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My mom came over today to bring some clothes she bought for my kids for the first day of school. As she showed me the clothes she kept telling me I need to make sure my kids look nice and pretty for school. I need to make sure my daughter's hair looks pretty and my son's clothes looked sharp.
Well, I showed her some shirts I had that were clean and gently used. Then she said "But they look old. You need your kids to look nice. If they don't, they will have low self-esteem and people will think you are white trash."
I also told my mom that my daughter hates me to fix her hair up. She has a tender scalp and really doesn't concern herself with making her hair look fancy. That's partly why I cut it short. But she still shook her head and still wouldn't let go of the notion that people will like her better if she's pretty.
All my life my mom has been obsessed with what other people think. She'd rather die than shop at a thrift store. If I shop there, she tells me not to let people know so that we won't look like "White trash".
Maybe I'm wrong, but pretty clothes won't prevent bullying. They'll(the bullies) find other reasons to target kids.
Thanks for letting me vent. This has been bugging me all day.
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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I can't help but wonder if it is something from her childhood. Maybe it is because she grew up poor in Mexico and didn't always have nice clothes. She just seems so hung up on outer image. It doesn't seem to matter if you're a nice person, or you are talented, if you look bad, then all that doesn't matter.
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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Well I really can't say whether the clothes you had were "pretty" or not, but it is a fact that children can get picked on because of their clothes.
I remember back in kindergarten a couple girls, including me, made fun of a boy because he wore a purple sweater. At a birthday party in grade school, a girl was made fun of for having Smurfs on her clothes. I remember these kids crying, and as I look back I think "It was only clothes, why would kids even care?" But kids can be really nasty about weird things sometimes.
I also remember back in middle school the girls were all very particular about brands. If you didn't have an Esprit bag, you weren't cool. If you didn't wear Guess jeans, you weren't cool. I'm sure the brands they have now are even more expensive and obvious.
I'm not saying you have to buy into all this and run to the nearest Gap, but if a problem does develop, it's something to consider. I'm glad my kid can't even read brand names yet so it's not a huge problem, but you'd be suprised how many moms out their dress their kids in Baby Gap and Gymboree and are shocked that anyone would buy *used* baby clothes.
Posts: 439 | From: Redondo Beach, CA | Registered: Sep 2005
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I don't know. you can be "different" on the first day of school and practically be marked for life. a charitable organization here in NJ does a backpack drive every year- i was assigned a 5 year old homeless girl- lives in a horrible motel-- they asked each of us to buy our kid school supplies, backpack, first day outfit, underwear, socks,shoes, maybe an extra outfit or two. the lady in charge said this is so the kids can go to school and at least look "normal", not just off in really bad hand me downs.( and believe me , i LOVE hand me downs!) the poverty these kids live in is really crushing-- it was nice to do something to help the little girl out-
-------------------- "Reading and writing, arithmetic and grammar do not constitute education, any more than a knife, fork and spoon constitute a dinner."
* Sir John Lubbock Posts: 76 | From: Clarksburg, NJ | Registered: Oct 2005
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Yeah, I'm not naive in thinking kids won't really care, but I guess I don't want my mom's paranoia to affect my kids.
We don't live in a rich neighborhood. Many people are working class, but my mom says I shouldn't look like I'm blue collar if that makes any sense.
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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also-- my eldest daughter is very very pretty- thin, big chest, green eyes, etc, not just saying that- but she is a gothy type girl- she said the fat goth girls hate her and ignore her -- whatever!
-------------------- "Reading and writing, arithmetic and grammar do not constitute education, any more than a knife, fork and spoon constitute a dinner."
* Sir John Lubbock Posts: 76 | From: Clarksburg, NJ | Registered: Oct 2005
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It sometimes doesn't matter if your clothes look good. You could get targeted for something physical.
Maybe my mom is worried that my kids will get bullied like I was. I had seizures all the time and kids tormented me about it.
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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"Maybe I'm wrong, but pretty clothes won't prevent bullying. They'll(the bullies) find other reasons to target kids."
Nope. You are not wrong. I've seen kids bullied who were cute, homely, plump, perfectly proportioned, brighter than average, average, less bright than average, well dressed, not well dressed.
