snopes.com Post new topic  Post a reply
search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hello snopes.com » Urban Legends » Glurge Gallery » E-ZPass©

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: E-ZPass©
snopes
Return! Return! Return!


Icon 95 posted      Profile for snopes   Author's Homepage   E-mail snopes       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Ginny and I sat in the line. Cars inched close to our bumper. Horns honked. The gates ahead signaled which lanes were open and which were closed. A car slipped through a toll gate; we moved forward. The bumpers and cars grew closer; tempers flared; and hands signaled in uncomplimentary ways.

To my left, cars zipped through the tolls. I looked at the signs above their gates, "E-ZPASS© Only."

"Hun, we need to get an 'E-ZPass©'." I said to Ginny.

In most states there are toll highways. Many east coast states have a prepay system called, "E-ZPass©." If you use the system, they send you an electronic device to put on your car. You drive through the tolls without waiting and the charge is automatically deducted from your account.

Ginny and I have lived here for almost two years. For the first year and a half, we sat at the tolls, watched the cars zip through the "E-ZPass©" lanes and said, "Look, Hun! If we had an 'E-ZPass©,' we wouldn't be sitting in this line."

The routine was repeated time-after-time, "If we had an 'E-ZPass©,' we could zip right through." It took us two years to finally get an "E-ZPass©." For two years, we procrastinated.

Now we zip through the E-ZPass© lanes, and see cars waiting in line at the tolls. "Look, Hun!" I'll say to Ginny. "If they had an 'E-ZPass©,' they could just zip right through."

It occurred to me, I'd been like them. I'd sat at those gates, trying to get through, while I watched those who had the foresight, drive on by.

How many of us know there is a better world waiting for us in the end, and yet we procrastinate. We don't want to make the commitment right now. We think there will be time to make the decision to turn to God, when we're ready. The time will come, when we'll sit at the gates and battle with others to get through, wondering if we have enough to pay the toll.

The man at the gate will make that decision.

Have you paid your toll?

There's an easier way - Believe! If you believe, you'll get an "E-ZPass©." You'll zip right through the gates. There'll be no traffic jam or guessing. The gates will be open to you.

Why not get "your" E-ZPass©? I got mine.

Posts: 36029 | From: Admin | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
GenYus
Away in a Manager's Special


Icon 1 posted      Profile for GenYus   E-mail GenYus   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Actually, since with E-ZPass you still pay the bill later, Jesus is not like E-ZPass. Jesus is more like driving through the E-ZPass lane without the pass and with your license plate covered up (so they won't fine you). You get to bypass the gates and someone else has to pay for what you do.

IOW, accepting Jesus is being a turnstile jumper.

--------------------
IIRC, it wasn't the shoe bomber's loud prayers that sparked the takedown by the other passengers; it was that he was trying to light his shoe on fire. Very, very different. Canuckistan

Posts: 3694 | From: Arizona | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Signora Del Drago
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 500 posted      Profile for Signora Del Drago     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Why does he keep calling Ginny "Hun?" She must really be mean!

We don't have an E-ZPass©, but we do have a PikePass©. Will that do?

--------------------
"This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman
"Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam

Posts: 4020 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
LeaflessMapleTree
The twelve shopping days 'til Christmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for LeaflessMapleTree   E-mail LeaflessMapleTree   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
This glurge is clever, at least, and it gets to the point without bringing in kittens, and without a tragedy. It also doesn't make me angry.

So...does that make it good glurge or bad glurge?

--------------------
"For me, religion is like a rhinoceros: I don't have one, and I'd really prefer not to be trampled by yours. But it is impressive, and even beautiful, and, to be honest, the world would be slightly worse off if there weren't any."
-Silas Sparkhammer

Posts: 3239 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Methuselah
Happy Holly Days


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Methuselah     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
To my left, cars zipped through the tolls. I looked at the signs above their gates, "E-ZPASS© Only."

"Hun, we need to get an 'E-ZPass©'." I said to Ginny.

In most states there are toll highways. Many east coast states have a prepay system called, "E-ZPass©."

