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Author Topic: It's something we call HUMOR
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Comment: I had a friend who told me this story and I'm still laughing. I don't
think it's true, but I'll take a shot.

There was this hotel in NYC that was under construction.
Three different men came at separate times. One man at the third floor didn't
have a mirror. The guy on the second floor didn't have a crapper. The guy on
the first floor didn't have a TV.
The next morning the man on the top floor was shaving and looking at his
reflection in the mirror when he dropped the razor out of the window. The man
below him was urinating out the window when the razor cut off his penis.
The man below stuck his hand out the window to see what the weather was like
when the penis fell in his hand.


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Nonny Mouse, on Santa's laptop
Once in Royal Circuit City


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This sounds like the answer to one of those "how did this happen?" puzzles.

Nonny

--------------------
When there isn't anything else worth analyzing, we examine our collective navel. I found thirty-six cents in change in mine the other day. Let no one say that there is no profit in philosophy. -- Silas Sparkhammer


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Ron the geek at St Pete
The Red and the Green Stamps


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There is more to the billy (the boy with only a head) story.

His parent were on a trip to Europe and they were discussing poor Billy's plight with the gentleman seated by them on the flight. After hearing abour poor Billy, he told them he was an engineer and had been working on an artificial body for the military. He said it would be perfect for Billy. He asked them to stop in his shop on their way back to the states. They were so excited they cancelled their trip and went immediately to the engineers shop when they landed. As promised he showed them how to operate the artifical body and they made plans to return to Billy with this wonderful body.

Upon arrival billy's mother rushed in to billy while his dad was getting the body out of the trunk.
"Billy, Billy you will never guess what your father and i brought you from Europe!"
"Another NFBSKing hat" he said


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I was recently sent this link by a friend:
http://www.cheeseracing.org

I did a search on your Snopes site to see if Cheese Racing really exists.
Any truth to this?


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Comment: This "current news article" has been circulating and I was wondering
if it had any truth to it. I have seen on your website how many quotes and
news events had been taken out of context. I was a little suspicious when
there was no date, or newspaper reference.

-----------------------------

WASHINGTON DC--During the National Spelling Bee this week in the nation's
capital, Islamic spectators became outraged upon discovering that the USA was
embedded in the middle of Jerusalem, Israel's holiest city.

The revelation was made by Douglas Levin, an eighth grader at the Joseph
Lieberman Day School in Rockville Center, Md. When young Levin was asked to
spell the word Jerusalem, he replied:

'J...E...R.....USA.....L...E...M.'

An audible gasp sounded from Muslim onlookers, who realized for the first time
a USA presence in the holy city.

Muslim parents immediately protested the spelling contest, citing American bias
toward Israel.

'It's a clear violation of church and state,' said Muhammed Ahlee, lobbyist for
the Arab group Holy Shiite.

Bee officials quickly denied any wrongdoing, asserting that the Muslims were
merely disgruntled because Rajeed Raheed, a seventh grader from Al Kaydah
Junior High, had been eliminated earlier for misspelling Afghanistan as
Afghanustan.

'There is no 'A-N-U-S' in the middle of Afghanistan,' said one bee official,
'unless you believe bin Laden is still hiding there.'


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You're the DoubleD in Disguise
The Red and the Green Stamps


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Oh, yeah, that sounds real.

quote:
An audible gasp sounded from Muslim onlookers, who realized for the first time
a USA presence in the holy city.

Ha. More evidence of the Bible's prophetical accuracy, I suppose: a city with a name that goes back thousands of years predicted that one day a country named "USA" would one day have a "presence" in it.


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Comment: I received this email this evening and thought you'd be interested
since it's supposed to be true.

--------------------

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke with a
good old Camel cigarette, when it started to rain.

One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her
cigarette, and continued to smoke her Camel.

Lady 1: What's that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely.
She is, after all, over 80 years of age. But very delicately the
pharmacist asks Lady 1 what brand she prefers.

The elderly Lady 1 replied "Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a
Camel".

It was reported that the pharmacist fainted.

.... this really happened in a small town in Louisiana ... so help me ....


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bufungla
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
The elderly Lady 1 replied "Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a
Camel".

It was reported that the pharmacist fainted.

.... this really happened in a small town in Louisiana ... so help me ....


