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Author Topic: Best of 'We've Got Mail'
FC
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
Originally posted by Peter H:
Okay. I give up. What or who is the "ksa?"

I think it means the "Kingdom of Saudi Arabia." The guy wants porn but needs to get around Saudi internet restrictions.
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Senior
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Thanks, FC. That makes sense.

--------------------
Ad astra per asparagus.

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Mitochondrial Steve
Deck the Malls


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I enjoyed the Gaslight saga. The fact that he sent his long-winded, almost non-sensical rants to snopes is pretty funny. Not "Haha, he's a delusional freak who needs help" funny but "What page made him think snopes could arbitrate his problems? And how did he find it in the first place?"

But I do hope he found some help.

1 , 2.

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an Em Dash of sugar
Xboxing Day


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The thread title AND SOYLENT GREEN IS STILL PEOPLE! combined with the cheerleader smiley cracks me up every time. Don't know why.

From that thread, I love this one:
quote:
SPIDERS ARE SCARY AND UGLY AND THEY GIVE ME THE CREEPS LOL.
WE SHOULD FORM AN ARMY AND WIPE THEM ALL OUT EVEN THE TINY ONES


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dam9191
Deck the Malls


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I really liked the "Why 5 year olds shouldn't be on the internet" thead. There were quite a few good quotes.

One of my favorites is Rebecca who believed she broke the internet:

QUOTE: "Comment: hello my name is rebecca and my father is named pedro and we both use this computer but me mostly so please tell me if i didsomething bad because if i did i thought i did nothing wrong i just tried different ways
to find my neice but i guess i clicked on something i wasnt supposed to im really sorry i never meant to hurt any body i thought i was barely learning how to use the internet but i guess i thought wrong what do i have to do i still dont even know whats going on just it has me really scard now but if i did do something bad please let me know how to fix it im really sorry honestly "

[I'm not really sure who she thought she hurt or what thought she broke.]

Too many good quotes; there is also another one of the same page where they told snopes about how they could get free jelly bellies (to disprove that you can't get anything for free).

Thanks for asking this. There are probably quite a few other ones that are just too funny; I am just too tired to think of them.

take care,

dam "but common sense needs to be earned, not learned" 9191

--------------------
"There is no Heaven
So I can't believe in Room 19."
-Bob Geldof

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Wizard of Yendor
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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My personal favorite:
i think i possed by a glycipopese

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Aquadude
I Saw Three Shipments


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So he was possessed by a natural preservative? Wow....

Aqua-"Sweet N' Low"-dude

--------------------
ˇEl Toro Loco!

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Moosbrugger
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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Even though I have read many of the threads in We've Got Mail, I have yet to find a post that made me laugh/disgusted me more than this one:

quote:
This happened to me and my second wife, a beautiful and proper, but
very sensual, asian woman in her 30's, in about 1979. We had found out by
accident that she sould take a 12" dildo, causing intense orgasms, although she
preferred 9-10 inches later.

She innocently told me that when she came home with the groceries, and parked
in our carport, she was bending over to take groceries out of the back seat
when she felt something cool and wet between her upper thighs. In a split
second she felt a soft wet probing, and a forceful nudging, against her
semi-pantied vagina (she was wearing open crotch bikini panties that I had
turned her onto sometime before)! My wife froze for just an instance, later
admitting that she received a sexual rush, before turning, and shooing away the
big Lab guard dog at our townhouse complex.

As a Sociologist I was instantly interested in this incident, and also turned
on. To check her story, one night I masturbated her with her panties, and the
next morning rolled it in a ball, and took it out back to the guard dog. He
instantly came over, smelled the panties deeply, then licked it violently, so
that I dropped it! The dog then tried to mount the panties, and I observed his
penis erecting from his sheath. This interested me in studying the power of
odors.

I later realized that my wife was always preferring sex in the doggy
position,and was very orgasmic, so I began to ask her questions. She soon
admitted to me that as a teenager she had secretly watched her father's stud
German Shepard mount female Shepards for breeding, and then she would find a
private place to masturbate herself! (it is noted here that she also admitted
that she was impressed with how long the stud's penis was, and that she
fantazised about long penises).

To check her story, I looked for and borrowed a 8mm movie of a German Shepard
stud having coitus with two woman. My wife would not admit that she liked to
watch this movie, but we had coitus in the doggy position many times, often
twice a day, while watching the movie, and she had multiple heavy orgasms
throughout the movie! I then began using a 9" dildo in her, and she was
completely beyond control, I could not hold her down, and several time she
fainted from her orgasms!

