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Author Topic: SIGNS that make no sense
Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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Picture this: a little gas station with a tiny convenience store attached, the Pump and Pantry. Now the bulb goes of in the end of the last word -- there, in neon letters a foot high -- PUMP & PANT.

Even after they fixed it, I could never drive by without laughing.

Four Five Kitties

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Oy vey iz mir
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Tangueray and Whine:
When I lived in Mansfield, Ohio, there was a little hot dog place that sold lottery tickets. The sign out front was supposed to read, PLAY ALL LOTTERY GAMES HERE, but some of the letters had fallen off so that it read, LAY ALL OTTER GAMS HERE. [lol]

That reminds me of a church sign I saw when I was quite young which made me wish I had a camera with me at the time. The sign was supposed to say

"HELL IS FULL OF
THE UNGRATEFUL"

but the sign had been falling apart for years, and many of the letters had fallen off, so instead it said

"HELL IS FULL
U GRATEFUL"

[lol]

I also remember driving by the electronic sign at Fred Meyers where Chicken Breasts were being advertised for 1.79 a pound. However, someone had programmed the sign to say "CHICKEN" and then "BREASTS $1.79/lb". So you'd be driving by the sign and it would just say "BREASTS $1.79/lb"... I wanted to get a picture of it, but by the time I went by again, it was gone. [Frown]

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WildaBeast
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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I was in Hillsborough, NC last weekend. Right by the exit from I-85 is an old Shell station with one of those big signs you can see from the interstate. Except the 'S' is broken, so now the sign reads "HELL."

Wilda"and I thought Hillsborough was supposed to be a nice town"Beast

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"Unseasonable is an odd word to begin with. It sounds like it's describing something that it's impossible to sprinkle pepper on." -- Nonny

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KingDavid8
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I can't remember if I actually saw this one or just heard about it (it's been a long time, either way). A "SUPER X DRUGS" store near my home (supposedly...or if I saw it, definitely) had some of the neon letters go out so that it said "S E X DRUGS".

A closed restaurant in Kalamazoo, MI had the word "CLOSED" on its marquee. Either some letters fell off or, more likely, someone removed a few, so it just said "L S D". It was like that for weeks.

My sister sent me a photo a while back of a movie theater marquee (I saved it, but lost the photo when I lost my hard drive due to a virus), that said:
ERIN BROKOVICH
SCREWED
MY DOG SKIP
It coulda been 'shopped, but it was funny either way.

David

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Chimera
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Shortly after the Wendy's founder died one resturant put up "Well done Dave" on their sign. I couldn't help but think that I'd probably perfer my Dave medium rare. I took a picture of it but photonavy ate it.

Just to show you how everyone reads things differently a friend of mine thought the sign meant he went to hell.

--------------------
"The question for joining the protected forum for real magicians should be:

What is the use of women?"
Steve W. from JREF's 'This is no fun'

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Joe Bentley
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by KingDavid8:
My sister sent me a photo a while back of a movie theater marquee (I saved it, but lost the photo when I lost my hard drive due to a virus), that said:
ERIN BROKOVICH
SCREWED
MY DOG SKIP
It coulda been 'shopped, but it was funny either way.

David

 -

--------------------
"Existence has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long." - Rorschach, The Watchmen

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BeachLife
The Bills of St. Mary's


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Our local Hooters once had a sign malfunction causing the middle part 'oter' to be unlit. The result was "Ho s" which was so appropriate that's the only name we use for the place anymore.

--------------------
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
Jack Dragon, On Being a Dragon
Confessions of a Dragon's scribe
Diary of my Heart Surgery

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lynnejanet
Happy Holly Days


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I love the signs on little stands that say: "Frie's Dog's Burger's"

In our little city there is a street with an unusual name - Wyandotte - which at one time was apparently spelled four different ways on four different street signs.

We still have "South Street" which is one block north of - you guessed it - "North Street" and a "West Street" that runs north-south.

--------------------
lynne"insert appropriate punny phrase here"janet

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NansJns
The Red and the Green Stamps


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Those are great! I think, in that pic of the restuarant, it's supposed to be a waitress holding the burger and beer. So that's what happened to Raggedy Ann after her career went south! Don't worry, I'll handle it - [fish]

I have heard tell of a sign in Indiana, on the corner of a road, that reads "Bob's Dog Obedience School and Taxadermy Shop." I've never seen myself, I admit. Still - those dogs most be really motivated!

*~*NansJns*~*

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Hell Toupee
The Red and the Green Stamps


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For a while, there was a Holiday Inn sign just off I-85 here in Montgomery, where the L and I in the word Holiday were burned out, so the sign just said Ho day Inn. And just down the interstate a bit, the W in Waffle House was also burned out, rendering it just an "awful" House.