Item to add to every "Did you know" chain letter:

101) ... that people have to ruin perfectly good jokes by adding "this really happened" or "the storekeeper/interviewer/old lady/Barbara Walters fainted" after the punch line

buf 'and nobody knows why' ungla

--------------------
"Pardon him. Theodotus: he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature."

George Bernard Shaw, Caesar and Cleopatra


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Comment: I got this email today from UncleURL and it is suspicious. I am trying
to verify it's authenticity but yet to find anything regarding this refund.

GET A REFUND FROM THE POPE!

That's right -- Breaking News today from the Vatican's
Newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano:

"...The Holy Church cannot allow parishioners to bear the
financial burden for sins of Church leaders... the Catholic
Church will return in full all financial donations to
parishioners in the Americas..."

http://207.69.141.215/vatican/church_news/donation_annulment.shtml


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Dr. Winston O'Boogie
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: I got this email today from UncleURL and it is suspicious. I am trying
to verify it's authenticity but yet to find anything regarding this refund.

GET A REFUND FROM THE POPE!

That's right -- Breaking News today from the Vatican's
Newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano:

"...The Holy Church cannot allow parishioners to bear the
financial burden for sins of Church leaders... the Catholic
Church will return in full all financial donations to
parishioners in the Americas..."

http://207.69.141.215/vatican/church_news/donation_annulment.shtml


I was about to start my note with "To be fair, whomever created the web site did a great job of making it look authentic." Then, I noticed that the induhvidual who wrote to snopes started out with "I got this email today from UncleURL "
Um, here's a little quote from the UncleURL home page.....

quote:
What's this all about? Well, our fearless Internauts forage the web each week, looking for useful, bizarre and fun web sites. Sign up now (it's FREE!), and twice weekly you'll receive an e-mail from Linky and Dinky in which they share their latest discoveries

IT'S THE FIRST THING YOU SEE ON THE SITE! YOU SIGNED UP FOR IT! IF THEY SENT YOU A STORY ABOUT A BOY WITH A BURLAP BAG FOR A BODY, WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT???? GET A nfbskING CLUE! OR, BETTER YET, BUY ONE FROM GETANFBSKINGCLUE.COM!!!!![/RANT]

Whew! Much better. Glad to get that off of my chest. In all fairness, the page is pretty well done. It links back to the actual Vatican site; the sub-directories in the address bar match those on the Vatican site. If you don't notice that the server changes from 207.69.141.215 to Vatican.va, I could see you getting confused. The background matches the Vatican site; the text and graphics also match. Then again, I was looking at the page again. There is only one link back to the Vatican; all others go back to UncleURL.

PT "The Vatican Rag" Vroman

--------------------
"The large print givith, and the small print taketh away" -- Tom Waits, Step Right Up

"The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad." -- Salvador Dali


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quote:
I was about to start my note with "To be fair, whomever created the web site did a great job of making it look authentic." Then, I noticed that the induhvidual who wrote to snopes started out with "I got this email today from UncleURL"

Even worse, when I wrote back to our correspondent to tell her the page was a humor piece, she responded by saying it wasn't funny and she'd have preferred that I just tell her whether or not it's a hoax.

- snopes


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Comment: I received this from a friend, and while I am pretty sure it is not true,
I cannot find it on your website. It sounded to me though like one that
will make the rounds, so thought I would send it to you. I'ld like to
know where it came from if it is trackable. I've not made any progress
in my searches.

--------------

STUDENTS DEMAND WARS IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES

A delegation of American high school students today demanded the United States stop waging war in obscure nations such as Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Bosnia-Herzegovina, and instead attack places they've actually heard of, such as France, Australia, and Austria, unless, they said, those last two are the same country . . .

[text of http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/geography.shtml deleted]


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Comment: Is this true?:

US Olympic skier Picabo Street has made a substantial donation to a
hospital in her home town. Apparently, her father received life saving
intensive care there after a severe heart attack last year.

A hospital spokesperson said: "We are very pleased that Ms. Street has
chosen to remember our hospital in this manner. Based on the size of
Picabo's donation, we will completely refurbish the intensive care unit
of the hospital where her father was treated. In honor of Ms. Street's
donation, the hospital will now call the unit... . .the Picabo I.C.U.


