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Author Topic: Jesus died from... jealousy?
Spacky
I Saw Three Shipments


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Note from Spacky: Sorry for the awful way this was typed, it came like this.

There was once a girl named Ashley who
had a
boyfriend
named
Jack.

Jack was the most popular guy in school.
The
three most
popular
girls were
Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma. Jack
thought of
Ashley as
OKAY,
but
he REALLy
liked Courtney. Courtney liked jack also.
Well of
course
she
did, everyone
did!

Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies.
Courtney tried to
steal
Jack away
everytime she had a chance to. One day,
Courtney asked
Jack
if
he wanted
to
go to the movies. Ashley heard
everything....what
movie
theatre
and what
time.

Ashley approached the movies that night
and
followed Jack
and
Courtney.
Ashley sat right behind them. she
watched them
get close
to
each
other and
kiss....not only kiss, but practically get it
on in the
theatre.
Courtney
told jack "Do you want to come to my
place and
skip this
boring
movie?" He
replied "hell yes."

Ashley had peeked through Courtney's
window.
Jack and
her
were

messing
around and Ashley watched the whole
thing.

The next day at school Ashley wasn't
there. For
the next
few
days Ashley
wasn't there. A week later her mother
found her in
her
closet
dead... she
commited suicide because she had loved
Jack so
much.
Next
to
ashley's dead
body was a note.

A note that read: My dearest Jack, I
watched you
at the
movie
and at
Courtney's house and I will continue to
watch you.
I never
thought you
would
do something like this to me. I really
loved you
jack. I
died
for you just
like Jesus died for us.

Always with you, Ashley

Please foward this or Ashley will
haunt
you and try
to kill you because she wants everyone to
know
about
Courtney.


So... why did it take the mother a whole week to realize her daughter was missing and was in the closet?

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Avril
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Did someone email this drivel?

If this was even remotely true, I would say that her mention of Jesus was a sign of mental illness.

As for the woman in the story...because it is more dramatic that way, of course! [fish]

Avril

--------------------
There is no failure unless one stops. --Ray Bradbury

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Beastly Despot
Deck the Malls


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That ending! Wow! Now that's what I'm talking about people!

Why can't glurgers put some kickazz endings on like that one? No more of this business about forward it and something good will happen or you will get your wish - NO! Forward this or the mangled bloody corpse of a teenage psycho will gash your azz!

Yeah, baby!

--------------------
"I have a cunning plan"

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Errata
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Oh the horror! This is just awful. I can almost imagine a 15 year old on myspace named Ashley writing this.
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chipphaha
"Repaint and thin no more!"


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Yet another emotional blackmail glurge with a hint of stalker and a dash of suicide. [Roll Eyes]
I wonder how anyone can write this stuff.

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Peccavimus
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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When a teenager, the idea of someone making out with the boy you date at a movie can reasonably lead to suicide (at least in fiction). For an adult, the idea of someone making out with the boy you date at a movie can reasonably lead to a trip to the clinic.
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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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quote:
Ashley had peeked through Courtney's
window.
Jack and
her
were

messing
around and Ashley watched the whole
thing.

Kinky [Wink]

--------------------
Me: "He's 19? Uh oh, I bought him a beer."
A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
"Sweet spell check: keeping drunks off the radar since 1995."- IND
God Re-Animate Green Pork Bush

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boogers
We Three Blings


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Maybe the mother had a poor sense of smell and that's why it took her a week to find Ashley.
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MissBethie
I Saw Three Shipments


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interesting...I'm nost really sure that this type of thing is what Jesus had in mind...or maybe I'm just reading the Bible wrong or something...

--------------------
"Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?" --the Scarecrow

"The Christian Right is neither."

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Avril
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Heathen.

--------------------
There is no failure unless one stops. --Ray Bradbury

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Methuselah
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by MissBethie:
interesting...I'm nost really sure that this type of thing is what Jesus had in mind...or maybe I'm just reading the Bible wrong or something...

No, no, no...This is EXACTLY why jesus died for us. He really, really liked us and wanted to date us. But let's face it, jesus is just not as hot as Courtney and he kept talking about "saving himself for marriage", whereas Courtney was ready to give it up now.

In fact, jesus had the romans tack a note on his cross that read "I totally saw what you and Courtney were doing".
[fish]

quote:
From the OP
Jack was the most popular guy in school.
The
three most
popular
girls were
Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma.

