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Saran Wrap
I Saw Three Shipments


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Someone sent me these alternate definitions to words. If you have any of your own to share, feel free to join in! [Wink]

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die,your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

17. Washington (v.), the day of the week that you do laundry.

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"I find in myself desires which nothing in this earth can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis

Posts: 57 | From: Texas | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
BringTheNoise
Xboxing Day


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Sounds like they come from I'm Sorry I Haven't A Cluewhich has a round dedicated to providing "new defintions for old words". Very amusing.

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"The United States Government: significantly less cruel and sadistic than the Taliban." - Dara

Posts: 1289 | From: Aberdeen University, Aberdeen, UK | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Sweet Home California
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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I've got one!

Arbitrator (n.) A McDonald's employee [Big Grin]

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I really hate one-eyed flying purple people eaters! I mean, seriously! They're all like, "I like to eat people, I'm purple, I fly and I have one eye!"-We've Got Mail!

The first game ever made using sand, water, oil, and a snail.

Posts: 176 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
stalker
Deck the Malls


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Dynamo (n.) A strong urge to cut grass

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Fetishists Unite! Anti-Fetishists Untie!

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Signora Del Drago
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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I received those in an e-mail (or four), along with the following.

From 2005:
The Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone: The substance surrounding a stupid person that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked
through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
- My favorite!

From 2006:
* Blamestorming – Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
* Cube Farm – an office filled with cubicles.
* Prairie Dogging – when someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
* Mouse Potato – the on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
* SITCOM – acronym for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
* Stress Puppy – a person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
* Swipeout – an ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
* Xerox Subsidy – euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
* Irritainment – entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example. Michael Jackson, another.
* Percussive Maintenance – the fine art of kicking or whacking an electronic device to get it to work again. Works just as well as calling a technician.
* Adminisphere – the rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
* Generica – features of the North American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls and subdivisions.
* Ohnosecond – that minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake. Like after hitting “send” on a totally cranky e-mail.
* WOOF – Well-Off Older Folks.

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"This air we're breathing. Oxygen, isn't it?"~I’mNotDedalus, impersonating Vincent D’Onofrio.|"Sometimes trying to communicate can be like walking through a minefield."~wanderwoman
"Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life."~Joshua Halberstam

Posts: 4020 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

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