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Author Topic: Pregnancy, Adoption, & Parenting: Round 3
Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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I haven't visited this thread much recently, because it's been a little rough for me reading about the new pregnancies.

After six months of trying and several more months of testing, CatNip and I got the bad news six weeks ago -- I am unlikely to have any more children. At age 40, I haven't got any viable eggs left.

Most days I'm okay with it. Today, for instance, the Kitten is home from school with a cold, and I've got Christmas decorating to do, and I need to go to the grocery store, and, oh yes, WORK -- and I wonder why I ever wanted to do diapers and 2 a.m. feedings again. Some days, though, I'm just really, really sad about it and try to not cry.

We're talking about adoption, but not very seriously -- too expensive, for one thing.

On the up side, I'm only getting my period every 45 to 60 days.

Four Kitties

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Algae
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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{{{4Kitties}}}

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Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive!

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Aud
We Three Blings


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Hugs 4Kitties I do know a little of how you feel about fertility.

Adoption doesn't have to be expensive. You two are in an excellent position to adopt a child others might overlook. Mixed race kids can sometimes be hard to place so you might get a break on the home study or legal fees. Check out your state's department of children and family services.

Expensive is relative, I know. All I can say is that it's worth it.
 -

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Amethyst Dragon
Deck the Malls


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(((((4K)))) How does Catnip and the Kitten feel about the news? [Frown]

Aud~ I currently have Baby Dragon in my lap, and as I scrolled through your post, he started waving,clapping and babbleing to the pic of Lil Aud. I think he was saying how cute she is [Big Grin]

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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4K, I am so sorry to hear about your bad news. [Frown] I can't really think of anything to say that would fall under the "spirit-lifting" category, because I think anything I could think of would be wholly inadequate. But if you and CatNip are considering adoption, I'd suggest you talk to Aud and Jackie and the other adoptive parents on the thread, as they can give you lots of good advice and let you know things to expect, etc.

Arrow and Aud... what adorable pictures! Arrow, looks like Theron definitely likes his tummy time. And what a change from his brand new baby picture! They sure grow up fast, huh?

LPP... re: pacifiers. I have some elastic thread if you want it. [Wink] Also, I saw the coolest thing at Babies R Us the other day. It's a pacifier that has this cover that snaps shut if it falls out of the baby's mouth so that the "nipple" part doesn't get all furry and dirty from landing on the floor. I thought that was pretty cool! However, it didn't help with that whole keeping it in their mouth thing. [Wink]

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

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Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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4K,
In discussing adoption, have you and catnip considered foster parenting? I used to be a guardian ad litem, and saw several temporary placements end in adoption. One woman in particular had adopted several "meth babies" who, after withdrawals were over (poor things) were normal, happy babies. It may not be as costly as a private adoption, and a kid with a definite need would be getting a loving home. Of course, you run the risk the state could place the child in a relative's home, but there (in some states, anyway) is deference given to the fact that the infant is developing an attachment to the foster.

Incidentally, my best friend (through a half-state, half-private) adoption adopted a little girl addicted to meth at birth. She's nearly a year old now, and is one of the happiest, healthiest, and smartest kids I've ever seen.

Take care, 4K. I remember how hard it was for my best friend when she found out she couldn't get pregnant. Lots of hugs from Iowa.

(((Hugs)))

Loyhargil

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Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

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vanilla
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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(((((((Hugs for 4Kitties))))))))

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I swear, it was funnier in my head.
Yeah, I used to be pink. vanilla_pink.

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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Thanks, all, for your replies in the thread and for your PMs.

CatNip is handling it better than I am, probably because it's not his "fault." The Kitten has decided that she likes being an only child, and she has said so on several occasions when we brought up the topic of a potential sibling.

There are several issues with adoption. We would either go the Social Services foster-to-adopt route or go through Catholic Charities, but it is unlikely we would have a straightforward screening process. Reason #1: we're both smokers. [Frown]

Four Kitties

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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LizzyJingleBells
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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{{{{hugs}}}} 4K. I know how you feel. I can't have anymore children either, because of the medications I'm on. But it's like you said...quality, not quantity. I know how much you love JuliaKitten, and how much CatNip loves you both. You have a wonderful family, you're very lucky.

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Come on, come on, we were once upon a time in love
If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice. - Meister Eckhart My Blog

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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That's another thing: I feel guilty for being upset about not being able to have another kid, when there are plenty of folks out there who can't even have one.

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Mad Jay
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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{{{hugs}}} 4K.

Have you considered international adoption?

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Nico Sasha
In between my father's fields;And the citadels of the rule; Lies a no-man's land which I must cross; To find my stolen jewel.