So what the hell happened with Emma? Why bring her up if she doesn't factor into the story at all?

--------------------
"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him." - G.K. Chesterton

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Ariadne
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Methuselah:

quote:
From the OP
Jack was the most popular guy in school.
The
three most
popular
girls were
Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma.

So what the hell happened with Emma? Why bring her up if she doesn't factor into the story at all?
I was wondering this myself. And I also like the way ASHLEY is written in all capital letters just so we know she is the same Ashley mentioned in the first line.

--------------------
saxea ut effigies bacchantis prospicit eheu | prospicit et magnis curarum fluctuat undis
-Catullus

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glisp42
I'm Dreaming Of A White iPod


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quote:
Originally posted by Spacky:
Note from Spacky: Sorry for the awful way this was typed, it came like this.


Ashley had peeked through Courtney's
window.
Jack and
her
were

messing
around and Ashley watched the whole
thing.


Then ASHLEY
started
feeling
funny.

So she
climbed
through
Courtneys
window.

ASHLEY started
slowly
stripping.
Jack
and Courtney
watched
their eyes
aflame
with
desire...

oops, wrong genre.

glisp"Bowchuka Bow wow"42

--------------------
What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK" and other lingo mean?

And we'll collect the moments one by one I guess that's how the future's done. -Feist

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Cactus Wren
Jingle Bell Hock


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glisp42, YOMANLaptop.

--------------------
“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.” -- Edward R. Murrow

IOToriSparrowANK!

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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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glisp, I was already laughing but the "Bowchuka Bow wow" cracked me up more. YOMANK too [lol]

--------------------
Me: "He's 19? Uh oh, I bought him a beer."
A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
"Sweet spell check: keeping drunks off the radar since 1995."- IND
God Re-Animate Green Pork Bush

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
A week later her mother
found her in
her
closet
dead... she
commited suicide because she had loved
Jack so
much.

Apparently her mom
didn't
love her
so much ...
a week goes by
without
hearing from
your daughter
and only then
you check
her
room?

Serioulsy, this is less about Jesus and more about the girl having serious, serious issues.

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Drainfluid
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Please foward this or Ashley will
haunt
you and try
to kill you because she wants everyone to
know
about
Courtney.

So the best way of spreading the story of Courtney is to kill all the people who don't send it? Yup. I can see how that will help. Why doesn't she just tell them about it when she is doing the haunting?
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Samantha Vimes
Jingle Bell Hock


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So... Jesus is watching us make out and will kill us if we don't forward his emails? Is that how this works? I'm confused. [Smile]
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Little Pink Pill
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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I think this is my new favorite glurge.

--------------------
The technical term is narcissism. You can't believe everything is your fault unless you also believe you're all powerful.--House

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Pogue Ma-humbug
Happy Christmas (Malls are Open)


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I like the poetic meter. It's more avant garde than the usual glurge.

Pogue

--------------------
Let's drink to the causes in your life:
Your family, your friends, the union, your wife.

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Methuselah
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by Pogue Mahone:
I like the poetic meter. It's more avant garde than the usual glurge.

If you read it out loud as it's written, with all the line breaks, you wind up sounding like a bad impersonation of William Shatner. [Wink]

quote:
From the OP:
Please foward this or Ashley will
haunt
you and try
to kill you because she wants everyone to
know
about
Courtney.

What exactly is it that she wants us to know about Courtney? That she had a boyfriend? That she liked sex? I mean, the 'poem' doesn't describe Courtney doing anything wrong, per se. Or am I missing some really subtle subtext somewhere? (Hmmm...subtext in glurge...I wonder what that would be like.)

--------------------
"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him." - G.K. Chesterton

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jw
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Ashley approached the movies that night
and
followed Jack
and
Courtney.
Ashley sat right behind them.

Courtney & Jack didnt notice her?

When I initially looked at this, I was thinking Spacky was being a bit lazy in not pulling all the line spacings out so that we all could read it easily, as quoting from it can only be done in the same fashion.

--------------------
On my old guitar sell tickets, so someone can finally pick it.

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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So I guess she WOULD go down on you in a theater!

Dawn--you oughta know--Storm

--------------------
Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

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Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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Gee, thanks Glisp42 and Methuselah...

Now I have this image of William Shatner doing porn with "barely legal" coeds.

Oooh
Those are some
beautiful breasts I would like
To get them out
and feel them
But you are dating
Jack!

