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Author Topic: Blue hankerchief signifies willing rape victim?
Iliana
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A friend told me recently that he'd heard that in some city (he thought it might be L.A. or Seattle), if you wear a blue hankerchief, it signifies that you are willing to be raped and will play along completely.

This sounds to me like an urban legend, but I couldn't find anything on Snopes about it. Anyone heard of this?

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Eddylizard
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I seem to remember in the past reading that in the gay community in LA, that if you wore one of those clip-on key fobs that attach to your belt loops, the side one wore it on indicated your preferences (active/passive) Don't know if it's true.

I hope we are talking about a bedroom rape game here, rather than an actual rape. Because I can't think that anyone would want to go along with that.

Anyway, just in case, if I ever visit LA or Seattle, I will remember to bring only my not blue handkerchiefs.

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1958Fury
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Oooh, I can just hear the defense lawyer now. "She was asking for it, Your Honor! She was wearing a blue handkerchief!"

I understand the bedroom game, but "willing rape victim" still sounds like a major oxymoron.... if you're willing, it's not rape.

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Eddylizard
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Well to be fair, we are still awaiting the first test case for the 'blue handkerchief' defense.

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Midgard_Dragon
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This doesn't seem practical as a blue handkerchief isn't something that's guaranteed not to be worn by an innocent bystander. The only thing I can think of that this would be practical with is a big sign saying "I would like to be raped."

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MissEltoe
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Sounds like a spin of the gang-initiation-headlights-game.... (It might be a stretch but stay with me)

Around here (and I'm sure elsewhere) it was only "Bloods" that were doing the headlight thing, and in LA there are a lot of Crips (who wear blue).

It just sounds like some variation on who and what is involved. (Just MHO)

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1958Fury
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I remember a bit on the Straight Dope about the handkerchief code, but it was written in 1982 and even then it admits that the info is out of date:

quote:
There are certain items you can wear to tip people off to your sexual preference, but for the most part they're only useful if you're gay. For instance, there was (or there was at one time) an almost comically elaborate handkerchief code, which you used to find printed up and posted in gay hangouts and sex shops. Hanky in the left back pocket signified a dominant, the right pocket a submissive. Yellow means you're into water sports (get it?), red means fisting, green means you expect payment, and so on. Keys and at one time earrings serve(d) a similar purpose. I'm told that in L.A. if you show up with a teddy bear it means you want to be cuddled. To each his own.
No mention about "willing rape", but this was more than 20 years ago.

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Eddylizard
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Or a big sign saying "My blue handkerchief is purely for the purposes of decoration and/or wiping my nose. Please do NOT confuse me with other blue handkerchief wearers."

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"Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations - like people."

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mommyrex
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I recently read a reference in a friend's journal to "flagging" with a particular hanky, but I didn't really know what it meant.

Google found me this (NFBSK) hanky code with brief history. And Wikipedia has an entry.

You'd want to be sure everyone involved could tell the difference between, say, "coral" and "apricot."

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Cervus
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From the Wikipedia entry:

quote:
Sandalwood = Carpenter Sex
WTF? (Uh, literally)

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Won't somebody please think of the adults!

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Iliana
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Just for the record, I agree that there is no such thing as "willing rape" and I'm also reminded of the "gang-initiation-headlights-game". I just wanted some documentation I could show to my friend to prove it wasn't true.
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CitizenAim
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That hanky code seems ripe for all kinds of mix-ups--I mean, "Robin's Egg Blue"? It was supposed to be "Light Blue"--I'm not really into light S&M [Eek!]
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Happy Llama
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These codes are far more commonly found at play parties or S&M conventions than on the street. But they do exist and are still in use at some fetish clubs or swinger groups.