AHA! A glurge that supports polytheism! E-ZPass gets you into "East Coast Heaven"...I-Pass will get you into "Illinois Heaven (where the Bears still suck, but at least the Cubs win a few)"...if you want to visit other heavens, you may need a PikePass, Smart Tag, HyPass, AutoPass, Fastrak, SunPass...

So, I guess Jesus is E-ZPass, Gaia is PikePass, Muhammed is HyPass, Buddha is AutoToll...

[Razz]

--------------------
"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him." - G.K. Chesterton

Posts: 1514 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TB Tabby
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for TB Tabby   E-mail TB Tabby   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Must be a regional thing...Here in Illinois, we have "I-Pass." But the principle ramains the same.

--------------------
I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

Posts: 942 | From: Illinois | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Amigone201
Happy Holly Days


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Amigone201   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by MapleLeaf:
This glurge is clever, at least, and it gets to the point without bringing in kittens, and without a tragedy. It also doesn't make me angry.

So...does that make it good glurge or bad glurge?

I don't know, I think I have to disagree here. This DOES make me mad, as will every glurge I ever read. It's the same damn story, over and over again. Accept Jesus, go to Heaven, accept Jesus, go to Heaven. Yeah, yeah, we know. There's no way you can dress this up to make it anything but this same annoying phrase.

Don't these people have anything better to write about? Do they think that if they hit the magic combination, atheists who have read glurge for years and never cared about any of it will magically wake up one day and say "Wow! I never realized God was so great! From this day forth, I am a Christian!"

--------------------
Check out my blog! http://fundiewatch.blogspot.com

Posts: 1527 | From: Buffalo, NY | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
El Camino
We Three Blings


Icon 1 posted      Profile for El Camino   E-mail El Camino   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Hmm...I think the (typical) whole finding your Lord and Savior part at then end is stupid - partly because that sort of glurge is always stupid but more because it makes no sense. If Christianity were true, you wouldn't go through the gates more than once, nor would you be able to get in without your EZ-Pass-like Savior. I guess glurges get an EZ-Pass on the gates of logic (because they're glurges, and JESUS is on their side).

However, I think the beginning of the story is a decent beginning to a non-religious motivational story. As in "Follow your dreams, get that new job or ask that cutie out!" or something like that. Basically, to go for it, don't hold back, have no regrets. (Because that's how it was for me and my EZ-Pass - I certainly don't regret the $3 annual fee or whatever it is!)

Posts: 1048 | From: Brunswick, Maine | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mouse
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Mouse   E-mail Mouse   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
It's true: they really do see glurge in everything. Must be interesting, living with these people, seeing as they can work God into every conversation. I wonder what they can make of a bout with the Clap?

--------------------
"You see? The mysteries of the Universe are revealed when you break stuff." Coop from MegasXLR

"I distrust who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." -- Susan B. Anthony

Posts: 2246 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Penny
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Penny     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Signora Del Drago:
Why does he keep calling Ginny "Hun?" She must really be mean!

[hijack]I have a male colleague whose first name is Hon. Whenever I write him an email and begin with "Hi Hon", I can't shake the feeling that I'm being overly familiar.[/hijack]
Posts: 340 | From: Redmond, WA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
winegums
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


Icon 1 posted      Profile for winegums   E-mail winegums   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
was i the only one who saw the jesus tag being way out of left field?

i was dead set on reading a "grass is allways greener..." thing. or something about the cost being put off, then at the end of the month they get a huge bill and cant afford to pay it and someone dies. though i think "jesus is like a toll-based lane" is one of the most far fetched comparissons ever.

Posts: 50 | From: Dundee, Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
The Ota Faction
Happy Holly Days


Icon 201 posted      Profile for The Ota Faction   Author's Homepage   E-mail The Ota Faction   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
So... If I don't buy a Jesus pass, I still get through to Heaven, but I have to wait in line? Either way, I still ahve to wait in line at customs on the other side of the bridge. Is there a duty free shop in Purgatory?

--------------------
"Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are." - Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
"That lonely recluse who lives down the road is crying out. So is that pregnant teenager. And the prostitute. And the drunkard."
Join the Free State Project - I did!