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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4K, for all whatever words are worth... don't feel guilty on that basis alone. In my snarkier trying-to-get-pregnant or just-had-a-miscarriage days, I would say that the folks who simply don't give a damn, turn up pregnant, and then act like it's the most horrible thing in the world that could happen to them who should feel guilty when there are folks who can't even have one. Two kids later, I still KINDA feel that way, because such gross and rampant irresponsibility* makes me want to beat my head bloody against a brick wall, but I feel that way with less snark.

You will feel the way you feel, and then it will probably pass. Just try to not beat yourself up about it.


*I know that there are various ways that 'accidents' or 'surprises' can strike people, so I'm not trying to blanket out and say all of them. Just the ones that come about soooo stupidly and could easily have been prevented but the people involved couldn't be bothered to try anything.

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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quote:
Originally posted by Mad Jay:
Have you considered international adoption?

Not even for a moment. First, there are too many children right here who need homes. Second, even if there weren't we don't have the $15-$50K that it can cost.

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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{{{{{4K}}}}}} [Frown]

Well, I think I figured out why Frank keeps smacking his lips like that...and biting his hands, when he's clearly not hungry...and drooling...Mom and I think he's starting to teeth! [Eek!] I got out one of those teething rings that you freeze (someone gave it to me at my shower), put it in the freezer, and then gave it to him. He's not really grabbing things himself yet (11 weeks today), so I held it and kind of wiggled it into his mouth. He licked it and applied his gums to it...and then recoiled and gave me an incredibly disgusted look, like, "Dang, Mommy, that's COLD! You know I HATE cold!" [lol]

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"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

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PallasAthena
Xboxing Day


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(((((((4K)))))))

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"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about." --Ray Nagin

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Crackrzz
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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((((4K))))

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Stand up, slip on the bathtub floor, fling a hand up to balance yourself, and happen to have your mouth open on the downswing. Voila, a new hole in your face.

-Tabby, on how she cut her lip while shaving her legs.

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Auntie Witch
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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((((4K, Catnip, and Julia Kitten))))

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"Feel my head! I feel like a puppy!" -My mother
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
Myspace about my mom, kids

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Nonny Mouse, on Santa's laptop
Once in Royal Circuit City


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((((4K and family))))

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do, whether that's adoption or just enjoying the family you've got.

Nonny

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When there isn't anything else worth analyzing, we examine our collective navel. I found thirty-six cents in change in mine the other day. Let no one say that there is no profit in philosophy. -- Silas Sparkhammer

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Arrow-Tech IV
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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That really sucks, 4K! You're such a great Mommy already, and you and CatNip make a wonderful couple. I've looked at your wedding picture several times and always think, "Now that's a happy family!"
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Ms. Kringle
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I'm sorry, 4K. Been there, done that.

My PM box is always open if you need a shoulder.

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Beware corporate zombies! They will purchase your brain on E-Bay!

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the Virgin Marrya
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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FWIW - One ofthe reasons we've [more or less] chosen to remain a family of three is not so much the monetary cost of adoption/IVF etc, as the emotional cost.

What we have right now, with me, himself and LilMiss works, and although adding another child [by whatever route] might bring double the joy... it might not, too. And if I'm already going to be forking out wads of cash, and emotional energy and being ready to zoom off or equally ready to have my heartbroken, either one at a moment's notice .... well, we decided that we could also choose what we had already been dealt.

Which doesn't lessen any of the pain and sorrow of discovering just which cards have just arrived in your hand.


Hugs to you and your family from someone else who has that t-shirt

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Windows cannot open this file. To open this file correctly, defenestrate, then try running the file again...

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Loyhargil
We Three Blings


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4K, if y'all need anything, we're ... well, the entire snopes community even ... is here for you!

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Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

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Little Pink Pill
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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I'm sorry, 4K. It's heartbreaking, and you are certainly allowed to grieve without guilt. On the one hand, yes, you have been blessed with one already. But on the other, you know what you're missing.

Still, when we thought we couldn't have any more kids, the one we had became even more precious. Every little thing she did was suddenly in technicolor, and it certainly upped my enjoyment of her--without adding those 2 AM feedings. [Wink] I could focus on her entirely and bask in it, more like a grandparent might rather than an exausted mother who is just trying to get through the day.

Hugs to you.

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The technical term is narcissism. You can't believe everything is your fault unless you also believe you're all powerful.--House

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Aud
We Three Blings


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People keep asking us if we're going to have another child. Considering how Little_Aud came into our lives I don't think that miracle will happen again. Perhaps someday we'll adopt an older child who is already ready for adoption.

I find myself being an advocate for adoption because so many people think they know stuff about it that turns out not to be true. Maybe there is a rule with a particular state or agency but not with all of them. I just hate to see prospective adoptive parents opt out before they get all of the facts.

As an example I was afraid last year that my having been treated for depression would somehow "count againt me". A note from my doctor saying that I had successfully completed treatment was all I needed. It wasn't even an issue. I'm not sure how smoking fits in. When I googled for it ironically most of the first two pages about the UK.