BTW Carpenter Sex = Flat as a board and easy to nail. At least in my experience.

~~~~~~~~~~

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BamaRainbow
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To CitizenAim:
The hanky code is actually a varied one. Over the years in fact, the code in one city might differ (not too seriously, though) from another. The basics tended to mean the same thing, but the more fetishistic codes were more likely to vary. But if I recall correctly, the first hanky code I ever read listed some colors as having different meanings depending on where you were--the code was used by gay men in different parts of the world with the colors signifying different things (I don't recall specifically, but light blue could mean something different when worn in Paris, London, New York City or LA--even the "right" and "left" wearing occasionally differed.)
The site listed in Mommyrex's post includes a picture of how the hanky should be worn to attract the desired interest. Basically, if the hanky was just stuffed into a pocket, the hankywearer was likely not going to get any action.
Now, as for the notion of "willing rape", there IS such a thing. It's typically nothing more than a form of fantasy/role play (with the "victim" being allowed a "safe word" if he/she thinks things are getting too out of control). The understanding is that both parties are consenting to a very specific form of S&M sexplay (yes, it is a form of S&M as the "victim" frequently accepts being slapped or otherwise physically abused). I've seen ads placed by some gay men who say they'll be in a hotel with their door open (or just unlocked) and anyone who wants to can come in and just have sex with them with no chat or even seeing the "intruder". This differs somewhat from an "open-door policy" at a bathhouse or sexclub because in those settings absolutely no hint of violence is permitted--unless it's an S&M club, where the violence is still strictly monitored--while the ads have more than hinted at violence within certain limits as being acceptable. It should be noted that rape is a frequent fantasy among many women and gay men (think of how popular General Hospital became during the early 1980s in spite of Luke's raping Laura--for crying out loud, the two got married on the show in one of the highest-rated episodes of any soap opera). This obviously doesn't mean any of these people would ever want to be the victim of a real rape. But fantasy is safe, and many people will willingly read a rape story and get turned on by it without ever wanting to experience the real event.
To Cervus Nippon: Carpenter sex simply means having sex with carpenters, handymen, woodworkers, etc. (It can also refer to construction workers in some cases.) It's no different than looking for military guys or cops or businessmen or cowboys (or being one of those sought "types").

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diddy
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I remember reading about this in my college communication class occuring in San Fransisco in the Gay Communities there. I might have the location wrong and I dont have the boiok anymore (i think)

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DemonWolf
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A blue hanky might also mean that you're Crippin'. Trying to rape her might result in some retaliation.


Demon "hey, why is that car with no headlights slowing down?" Wolf

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Eddylizard
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Er Crippin'? What is that? Excuse me I'm old. Is that the procedure described here?

http://3quarksdaily.blogs.com/3quarksdaily/2006/07/lives_of_the_ca.html

If so, then I should be able to avoid the retaliation, with the advantage of my intact bones.

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Midgard_Dragon
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If I'm not mistaken, blue is the color of the gang that calls themselves The Crips. So Demon Wolf's post was meant to imply if you rape someone with a blue hanky, you could be raping a member of The Crips, and be due some retaliation in the form of street brawling and/or death. Although, I'm fairly sure gangs aren't using hankies to identify themselves. [Razz]

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Eddylizard
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Okay, thank you Midgard_Dragon. That makes sense. In this case google was not my friend.

Edited: Sorry, spelt your screen name incorrectly. [Embarrassed]

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DemonWolf
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quote:
Originally posted by Midgard_Dragon:
Although, I'm fairly sure gangs aren't using hankies to identify themselves. [Razz]

Actually, they often use bandanas, worn on the head, arm, leg, etc, as well as other articles of clothing. Bandanas are often used as hankies, so it is likely that a person might confuse the two.

Also, the OP listed LA as one possible location for the rumor's origin and IIRC, the Crips are rather large there.

So, putting two and two together, a person in LA with a blue hanky may be associated with some people that you really don't want to piss off.

See wiki, which includes a pic of the bandana.

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Don Enrico
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Both of the lists linked by mommyrex included a code for "Drag Queen".

Shouldn't at least an active (or "top") drag queen be obvious without any colour code? And where does he/she put the hanky - most drag queen outfits I've seen don't sport back pockets?

To me, these lists look like something that started as a real "tool of the trade" with some colours (yellow and red, probably), but got expanded to the point of nonsense later.

But then again, how would I know?

Don Enrico

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MissEltoe
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Demonwolf, this is absolutely accurate.

Once during my frequent jaunts to Manhattan I had a red bandana on, but after I got my hair done I took it off and folded it and stuck it in my back pocket.

I didn't think anything of it, but some guy started harassing me asking me if I was a blood.

Edited for clarification.

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Licorice of the Lord! This is classy stuff...Should I be wearing a tie? Or, at least, pants?
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Ryda Wong, EBfCo.
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quote:
Originally posted by MissE:
Demonwolf, this is absolutely accurate.

Once during my frequent jaunts to Manhattan I had a red bandana on, but after I got my hair done I took it off and folded it and stuck it in my back pocket.

I didn't think anything of it, but some guy started harassing me asking me if I was a blood.

Edited for clarification.

You're just lucky someone didn't ask if they could fist you or if you could fist them (depending, of course, on which side you were wearing the kerchief).

Ryda "mine goes on the right" Wong

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Jay Temple
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quote:
Originally posted by mommyrex:
You'd want to be sure everyone involved could tell the difference between, say, "coral" and "apricot."

must ... resist ... obvious joke about gay stereotype

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