I think that what makes a kid a target for bullies is being easy to pick on, for some reason. And that often has nothing to do with external issues.
Being dressed like their peers is always helpful, frankly, but - it is no guarentee of a pass.
-------------------- "Wolves, dragons and vampires, man. Draw the nut-bars like big ol' nut-bar magnets." ~evilrabbit
(snurched because one of my nutbar family members is all about wolves and another one is all about dragons...)(with apologies to surfcitydogdad) Posts: 2397 | From: Texarkana, TX | Registered: Mar 2006
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As a teacher, I do tend to notice when kids wear old, dirty, worn-looking clothes all the time and I feel sorry for the kids. The older they get, the more they stand out.
On the other hand, I also notice when little kids wear expensive, trendy, super-nice clothes all the time, and I wonder what their parents are trying to prove, or what message they are sending to their kids. I am not talking about a few special outfits; some kids dress like they are in a Gap for Kids catalog every day. New everything. Their parents must spend a fortune. And I really feel that this kind of clothing all the time can be detrimental to the elementary school experience. Kids are kids--they get dirty, they spill juice, they stain things with paint and markers, they run around outside. Super-nice clothes are not appropriate.
Okay, before this turns into a huge rant, my point is that both ends of the spectrum have their problems. Kids should wear what is comfortable for them and what they like, but it should fit properly, be in good repair, and be washed regularly. I'm sure the clothes you have are fine. Tell your mom that your kids are comfortable and are getting along just fine in school (if they are not, then you may need to speak with their teachers).
Snapdragonfly, I agree. I think low self-esteem, meekness, and being socially awkward contribute more to bullies than external appearance. At least, that's how it was for me.
-------------------- saxea ut effigies bacchantis prospicit eheu | prospicit et magnis curarum fluctuat undis -Catullus Posts: 435 | From: Iowa | Registered: Mar 2006
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Adriane: My kids wear a lot of GAP, Old Navy & abercrombie but I get it on clearance so I don't spend much at all. And, since they wear uniforms, I just need a few 'trendy' shirts to get through the 'free dress days' & weekends. The fact that DSs 2 favorite shirts are his Beatles t-shirts from Target really helps!
-------------------- I cannot live without books-Thomas Jefferson *~* A child educated only at school is an uneducated child - George Santayana I'm going to pummel you with such zeal, Buddha will explode! *~* Never miss a good chance to shut up - Will Rogers Posts: 6585 | From: Dallas/Fort Worth, TX | Registered: Feb 2002
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quote:Okay, before this turns into a huge rant, my point is that both ends of the spectrum have their problems. Kids should wear what is comfortable for them and what they like, but it should fit properly, be in good repair, and be washed regularly. I'm sure the clothes you have are fine. Tell your mom that your kids are comfortable and are getting along just fine in school (if they are not, then you may need to speak with their teachers).
My kid's clothes may not always be brand new, but they are clean and my son wears out his clothes quit fast. I feel it's sensible to buy gently used clothes.
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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Verses, I think snapdragonfly put it best: you never know what kids will pick on, or ignore, but it does stand to reason that they'll go after a kid who's dressed a little poorer than everyone else. I don't know, though, how your kids' clothes look, or how they look in relation to other kids'.
What I do know, however, is that your mother brings up class an awful lot.
quote:Many people are working class, but my mom says I shouldn't look like I'm blue collar if that makes any sense.
quote:She just seems so hung up on outer image.
quote:She'd rather die than shop at a thrift store. If I shop there, she tells me not to let people know so that we won't look like "White trash".
quote:"...If they don't, they will have low self-esteem and people will think you are white trash."
This seems like an abnormally large hangup for your mother; she sounds a bit obsessive about keeping up appearances, and absolutely terrified of anyone thinking she's low class.
I don't know this situation well, obviously, but if I had to make an assessment, it sounds like it's all (or largely) in your mom's head.
posted
I think it is in her head. She's always been insecure and a bit obessive. She doesn't even go to the store without putting on make up and dressing in nice clothes.
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote: Maybe I'm wrong, but pretty clothes won't prevent bullying.
You're not wrong. Sometimes the pretty clothes can be a cause for the bullying.
As wrong as it is, kids will always find something to pick on other kids about and unfortunately it can be over the stupidest, littlest things.
