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Author Topic: Heaven's Grocery Store
Ieuan ab Arthur
The First USA Noel


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Hi All:

More of Mother's daily intake of glurge. As usual, you'll have to imagine the sugary clip art and the sound track.

quote:
Turn up the volume

God's Blessings,
Enjoy. Take time to watch the very last sentence.

A two minute read.......

Read this story, and
follow the recommendation at
the end...

As I was walking
down life's highway
many years ago

I came upon a
sign that read

Heavens Grocery Store.

When I got a
little closer

the doors swung
open wide

And when I came
to myself

I was standing
inside.

I saw a host of
angels.

They were
standing everywhere

One handed me a
basket

and said "My
child shop with care."

Everything a
human needed

was in that
grocery store

And what you
could not carry

you could come
back for more

First I got some
Patience.

Love was in that
same row.

Further down was
Understanding,

you need that
everywhere you go.

I got a box or
two of Wisdom

and Faith a bag
or two.

And Charity of
course

I would need some
of that too.

I couldn't miss
the Holy Ghost

It was all over
the place.

And then some
Strength

and Courage to
help me run this race.

My basket was
getting full

but I remembered
I needed Grace,

And then I chose
Salvation for

Salvation was for
free

I tried to get
enough of that to do

for you and me.

Then I started to
the counter

to pay my grocery
bill,

For I thought I
had everything

to do the Masters
will.

As I went up the
aisle

I saw Prayer and
put that in,

For I knew when I
stepped outside

I would run into
sin.

Peace and Joy
were plentiful,

the last things
on the shelf.

Song and Praise
were hanging near

so I just helped
myself.

Then I said to
the angel

"Now how much do
I owe?"

He smiled and
said

"Just take them
everywhere you go."

Again I asked
"Really now,

How much do I
owe?"

"My child" he
said, "God paid your bill

a long long time
ago."

This poem has
been sent to you

with love and for
good luck.

It originated in
the Netherlands

and has been
around the world 9 times.

The luck has now
come to you and

you will receive
good luck in the mail

within six days
of receiving this letter

providing you
sent it out to someone else.

Do not send money
as this message
has no price. Do
not keep this letter

but send it on to
someone who

needs good luck.
Of course, good luck

is just another
way of saying blessings.

Send 5 copies within 9
minutes of
reading this and see what
happens

Someone, make it go away. It scares me [Big Grin]

Ta ra 'wan,

Ieuan "As I was walking down life's highway, some idiot in a SUV drenched me" ab Arthur

--------------------
"I e-mail or I don't e-mail. The magic just happens" - From OP in We've Got Mail

Y Gwir Yn Erbyn Y Byd

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Forgotten Fay
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Ugh... now I'm nauseated. *barf*

--------------------
"Smile for me when I cannot Smile anymore..." ~ Myself

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Clarity
Toys to the World


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what bugs me the most is that they're chopped up the rhyme scheme! Do they not know what a stanza is? And they put the prose introduction and conclusions in the same style, so you can't tell which part is the poem. I have a feeling that no English majors passed this crap on, or it wouldn't look like that. [Smile]

--------------------
Kevin: Pink Bunkadoo?
Randall: Yeah. Beautiful tree that was. Og designed it. 600 feet high, bright red, and smelled terrible.

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Cactus Wren
Jingle Bell Hock


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Am I the only one who particularly appreciates the juxtaposition of specifically Christian religious notions with "luck" and magical concepts? In the body of the doggerel, we're told about prayer, about the "Holy Ghost", that "Salvation was for free", and that "God paid your bill a long long time ago". But in the last lines, we're told that "blessings" are contingent on forwarding glurge. Contradiction?

--------------------
“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.” -- Edward R. Murrow

IOToriSparrowANK!

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nanbanan
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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I've been a christian for almost 40 years and these fwds make me want to gag too. My friends and I make fun of them. If there is something worthy (ie decent poem) in any of them, the Wishes etc should be deleted before sending them. I think they probably make God gag too.

--------------------
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. - C.S.Lewis

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Dropbear
Angels from the Realms so Glurgy


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quote:
I couldn't miss
the Holy Ghost

It was all over
the place.

Yeah, when one of those packets of Holy gost leaks out the bottom of the cart its goes all over the shop. Don't you hate walking through those sticky Holy Ghost spills?

Dropbear

--------------------
" The villagers had said justice had been done, and she'd lost patience and told them to go home, then, and pray to whatever gods they believed in that it was never done to them. -- (Terry Pratchett)

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Cervus
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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As I was walking
down life's highway
many years ago

I came upon a
sign that read

Heavens Grocery Store.

When I got a
little closer

the doors swung
open wide

And when I came
to myself

I was standing
inside.

I tripped on a cloud

And fell eight
Miles high

I tore my mind
on a jagged sky

I just
Dropped in

to see what
condition

my condition was in

For I knew when I
stepped outside

I would run into
sin.

I saw a host of
angels.

They were
standing everywhere

One handed me a
basket

and said "My
child shop with care."

Eight miles outta Memphis
And I got no spare

Eight miles straight up
downtown somewhere

I just
dropped in

to see what
condition

My condition was in.

This poem has
been sent to you

with love and for
good luck.

It originated in
the Netherlands

after a large ingestion
of pot.

I tried to get
enough of that to do

for you and me.

Do not send money
as this message
has no price. Do
not keep this letter

but send it on to
someone who

needs good pot.
Of course, good pot

is just another
way of saying DUUUUUDE!!!

--------------------
"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

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Zamboni_Rodeo
Deck the Malls


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Heh. I read this glurge and all I heard in my head was a line from GNR's song Civil War: "You're power hungry, seilling soldiers/In a human grocery store."