I took her to a porno theater one night,in a nearby town, after supper and a
couple of vodka drinks, (this was before videos were common), and then to a
ranch were I knew there was a large friendly watch dog. I was having coitus
with my wife in the back of my van, with the door open, and the dog came right
in beside us. He was interested right away, and began to lick her wet vagina,
and clitoris! She had orgasms, and appeared to be waiting for more, but the dog
would not mount her, nor did I see his penis erecting! We went home to finish
up. (I soon checked on the dog, and found that the joke was on me, he was
castrated!). My wife never said a word about this.

I later tried to get our townhouse complex guard dog to come upstairs to our
special "sex" bedroom, but I was unable to, even though my wife was nude and
wet on the bed, but not knowing what I was actually doing, although I was
talking about it to her. During this time we had a new pretty young neighbor
move in, with a large Dob/Dane dog, and it was not long before we became aware
that she was having sex with him, as we could hear them both through the wall!
We would have sex at the same time, as I described what was going on next door,
and my wife had intense orgasms! My wife became continuously extremely sexual
at this time, and ever since!

My parents had a next door neighbor with a very large black Rot/Dane dog in
their backyard. I was suspicious they may be using this dog for sexual
purposes. The man had already indicated his lust for my wife, but I was not
sure about all this yet, as I love my wife, and didn't want any problems. Soon
we watched my parents house while they were on vacation, and we went there one
evening, starting to have sex on the guest bed, then out on a foam pad on the
adjoining patio. The dog was there, pressing his nose up to the wire fence, and
watching us. There was no way I could let him in to join us without maybe
problems, so, while my wife was fellating me I backed her ass up against the
fence, and was turned on to watch the big dog's tongue do a superb job on my
wife's vagina and clitoris, he couldn't stop, although she had intense orgasms,
but still fellating me dry! We soon went home, and no word was ever said about
it.

Bye this time I was into sex with my wife, and she admitted that soon after our
marriage she had had a hot affair with her long cocked driving instructor, and
also slowly related her pre-marital sexual experiences. I realized she had been
around more than I had thought, and I became bolder. But I was still not sure
about dog sex.

My wife loved to dress up and go disco dancing, and she was the hottest thing
on the floor, but she was unreceptive to the men's advances. One night I was
actually surprised to see her embracing a big handsome mexican man on the dance
floor, so I thought to give this possibility a test. She ended up fellating the
man's huge bull cock in our car in the parking lot! He tried to have coitus
with her, but they couldn't get her Frederick's of Hollywood disco jumper off
her, and she called it quits. One week later the three of us were in a room at
the hotel, and I watched my wife hotly fellate and have prolonged coitus with
this lover! She secretly had sex with him a number of times after that in a
motel. Soon, a young mexican actor friend of her lover's also seduced her into
sex. My wife began to realize that these affairs were dangerous, and all she
really wanted was those intense orgasms,not romantic entaglements.

When I made my decision that a dog lover does not demand or talk, I again took
her to my parents house, where I had cut the fence, and my wife did not
complain when she had her first dog coitus, as she never stopped orgasming! We
did not know about a dog's knot, but my wife was so hot that she took it, and
kept orgasming while tied, at which time she also managed to fellate me off, as
I needed it badly! She was astonished at the amount of hot ejaculation of her
dog lover, and she has craved it ever since! Again she never said a word.
Needless to say we are now on her second "stud" lover, and we keep it at home,
although we are now interested in meeting others into it. My wife is as
beautiful, healthy, proper, and sensual as ever, and looks twenty years younger
than her age! Men, and dogs, can smell her a mile away!

[Eek!]

--------------------
“If mankind could dream collectively, it would dream Moosbrugger.” -Robert Musil

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Aquadude
I Saw Three Shipments


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*throws up*

Aqua--"Doggy style"--dude

--------------------
ˇEl Toro Loco!

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FC
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
Originally posted by Moosbrugger:
We had found out by accident that she sould take a 12" dildo

Sure, accidents like this happen all the time.

quote:
when she felt something cool and wet between her upper thighs.
I don't think that a dog's tongue is cool.

quote:
As a Sociologist I was instantly interested in this incident, and also turned on.
This confirms my suspicion that sociologists are perverts.

quote:
The dog then tried to mount the panties, and I observed his penis erecting from his sheath. This interested me in studying the power of odors.
I'm starting to wonder if maybe you're more into male dogs than your wife?

quote:
To check her story, I looked for and borrowed a 8mm movie of a German Shepard stud having coitus with two woman.
That's gotta be an embarrassing experience.