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Psyche the Electric Penguin
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:

... Australia, and Austria, unless, they said, those last two are the same country . . .

[text of http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/geography.shtml deleted]


Well not actually the same country, but really twins and so close that only our mothers can tell us apart! Both countries are almost exactly the same! [Thwack]

Psyche, the 'I can't remember if Oz is the evil twin or not?' penguin


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Comment: This got forwarded to me - is it true?

NEW YORK (AP) - More than a year removed from public office, former vice
president Al Gore and his wife Tipper are enjoying the best sex of their lives,
the happy couple reported Monday.

[text of http://www.theonion.com/onion3810/gores_enjoying_best_sex.html deleted]


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Psyche the Electric Penguin
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: This got forwarded to me - is it true?

NEW YORK (AP) - More than a year removed from public office, former vice
president Al Gore and his wife Tipper are enjoying the best sex of their lives,
the happy couple reported Monday.

[text of http://www.theonion.com/onion3810/gores_enjoying_best_sex.html deleted]

Something about that URL makes me a little suspicious as to it's truthfullness, but I can't quite put my finger on it [Big Grin]

Psyche, the 'onion? never heard of it' penguin

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IMightBe InTheGhetto
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: Is this true?:

US Olympic skier Picabo Street has made a substantial donation to a
hospital in her home town. Apparently, her father received life saving
intensive care there after a severe heart attack last year.

A hospital spokesperson said: "We are very pleased that Ms. Street has
chosen to remember our hospital in this manner. Based on the size of
Picabo's donation, we will completely refurbish the intensive care unit
of the hospital where her father was treated. In honor of Ms. Street's
donation, the hospital will now call the unit... . .the Picabo I.C.U.

I saw this for the first time right here, on the ULMB: Posted by love jones

quote:

Posted by the venerable and wise snopes:

Even worse, when I wrote back to our correspondent to tell her the page was a humor piece, she responded by saying it wasn't funny and she'd have preferred that I just tell her whether or not it's a hoax.

- snopes



I hope that you responded with the tinfoil hat after that. What more did you want to know?

IMightBe "idiots abound" Giant

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quote:
I hope that you responded with the tinfoil hat after that. What more did you want to know?
I told her that most people understand "parody" to mean "not factual," but she responded by saying it couldn't possibly be intended as humor, because she didn't think it was funny.

- snopes

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Comment: Is what Al Martin writes about Ed McMahon doing Neighborhood Watch
commercials true as described in this link?

http://www.almartinraw.com/column53.html

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Milky White Midway Bill
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
http://www.almartinraw.com/column53.html

Thanks to the commentor for that link! Gotta love this one too! Bet Dubba secretly would love a private police force walking around in SS uniforms! [Big Grin]

Midway "miss my old typewriter with the SS key" Bill

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Comment: SAD NEWS

I don't usually pass on sad news like this, but sometimes we need to pause and
remember what life is all about. There was a Great loss recently.
Larry LaPrise, who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey," died this week at age 83.
It was extremely difficult for the family to keep him in the casket. They'd put
his left leg in and ....well, you know the rest.

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honeymoonlaser
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: SAD NEWS

I don't usually pass on sad news like this, but sometimes we need to pause and
remember what life is all about. There was a Great loss recently.
Larry LaPrise, who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey," died this week at age 83.
It was extremely difficult for the family to keep him in the casket. They'd put
his left leg in and ....well, you know the rest.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

Its the HOKEY TOKEY gawdarnit!

honey "thats what its all about" laser

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Comment: I read this article and was just curious if it was true.

WASHINGTON, DC - Seeking to "narrow the focus of the drug war to the true enemy," Congress passed a bill legalizing drug use for the gainfully employed Monday.

[rest of text deleted]

http://www.theonion.com/onion3811/drugs_now_legal.html

[Yes, the URL above was included in the message.]

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Comment: Subject: The Next Thing for Ashcroft to Censor

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a
private investigator - Alan Pinkerton - for protection. And that was the
beginning of the Secret Service. Since that time, federal police
authority has grown to a large number of multi-letter agencies - FBI,
CIA, INS,
IRS,
DEA,
BATF, etc.
Now we have the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service."
Can't you see them now, these highly trained men and women in their
black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs:
"FATASS." I feel safer already.

