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Author Topic: Must . . . bang . . . head
snopes
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Comment: I just read a page where something definitely smells fishy. The claim is
that someone wrote a computer program to give a calendar at a command
prompt in Unix. But they screwed up, and checking September of 1752 shows
that 12 days are missing. So the story goes that some AT&T officials
talked to the Pope about this, and had the twelve days erased from
history. I can't see this one being true, but maybe you'd want to
research it! Here's the link:

http://www.csd.uwo.ca/staff/magi/personal/humour/Computer_Audience/'cal%209%201752'%20explained.html

Or look for "cal 9 1752" on the web.

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anue
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Wow..

--------------------
om mani padme hum

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Mr. Furious
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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I just hope they didn't send Carrot Top.

--------------------
"He's not gonna let me in, I'm Mr. Dirty Mouth!"
- Jeffrey Coho (Craig Bierko), Boston Legal

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Trowa
We Three Blings


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The sheer and unbridled idiocy of some people astounds me...

--------------------
“If you shut up truth and bury it under the ground, it will but grow, and gather to itself such explosive power that the day it bursts through it will blow up everything in its way.” -Emile Zola

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anue
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by Trowa, now with extra angst:
The sheer and unbridled idiocy of some people astounds me...

I'd have thought that after several months at snopes you would have developed an immunity? "We've Got Mail" in itself has, I bet, driven many to insanity at the sheer thought of the hopelessness of it all since we are forced to inhabit these earth with these people, who directly or indirectly, change the fact of our lives through our interactions with them.

Tree " [Smile] " Hugger

--------------------
om mani padme hum

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tagurit
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Tree Hugger:
I'd have thought that after several months at snopes you would have developed an immunity? "We've Got Mail" in itself has, I bet, driven many to insanity at the sheer thought of the hopelessness of it all since we are forced to inhabit these earth with these people, who directly or indirectly, change the fact of our lives through our interactions with them.

uh oh... They do? *thumbing through my facts* Which one is it?

tag the one about the birds n the bees? urit

--------------------
Explore, enjoy and protect the planet
---
AAMAH

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snopes
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Comment: I did a search for the article "Bush Sells Alaska Back To Russia", but
failed to find anything. Here is the link. This is a hoax, right?

http://www.top-greetings.com/N.py?A=20030121

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Elbe
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: I did a search for the article "Bush Sells Alaska Back To Russia", but
failed to find anything. Here is the link. This is a hoax, right?

http://www.top-greetings.com/N.py?A=20030121

How do these people find these things? I never just stumble across fake news reports unless I happen to cruise over to the onion.

--------------------
Nobody loves Elbe...
-The Adventure of the Avatar Tutorials (3/29)

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snopes
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Okay, I can understand (barely) someone's not being able to discern the difference between a real news site and a joke site. I can't understand, however, how someone could honestly think that the President of the United States sold an entire state to another country, and the only place he's reading about it is on an obscure web site.

- snopes

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Frozen Chosen
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: I did a search for the article "Bush Sells Alaska Back To Russia", but
failed to find anything. Here is the link. This is a hoax, right?

http://www.top-greetings.com/N.py?A=20030121

Of course it's not a hoax. I'm wearing a fur coat, eating smoked black cod and caviar and drinking vodka right now.
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Spam & Cookies-mmm
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: I did a search for the article "Bush Sells Alaska Back To Russia", but
failed to find anything. Here is the link. This is a hoax, right?

http://www.top-greetings.com/N.py?A=20030121

This is so stupid. Everyone knows it was CARTER who sold Alaska back to the Ruskies!

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Isaac
Happy Holly Days


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Why bother going to the trouble of actually buying Alaska? Since we decided to throw out the ABM treaty, couldn't Russia conceivably throw out the Alaska Purchase treaty?

--------------------
All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo.

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midibid
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by Isaac:
Why bother going to the trouble of actually buying Alaska? Since we decided to throw out the ABM treaty, couldn't Russia conceivably throw out the Alaska Purchase treaty?