quote:
but the dog would not mount her, nor did I see his penis erecting!
Rejected by a dog. That's just pathetic.

quote:
I was suspicious they may be using this dog for sexual purposes.
Just confirms my suspicions about you.

quote:
She was astonished at the amount of hot ejaculation of her dog lover, and she has craved it ever since! Again she never said a word.
But now there are five lumps in her belly, and she has developed four new nipples. Should we be concerned?

quote:
Men, and dogs, can smell her a mile away!
Perhaps she should shower more than once a week.
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Sabrina_Fairchild
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:
Even though I have read many of the threads in We've Got Mail, I have yet to find a post that made me laugh/disgusted me more than this one:
The things people will write to complete strangers about!
Sabrina "TMI TMI TMI!" Fairchild

[ 25. September 2005, 06:59 AM:   snopes ]

--------------------
As heard on "Street Smarts":
Q: Chicago has 2 professional baseball teams. The Cubs and....what is the other one? Hint: It's something you probably don't wear a lot.

Girl: Underwear?

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KingDavid8
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Aquadude:
*throws up*

Kinda gives new meaning to "You Owe Me A New Keyboard", doesn't it?

David

--------------------
www.MySpace.com/KDavid8

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defrostmode
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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I have to agree with --resELution-- about the mario one.

I had never seen it before, but the one --Rorgg-- posted made me laugh right now! people are so retarted sometimes

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Aquadude
I Saw Three Shipments


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quote:
Comment: thanks for accepting my question...
i am nearly 100% sure that i have seen MORGAN FREEMAN in an adult magazine AND an adult movie. he use to play on SESEME STREET and i would know his face ANYWHERE. i first saw him (i am nearly 100% sure) in a magazine...his name was under the picture reading...M0RGAN FREEMAN WORKS OUT FROM BEHIND...(i beleive it was a movie)...THEN...i saw him, alot younger, in a movie doing an anal to a very chunky black girl...please can you share some light on what i really believe is true...



--------------------
ˇEl Toro Loco!

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rockland6674
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Wizard of Yendor:
My personal favorite:
i think i possed by a glycipopese

"I think I'm possessed by a glass-eyed puppy"? [Confused]

Spooky... [Eek!]

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arnie
Jingle Bell Hock


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My favourite is from the 'Thanks for sharing!' thread:
quote:
Comment: Barbie collector Pabboo Redfeather was so upset that he was not able to attend the national barbie convention, last week in chicargo went to toys r us to make himself feel better and brought 3 fairytopia barbies, After getting home he took his 3 farirytopia barbies out the boxes and put them on the shelf, He ate his lunch and put a Diana ross cd on .
He sleep and after a hour he woke up and the 3 fairytopia barbies were flying around the room saying wee! Pabboo was so shocked but he just laid quitely on the bed and watched when the cd was over the fairytopia barbies stopped flying. Later that night he turned on the cd player again and yet again the the barbies were flying across the room, "amazing"
Pabboo said no other cd worked or made them fly. It was only the Diana Ross cd that did it.
the 3 barbies are still on his shelf and ones pink,blue and purple Pabboo thinks these dolls are special and being barbies 45th anniversary he glad he brought them..
This is a true story..I know pabboo and hes well know in the barbie world

Flying Barbie dolls... [Eek!]

--------------------
De gustibus non est disputandum.

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Senior
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Pabboo said no other cd worked or made them fly. It was only the Diana Ross cd that did it.
The Diana Ross CD and some mighty fine weed.

--------------------
Ad astra per asparagus.

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WildaBeast
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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I can't seem to find it now, but my favorite was one that went something like

"hello,

bleeeeez sex"

or something close to that.

It was just so random.

--------------------
"Unseasonable is an odd word to begin with. It sounds like it's describing something that it's impossible to sprinkle pepper on." -- Nonny

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by WildaBeast burger with fries:
I can't seem to find it now, but my favorite was one that went something like

"hello,

bleeeeez sex"

or something close to that.

It was just so random.

Found it:

quote:
Comment: hi


bleeeeeeeeeez sex


hellllllo



--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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mastershake
I Saw Three Shipments


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quote:
Comment: For years your website has been like "God" to my friends, family
and co-workers. However, you recently let me/us down. We had heard of
the ghost in 3 Men and a Baby.... You say it is all a hoax.... however,
you go to great lengths to avoid discussing the little boy in the
movie.... who is he? How did he get there? How did someone soooooooo
young get into a very secure "hot set?" Right, he's a cardboard cutout
of Ted Danson?

The truth is there was a lawsuit - it settled for an "anonymous amount"
and you will not print that....