In the small north Alabama town where I grew up, there is a motorcycle repair shop where you can get your chainsaw sharpened or you can even get your important documents notarized by a Notary Public, should you need those services. I have a picture of it. I'll have to dig it out, scan it and post it.

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Oy vey iz mir
Deck the Malls


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That reminds me, the Play Place at one of the local McDonalds always had all of the letters but the red ones go out during the winter. For some reason, the extreme cold makes it so any outdoor neon signs will only work if they're red. Dunno the science behind that, but every winter, the sign changes from:

PLAY PLACE
to
A P E

[Smile]

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Illuminatus
Jingle Bell Hock


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In Boulder, there is a small little shop that sells, I kid you not, Cellphone and Yogo supplies in the same store. I find the constant ringing/chattering distracts highly from my serenity.

The best sign, however, I saw back in LA. Like every teen hangout in 1990's LA, the Marina Del Ray Marketplace had a gang problem. So they added a "police only" parking space outside. The sign was fine, but they placed it in front of a donut shop.

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Wizard of Yendor
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Sister Pink:
That reminds me, the Play Place at one of the local McDonalds always had all of the letters but the red ones go out during the winter. For some reason, the extreme cold makes it so any outdoor neon signs will only work if they're red.

Probably the red is real neon while the rest is fluorescent. Funny in any case.
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KeithB
The Red and the Green Stamps


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On a church marquee:
"You neaver see a hearst pulling a U-Haul"


I once say a law office with a letter missing from the sign: "Law Of ice"
[Great name for a TV series!]

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Gale
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by KeithB:
On a church marquee:
"You neaver see a hearst pulling a U-Haul"

I dunno. We saw her robbing a bank. Don't know why she couldn't pull a U-Haul as well. But she can't act, that's fer sure.
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KeithB
The Red and the Green Stamps


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Oops.
I should point out that the "neaver" was my typo, not the sign's.

KeithB

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Morgaine La Raq Star
The "Was on Sale" Song


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OK, allow me to defend the 'Parking for Drive-Thru Service Only' sign. I have 2 small kids. I park in those spots a lot after going through the drive-thru so I can put straws into drinks, open sandwich boxes or wrappers, etc. It only takes a few minutes but it saves my sanity!


Morgaine

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I cannot live without books-Thomas Jefferson *~* A child educated only at school is an uneducated child - George Santayana
I'm going to pummel you with such zeal, Buddha will explode! *~* Never miss a good chance to shut up - Will Rogers

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Tootsie Plunkette
Buy a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella


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quote:
OK, allow me to defend the 'Parking for Drive-Thru Service Only' sign.
Ah, I missed that sign first time through this thread. I believe those parking spots are intended (and I've seen them used) for times when someone places a large or difficult order. They are instructed to park there and wait, thereby not blocking the drive-through lane for the 20 or so minutes it takes to assemble 46 fishburgers (12 without sauce), and 67 orders of curly fries, and 17 chocolate shakes. And a large orange drink.

But I don't think anyone would object to someone using those spots for the reason Morgaine described, too!

--------------------
--Tootsie

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ravensbane
The First USA Noel


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There is a large chain of restaurants specializing in steaks, prime rib, etc. throughout the West Coast whose neon signs are special targets for vandalism.

I had noticed on my own that I had seen the same letter fail perhaps a dozen times over the last several years at different locations. Then I read a story in a local paper that sure enough it WAS sabotage by pranksters.

Thats why Black Angus restaurants sometimes have no visible "g" on their signs at night. Gotta love those vandalized signs reading
"Black An us Restaurant".


[lol]

--------------------
"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."
Dr. Charles Fisher, psychoanalyst and sleep researcher.

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sherri_lu
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by ravensbane:
There is a large chain of restaurants specializing in steaks, prime rib, etc. throughout the West Coast whose neon signs are special targets for vandalism.

I had noticed on my own that I had seen the same letter fail perhaps a dozen times over the last several years at different locations. Then I read a story in a local paper that sure enough it WAS sabotage by pranksters.

Thats why Black Angus restaurants sometimes have no visible "g" on their signs at night. Gotta love those vandalized signs reading
"Black An us Restaurant".


[lol]

The ones I see usually say stuart anderson's black an us
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Tokuguava Bookayasu
The Red and the Green Stamps


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Yakoff Smirnoff had a few of these in his act. Two that I remember are:

BIG SALE
LAST WEEK

"Now, what's the point..? I already missed it... You're just rubbing it in!"

WE GUARANTEE OUR FURNITURE!
WE'LL STAND BEHIND IT FOR SIX MONTHS!

"That's the reason I left Soviet Union. I don't want people behind my furniture..."