-------------------- So many people are hung up on achievements. What did you do today? What are you planning? Sometimes, just getting through the day is an achievement in itself. Posts: 256 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Sep 2005
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quote:Originally posted by VersesBatman: I think it is in her head. She's always been insecure and a bit obessive. She doesn't even go to the store without putting on make up and dressing in nice clothes.
You said your mother grew up poor in Mexico? Well, I've noticed this attitude down here among people from Mexico as well as Americans of Mexican descent who live in this area. I've seen women dressed as if for a night out to shop at Safeway and Wal-Mart. It's a cultural thing. It does differ from the average "American" attitude, where appearance is less important when the situation is not a real formal one.
Still, good luck with your mom.
-------------------- NO BETTER FRIEND, NO WORSE ENEMY -- "I grok when apes learn to laugh, they'll be people." Posts: 727 | From: Southeastern Arizona | Registered: Sep 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Ariadne: Okay, before this turns into a huge rant, my point is that both ends of the spectrum have their problems. Kids should wear what is comfortable for them and what they like, but it should fit properly, be in good repair, and be washed regularly...[snip]...I think low self-esteem, meekness, and being socially awkward contribute more to bullies than external appearance. At least, that's how it was for me.
I agree with that entirely. Give your (general your) kids a fighting chance by helping them not stand out too much when they're little (they can decide if they want to look different or not later), and then be ready to help if they happen to have a personality that makes them vulnerable to bullies in spite of it.
As for dressing your kids in used clothing, I would rather buy used, quality clothes in good condition than ultra cheap, brand new ones. They last longer. I hate when clothes look faded and raggedy after one or two washes.
However, I actually would try to send my kids to school in crisper cloths for the first week or so simply in anticipation of the fact that this is what most parents will do. We didn't have a lot of money when I was growing up, but I remember the excitement of showing up on the first day of a new grade with my new folder, my new shirt, and my new, clean tennies, ready to make new friends and learn new things.
-------------------- The technical term is narcissism. You can't believe everything is your fault unless you also believe you're all powerful.--House Posts: 2684 | From: Budapest | Registered: Sep 2005
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I was picked on as a kid. I was picked on a lot. I was fat, had glasses, braces, usually wore whatever the hell I wanted to as opposed to what was fashionable, had good grades, read a lot, played computer games, and was a first class nerdette.
I was told by one teacher that if I dressed more like the other students (difficult when you're wearing adult sizes and all of the other girls are wearing 'juniors' sizes), I wouldn't be picked on so much. So I got rid of my little dresses, and my broomstick skirts and stuff, and bought a whole lot of t-shirts and jeans. And you know what? The kids still made fun of me - just as much, if not more.
Posts: 494 | From: Epping, Essex, UK | Registered: Sep 2005
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There are lots of reasons kids get bullied. I went to a small village school. Kids can be cruel to anyone different.
The kids from the children's home got bullied because they had no parents. The kids from the poor end of the village got bullied because they wore shabby hand-me-downs and it was obvious their families were struggling to make ends meet. The kids from the rich end got bullied for being snobs (they weren't, they just happened to be from families whose income was higher than average in that village).
Clever kids got bulied for being swots (I was bullied mercilessly until I hardly ever went into the playground, just spent my playtimes in the library and became an even worse swot). At the time, the village had no special facilities for kids with lower mental abilities and they went to the vilalage school and got bullied for being thickos (luckily a specialist school was built nearby so they could get one-to-one teaching). Some of the kids with lower IQs looked generally dishevelled and that also marked them out.
Kids who didn't wear current fashion got bullied, though this was less of an issue in a rather isolated village in pre-internet, pre-cable/satellite TV days. Kids who liked the wrong music got bullied. Kids with glasses or braces got bullied.
Like Silkenramen, I was overweight, nerdy (I became progressively more socially awkward due to being driven into the library by bullying)and had glasses (unfashionable National Health Service free-issue frames). My poor eyesight wasn't picked up till I was 8 years old and it explained why I was physically clumsy (which resulted in more bullying). I had uneven teeth, but didn't get braces till we moved to a bigger town with better dental facilities.
Clothes weren't an issue as long as they were neat and clean. Most mothers made clothes rather than buy them and some degree of hand-me-downs was inevitable as kids grew so fast.