- bow chicka bow wow... chunga chunga...-

--------------------
"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

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glisp42
I'm Dreaming Of A White iPod


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Woohoo! my first YOMANKs!

Cactus and Candy, they're in the mail.

--------------------
What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK" and other lingo mean?

And we'll collect the moments one by one I guess that's how the future's done. -Feist

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Ieuan ab Arthur
The First USA Noel


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Hi All:

Is it me, or does this piece of glurge sound like it's written by some 12-year old?

Drama Queen much? [Razz]

Ta ra 'wan,

Ieuan "There's a strange smell coming from my closet" ab Arthur

--------------------
"I e-mail or I don't e-mail. The magic just happens" - From OP in We've Got Mail

Y Gwir Yn Erbyn Y Byd

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Communication Attempt
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:
Originally posted by jw:
quote:
Ashley approached the movies that night
and
followed Jack
and
Courtney.
Ashley sat right behind them.

Courtney & Jack didnt notice her?

Apparently Ashley is an elite ninja capable of hiding her presence from any boyfriends or mothers

--------------------
"I love God,he's so deliciously evil!" -Stewie,Family Guy

The fun thing about standards is that they come in so many varieties.

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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As witnessed by the fact that she's now haunting and killing people.

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Little Pink Pill
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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Somebody ought to send this to Steven King, in case he's running out of ideas.

ETA-Or it could be the plot of the next teen thriller. "I know what you did in the theater."

--------------------
The technical term is narcissism. You can't believe everything is your fault unless you also believe you're all powerful.--House

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LeaflessMapleTree
The twelve shopping days 'til Christmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Methuselah:
quote:
Originally posted by Pogue Mahone:
I like the poetic meter. It's more avant garde than the usual glurge.

If you read it out loud as it's written, with all the line breaks, you wind up sounding like a bad impersonation of William Shatner. [Wink]

quote:
From the OP:
Please foward this or Ashley will
haunt
you and try
to kill you because she wants everyone to
know
about
Courtney.

What exactly is it that she wants us to know about Courtney? That she had a boyfriend? That she liked sex? I mean, the 'poem' doesn't describe Courtney doing anything wrong, per se. Or am I missing some really subtle subtext somewhere? (Hmmm...subtext in glurge...I wonder what that would be like.)

quote:
There was once a girl named Ashley who
had a
boyfriend
named
Jack.

Well, he cheated on her with Courtney, it seems.

--------------------
"For me, religion is like a rhinoceros: I don't have one, and I'd really prefer not to be trampled by yours. But it is impressive, and even beautiful, and, to be honest, the world would be slightly worse off if there weren't any."
-Silas Sparkhammer

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Kathy B
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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I found this glurge as part of some "Stupid Chain Letter Spoofs" on a humor web site. The Girl Who Knew Too Much That might explain its horribleness. It ends:

Please foward this to more than 15 people or Ashley will haunt you and try to kill you because she wants everyone to know about Courtney.

Thankyou.

**In loving Memory of Ashley Halagey**

What Ashley did to one person who did not send this. --- One girl was looking through her e-mail and she deleted this message thinking it was another silly forward the next day she was found dead in her toilet.

--------------------
The plural of "anecdote" is not "data."

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skeptic
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
quote:
A week later her mother
found her in
her
closet
dead... she
commited suicide because she had loved
Jack so
much.

Apparently her mom
didn't
love her
so much ...
a week goes by
without
hearing from
your daughter
and only then
you check
her
room?

Serioulsy, this is less about Jesus and more about the girl having serious, serious issues.

I think the person who sent it to you has the real serious issues.

--------------------
I like free speech. It lets me know who the idiots are.

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diehard
Deck the Malls


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AHA I DON'T BELIEVE THERE WAS MENTION OF JELOUSY AT MASS THIS AM. BUT AS I TYPE THIS I DO BELIEVE THERE IS A SHADOW OF A GHOST BEHIND ME HAHA WHAT IS THIS PERSON OR AS SAID BEFORE 12 YEAR OLD WRITING SOUNDS LIKE SHATTNER TO ME!!!!

--------------------
Daddy "You are my "Special Angel" 1942-1999"

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diehard
Deck the Malls


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Sorry all didn't mean to use all caps just my way of typing on computer i got an e-mail asking me not to so no offense just learning i am new to the forum

--------------------
Daddy "You are my "Special Angel" 1942-1999"

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Brandi
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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No worries. Punctuation's your friend too; unlike text messaging, there's no charge for extra characters.
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