Posts: 1516 | From: *sigh* Elmira, NY | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
pob14
Jingle Bell Hock


Icon 1 posted      Profile for pob14     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Now we zip through the E-ZPass© lanes, and see cars waiting in line at the tolls. "Look, Hun!" I'll say to Ginny. "If they had an 'E-ZPass©,' they could just zip right through."

And Ginny said, "God dammit, I bought the NFBSKing E-ZPass© to shut you the hell up, now SHUT UP!"

And I bet it was hard for him to pronounce that © thing every time he said it. [lol]

--------------------
Patrick

Posts: 576 | From: Illinois | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 204 posted      Profile for DawnStorm   E-mail DawnStorm   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mouse:
I wonder what they can make of a bout with the Clap?

From time to time you may get a dose of evil, but holy penicillin will get rid of it.
[Insert religous references here.]

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Electrotiger
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Electrotiger   E-mail Electrotiger   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Signora Del Drago:
Why does he keep calling Ginny "Hun?" She must really be mean!

We don't have an E-ZPass©, but we do have a PikePass©. Will that do?

Wait, what now, the Hun is going to impale you on a Pike, or something, wha?

--------------------
Mr. Sagan did not go too fars, If you just took the time to scan its,
You'd count billions and billions of stars, And billions and billions of planets.

Posts: 332 | From: Kansas City, MO | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Communication Attempt
Jingle Bell Hock


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Communication Attempt   E-mail Communication Attempt       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
My plan has always been to bribe Saint Peters at the Gate anyway.

Come to think of it,once we die,our soul is eternal so does it really matter how long we wait until we can enter heaven?

--------------------
"I love God,he's so deliciously evil!" -Stewie,Family Guy

The fun thing about standards is that they come in so many varieties.

Posts: 510 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
BlushingBride
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


Icon 1 posted      Profile for BlushingBride     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Methuselah:
quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
To my left, cars zipped through the tolls. I looked at the signs above their gates, "E-ZPASS© Only."

"Hun, we need to get an 'E-ZPass©'." I said to Ginny.

In most states there are toll highways. Many east coast states have a prepay system called, "E-ZPass©."

AHA! A glurge that supports polytheism! E-ZPass gets you into "East Coast Heaven"...I-Pass will get you into "Illinois Heaven (where the Bears still suck, but at least the Cubs win a few)"...if you want to visit other heavens, you may need a PikePass, Smart Tag, HyPass, AutoPass, Fastrak, SunPass...

So, I guess Jesus is E-ZPass, Gaia is PikePass, Muhammed is HyPass, Buddha is AutoToll...

[Razz]

I claim Thor for Smart Tag. Partly because we have Smart Tag here, and we Texans need a big old butt-kicking kind of deity. And partly because I think I would like that glurge.

Blushing "Do not run through the Smart Tag lane without proper Smart Tag, lest ye be struck down by the thunder of Thor's mighty hammer!" Bride

ET use more genteel language.

--------------------
"In perfume, as in underwear, the scantiest of applications provides the greatest of returns." -Silas Sparkhammer

Posts: 858 | From: Arlington, Texas | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Cervus
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cervus   E-mail Cervus   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Of course then you get stuck behind the idiot who couldn't read the giant "SUNPASS ONLY" lane signs, and stops there for a nonexistant toll booth, then gets confused and scared because there's a line of SunPass users behind him, so he can't back up, but if he goes forward he hasn't paid the toll and he'll get a $100 ticket, so he just sits there blocking the lane...

--------------------
"There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen
Won't somebody please think of the adults!

Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
vanilla
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


Icon 1 posted      Profile for vanilla     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
There's an easier way - Believe! If you believe, you'll get an "E-ZPass©." You'll zip right through the gates. There'll be no traffic jam or guessing. The gates will be open to you.

Why not get "your" E-ZPass©? I got mine.

This is why I hate these things. They always make it sound sooo simple to do. Look! Just BElieve! and all will be well! What? You don't believe? Well, its eeaaasy. Say "Jesus is my Lord" 5 times fast. There ya' go! Believe now? No? Hunh. That worked for Betsy in accounting. ... Here, Jonah told me 'bout this trick..lemme just smack your forehead..riiight..here..*Smack* Now? You got Jesus now? All Right! Now let's go tell everyone in sales about how Jesus saved you! Wha? No. Don't bother the lawyers - it will never be this easy with them.