Civil War probably would have made a more interesting soundtrack than the twinkly MIDI noodling that doubtless accompanied it originally.


--Zamboni "Ain't that fresh?" Rodeo

--------------------
Where's the challenge in wassailing at Christmas? The place is lousy with wassail!

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kmcm
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by nanbanan:
I've been a christian for almost 40 years and these fwds make me want to gag too. My friends and I make fun of them. If there is something worthy (ie decent poem) in any of them, the Wishes etc should be deleted before sending them. I think they probably make God gag too.

Welcome to the board! Just by reading this comment i think you'll fit in quite well here. [Big Grin] Get thee over to the initiation thread for any questions you may have.

--------------------
Of course this land is dangerous! All of the animals are capably murderous. Especially the penguins.

i'm a figment of my own imagination, sometimes i don't exist

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franjava
Deck the Malls


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Hey, NANBANAN! Welcome! And I wholeheartedly agree with you. Most Christians probably want to hurl at this stuff. I constantly let it slip to my friends that I'm not into "mushy" stuff (aka glurge) but I get it anyway. [Roll Eyes]

Edited to change gkurge to glurge.

--------------------
Never eat anything given to you by a toddler.

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LeaflessMapleTree
The twelve shopping days 'til Christmas


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quote:
Then I started to
the counter

to pay my grocery
bill,

For I thought I
had everything

to do the Masters
will.

As I went up the
aisle

I saw Prayer and
put that in,

For I knew when I
stepped outside

I would run into
sin.

Damn impulse purchases right by the cashier!

--------------------
"For me, religion is like a rhinoceros: I don't have one, and I'd really prefer not to be trampled by yours. But it is impressive, and even beautiful, and, to be honest, the world would be slightly worse off if there weren't any."
-Silas Sparkhammer

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Zamboni_Rodeo
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by LeaflessMapleTree:
quote:
For I knew when I
stepped outside

I would run into
sin.

Damn impulse purchases right by the cashier!
Sounds to me like "sin" is the Girl Scouts posted outside the doors to the store, tempting everyone who passes by to purchase some delicious, sugary evil. Or something.

--------------------
Where's the challenge in wassailing at Christmas? The place is lousy with wassail!

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GenYus
Away in a Manager's Special


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What section of the store is sanctimony, hipocracy, and judgment in?

quote:
Heavens Grocery Store
I would have thought that at least one proofreader would be in heaven.

--------------------
IIRC, it wasn't the shoe bomber's loud prayers that sparked the takedown by the other passengers; it was that he was trying to light his shoe on fire. Very, very different. Canuckistan

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Yleemjseg
Deck the Malls


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quote:

It originated in
the Netherlands

and has been
around the world 9 times.


See... this part doen't really impress me with e-mail. A dude in the Netherlands sends e-mails it to his friend in Australia, who e-mails it to his other friend in the Netherlands (not in the same direction; he e-mails it the other way around to get it back) and it has been around the world. In 4 seconds.
If it was a letter that 20,000 people had physically passed to one another to get it around the world, i'd be impressed at its mileage. But i wouldn't touch it. 'Cause it might have also been in a stripper's G-string, y'know.

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NZUL
Deck the Malls


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That bit irritates me too. Am I supposed to know I'm the last link in the 10th circuit and change it to "10 times"? It's completely obvious it's part of the original text and not something that's being continually monitored and updated.

--------------------
"We don't keep a certified whale-vomit expert on staff." - Larry Penny, Director, Natural Resources Department, Town of East Hampton

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skeptic
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by NZUL:
That bit irritates me too. Am I supposed to know I'm the last link in the 10th circuit and change it to "10 times"? It's completely obvious it's part of the original text and not something that's being continually monitored and updated.

You both beat me to it - listen carefully folks, as I'm only going to scream this at the top of my lungs once - EMAIL TRACKING SYSTEMS DO NOT EXIST.

(OK, maybe the NSA has one, but they're greedy bastards and won't share it.)

--------------------
I like free speech. It lets me know who the idiots are.

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pob14
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by Dropbear:
quote:
I couldn't miss
the Holy Ghost

It was all over
the place.

Yeah, when one of those packets of Holy gost leaks out the bottom of the cart its goes all over the shop. Don't you hate walking through those sticky Holy Ghost spills?

Dropbear

"Clean-up on Aisle 666!"

--------------------
Patrick

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Drainfluid
Deck the Malls


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quote:
I saw a host of
angels.

They were
standing everywhere

Sounds pretty unproductive to me. Shouldn't they be doing something useful? Is this like guaranteed employment in communist countries?
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Pogue Ma-humbug
Happy Christmas (Malls are Open)


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What I wanna know is where the double chocolate chip ice cream is.

Pogue

--------------------
Let's drink to the causes in your life:
Your family, your friends, the union, your wife.

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SmallTownKid
I Saw Three Shipments


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Hmmmm. In my hometown the grocery store slaps sale stickers on the expired milk. Maybe the author should have looked more carefully at her box of "Wisdom." It seems to have gone bad. [Big Grin]

--------------------
"I will take the Ring," he said, "though I do not know the way."

"Doesn't 'Frollo' sound like a delicious hobbit chocolate?"--Amanda F.

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Paper or plastic?
Do you have a Loyal Customer card?

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

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TrishDaDish
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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"Will the produce manager please come to register 12. I need a price check on Piety. Repeat, I need a price check on Piety..."

--------------------
I would prefer not to.
My blog

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Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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I'm sorry, we're fresh out of Chastity, will you accept a rain ch... oooh too late on the Chastity. We're having a lovely special on Marital Fidelity...

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

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