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Aud
We Three Blings


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This is interesting. I'm such a dunce. I finally looked up my state rules for day care and diapering.
on this page
http://nrc.uchsc.edu/STATES/MO/mi_62.htm#pgfId-179761
It does indeed say
"1. Disposable tissues or wipes shall be used to cleanse the child at each time of diapering."

But just a little way down it says
"5. Wet or soiled diapers shall be placed in an airtight disposal container located in the diaper change area. If cloth diapers are provided by the parent(s), individual airtight plastic bags shall be used to store each soiled diaper for return each day to the parent(s)."

There is also a bunch of stuff at the beginning about getting a variance for any rule which makes it sound fairly easy. Why didn't I look this up earlier?

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Saleh's sleeping again! Well, not as great as he used to, but last night, he finally got down around half past midnight and slept till 4:30. Then slept again until 8:30. Then he was up around 10. SQUEE!

Also, he's hit this point that I find amusing form some silly, screwball reason. He kind of understands anatomy a little bit. He's getting so big that, when it's time to eat, it takes me a little longer to jockey him into position. Well, since the boob is exposed before I start doing that, he often curls up into a sideways half sitting up kind of position to latch on. But when he doesn't do this, if he feels my nipple anywhere around his chin, he will actually take a hand and push my boob up so that he can start eating. Honestly, you'd think he couldn't wait 5 more seconds! [lol]

Of course, he's still figuring out the finesse of this and has once or twice pushed my boob away while he was in the middle of eating, which resulted in a general surprised "where did that nipple go?" look on his face, followed quickly by a quirt of milk across said surprised face. [Big Grin]

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I spoke too soon... *yawn* [Frown]

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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Purple Iguana
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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At least he's cute.

 -

Now maybe I can ignore the pounding in my head from the joyous 4 hours of sleep I got last night!

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They just don't make crazed, beserk robots like they used to. --Sheen Estevez, Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius

If I manage to post something swipe-worthy that you would like to make your sig, you may do so with my blessing.

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Oy, have we had draaamaaaa this weekend! Poor Frankie has his first cold. [Frown] Hubby and I ended up spending four hours in the ER with him yesterday. He was crying all day, literally, and when we called the pediatrician, and described symptoms, she said to go to the ER and get him checked out. [Eek!] . They suctioned snot out of his nose and analyzed it (They thought he might have RSV!). He didn't have a fever, but was congested. It turned out, it wasn't RSV, just your garden-variety head cold, and the reason he's not been eating is he can't quite get the thing of eating and breathing down, so he just kind of gives up. [Frown] Poor baby. But he did eat better after they suctioned him out...although he didn't like that part at all! I now have saline spray I have to spray into his nose before feeding, and then I have to suction with the baby snot bulb. Yeah, he doesn't like that much, either. [Frown]

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"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

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Auntie Witch
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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There's nothing I hate worse than having to suction my kids' noses. Particularly because there's nothing they hate worse.

(((((Zorro, Mr. Zorro, and Frank)))))

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"Feel my head! I feel like a puppy!" -My mother
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
Myspace about my mom, kids

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Jackie in the Elevator
Happy Holly Days


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((4K))

FWIW, I never thought we'd be able to afford adoption, yet now not only is our Malia with us, but I was able to leave my job to stay home with her.

Hugs and prayers your way.

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Free the West Memphis Three

Why are these cases still unsolved?

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Roadie
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by Four Kitties:
There are several issues with adoption. We would either go the Social Services foster-to-adopt route or go through Catholic Charities, but it is unlikely we would have a straightforward screening process. Reason #1: we're both smokers. [Frown]

Four Kitties

4Ks, if you two are seriously thinking about adoption, I'd not let your smoking stop you from applying. Really, there are so many kids that need someone to love them, I doubt this would be an insurmountable obstacle. After all, you two are raising Julia Kitten while being smokers, and I haven't killed the Roadie Kids (yet!). Smoking /= bad parenting.

((hugs for you all))

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"The little local company I buy from has CHEAP shipping and I have met their goats." (snapdragonfly)

"And that's one lost erection I'll never get back! You hear me Dan! I'm owed an erection!" (I'mNotDedalus)

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Jackie in the Elevator
Happy Holly Days


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All the babies are so cute! It is especially good to see and hear about those who had a rough start and are doing good now.

Here is our Malia, ten months old now and rotten!

 -

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Free the West Memphis Three

Why are these cases still unsolved?

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Auntie Witch
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Jackie, she's beautiful! You can tell she'll be a handful later on, though! [Wink]

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"Feel my head! I feel like a puppy!" -My mother
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
Myspace about my mom, kids

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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After I kind of announced here that the Donna and I will be having a baby in June next year, I felt the urge to report to this thread, too.

Expect all kinds of silly father-for-the-first-(and propably only)-time-at-the-age-of-38-questions in the upcoming months and years. [Smile]

Don Enrico

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My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

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