There are a couple of funny ones I've never heard before though :
quote: Bono on stage in Glasgow: "Every time ... I clap my hands ... a child in Africa ... starves to death ..." Glaswegian voice: "Stop ****in' doing it, then!"
quote: Joel Douglas, the less famous son of the actor Kirk, was performing at the Comedy Store and getting increasingly frustrated by the audience reaction. He started shouting: "You can't do this to me, I'm Kirk Douglas's son!" At which point some wag stood up and said: "No, I'm Kirk Douglas's son." Then someone else stood up, and so on.
Both of which made me laugh. I suspect that they are not true - though I would love it if they were.
Anybody able to debunk them ?
Anybody have any other funny heckling stories ?
Victoria J
-------------------- Post accompanied by maniacal laughter. Posts: 577 | From: London, UK | Registered: Sep 2005
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I was watching Maximum Exposure or something once, and they showed a video of a guy heckling an electric guitar player on stage at a small club. Guitarist gets pissed, starts taunting the guy to come to the stage and then smacks him in the mouth with the guitar. The heckler lost some teeth and they even interviewed him on the show; he said he doesn't heckle so much anymore. Posts: 86 | From: Georgia | Registered: Jun 2005
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One time, at an Irish festival, this one band I like had a guy in the audience screaming out the name of one song they play a lot; the dude was yelling the song title over and over again. (I guess he really liked the song.) Finally, the lead singer stopped, glared at the guy, and in his Cork City accent said, "Listen, I don't come to Seven-Eleven and tell you how to do your fookin' job. Don't come here and tell me how to do mine."
Shut that guy right up.
-------------------- "Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!" -John Keating, "Dead Poets Society" Posts: 2861 | From: New Jersey | Registered: May 2004
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Many stand-up comedians devise a strategy for quashing heckling, usually by having a store of put-downs to hand, such as "This is what happens when cousins marry."
A common but rarely-enacted threat from comedians is to attend the heckler's workplace and heckle them in return. In one Seinfeld episode, comedian Jerry Seinfeld actually carries out the threat, showing up at a heckler's office and shouting insults at her. It is later learned that she ran out of her office, and a street sweeper severed her pinky toe.
In Britain, Malcolm Hardee's legendarily dangerous Tunnel Club in Greenwich was famed for the sharp heckling of its regulars. On one occasion, comic Jim Tavare went on stage with the opening line, "I'm a schizophrenic..." to which someone immediately replied, "Geroff then - both of you." Another infamous heckle came when Jo Brand, a comedienne not renowned for her looks, went onstage to be greeted by a man shouting "Don't show us your tits."
-------------------- Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico Posts: 287 | From: Mystic, CT | Registered: Jul 2006
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I laughed at a heckler comeback once for like, fifteen minutes. I was watching the Daily Show, and do you remember when that woman came to the White House and heckled the Chinese government guy who was there?
Jon Stewart played the clip, and then said, "To which he replied, 'Hey! I don't come to your job and smack the NFBSK outta your mouth!" Vulgar, but heeeelarious.
-------------------- My great grandfather planted that tree! Posts: 4862 | From: Brooklyn | Registered: Sep 2000
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My favourite, though freaky, heckler story is one that Bill Bailey uses (or used) in one of his standup routines; I think it was Bewilderness. He was just doing his usual show, when a calm, loud voice from somewhere in the audience said,
"Stand still."
Spooky, yet very funny in a Far Side this-is-the-moment-before-catastrophe way.
Posts: 315 | From: Berlin, Germany | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Ana Ng: I laughed at a heckler comeback once for like, fifteen minutes. I was watching the Daily Show, and do you remember when that woman came to the White House and heckled the Chinese government guy who was there?
Jon Stewart played the clip, and then said, "To which he replied, 'Hey! I don't come to your job and smack the NFBSK outta your mouth!" Vulgar, but heeeelarious.
That one still makes me laugh, but it's practically vaudeville old. I think I've heard it done at at least 5 shows just in my experience.
-------------------- "this could increase your brain power, or it could kill you..." "Increase my killing power, ehh???" Posts: 1153 | From: Houston, TX | Registered: Nov 2000
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I've seen video of Bill Hicks going absolutely ape-shit on a heckler (most of which I can't repeat here) while the crowd cheered him on. His rant may not have been intellectually stinging, but it was riveting to watch.
