of time so they went to a liquor store and bought out all the Everclear on the company card. Even though the boss was told what was going on the finace people freaked.

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Mad Jay
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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I admit I am a cheapskate.

On couple of business trips at my previous employer, I have gone to the supermarket, bought dinner and groceries, and carried the groceries back home with me. My reasoning is that they give me 15 bucks for dinner. So, instead of spending 10-12 bucks in a restaurant alone, I can spend 5 bucks on dinner at a supermarket, and buy 10 bucks worth of groceries that I can take home with me. Couple of days on the business trip lets me buy enough non-perishables for a month or more.

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Nico Sasha
In between my father's fields;And the citadels of the rule; Lies a no-man's land which I must cross; To find my stolen jewel.

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Kathy B
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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1. Early 1980s. Cow-orker discovers a great new product that will perfectly solve an immediate problem. Too urgent to wait for regular purchasing channels, so he buys some & puts it on his expense account. Charge is rejected as product is "not necessary for the conduct of business." The product? Post-It Notes.

2. "Everyone knows" that a cow-orker has been padding his expense account rather badly, but isn't getting caught. He was paid in per diem, so receipts were not required. He is finally caught when he takes a trip with his boss, gives the boss the expense account to approve, and the boss notices that the employee seems to have spent a day longer on the trip than the boss did.

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The plural of "anecdote" is not "data."

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WildaBeast
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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At a place I used to work we kept a supply of free soft drinks and snacks in our lab. We got the company to pay for it by submiting an expense report for "lab supplies" whenever we restocked. As long as we kept it under $75, it only required the approval of our immediate manager, and he was ok with it.

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"Unseasonable is an odd word to begin with. It sounds like it's describing something that it's impossible to sprinkle pepper on." -- Nonny

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Richard W
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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I once went on a business trip to Amsterdam, and was very tempted to put a bag of skunk down on my expenses as "refreshments". I'd probably have got away with it, but I chickened out in the end.
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GenYus
Away in a Manager's Special


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quote:
Originally posted by Kathy B:
1. Early 1980s. Cow-orker discovers a great new product that will perfectly solve an immediate problem. Too urgent to wait for regular purchasing channels, so he buys some & puts it on his expense account. Charge is rejected as product is "not necessary for the conduct of business." The product? Post-It Notes.

What kind of urgent business problem can be fixed with the timely application of a Post-It note? [Big Grin]

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IIRC, it wasn't the shoe bomber's loud prayers that sparked the takedown by the other passengers; it was that he was trying to light his shoe on fire. Very, very different. Canuckistan

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shifty rob
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by GenYus:
quote:
Originally posted by Kathy B:
1. Early 1980s. Cow-orker discovers a great new product that will perfectly solve an immediate problem. Too urgent to wait for regular purchasing channels, so he buys some & puts it on his expense account. Charge is rejected as product is "not necessary for the conduct of business." The product? Post-It Notes.

What kind of urgent business problem can be fixed with the timely application of a Post-It note? [Big Grin]
At the insane defense contractor that I used to work for back in the 1980's (they were Generally a Dynamic company to work for), only supervisors and above were allowed to requisition Post-it notes from the supply room. Apparently, lower level employees should be satisfied with scrap paper and scotch tape.

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"They got a name for the winners in the world; I want a name when I lose" -Steely Dan

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Rhiandmoi
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Mad Jay:
I admit I am a cheapskate.

On couple of business trips at my previous employer, I have gone to the supermarket, bought dinner and groceries, and carried the groceries back home with me. My reasoning is that they give me 15 bucks for dinner. So, instead of spending 10-12 bucks in a restaurant alone, I can spend 5 bucks on dinner at a supermarket, and buy 10 bucks worth of groceries that I can take home with me. Couple of days on the business trip lets me buy enough non-perishables for a month or more.

Do you get a per diem for meals or do you have to file an expense report? Because when we give per diems I don't care where they spend the money or how (as long as they don't complain about it not being enough) but when reviewing expense reports I do not approve grocery store purchases unless they say "deli counter."

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I think that hyperbole is the single greatest factor contributing to the decline of society. - My friend Pat.

What is .02 worth?

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Mad Jay
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Rhiandmoi:
quote:
Originally posted by Mad Jay:
I admit I am a cheapskate.

On couple of business trips at my previous employer, I have gone to the supermarket, bought dinner and groceries, and carried the groceries back home with me. My reasoning is that they give me 15 bucks for dinner. So, instead of spending 10-12 bucks in a restaurant alone, I can spend 5 bucks on dinner at a supermarket, and buy 10 bucks worth of groceries that I can take home with me. Couple of days on the business trip lets me buy enough non-perishables for a month or more.

