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Author Topic: It's something we call HUMOR
ranran yousei
The Red and the Green Stamps


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That's actually kind of clever, not rolling on the floor sufficating from laughter clever, but enough that I smiled.


Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... seems to me that I've heard something like this before.....

Oh! I know!!!!

[Big Grin]


ranran "but then again, it's only a theory I have" yousei

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Comment: I received this e-mail. Seems like a fake but who knows?

Bush to Puerto Rico: "You're Next"

President retracts statement after learning Puerto Rico is United States territory

http://www.thebluebrick.net/bush2.html

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Greg of Winter
Xboxing Day


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quote:
Originally posted by ranran yousei:
All I get when I click that link is a redirect to here:
http://www.freewebs.com/notfound.htm

Backtracking the URL is to a cheat site for some game. Yah, I think the story is real. Uh huh. Yup yup. The info has to be real if it comes from such a reliable site as a cheat downlaod!

Shame though, I really wanted to see it and have some insights. [Big Grin]


ranran "lions and tigers and bears... oooooh myyyy" yousei

The Onion had a similar story about a zookeeper being raped by a horny grizzly bear. The best part is that it is written like one of those cutesy slow-news day animal antics stories, complete with bad puns.

--------------------
Meanwhile, at stately Wayne Manor...

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ranran yousei
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: I received this e-mail. Seems like a fake but who knows?

Bush to Puerto Rico: "You're Next"

President retracts statement after learning Puerto Rico is United States territory

http://www.thebluebrick.net/bush2.html

From that link (right under the 'story'):

"Click Here to go to the front page and get more satire!"

I guess the concerned reader missed the word "satire". [Roll Eyes]


quote:
Originally posted by Gregodendron:
The Onion had a similar story about a zookeeper being raped by a horny grizzly bear. The best part is that it is written like one of those cutesy slow-news day animal antics stories, complete with bad puns.

Ah, I see.

I'm always missing the good stuff it seems.

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Comment: Is this a hoax being thrown around the internet, or is it true?

AOL Admits 40% of Subscribers Don't Have Computers

Source: http://www.watleyreview.com/2004/111604-3.html

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ranran yousei
The Red and the Green Stamps


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Well, I guess it shows that 60% of AOL users aren't as stupid as some would have us believe!

[Big Grin]

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Comment: "WHY YOUR DOG REALLY GOES OUTSIDE" TRUE OR UNTRUE?

Video attachment

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an Em Dash of sugar
Xboxing Day


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Of course it's true...didn't you hear that canine smoking rates are on the rise? And the average canine smoker begins before the age of 3.5. A sad state of affairs, really. Sigh.
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Joe Bentley
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by Gregodendron:
The Onion had a similar story about a zookeeper being raped by a horny grizzly bear. The best part is that it is written like one of those cutesy slow-news day animal antics stories, complete with bad puns.

The first time I read that story I couldn't help but imagine it being read by Kent Brockman. I was in tears before I go to the end.

--------------------
"Existence has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long." - Rorschach, The Watchmen

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Em Dash-ing Through the Snow:
Of course it's true...didn't you hear that canine smoking rates are on the rise? And the average canine smoker begins before the age of 3.5. A sad state of affairs, really. Sigh.

That's 24.5 dog-years - much later than the average human smoker!

--------------------
My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

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ranran yousei
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: "WHY YOUR DOG REALLY GOES OUTSIDE" TRUE OR UNTRUE?

Video attachment

That video made me miss my dog. [Frown]

No, she didn't smoke, but that was the breed she was.

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Joe Bentley
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: "WHY YOUR DOG REALLY GOES OUTSIDE" TRUE OR UNTRUE?

Video attachment

Oh that's no fair they cut out the end of the commerical where the dog talks. But then they would probably still want to know if it was true or not.

--------------------
"Existence has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long." - Rorschach, The Watchmen

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Comment: I heard on the nationally syndicated radio show, Steve and DC,
this morning that 4 of the members that played the 1960's song "Rescue Me"
by Fontella Bass dropped dead of heart attacks immediately after the last
note of the song was recorded. Could you verify if this is true? I have
searched all over the internet and can't find anything about it.

