Just got this list of supposed Andy Rooney quotes. Legit?
Did you know that it costs forty-thousand
dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez,
for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles.
I already have bars on the windows.
I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run
twelve hours a day on a treadmill and
generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up
to the generator.
On Award Shows:
Can you believe how many award shows they
have now? They have awards for commercials.
The Cleo Awards, a whole show full of commercials.
I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.
You know those shows where people call in and
vote on different issues? Did you ever notice
There's always like 18% that say I don't know.
It costs 90 cents to call up and vote...
Why they're voting I don't know.
Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Into Phone) I DON'T KNOW!
Hangs up looking proud.) Sometimes you have
to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about. This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for
$2.95 to say I'm not in the mood.
On Answering Machine:
Did you ever hear one of these corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine?
Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is Share the love. Beep.
Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling....
Speaking of being positive, your
test is back. Stop sharing the love