Do you get a per diem for meals or do you have to file an expense report? Because when we give per diems I don't care where they spend the money or how (as long as they don't complain about it not being enough) but when reviewing expense reports I do not approve grocery store purchases unless they say "deli counter."
We had a 15 dollar per meal limit for the engineers (I guess sales and marketing had higher limits), and I would justify it by saying that I picked lunch/dinner at the deli in the grocery store. I don't think my boss cared. I didn't have to submit reciepts for expenses below 50 dollars, and I would just mark the charge at the grocery store as "Meals" in my expense report

ETA: removed a line because apparently, I don;t know what per diem means [Big Grin]

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Nico Sasha
In between my father's fields;And the citadels of the rule; Lies a no-man's land which I must cross; To find my stolen jewel.

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snopes
Return! Return! Return!


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At one of my former jobs (where we were typically sent out to customer sites as consultants, so we filled out expense reports every week), our unit manager promised us all $500 bonuses if we met a performance goal he had set for that quarter. It turned out that he didn't actually get approval to issue bonuses, so the way he "paid" us was by telling us to fudge our expense reports by $500 and then approving them all with no questions asked.

- snopes

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Ulkomaalainen
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by jessboo:
Am i alone in not 'getting' the joke in the original stories? I don't understand it at all...although i am suffering from lack of sleep.

It's a "stupid rule" story. Certain (comparatively small) expenses are not approved of, although common sense tells us that they may be useful here, but the company cannot prove that money was used for that purpose unless the honest employee explicitely states this. Little man gets revenge by bending the rules a little and making the point that he is still "cheating", but the company cannot find it out since he's not advertising the expense anymore.

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Movie characters never make typing mistakes.

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Ulkomaalainen
Jingle Bell Hock


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BTW, this reminds me of the time I held a voluntary office at the Hamburg Youth Chess Federation. Basically we all had a DM50 allowance for phone calls and stamps and stuff. Until somebody from our "accounting" pointed out that since we were exempt from taxation, we had to file detailed reports. Like whom we called, what we spoke about, how long it took. Turned out, that the actual expenses (without even fudging) were about 2.5 times as high on average. But all were off worse: the Federation had less money, and we had way more work that wasn't really repaid with the additional money.

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Movie characters never make typing mistakes.

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DemonWolf
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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how's this for fudging your expense account:
Spending $850,000 out of your "campaign fund" after you've been out of office for three years and don't plan on running a future campaign.

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Friends are like skittles: they come in many colors, and some are fruity!

IMJW-052804

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rogue
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Shifty Rob:

My grandfather worked for that same Def. Con.

In which city did you work? My GF was out of Pomona, CA.

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"'Cause you might enjoy some madness for awile."

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Malruhn
The "Was on Sale" Song


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Okay, so they were "Generally Dynamic"... but what company was it?? [lol]

May Jay, I do the same. Sometimes I get up to $60 a day to eat - and I go out to buy a loaf of bread, peanut butter and small jelly packets (no need to refrigerate!), and some canned fruit things... and end up paying about $20 for a week of food, making about $280 in "profit".

Many other military travellers do the same thing.

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Babies are like tattoos. You see other peoples' & they're cool, but yours is never as good & you can't get rid of it.

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shifty rob
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by rogue:
Shifty Rob:

My grandfather worked for that same Def. Con.

In which city did you work? My GF was out of Pomona, CA.

I worked in Tampa, FL. Their submarine division had a design office (about 300 people) there from 1983 through about 1992.

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"They got a name for the winners in the world; I want a name when I lose" -Steely Dan

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dewey
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Many years ago, on my first business trip, I made the mistake of drinking up all my expense money on the first night. I spent the rest of the week eating the free happy hour hors d'ouvres and asking one person a night if they needed their receipts. I even played pool with a cab driver who gave me a handful of receipts even though I walked and took busses the whole time.

dewey

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rogue
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Malruhn - If you cannot read between the lines, well, he is trying to be General about this without directly referring to the company. The Dynamics of the organization often require this.

Rob - My grandfather retired in 1984. We spent 1976-77 in Ft. Walton Beach while he worked on the "Stinger" SAM.

-rogue

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"'Cause you might enjoy some madness for awile."

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shifty rob
Jingle Bell Hock


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Rogue-
I didn't get to retire when I left there (I was only 30), but I did vow to never work for another Defense Contractor again. Their policies were insane, and the corporate work ethic (in "general") was non-existent. We would spend months working on a project that in the private sector would have been done in days. Why? Because that is what it was budgeted for, and it was no use finishing early- it would only sit on some beurocrat's desk until it hit the magic 10% over-budget, then it would be sent on. Because the Navy would contractually pay for a 10% cost overrun.