I could be wrong, but I don't think land purchases are done by treaty.

mid"If so, I'm throwing out my mortgage treaty!"ibid

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Publius
Happy Holly Days


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Well, unlike the ABM Treaty, the Alaska Purchase treaty has no provision for the withdrawal of a signatory.
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StarlandVocalBand
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: I just read a page where something definitely smells fishy.

Maybe you should stop bringing your laptop down to the waterfront, then.
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StarlandVocalBand
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Okay, I can understand (barely) someone's not being able to discern the difference between a real news site and a joke site. I can't understand, however, how someone could honestly think that the President of the United States sold an entire state to another country, and the only place he's reading about it is on an obscure web site.

- snopes

Especially one that sells candles and invites you to "get the top jokes by e-mail."

Heyyyy, wait a minute [calls the New York Times]...

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snopes
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Comment: I am pretty sure this is fake. Please check and see. I think it
is a hoax because it just doesn't seem plausible to me....

Iraq new nursery song for the kids..

New nursery song a must for the kids...

Sung to the tune: "If You're Happy And You Know It Clap Your Hands"

If we cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets hurt your Mama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are Saudi
And the bank takes back your Audi
And the TV shows are bawdy,
Bomb Iraq.

If the corporate scandals growin', bomb Iraq.
And your ties to them are showin', bomb Iraq.
If the smoking gun ain't smokin'
We don't care, and we're not jokin'.
That Saddam will soon be croakin',
Bomb Iraq.

Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq.
From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections;
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

While the globe is slowly warming, bomb Iraq.
Yay! the clouds of war are storming, bomb Iraq.
If the ozone hole is growing,
Some things we prefer not knowing.
Though our ignorance is showing!
Bomb Iraq.

So here's one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq,
From his favourite little laddy, bomb Iraq.
Saying no would look like treason.
It's the Hussein hunting season.
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

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Alexina, northern star
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: I am pretty sure this is fake. Please check and see. I think it
is a hoax because it just doesn't seem plausible to me....


Yep, definitely a hoax. The Iraqui Nursery Rhyme Writers wouldn't have written this for Iraqi kids to sing; none of those wacky Arabs speak English. That's a dead giveaway!!!!

OTOH, I could see G.W. singing that...

[Roll Eyes] Alex "clap, clap" ina

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snopes
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Comment: True or False? (not found on site...)

A proctologist claims that these are actual comments made by his patients
while he was performing rectal exams:
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy! That was sphincterrific!"
5. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is
not, in fact, up there?"
6. "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the
Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

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anue
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the
Hokey Pokey...."

Whatever happened to putting it in again and shaking it all about?

--------------------
om mani padme hum

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Otters kinda look like rats
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: I just read a page where something definitely smells fishy. The claim is
that someone wrote a computer program to give a calendar at a command
prompt in Unix. But they screwed up, and checking September of 1752 shows
that 12 days are missing. So the story goes that some AT&T officials
talked to the Pope about this, and had the twelve days erased from
history. I can't see this one being true, but maybe you'd want to
research it! Here's the link:

http://www.csd.uwo.ca/staff/magi/personal/humour/Computer_Audience/'cal%209%201752'%20explained.html

Or look for "cal 9 1752" on the web.

I guess he missed the fact that the word HUMOUR appears in the address.
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AngelusC
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: True or False? (not found on site...)

A proctologist claims that these are actual comments made by his patients
while he was performing rectal exams:
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy! That was sphincterrific!"
5. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is
not, in fact, up there?"
6. "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the
Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

I guess these people don't know a joke when they see one.

Angelus "had me cracking up" C

--------------------
"Must be Christmas on the Borg ship"-Crow, Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

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Callie Cat
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: True or False? (not found on site...)

A proctologist claims that these are actual comments made by his patients
while he was performing rectal exams:
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy! That was sphincterrific!"
5. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is
not, in fact, up there?"
6. "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the
Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

They forgot the number one thing proctologists hear when they are pulling things out of there:

"It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one."
10 pts for the reference.

Callie.

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StarlandVocalBand
The Red and the Green Stamps


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Hey, it's the ASSMAN!
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Pseudo_Croat
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Maybe we ought to give proctologists the respect they deserve. After all, they have to look at sick assholes all day.