[Roll Eyes] Faith and belief are not like faucets. They do not turn on easily and an e-mail isn't going to make someone hot for Jesus and cold for Satan with a click of a mouse.

--------------------
I swear, it was funnier in my head.
Yeah, I used to be pink. vanilla_pink.

Posts: 2493 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
WildaBeast
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 1 posted      Profile for WildaBeast   E-mail WildaBeast   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by pob14:
And I bet it was hard for him to pronounce that © thing every time he said it. [lol]

The writer didn't even use the right symbol. That's the copyright symbol. E-ZPass is a trademark, not copyrighted. Am I the only one who was annoyed by that?

--------------------
"Unseasonable is an odd word to begin with. It sounds like it's describing something that it's impossible to sprinkle pepper on." -- Nonny

Posts: 5483 | From: Just south of Folsom Prison, CA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Gibbie
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gibbie     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I'm just amazed that glurge has been commercialized. How much did E-ZPassSM pay for that product placement?

Incidently, per the logo on the E-ZPass page, it's a service mark, not a trademark. [Smile]

Gibbie

--------------------
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Posts: 3993 | From: Indiana | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
James D
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for James D   E-mail James D   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Thank the Gods that I live in California - with our Universalist Freeways.

--------------------
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - )

Posts: 244 | From: Ventura, CA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Honey Bunching Oats
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Honey Bunching Oats   E-mail Honey Bunching Oats   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by James D:
Thank the Gods that I live in California - with our Universalist Freeways.

In the Bay Area they have e-pass for the bridges.

I agree with Vanilla this glurge makes Christianity as being an afterlife exclusive party for invitees only. To be invited just accept a particular worldview.

This view of faith does not call followers to "do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with God"

This is what I call a pCm, they do nothing, love themselves and walk proudly with their own concept of god.

--------------------
"When we talk about democracy, if the people's stomach is empty, democracy is also empty. Democracy cannot be installed by fiat; it must be achieved by the people themselves." Y.C. James Yen (1893-1990)

Posts: 146 | From: San Jose, California | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TrishDaDish
Let There Be PCs on Earth


Icon 1 posted      Profile for TrishDaDish   Author's Homepage   E-mail TrishDaDish   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Communication Attempt:
My plan has always been to bribe Saint Peters at the Gate anyway.

You're just a soul when you're dead. What are you going to bribe him with?

quote:
Come to think of it,once we die,our soul is eternal so does it really matter how long we wait until we can enter heaven?
I kind of picture it as like when you have to wait in line for the toilet at a rock concert.

quote:
Originally posted by Cervus:
Of course then you get stuck behind the idiot who couldn't read the giant "SUNPASS ONLY" lane signs, and stops there for a nonexistant toll booth, then gets confused and scared because there's a line of SunPass users behind him, so he can't back up, but if he goes forward he hasn't paid the toll and he'll get a $100 ticket, so he just sits there blocking the lane...

That hurt my head. Mostly as I've seen those idiots on the road before, and not just in Orlando.

--------------------
I would prefer not to.
My blog

Posts: 4789 | From: Rhode Island | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
EeyoreCorbie
I Saw Three Shipments


Icon 500 posted      Profile for EeyoreCorbie   E-mail EeyoreCorbie   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
How many of us know there is a better world waiting for us in the end, and yet we procrastinate. We don't want to make the commitment right now.
See, this is the real message here. Kill yourself now. They just use Jesus to hide their pro-suicide agenda.

quote:
The time will come, when we'll sit at the gates and battle with others to get through, wondering if we have enough to pay the toll.
You'ld think heaven of all places would have better organization skills, heck even Disenyland isn't that bad, of course they hae their own ez-pass system.

Ahh, if only it were that easy. None of that pesky "doing the right thing",or "loving one another".

--------------------
It sure is bright in the dark future.
"He carries his anger around like a dead skunk."
Ignorance is sad. Willfull ignorance is bad. Willfully spreading ignorance is evil.

Posts: 95 | From: Washington | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post new topic  Post a reply Close topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Urban Legends Reference Pages

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2