Now we know the truth... the truth is You are Paid to print what "they"
want you to print. Too bad.
And so another "god" bites the dust.
You are paid off, just like the rest of us.

What I love about this one is that of ALL the UL debunkings on Snopes, this is one the one that bugs him...THIS is the one that discredits the entire organization. Three Men and a Baby...huh...

--------------------
"Most people don't find me nearly as funny as I find me."

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Roadie
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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I like the part about "just like the rest of us." Huh?

Roadie "where the hell's MY payola?" 4JCM

--------------------
"The little local company I buy from has CHEAP shipping and I have met their goats." (snapdragonfly)

"And that's one lost erection I'll never get back! You hear me Dan! I'm owed an erection!" (I'mNotDedalus)

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DarkDan
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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I like this one:

http://www.snopes.com/moives/moives.htm

Comment: Why it cannot be found? And the first page you make is so
stupid!For it will make everyone who sees feel he is cheated!So,goodbye for
ever!!!!!!!!

--------------------
Missing snopesters | snopesters Facebook group | SLC Birthdays | What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK!" and other lingo mean?
"Gonna free fall out into nothing, gonna leave this world for a while" --Tom Petty

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finger stutters
Deck the Malls


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This is my favorite one.
quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: I HAVE BEEN EATING CHEF BOYARDEE FOR 28 YEARS.MY GRANDMOTHER RAISED ME
ON IT ( BLESS HER HEART ). I AM 33 NOW AND STILL LOVE EATING MY SPAHGETTI AT
LEAST 3 TIMES A WEEK AT WORK. BUT TODAY I WAS A LITTLE DISSAPOINTED.... THERE
WAS HARDLY ANY NOODLES IN MY CAN...PLENTY OF MEATBALLS AND SAUCE BUT I MISSED
MY NOODLES. THIS IS CERTAINLY NOT GONNA STOP ME FROM GETTING MY WEEKLY 3 CANS
FOR LUNCH. MY CO-WORKERS ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO GET ME TO EAT A BURGER OR
SOMETHING.... BUT NO I HOLD UP MY CAN AND TELL THEM TO RAISE THERE KIDS ON IT
!!!! WELL IM GOING ON AND ON, I WILL STOP.... JUST PLEASE DONT SHORT ME ON MY
NOODLES AGAI. I HAVE NEVER HAD A BAD CAN TILL TODAY... I STILL ATE IT AND
ENJOYED !!!!! KEEP ON MAKIN GOOD LUNCHES!!!!!!



--------------------
YHBT. YHL. HAND.
My youtube channel

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Jerry's Kids
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:
He sleep and after a hour he woke up and the 3 fairytopia barbies were flying around the room saying wee!

Personally, I like how the Barbies flying around are saying "wee!"

Jerry's "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kids

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Rogue1stclass
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:
Comment: not a myth!

I learned about the pic-a-nig and lynch him history of the u.s. from a
black history professor back in the 1970's and that was before internet
folks. Interesting thing, this white denial. You never seen any pictures
of your forefathers having a party while black folk were lynched? Must you
dance around simple common sense reality that while these people were
picking a nigg.. to lynch they would cultivate a term to acknowlege their
occasion?
While you attempt to divert or attempt to intimidate with some obscure
French lingo, why don't you take a moment to prove how much Abe Lincon
liked black people? Come on, you can do it. Make my day!



This one always gets me because for some reason. I think it's the superior attitude matched with just about everything being wrong.

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Bored and Dangerous
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K:
I like this one:

http://www.snopes.com/moives/moives.htm

Comment: Why it cannot be found? And the first page you make is so
stupid!For it will make everyone who sees feel he is cheated!So,goodbye for
ever!!!!!!!!

[In my best Sound of Music style]Gooooodbyyyyyyyyyeeeeee.....Gooooodbyyyyyyyyyee!

--------------------
My blog

Watch?? I'm gonna pray, man! Know any good religions?--Zaphod Beeblebrox

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Jusenkyo no Pikachu
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by Jerry's Kids:
quote:
He sleep and after a hour he woke up and the 3 fairytopia barbies were flying around the room saying wee!

Personally, I like how the Barbies flying around are saying "wee!"

Jerry's "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kids

I'm holding onto MY gonads and strife here.

Pi "When you're a kid and ya wanna go wee..." ka

--------------------
"Never underestimate a nerd from outer space."
--Von, that alien from that Kids Incorporated episode.

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Squoval
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Comment: I once heard that a Japanese lady licked the toilet of the hotel
room where David Beckham had stayed. Is this true? I hope not.