Also, from W. Gibson's Virtual Light this time, a vandalized In-and-Out Burger sign:

IN-AND-OUT URGE

which simply MUST have already happened somewhere...

This one is from real life. There was a Mr. Donut my family used to go to from time to time on the way home from church. One day, we noticed it had closed, and had put up the following sign:

CLOSED
Thanks for your patronage!

and we couldn't decide if it was meant to be in an ironic tone or not.

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arnie
Jingle Bell Hock


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A sign I saw outside a pub in Northern Ireland said:
FOOD SERVED ALL DAY
Mon-Thurs 12.30 - 7.00 pm
Fri-Sat 12.30 - 8.00 pm
Sunday 12.30 - 4.00 pm

It's been a while since I saw it, and I can't remember the exact times, but they were similar.

--------------------
De gustibus non est disputandum.

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have yourself a Merry Little Galaxy
The First USA Noel


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Over here, we have a chain of chicken restaurants called Red Rooster. For years it was common for pranksters to climb up on the roofs and steal the S, leaving you with RED ROOTER. (Which is really only funny if you're Australian, of course... [Smile] )

And I once saw a priceboard outside an Asian restaurant with those stick-on letters. One item was meant to be DUMPLING SOUP but some letters had fallen off (or been deliberately removed for a laugh) to read DUMP IN SOUP.

Little "um, no thanks..." Galaxy

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I love a sunburnt country, a land of sweeping plains - that's why I live in Melbourne, where it always bloody rains.

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Minstrel gone caroling
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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When I was in high school, we of the marching band took a trip to Florida. As we journeyed down I-75 and it began to get dark, we realized that there was a Waffle House at what seemed like every single exit through Kentucky, Tennessee, and Georgia. Most of them seemed to have one or more letters burned out. We saw:

WAF_LE HOUSE
WAFFLE HO_SE
WAFFLE __USE
_AFFLE HOUSE
WAFFLE HO___
and, finally:
WAFFLE _____

By that point, we were all delirious from lack of sleep, and the sign that just said WAFFLE was the most hilarious thing ever, at least until we reached our hotel in Orlando. The hotel was across the street from *dramatic pause* the "OMELET HOUSE"! [lol]

Plus, a rather promiscuous girl of our acquaintance was known as the Waffle Ho from then on. [Big Grin]

detroit "love my waffles" minstrel

--------------------
Last year's goat was burned down by vandals dressed up as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man. They were never caught.
My blog. The Adventures of the Fish O'Thwacking.
Countdown: 177 days (or less!)

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mgbdriver
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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There was a bar near me that for a long time the marquee read:
"WARM BEER
LOUSY FOOD"

Another one I remember read, "MY BOSS TOLD ME TO CHANGE THIS SIGN SO I DID."

And, speaking of confusing street names, I went to a wedding in Jackson, Michigan and ran across the intersection of North West St. and West North St.
I got lost.

--------------------
"Chuck E. Cheese called. They want their band back."

my blog
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RP, The Scurvy
The Red and the Green Stamps


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1. The M in Home Depot was burnt out, leaving you with "Hoe Depot" (which really didn't make sense, unless you mispell the word, I guess).

2. Not a sign, but a piece of spam mail: INCREASE ERECTION PARAKEET! (the ! was part of the message)

3. There's this place filled with prositutes and strip joins about 5 minutes where I live called "Whiskey Flats". Before you get their, you pass a trailer that sells these things, according to a sign posted to the board:

Propane
Fishing Gear
Fish
Bait
Coputer (spelled exactly like that)
Guitars (nice thing to have on a lake...)
Boom Boxes (once again...)
Sex Toys (Okay...now that's just plain wierd).

And you can also pay $15 for a 10 pack of Charmin. So, I don't head that direction that much.

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BlueStar
Happy Holly Days


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I personally like 'deceptive bend' - now you've told me, is it deceptive?


Unless...it's actually straight. Now that would be a deceptive bend

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boogers
We Three Blings


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I remember a gas station sign a long time ago that said "7 gals for 7 dollars."

I presume gals meant gallons--at least I hope it did.

When the movie "A Star Is Born" came out someone changed the words on the local theater sign to read "A Rat Is Born."

Once someone put up a sign on Central Avenue in Albuquerque; it had the words "Lot for Sale" and the person's phone number. Some joker removed the L from lot and replaced it with a P. So then there was a sign on one of Albuquerque's busiest streets advertising an illegal drug. I'm sure the owner of the sign got a lot of interesting calls.

The sign owner changed the message to "Space for Lease," which worked fine until the joker came back and turned the message into "A$$ for lease." After that I didn't see the sign anymore.