I mostly got bullied because I was the articulate outsider (i.e. not born in that village) in a close-knit village school and my response to taunting was to try to debate with the other party rather than the traditional response of hitting out physically. To this day I have a well-honed sharp tongue and abhor physical violence.
I'm not after sympathy, just trying to show there are so many reasons kids get taunted. Clothes and hairstyle can mark a kid out as different, but are usually just contributing factors. Make sure your kids are neat and tidy when they start school and see how the other mothers dress their kids, that way when clothes get replaced you can make sure they don't stand out by being TOO neat, nor TOO utilitarian. Don't forget that active kids are really hard on clothing hence we used to talk about "work-a-day clothing" and "Sunday Best"!
Anyone ever get taunted by a teacher for what they wore? When I was in high school, a female teacher said in front of the whole class, "Well, obviously some people, like Pink, really care about having a lot of clothes, but that's not one of the important things in life." I wanted to fall through the floor.
Ironically, I had very few things, and borrowed a lot of stuff from my mom. In fact, a girl had come up to me at school once before the teacher made the comment and sneered, "So, Pink. Last year's shirt? Last year's pants? Nice."
-------------------- The technical term is narcissism. You can't believe everything is your fault unless you also believe you're all powerful.--House Posts: 2684 | From: Budapest | Registered: Sep 2005
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quote:Originally posted by VersesBatman: I think it is in her head. She's always been insecure and a bit obessive. She doesn't even go to the store without putting on make up and dressing in nice clothes.
My mother is like that too. She doesn't sound like your mom in any other respect but she is from a generation of women who did not step out the front door unless they were wearing "good" clothes and they had their make-up on. Luckily she hasn't tried to impose these standards on her daughters or grandaughters. But it's as natural to her as breathing.
-------------------- If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001
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when i was in first grade my teacher absolutely hated my mother- so she would make comments to me- doesn't your mother wash your socks? tell your mother to wash your hair-- and she was mean to me in other ways. it was mortifying- i was only 6!!
then in high school i moved to a new state and was a punk- back in the late 70's--i remember wearing a bright blue jumpsuit to school and one teacher saying " what are you ? from Mars??" I said "mars, new york?" by high school i could at least handle an ignorant authority figure!
-------------------- "Reading and writing, arithmetic and grammar do not constitute education, any more than a knife, fork and spoon constitute a dinner."
* Sir John Lubbock Posts: 76 | From: Clarksburg, NJ | Registered: Oct 2005
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My neice (1) and nephew (6) run around in tons of cute macthing outfits, mini designer type sneakers, and nice clothing.
Contrast that to my ex-bf who wore homeade clothes that were horrible - he smelled from living in a SMALL apartment with his chain smoker mom, his pants looked like a dress and his shirts were like... something... partially because he wouldn't tell her he wanted different types of clothes and partially because due to health issues they were the only comfortable thing to wear.
He was bullied a LOT. I came near to punching out someone who made fun of how he smelled. He was different, he was poor, and he had air of extreme geekiness (he was very bright). Yup, kids can be cruel. Funny thing - and I was very lucky - but by 8th grade kids grew out of making fun of me.
Funny thing. We hit college and being smart we did very well, found friends. He's breaking off a bit from his mother so hopefully he can walk around not reeking, but the point us once what we could do mattered more then our looks (thankfully we picked the right majors) things got better. It's the kids that can be the worst though, in my humble experience.
posted
Clothes were one thing I truly didn't care about in school. I hated shopping, so my mother made many of my dresses, and the rest she picked up at Kmart. Even though she could have afforded to buy me a closet of designer clothes, I only had about 5 or 6 shirts, 3 skirts, and one pair of shoes. I didn't see the need for anything else. I had one outfit for every day of the week and that was enough for me.
It wasn't an issue until about 5th grade or so. All of a sudden the other girls started taunting me because there were no brand names on my clothes. I didn't wear jeans. I didn't wear anything trendy. I wore homemade cotton dresses and I wore basically the same thing every day. I was cornered several times by girls who demanded to know where I got my clothes because they were so "weird". They demanded to know why I wore the same thing every day. I had no answer because I was an extremely shy child who didn't understand why these kids hated me.