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"They got a name for the winners in the world; I want a name when I lose" -Steely Dan

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BeachLife
The Bills of St. Mary's


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When I worked at the empire are expense rules allowed $25 each for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks and taxies. No recipts required unless the $25 was exceeded. With $125 a day to play I don't know that anyone's expense report was ever accurate. It was no uncommon for even the managers to joke about creating an excell spreahsheet with a random snack and taxi generator.

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Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
Jack Dragon, On Being a Dragon
Confessions of a Dragon's scribe
Diary of my Heart Surgery

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ULTRAGLORIA
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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When I was relocated once, they told us all to expense $15 a day whilst staying in the corporate apartment until we could find a house.

That $15 a day, plus the rent I didn't have to pay, paid half the (OK, it was small) downpayment on my house.

And I was out of the cororate apartments waaaaaay before others were. Some stayed there for two years while their houses were built. That's abusing the system a lot!

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A Lie can run around the world before the Truth can get its boots on. - Terry Pratchett

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions; but everyone is not entitled to their own facts. - Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan

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Brad from Georgia
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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When we go to educational conventions or symposia, we are allowed $35.00 per diem for meals, but we have to bring in receipts. There are further restrictions: We can be reimbursed no more than $7.50 for breakfast, $10.50 for lunch, or $17.00 for dinner, and we can't count gratuities against that amount. Generally, hotel bills are completely covered (though we always have a ceiling, currently $400, which includes the per diem). Our mileage rate is the same as it was in 1987, twenty-eight cents per mile.

And of course we can be reimbursed for only one trip per academic year...though in our annual evaluations, the Administration urges us to attend two or more professional meetings a year.

Oh, and currently our salary scale is the lowest of all four-year colleges in the state.

Brad "academic, can you spare a dime" from Georgia

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"No hard feelin's and HOPpy New Year!"--Walt Kelly
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snoozn
Deck the Malls


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I remember a similar story from Scott Adams book _The Dilbert Principle_. He reprinted an email he recieved from someone with basically the same story, only the item is an umbrella (which had been broken and replaced) and ends with "now find the umbrella."

Adams describes it as his "favorite e-mail of all time".

snoozn

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Illuminatus
Jingle Bell Hock


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I work around Colorado, and I abused the expense reports rather thoroughly. I would frequently schedule overnight stays on nights when I could bring my girlfriend along. We'd share food that could be easily divisible while still appear as one meal (pizza, 12" subs). I would often specifically stay Friday nights in the mountains on the company tab to get early Saturday snowboarding. My company would balk at a $7 lunch but approve a $150 hotel room in Eagle, CO with no worries. Bizarre.

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"DEAR APPALLED: I see no harm in a group of young women playing strip poker at an all-girl slumber party." -Dear Abby

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robbiev - singin' off key
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by vtsquire:
one I heard was about people who would get re-imbursed for their gas costs. Instead of putting $20 in the tank, they'd pay twenty (get a reciept for it), put ten in the tank, get $10 back in change... then spend the remaining $10 on whatever and get re-imbursed for the whole thing upon showing the reciepts, attributing costs to "bad mileage from sitting in traffic."

My father does this to the guy he works for. He delivers engine parts and drives a company van. The owner never asks for explanations, just the receipts. He drives so many miles and the guy doesn't keep up with it, so he has no idea he's getting hosed.

ETA:

I worked for a company that allowed a certain amount each day for meals. Anything below a certain amount, you could just write it in on the expense report, no questions asked; anything above that amount, you had to have approved and show a receipt.

I went on a last minute trip to Michigan once and because it was so last minute, the manager let me use a car and I drove instead of flying.

I had mentioned that I don't usually eat breakfast, and he told me to expense the max amount for breakfast every morning anyway (something like $9) then at least one night, go out and have a nice dinner. The dinner amount was $25. Each night, I had a resonably priced dinner, but one night I went to a nice steak house and had a $50 meal, and still made a few bucks.

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Posts: 1820 | From: Memphis, TN | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Chipper McGee
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
Originally posted by Kathy B:
1. Early 1980s. Cow-orker discovers....

2. "Everyone knows" that a cow-orker has been....

Now would a cow-orker be a cow who orks or a person who orks cows? Either way is it legal and can I get away with putting it on my expense report?

Chipper "mooooooooooving funds" McGee

Posts: 12 | From: Houston, Texas | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Em
Happy Holly Days


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The big question is, of course, what does the average cow think of such behaviour?

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Posts: 1646 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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