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dagwood
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: is this true? thx

My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Dag "can't breathe...hahahahaha" wood
[Laughing out loud] [Laughing out loud] [Laughing out loud] [Laughing out loud]

edited to add

Just got to the part about being third base. Fell off my chair..bwahahahahaha

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Comment: please add this to your mistranslated humor page. there's no such
thing as Slut Airlines. i hate this crap and refer people to your page until
they finally stop sending crap to me.


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Comment: This lady had been married to a farmer all her life. They had
cows and horses on their farm and also grew a number of crops for sale at
the local farmer`s market. While shopping at the local grocery store for a
few items that she and her husband did not raise or grow for themselves,
she came across a contest form while she was in the store. It was from
the Carnation Milk Company and the object was to complete a jingle in
fifty words or less.

The Company furnished the first line of the jingle with these words, "I
like Carnation best of all......." and it was about those little cans of
milk found on grocery store shelves.

So she completed their jingle and sent it off to the Carnation Milk Company. A couple of months later, the woman was surprised when a
Carnation Milk representative came to her door and told her that her entry
was the best one submitted. However it was unfortunate the company could
not publish it. In lieu of that later fact, they had decided that her
entry was worth at least a consolation award and provided her with a
company check in the amount of $1000 for her creativity.

Here is her entry:

"I like Carnation best of all,
No tits to pull, no shit to haul
No barns to clean, no hay to pitch
JUST PUNCH A HOLE IN THE SON OF A BITCH."

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This has been really bugging me - I'm certain it's not true. Following the
death of the Queen Mother in the UK:

"What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it
is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went
un-noticed last week.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Kokey" died peacefully aged 83.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in - and things just started to go downhill from there."

Now, I've seen this before (as have others) -
http://www.deathsucks.com/morgue/larrylaprise.html
http://www.throck.com/articles/October_2001.html

but I can't find his bio - i.e. when he actually did die. That would be great.

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Milky White Midway Bill
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
This has been really bugging me - I'm certain it's not true. Following the
death of the Queen Mother in the UK:
...Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Kokey" died peacefully aged 83...

Hey, there really was a Larry La Prise! And it looks like he may have stole the song from this guy, who in-turn stole it from the Shakers?

It has also been known to breed violence in teenagers! But I can't for the live o' me figure out what the Queen Mum has to do with it?

Midway "shake what all about?" Bill

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Comment: I used your search engine to try and locate the following Home Depot
story to no avail. It seems far-fetched, but I thought I'd check with the
ULTIMATE authorities on web hoaxes!! Here's the link:

http://homerepair.about.com/library/humor/blhumor.htm

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epact
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
STUDENTS DEMAND WARS IN EASIER-TO-FIND COUNTRIES

... such as France, Australia, and Austria, unless, they said, those last two are the same country . . .

Well, I doubt that Australia would have a town called [NFBSK]ing, for a start... [Big Grin]
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Sparverius, Flying Rodent Control
The Red and the Green Stamps


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quote:
Originally posted by epact:
Well, I doubt that Australia would have a town called [NFBSK]ing, for a start... [Big Grin] [/QB]

Are you kidding? This is Australia we're talking about!
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DarkDan
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by snopes:
Comment: please add this to your mistranslated humor page. there's no such
thing as Slut Airlines. i hate this crap and refer people to your page until
they finally stop sending crap to me.


I wonder if Madonna would own those airlines...

Dark"Like a hooker...touched for the 8,000 time..."Dan

--------------------
Missing snopesters | snopesters Facebook group | SLC Birthdays | What does "Bookachow", "YOMANK!" and other lingo mean?
"Gonna free fall out into nothing, gonna leave this world for a while" --Tom Petty

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Comment: http://www.madblast.com/view.cfm?type=News&display=664

under sex>Caught in the act> man with pumpkin

you have it marked as not true. Visit the link, because it is true!

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Dr. Winston O'Boogie
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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Um, I do believe it says at the top of that link "Dirty Joke Of the Week".

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"The large print givith, and the small print taketh away" -- Tom Waits, Step Right Up

"The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad." -- Salvador Dali

Posts: 2443 | From: Illinois | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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