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TrishDaDish
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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"Well, most dogs, as you know, are chain smokers." - Doug MacKenzie, Great White North album

"Once I saw this guy, and he taught his dog to beg for cigarettes! Boy, that dog could smoke!" - Irritating kid, The Kids In The Hall


There seems to be a smoking dogs epidemic in Canada.

--------------------
I would prefer not to.
My blog

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Comment: Is this true?

LITTLE OLD LADY

A good looking biker stops by the Harley shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. Next, he stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem, how to carry all of his purchases home.

The owner said, "Put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand."

"Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went.

But in the parking lot, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes, Lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

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Comment: Is this true? Thank you!

MEXICANS USE SLINGSHOT TO SNEAK INTO U.S.
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/politics/61656

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Comment: I just received this today and wanted to know if this is true????

Thanks!

-----------------------------------------------

URGENT ASSISTANCE - FROM USA

IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED : HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH
202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
FAX: 202.456.2461

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am GEORGE WALKER BUSH, son of the former president of the
United States of America George Herbert Walker Bush, and
currently serving as President of the United States of
America. This letter might surprise you because we have not
met neither in person nor by correspondence. I came to know
of you in my search for a reliable and reputable person to
handle a very confidential business transaction, which
involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to an account
requiring maximum confidence.

I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek
your assistance in acquiring oil funds that are presently
trapped in the republic of iraq. My partners and I solicit
your assistance in completing a transaction begun by my
father, who has long been actively engaged in the extraction
of petroleum in the United States of America, and bravely
served his country as director of the United States Central
Intelligence Agency.

In the decade of the nineteen-eighties, my father, then
vice-president of the United States of America, sought to
work with the good offices of the President of the Republic
of Iraq to regain lost oil revenue sources in the neighboring
islamic republic of Iran. This unsuccessful venture was soon
followed by a falling-out with his Iraqi partner, who sought
to acquire additional oil revenue sources in the neighboring
emirate of Kuwait, a wholly-owned U.S.-British subsidiary.


My father re-secured the petroleum assets of Kuwait in 1991
at a cost of sixty-one billion u.s. dollars
($61,000,000,000). Out of that cost, thirty-six billion
dollars ($36,000,000,000) were supplied by his partners in
the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and other persian gulf
monarchies, and sixteen billion dollars ($16,000,000,000) by
German and Japanese partners. But my father's former Iraqi
business partner remained in control of the republic of Iraq
and its petroleum reserves.

My family is calling for your urgent assistance in funding
the removal of the President of the Republic of Iraq and
acquiring the petroleum assets of his country, as
compensation for the costs of removing him from power.
unfortunately, our partners from 1991 are not willing to
shoulder the burden of this new venture, which in its
upcoming phase may cost the sum of 100 billion to 200 billion
dollars ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), both in the
initial acquisition and in long-term management.

Without the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be
able to acquire the oil revenue trapped within Iraq. That is
why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking your
gracious assistance. Our distinguished colleagues in this
business transaction include the sitting vice-president of
the United States of America, Richard Cheney, who is an
original partner in the Iraq venture and former head of the
Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, whose
professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in
the naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her.

I would beseech you to transfer a sum equaling ten to
twenty-five percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our
account to aid in this important venture. The internal
revenue service of the United States of America will function
as our trusted intermediary. I propose that you make this
transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of the month of April.

I know that a transaction of this magnitude would make anyone
apprehensive and worried. But I am assuring you that all will
be well at the end of the day. A bold step taken shall not be
regretted, I assure you. Please do be informed that this
business transaction is 100% legal. If you do not wish to
co-operate in this transaction, please contact our
intermediary representatives to further discuss the matter.

I pray that you understand our plight. My family and our
colleagues will be forever grateful. Please reply in strict
confidence to the contact numbers below.

Sincerely with warm regards,

George Walker Bush

Switchboard: 202.456.1414
Comments: 202.456.1111
Fax: 202.456.2461
Email: president@whitehouse.gov

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ranran yousei
The Red and the Green Stamps


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1) To well written to have been Bush. [Big Grin]

2) Reads like the Nigerian scam.

3) Whyyyy would he need money? No, seriously. If he needed money (despite personal financial position), I'm sure there's strings he could pull, or rich friends he could ask.