- Pseudo "butt seriously, folks..." Croat

--------------------
"At all events, people who deny the influence of smaller nations should remember that the Croats have the rest of us by the throats." - Norman Davies, Europe: A History

God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.

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SilverElf4
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
I don't know if any of you used to haunt the old Hecklers.com website, but they had a rash of HUTA jokes - "Hand Up The Ass" - I occasionally see HUTA references still floating around, this one reminded me of it.

Silver "Jabba the HUTA" Elf 4

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Callie Cat
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by StarlandVocalBand:
Hey, it's the ASSMAN!

Correct - you may collect your 10 pts.

Callie.

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kessira
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
[QB] Comment: I am pretty sure this is fake. Please check and see. I think it
is a hoax because it just doesn't seem plausible to me....
http://www.terindell.com/asylum/filk/other/brown/ensign.txt

Nope, this is not a hoax. It is a real, honest-to gawd filk song.

http://www.dnaco.net/~mobrien/filk/filklink.html

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Vault/8789/

http://www.filklore.com/songs/index.html

That's all I have to say.

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kessira
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: True or False? (not found on site...)

A proctologist claims that these are actual comments made by his patients
while he was performing rectal exams:...

5. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is
not, in fact, up there?"

Okay, since the person who asked that one is a man, it is pretty much a given that his head IS up there, permanently, whether the doc can see it or not! It may in fact be too small to see...Can you tell I'm a married wench?

Ju"Yes, if a man speaks in a forest and no woman
is around to hear him he is STILL wrong!"dy

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snopes
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Comment: I was just sent this, did a search on your site re "BUSH" and "OIL" and
didn't see this -- a purported letter from Dubbya. Would love to know if
it's the real thing! Thx!


IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED : HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH
DEAR SIR / MADAM,

I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
OF AMERICA, GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND CURRENTLY SERVING AS PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT MET NEITHER IN PERSON

[rest of Nigerian Scam parody deleted]

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Sue Bee
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: I was just sent this, did a search on your site re "BUSH" and "OIL" and
didn't see this -- a purported letter from Dubbya. Would love to know if
it's the real thing! Thx!

Yes, it's real funny.
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snopes
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Comment: I received this e-mail today . . . is it true???

Subject: Bedtime Virus

If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do
not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase
everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on
disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of
your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the
tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you
attempt to play. It will program your hand-phone auto dial to call only 1-800
numbers.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.

It will drink ALL your beer.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING??

It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are
expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with
Rogaine.

If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it
will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags
from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your Skim milk with
whole milk.

******* WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. *******

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart
so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of
you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.

Send this warning to everyone.

If you are a blonde, this is a joke.

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anue
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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I think the above email was sent as a joke.

Correction: I HOPE the above email was sent as a joke.

Again, I have lost hope in humanity.. thanks.

--------------------
om mani padme hum

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LittleDuck
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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A few comments to make-the Iraq song reminded me of the song out when I was younger (much) back in late 70's early 80's and the hostages were in Iran. I dunno if it was a local thing or not but I remember my aunts thinking it was wonderful...it was to the tune of the Beach Boys "Barbara Ann" and was called "Bomb Iran." I can still remember it to this day (parts anyway) probably because I was subjected to it so much.
SECOND THING: The comment about Bush selling Alaska back reminded me of the bithday card my sister and her hubby sent my mother this past year. I'm going to paraphrase-
W and Dick Chaney were in a restaurant and ordering dinner. Chaney orders the heart healthy salad (I remember that because it struck me as very funny). W leans closer to the waitress and says, "Honey, I'd like a 'quickie'." The waitress gets real mad and proceeds to say how she thought W's election would usher in a new era of morals etc and storms off. Then Chaney leans towards W and says, "Uh, George...I think it's pronounced 'QUICHE'..."
Little "heh heh heh" Duck

--------------------
"Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie." -Apu (The Simpsons)

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noreen
We Three Blings


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I am turning 30 soon...someone please tell me it ain't all as bad as it seems...

30's not bad; now 50, that's the @#$%.

--------------------
"No matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'"

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