Bill D.
Edited 9:53 because I found a new favourite. This one is so bizzare. Not because of the toilet thing, but because of the fact that it is not in ALL CAPS, uses good grammer, and appropiate punctuation. [fish]

--------------------
I can't believe it's not Square!

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Xia
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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I may change my mind at a later time, but mine would have to be:

quote:
Comment: I AM AFRAID I WILL NOT BE BUYING COCA COLA PRODUCTS THIS YEAR
DURING THE HOLIDAYS; MAYBE NOT AFTER.

AS "SILLY" AS YOU MAY THINK THIS IS...I AM 53 YRS OLD AND DO NOT REMEMBER
"SANTA CLAUS" NOT BEING A PART OF THE COCA COLAS WE HAD AT THE CHRISTMAS.

AS A CHILD, WE WERE NOT "GIVEN" COKES EXCEPT FOR TREATS AND SPECIAL
OCCASSIONS...NOT AS TODAY'S YOUTH AND CONSUMERS.

IF YOU WANT TO PROMOTE YOUR "POLAR BEARS" FINE...WHY WOULD YOU REMOVE
SANTA ... SHOULDN'T HE BE PART OF THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT (AND I DO NOT MEAN
THE "HOLIDAYS").

I PERSONALLY FEEL BUSINESSES AND SOCIETY IS FORCING OUT EVERY ASPECT OF
RELIGION, TRADITION, ETC. IF WE ARE ALL ALLOWED TO SHARE OUR
TRADITIONS...RELIGIOUS OR OTHERWUSE...
NO ONE IS LEFT OUT.

Yeah, because Christmas celebrates the birth of Santa Claus, right?
Oh AND it's so horrible that a company would gear commercials toward the HOLIDAY season rather than towards CHRISTMAS.

--------------------
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Posts: 2110 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Izunya
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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My new favorite: the Purple People Eater Letter, on "Why five year olds shouldn't be on the internet."

quote:
Comment: I really hate One-eyed flying purple people eaters! I mean,
seriously! They're all like, "I like to eat people, I'm purple, I fly and
I have one eye!"
Well skrew you! I don't give a crap! Go away! Nobody likes you! ARRRR!!!!
PLEASE GET THEM AWAY! THEY'RE FUKING ANNOYING ME!!!!!
btw,
Is the rumor about the metal thing true? I asked my friend, but he called
me a "Poo-poo face." I told him to go fuck himself.

In my opinion, this beats even "bleeeeeez, sex," and the glycipopese for utter randomness.

Izunya

Posts: 138 | From: Knoxville, Tennessee | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Verly The Elf
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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Found in: I'm fine. Who are you? [lol]
---------------------------------
Comment: What, pray tell, do you use as a foundation/authority for your role as an
Oracle?

--------------------
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. ~Kin Hubbard

Posts: 14 | From: Nelsonville, OH | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
the Virgin Marrya
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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I find this Oracle to be good [Big Grin]

--------------------
Windows cannot open this file. To open this file correctly, defenestrate, then try running the file again...

Posts: 5383 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Wild Card
Jingle Bell Hock


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quote:


Comment: Hi,I love the candy canes because My name is close to Jesus.My name is
Jessica.I knew half of the story about candy canes!!
P.S.I'm eating a candy cane NOW at Dec.13th.2001!!


I think that speaks for itself.

--------------------
"It's a perfect system...unless it screws up." -Biology Professor

Posts: 495 | From: Orange County, CA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
bratling
Silence of the Clams


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I almost fell out of my chair at work over this one

quote:
Comment: i farted and it smells like cheese.i farted next to my mom and
the lamp shade .After I did that the lamp shade caught on
fire!.....................................................................
.......................hahahahahahahahahahahahahqhqhahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahhahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahaha
hahahahsazhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
yahahahahahahahahahahayhauy


Posts: 1141 | From: TamperBay Area | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Neffti Noel
We Three Blings


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quote:
Originally posted by bratling:
I almost fell out of my chair at work over this one

quote:
Comment: i farted and it smells like cheese.i farted next to my mom and
the lamp shade .After I did that the lamp shade caught on
fire!.....................................................................
.......................hahahahahahahahahahahahahqhqhahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahhahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahaha
hahahahsazhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
yahahahahahahahahahahayhauy


I hear you - I am still laughing so hard at this I fear my eyes will pop out

It's the "Next to my Mom and the lampshade" detail that gets me, like the 2 go together naturally.

I have to stop thinking about this now. [lol]

Posts: 1157 | From: Westcountry UK "It's Bootiful" | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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