For some reason it was vitally important for them to know what brands I was wearing (presuamably so they could label it "dork wear" and avoid it at all costs). Of course, in the hopes of retaining even a marginal chance of possible group acceptance, I couldn't tell anyone that my mom made many of my clothes. But I think they knew.
It was inconceivable to my peers that I didn't care about clothes. I had no interest in shopping and I couldn't name a brand if I tried. They knew I wasn't poor (we all came from upper middle class families), so the fact that I chose not to buy designer clothing was too much for their little minds to handle. They knew that if you were rich, you needed to prove it. If we'd lived in a poorer place, I don't know if clothes would have been such an issue. But for about 3 or 4 years they were the most important thing to everyone but me.
I even had boys make fun of my clothes, sneering at me for wearing the same sweatshirt twice in the same week. This really pissed me off because it wasn't any of their business. But even if I'd attempted to dress like them, they all would have known I was still a "freak". The clothes were just an excuse, one of hundreds they found to make fun of me.
Ironically, the only two things I was never bullied or teased about were my glasses and my braces.
(I think it's also ironic that since moving away and starting college, I now set fashion trends without even consciously doing so. I was wearing flip flops as everyday footwear years before they were popular, and every year since, I've noticed people dressing like I was dressed the previous year. After growing up as an outcast, I like to tell myself that I'm now the cool person that everyone secretly aspires to dress like. I'm sure it's not true, but it sometimes makes me feel better.)
-------------------- "There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen Won't somebody please think of the adults! Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002
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quote:Originally posted by VersesBatman: I think it is in her head. She's always been insecure and a bit obessive. She doesn't even go to the store without putting on make up and dressing in nice clothes.
You said your mother grew up poor in Mexico? Well, I've noticed this attitude down here among people from Mexico as well as Americans of Mexican descent who live in this area. I've seen women dressed as if for a night out to shop at Safeway and Wal-Mart. It's a cultural thing. It does differ from the average "American" attitude, where appearance is less important when the situation is not a real formal one.
Still, good luck with your mom.
I noticed that too. I guess the white side of me is puzzled as to why someone would dress up to get a gallon of milk or go to the movies. Once we had a big fight because I was going to go out with this guy in jeans and a nice t-shirt. She dragged me to my room made me wear this fancy blouse and slacks. To my embarressment, the guy picked me up wearing a t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. He complemented me, but I felt so overdressed.
Chris Rock came up with a term that describes my mom, "Ghetto Snob".
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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versesbatman, maybe your mother just wants to make sure your children make a good first impression on their first day of school.
Whenever I go on an interview, start a new job, or start a new semester in school, I always dress a little nicer. I actually brush my hair, and I wear somethign other than sweatpants and a men's tee shirt! (which is my normal uniform! )
People do base their views of you and make snap judgements off of first impressions. I think that's all your mother may be concerned about here.
quote:Originally posted by VersesBatman: Chris Rock came up with a term that describes my mom, "Ghetto Snob".
That sounds really harsh to me. Sometimes when you have very little, all you do have is your self respect. What's the alternative that would please Mr Rock? Just don't give a damn? If dressing nicely and taking pride in your appearance makes you a snob, I'll take "ghetto snob" over "ghetto slob" any day of the week.
-------------------- If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation. - Jean Kerr Posts: 18428 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Nov 2001
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There's taking pride and then there is being ashamed of being poor. Like not giving people generic candy so they won't know you're poor. Or saying not to tell people you shop at thrift stores so they won't think you are poor.
That's what Chris Rock means.
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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I grew up with a mother like that. I was 12 when my mother took me to a doctor who prescribed me - amphetamines - 'diet' pills. She'd count everything I ate, while telling me I have to lose weight in order to not 'blow up'. "Your face looks like a balloon, it's disgusting" is something she'd say every other day. I'd like to add that I have never weighed more then 125 and am 5'6" since I'm 14.
We had a tanning bed at home and I was tanning when I was 12, had haircuts and colours every 8 weeks and wore only the most expensive boutique clothes. I used to think I had the coolest mom - as all my friends did.