My father and I were in Utah recently when I saw a sign that said "Testicle Festival." I did a double take on this and then we pulled over to get a picture. We were a bit surprised by the sign, as Utah has a reputation for being very straight laced, but apparently it had something to do with prairie oysters (think of how bulls get turned into steers.)

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dam9191
Deck the Malls


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We have a lot of road construction here in the summer & the one the gets me everytime is after you have been through some road construction, they have a sign stating "END ROAD CONSTRUCTION"

Yes, please do!

dam9191

--------------------
"There is no Heaven
So I can't believe in Room 19."
-Bob Geldof

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WildaBeast
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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The sign below is on county highway AAA just outside of Marshfield, WI. I took the picture personally.

 -

Well, yeah, isn't that what trucks are for?

--------------------
"Unseasonable is an odd word to begin with. It sounds like it's describing something that it's impossible to sprinkle pepper on." -- Nonny

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NansJns
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by detroitminstrel:
When I was in high school, we of the marching band took a trip to Florida. As we journeyed down I-75 and it began to get dark, we realized that there was a Waffle House at what seemed like every single exit through Kentucky, Tennessee, and Georgia. Most of them seemed to have one or more letters burned out. We saw:

WAF_LE HOUSE
WAFFLE HO_SE
WAFFLE __USE
_AFFLE HOUSE
WAFFLE HO___
and, finally:
WAFFLE _____

By that point, we were all delirious from lack of sleep, and the sign that just said WAFFLE was the most hilarious thing ever, at least until we reached our hotel in Orlando. The hotel was across the street from *dramatic pause* the "OMELET HOUSE"! [lol]

Plus, a rather promiscuous girl of our acquaintance was known as the Waffle Ho from then on. [Big Grin]

detroit "love my waffles" minstrel

There's a woman named Carla Ulbrich who sings a song about signs with letters missing, and she mentions some of those "variations" on waffle house!

"Waffle house is Affle without the W
And while you might agree, you'd change it if it were you!
And here's another for which there's no excuse - no h, no o, I don't know -
What is Waffle use?
'How about some French cuisine?' you might ask your spouse,
When up ahead you clearly see a sign that says 'Le House.'
And whatever may befall me, may I never sink so low
As to have to give it up for food, and become a waffle ho." [lol]

*~*Nans"The man who changes the lightbulbs is a most important job!"Jns*~*

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Kev
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by Morgaine La Bookworm:
OK, allow me to defend the 'Parking for Drive-Thru Service Only' sign. I have 2 small kids. I park in those spots a lot after going through the drive-thru so I can put straws into drinks, open sandwich boxes or wrappers, etc. It only takes a few minutes but it saves my sanity!


Morgaine

Also, some times if what you ordered is going to be delayed they will tell you to pull up and park and they'll bring it out. That way the people behind you don't have to wait (while their drink sits there getting watered down).

--------------------
Austin Stars Drum & Bugle Corps | Kev's MySpace

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die daagliks phosdex
Monster Mashed Potatos & Grave-y


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quote:
Originally posted by Four Kitties:
quote:
Originally posted by SparkStalker:
There's an area near Wytheville, VA where you can be travelling north on I-77 and south on I-81 at the same time...the signs right next to each other are quite amusing...

We have that here, too, only it's I-93 South and I-95 North.
Between Portage and Madison, WI, you've got I-39/90/94.

Between Madison, WI and Rockford, IL, it's I-39/90.

(BTW, I-39 extends in full from Bloomington, IL to Wausau, WI.)

--------------------
"Nie lees die hoofopskrifte--lees die daagliks phosdex in plaas ..."

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die daagliks phosdex
Monster Mashed Potatos & Grave-y


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quote:
Originally posted by Paul Unwin:
There's a sign on the downtown Seattle waterfront that reads:
DO NOT FEED THE PIGEONS SEAGULLS OK

Uh... okay.

There's also this English-language sign at the Budapest (Hungary) Zoo:
quote:

"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, you may leave it with the guard on duty."



--------------------
"Nie lees die hoofopskrifte--lees die daagliks phosdex in plaas ..."

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die daagliks phosdex
Monster Mashed Potatos & Grave-y


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One of the more legendary signs in none other than Wisconsin Dells has been this one, posted (in various incarnations) in the front window of Original Wisconsin Dells Fudge for years:
quote:

OUR FUDGE WILL NOT MELT IN HOT WEATHER!
(We will be happy to explain why)


A rival Dells fudge shop, Goody Goody Gum Drop, one-ups them with the following:
quote:

WE ARE NOW
MAKING

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"Nie lees die hoofopskrifte--lees die daagliks phosdex in plaas ..."

Posts: 1316 | From: Winona, MN | Registered: Mar 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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