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Author Topic: Creating counter-glurge for the solstiice
Kahuna Burger
I Saw Three Shipments


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I have this weird urge after some of the things I've gotten in my inbox this week to create a glurge about the winter solstice and send it to everyone who christian/holiday glurges me.... It helps that I really do celebrate the solstice in a pure "hate of darkness, love of excuses to light candles" sort of way. [Smile]

To be optimal, the glurge would have :

both cheesy clip art and really nice photographic images of candles, fires and such.

overwrought sappyness about the turn of the year and the rebirth of the sun.

An exhortation to pass it on "if you wish to shed light into someone elses life" and an implication that if you don't you are "content to leave your heart in darkness."

Any suggestions, anyone wanna help? Am I evil?

Kahuna "or am I just drawn that way?" Burger

Posts: 96 | From: Attleboro, MA | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Ohhhh boy. Challenge accepted. I'm a lil too buzzed tonight to make this work (actually, on second thought, alcohol might make the creative process for something like this even better). Be prepared for horrid clip art, bad midi files, and poor poetry in the name of the Horned One! Woot!

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

Posts: 1058 | From: Yakima, WA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
franjava
Deck the Malls


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Though I'm a Christian, I hate getting glurgey stuff. I wanna see this one when y'all are done!

--------------------
Never eat anything given to you by a toddler.

Posts: 258 | From: Rochester, NY | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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"content to leave your heart in darkness."


yomank!

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

Posts: 2397 | From: Texarkana, TX | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
senshisteph
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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It was a 'cold'
midwinter evening and I was in a hurry to finish my 'holiday shopping' when I saw him huddled in a doorway, just another smelly
homeless guy
with a dog on a string, clutching a tattered photograph. Like everyone ' else on the street I passed him by, diving into the shops for glittery 'tat', but there was something about thae man that I couldn't get out of my mind. Then it struck me - even with frost
forming round his
feet, cold and ! hungry with no shelter but a doorway, he was smiling cheerfully.
I bought a cup of hot soup and some ' sandwiches - an introductory gift if you will,
and hurried back to where I had seen him. Proffering the food, I struck up a conversation.
"Nice dog." I said.
"Thanks - he's a 'brave' little
fella. Shame ! he won't be
round much longer, poor
little guy."
"Why's that?" I
asked.
"Poor thing, he has 'cancer'. Just a matter of time now before the pain gets
too bad and I have to take him to the shelter..." he let ? his words
trail
off.
"Oh, thats too 'bad'!" I cried. "Guess you'll miss him, huh?"
"Yeah, he's about ! all I have left since I lost my job."
"Oh, what
happened?"
"Well, after the 'accident'..."
"Wait, what accident?"
"The car crash, my car got hit by a drunk driver. Thats when I ' lost
Sarah"
He showed me the photo ' he held so lovingly. A beautiful little
'girl' of about six years old grinned cheekily up at the
camera, curly blonde hair framing her cherubic cheeks.
"Well at least she's with her 'mommy' now." the homeless man
continued. "Debbie - she got 'sick' 2 years ago. It was a short illness. I had Sarah buried in the same ! plot. Thought they ought to be together, you know?
"Anyway, after the
accident I was
very
down, took a ? lot of time off work, showed up 'drunk' a couple of times - guess my boss just about had enough,
and he had to let me go. Anyway, with no work I couldn't keep up with ' the mortgage, so here I am. Thanks for the
'food' by the way - not had anything to eat the last couple of days. Was hoping to get in a shelter tonight,
but,
well, its cold, they fill up fast. Guess some folks ? 'need' it
more than I do."

"And yet after all that, you're smiling?!" I exclaimed in awe.

"Well," he grinned. "The ! only way is up!"

Sometimes life throws someone into our path to 'remind' us - the longest
night is also the time ' when we turn from darkness to light. Send this message on to anyone you feel 'needs' a little light in their heart.

======================================
Overwritten - check
sick puppy - check
cute child+drunk driver=bad - check
stupid patronising message - check
random line breaks and punctuation (including inappropriaty quotation marks) - check

Sorry I couldn't manage the MIDI or the pics...

--------------------
七転び八起き
nana korobi ya oki
'fall down seven times, get up eight.'

Posts: 155 | From: Nagoya, Japan | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
snapdragonfly
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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senshisteph, you didn't randomly and frequently capitalize in the proper glurge format. [lol]

Other than that it's quite nauseating.

(Not quite as much as the glurge in the OP, though.)

--------------------
"Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit

(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad)

Posts: 2397 | From: Texarkana, TX | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
franjava
Deck the Malls


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LOVE IT!!!!

--------------------
Never eat anything given to you by a toddler.

Posts: 258 | From: Rochester, NY | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
FullMetal
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:

Sometimes life throws someone into our path to 'remind' us - the longest
night is also the time ' when we turn from darkness to light. Send this message on to anyone you feel 'needs' a little light in their heart.

That ending needs to be re-written imo.. first it actually applies to the glurge that preceded it. secondly, it doesn't really imply any negativity if you don't forward it on.


should be something more like
"
The Longest, darkest night signals the rebirth of time and the morning sun brings with it light and renewed hope. Forward this within the next 10 minutes and bring the light back to someone who needs it, and you will be blessed with bright days your whole life. if you don't, you're heart will remain in darkness and miss the dawn.
"
"

Posts: 153 | From: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
nanbanan
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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I thought maybe the man was only smiling because he had gotten mixed up and used super glue on his dentures instead of denture-creme.

--------------------
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. - C.S.Lewis

Posts: 3 | From: Indiana | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Tori
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
Originally posted by FullMetal:
quote:

Sometimes life throws someone into our path to 'remind' us - the longest
night is also the time ' when we turn from darkness to light. Send this message on to anyone you feel 'needs' a little light in their heart.

That ending needs to be re-written imo.. first it actually applies to the glurge that preceded it. secondly, it doesn't really imply any negativity if you don't forward it on.


should be something more like
"
The Longest, darkest night signals the rebirth of time and the morning sun brings with it light and renewed hope. Forward this within the next 10 minutes and bring the light back to someone who needs it, and you will be blessed with bright days your whole life. if you don't, you're heart will remain in darkness and miss the dawn.
"
"

Or even better:

""ThE LOngEsT, dArKesT nite sIgNalS the REBirTH OF TIME & the MOrNiNG sun bRiNGs with IT LiGhT & reNEwED hoPE!!!" OMGGG pplz this is SO true!!! U musT forward in TEn MiNUtes and u wILL hAvE liGHT ALWayS....OR ELSE!!! IF U donT u wILL B in DARknESS 4eVAAAA!!!!!!11eleventyone

Posts: 26 | From: Darwin, NT, Australia | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

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