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Author Topic: Funny Quotes
D
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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I know a few of these are fake but I thought I'd post em to identify which is and which isn't. I can't believe anyone would say these things:

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !)
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca
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"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP (damn he's smart)
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Posts: 22 | From: Utah | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mosherette
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by D:

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

Debunked

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Silence should never under any circumstances be construed as agreement. A lot of the time, it's simply a reflection that someone just said something so stupid that no response could possibly do it justice. - Ramblin' Dave

Posts: 8528 | From: Nottingham, England | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DarkDan
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.


From here:

quote:
Miss Alabama 1994 was Heather Whitestone, I believe. Correct me if I am wrong. As most Alabamians (like me) know, Heather Whitestone is profoundly deaf. Therefore, she wouldn't know what she is saying is bad grammar (or whatever). Also, she became Miss America that year.
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

I think it's true, for some reason.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
Wikiquote said the source is USA Today.

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"Gonna free fall out into nothing, gonna leave this world for a while" --Tom Petty

Posts: 3698 | From: Philadelphia, PA or >Tinton Falls, NJ< | Registered: Oct 1492  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TB Tabby
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President

That one's Dan Quayle.

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I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

Posts: 942 | From: Illinois | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
AnglsWeHvHrdOnHiRdr
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !)

Nope

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"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty."--George Bernard Shaw

Posts: 19266 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

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