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Comment: Is this true?

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is
contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is
called Gonorrhea lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him").
Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the
past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect
themselves from this especially troublesome disease.
Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea lectim
include, but are not limited to: Anti-social personality disorder
traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor;
chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive
dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced
xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions;
exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado;
uncontrolled facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history;
tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong
propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior.
The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and
epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease
originated only a few years ago in a Texas Bush

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Comment: I just got this e-mail....did a search and could not find it on
your site. The story:

18 NURSES PREGNANT AFTER REST HOME VIAGRA PARTY

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/sex/61260

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WizyWyg
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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yeah, and I know of a 10 month pregnant mom who gave birth on a roller coaster ( also care of weeklyworld news)
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Comment: I got this from a friend

"This new scam is being pulled mainly on older men. What happens is that
when you stop for a red light, a young nude woman comes up and pretends to
be washing your windshield. While she is doing this, another person opens
your back door and steals everything in the car. They are very good at
this. They got me 7 times Friday and 5 times Saturday. I wasn't able to
find them on Sunday."


THis can't be true, who would let themselves get robbed 12 times!! I
wanted to pass it on in case there's another variation. I'd love to hear
more.

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Karmyn
Jingle Bell Hock


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But what if you don't have anything in the back seat of the car? Do they steal the back seat?

--------------------
"I have a very cunning plan."

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Penny
Deck the Malls


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It misses a lot in the text-only version! The full version is making the rounds and is posted here. (Warning: Non-work-safe, contains nudity)
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snopes
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Comment: Is there really a new law to ban Urban Legends?

http://www.bbspot.com/News/2005/02/ban_urban_legends.html

That would either put you out of business, or make you a Government
Agency!

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Four Kitties
Layaway in a Manger


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I dunno; this certainly sounds like us:
quote:
The ACLU contends that this law would violate free speech rights. "Congress cannot limit constitutionally guaranteed rights, just because they are too dumb to realize something is a piece of fiction."
Four Kitties

--------------------
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Comment: I got this in an email:

"Subject: a new boost for men

Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid
form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for
use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour
himself
a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it
gives
new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good
old-fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will market the new concoction by the
name of: "MOUNT & DO." "

How true is this? Does this mean that we all have to avoid Pepsi now?

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Real Hair
The Red and the Green Stamps


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How could they not include a reference to something as obvious as 7UP???
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Comment: I ran across a bit of trivia that says Mrs P Ride took out a
patent on sliced bread in 1954. I can't find any "true" information about
this fact. A teacher at West Valley High School claims Mrs P Ride was her
aunt and patented slice bread in 1954. This was the only reference I could
find. This bit of trivia does not sound correct - do you have any further
information?

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ranran yousei
The Red and the Green Stamps


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It wasn't Mrs. P. Ride, that's why.

It was Mr. Hue Moore.


(I got it [fish] It's late, I haven't slept much, lame joke. sorry)

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Comment: Couldn't find this one on your site. True/false? I'm guessing false!

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot on their foreheads. We have always naively thought that it had something to do with their religion. The true story has recently been revealed by the Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C.

When one of these women gets married, she brings with her, a dowry. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the red spot to see if he has won either a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States.

Just thought you would like to know.

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Comment: Please tell me this isn't true?! http://www.dogcondoms.com I
refuse to believe it!

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ranran yousei
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: Please tell me this isn't true?! http://www.dogcondoms.com I refuse to believe it!

quote:
The condoms also come in lubricated and meat scented varieties to enhance pleasure for both dog partners.
[lol] meat scented. I don't know why that had me chuckling, but it did.


ranran "no no NO! it's NOT a Scooby Snack!" yousei

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Comment: Have you seen this?

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4111

Michael Jackson has been dead for twenty years?!?

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ranran yousei
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: Have you seen this?

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4111

Michael Jackson has been dead for twenty years?!?

Scrolling down the linked page, did anyone else jump when they reached picture of Michael? Maybe I'm tired, but the picture of the "corpse" only amused me, but as I scrolled, not expecting another picture, those dark eyes suddenly contrasted against the page gave me a startle.

[lol]


ranran "boo! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!" yousei

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