When I was 18 I came home one weekend (I was in boarding school) and saw my mother break down. There were amphetamines to control her weight, Prozac to get even with anxiety that brought, Valtran and Valium to sleep and so on. My mom's a social butterfly and has a perfectly disguised drinking problem. She's stunning, tall, blonde, perfectly manicured and every hair in place. She only wears high end designer clothes and will always have the matching jewellery.
I left 3 months before I turned 20 and barely spoke to my mom. I moved to different countries and continents in the last 7 years so occasional emails and sporadic phone calls are all we have. It's funny though how I start to notice the same screwed up behaviour in myself these days.
Although I'd never go to such extremes I've always had a thing with my weight, pay more attention to what people wear then I should and shopping is something that will always cheer me up. I think it's more an insecurity thing in our case.
Posts: 60 | From: Belgium - Toronto | Registered: Oct 2005
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From reading these comments, I'm so glad that I went to a school that had a uniform. My fashion sense has never matched anyone else's, and the thought of spending all those years worrying about what to wear every day sends shivers down my spine.
Now I'm old enough to wear whatever I want and not care about the consequences Posts: 340 | From: Redmond, WA | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by chocolate-martini: I grew up with a mother like that. I was 12 when my mother took me to a doctor who prescribed me - amphetamines - 'diet' pills. She'd count everything I ate, while telling me I have to lose weight in order to not 'blow up'. "Your face looks like a balloon, it's disgusting" is something she'd say every other day. I'd like to add that I have never weighed more then 125 and am 5'6" since I'm 14.
We had a tanning bed at home and I was tanning when I was 12, had haircuts and colours every 8 weeks and wore only the most expensive boutique clothes. I used to think I had the coolest mom - as all my friends did.
When I was 18 I came home one weekend (I was in boarding school) and saw my mother break down. There were amphetamines to control her weight, Prozac to get even with anxiety that brought, Valtran and Valium to sleep and so on. My mom's a social butterfly and has a perfectly disguised drinking problem. She's stunning, tall, blonde, perfectly manicured and every hair in place. She only wears high end designer clothes and will always have the matching jewellery.
I left 3 months before I turned 20 and barely spoke to my mom. I moved to different countries and continents in the last 7 years so occasional emails and sporadic phone calls are all we have. It's funny though how I start to notice the same screwed up behaviour in myself these days.
Although I'd never go to such extremes I've always had a thing with my weight, pay more attention to what people wear then I should and shopping is something that will always cheer me up. I think it's more an insecurity thing in our case.
Wow. My mom toa small degree is like that. When I had my first child, my mom told me not to be frumpy. She said she didn't want me to look like a new mom. Meaning, she didn't want me to go out without makeup or just in jeans and sweats. She told me to make sure my hair looked nice. When I broke out in acne, she told me I looked awful and should see a doctor.
-------------------- It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Posts: 2603 | From: Magna, Utah | Registered: Aug 2004
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Chocolate Martini, I don't know if it's more horrifying that your mother did that to a 12 year old, or that she found a doctor who went along with it. What a set up for a lifetime of insecurity.
Starting from when she was 5 or 6, a friend of mine was required to strip to her skivvies for her mom every few months so she could make sure she wasn't getting too chubby. Not surprisingly, it backfired, and my friend has struggled with obesity since grade school.
-------------------- The technical term is narcissism. You can't believe everything is your fault unless you also believe you're all powerful.--House Posts: 2684 | From: Budapest | Registered: Sep 2005
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I still remember my first day at kindergarten (and it was 40 years ago). My grandmother took me. It wasn't far as the school yard butted right up against our backyard. She got me into the right line and then left, I don't remember why, but she left me there. I was wearing a pair of short pants. The kid in front of me in line laughed at me and told me that no one wear short pants to school.
Well, I wasn't having any of that and strong, big-ego guy that I was, I ran away, ran home and hid crying in the bathroom. The school had to notice that I was missing, track my grandmother down and she had to drag me out of the bathroom kicking and screaming back to school (well, to be fair, she took time to comfort me and calm me down first).
Yep, school can be so much fun.
Mac"eventually I outgrew peer pressure, thank goodness"Lloyd
-------------------- "May you make the Yuletide pay!" Posts: 811 | From: Arcadia, CA | Registered: Jul 2005
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What a set up for a lifetime of insecurity. 