-------------------- "There is no constitutional right to sleep with endangered reptiles." -- Carl Hiaasen Won't somebody please think of the adults! Posts: 8254 | From: Florida | Registered: Oct 2002
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quote: Joel Douglas, the less famous son of the actor Kirk, was performing at the Comedy Store and getting increasingly frustrated by the audience reaction. He started shouting: "You can't do this to me, I'm Kirk Douglas's son!" At which point some wag stood up and said: "No, I'm Kirk Douglas's son." Then someone else stood up, and so on.
Do you have any wine? All of this would go a lot smoother in an altered state of reality. Posts: 779 | From: Southampton, England | Registered: Nov 2005
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guruwan2b
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV
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I think that was a poke at the "I am Spartacus!" line.
On the Comedy Central "Last Comic Standing" one of the shows had one comic on stage and another one in the audience heckling. It was pretty funny.
-------------------- Too much of this navel gazing and we'll disappear up our own arses. Danvers Carew Posts: 7465 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Oct 2001
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I've heard the "Kirk Douglas's Son!" one from someone who claims to have been there when it happened, but he IS a stand-up comic, so I wouldn't necessarily believe his stories if they are funny...
One of my favourite ones was Billy Connelly, dealing with a persistant heckler: "Thats right pal, keep NSFBSKing talking so the bouncers can come GET yeh!"
I was at an Alan Davies (british comic, played jonathan creek) gig once, and at the end he was doing a little improv, and asked if anyone had any questions. "Why are you limping?" someone shouts. In a voice dripping with sarcasm he says "Do I APPEAR to be limping?" The entire audience: "YES!!!". He apparently was unaware he was doing it, and claimed it was the most effective heckle he had ever recieved as he became so self-conscious of how he was walking that he couldn't concentrate on what he was saying.
I think that my personal all-time favourite heckle is: "Nobody likes you! You must remember from school!". Its funny because its incredibly harsh.
Though I think the most effective come-back to a heckler I ever heard was a friend of my comic friend. Some guy heckled him, he just smiled and took it. Then he followed the heckler outside and beat the hell out of him. Two seperate hecklers at two seperate gigs. Word got around, and no-one heckles him anymore.
ETA "n't". Stoopid fingers.
-------------------- This Space For Rent. Posts: 210 | From: Glasgow, Scotland | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Page Three: My favourite, though freaky, heckler story is one that Bill Bailey uses (or used) in one of his standup routines; I think it was Bewilderness. He was just doing his usual show, when a calm, loud voice from somewhere in the audience said,
"Stand still."
Spooky, yet very funny in a Far Side this-is-the-moment-before-catastrophe way.
I can just imagine Bill Bailey's face... Bill Bailey has some very strange fans (I know - I AM one ). I saw him at the Hackney Empire, sitting next to a guy I really thought was going to die. He appeared to laugh for about 5 minutes without breathing just at the sight of a Theramin - before a single joke. I kept watching this guy instead of the stage, and eventually became used to casually pushing him upright, to keep him away from me.
quote:Originally posted by SiKboy: I've heard the "Kirk Douglas's Son!" one from someone who claims to have been there when it happened, but he IS a stand-up comic, so I wouldn't necessarily believe his stories if they are funny...
I still HOPE it's true. But it does seem a little too good to be true.
quote:Originally posted by SiKboy: Though I think the most effective come-back to a heckler I ever heard was a friend of my comic friend. Some guy heckled him, he just smiled and took it. Then he followed the heckler outside and beat the hell out of him. Two seperate hecklers at two seperate gigs. Word got around, and no-one heckles him anymore.
Which will work well until he gets heckled by a bunch of 6 foot 6 bikers (or any other scary stereotype ) - and they won't even have to be funny as he won't have any come backs.
I always liked a story was one I saw in a newspaper once, regarding a performance of an opera. In one scene there was meant to be a bird of prey on a perch - but the bird fainted and was hanging upside down (presumably tethered) causing the normally restrained opera going audience to start shouting "Free the bird you bastards". (For anyone as tender hearted as me - the bird was unharmed).
Victoria J.
-------------------- Post accompanied by maniacal laughter. Posts: 577 | From: London, UK | Registered: Sep 2005
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I loved one Steve Martin did right after he did a bit about not believing in religon or politics so he said "That's why I have my luck mood watch."
A guy in the audience yells out a bit later, "What's your mood watch say?" to which Steve replied, "Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer."
-------------------- Dad, what are books? Look it up on the internet son. Posts: 66 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Mar 2005
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I did a good heckle once. I was at a festival, back in the days where I wasn't adverse to the odd bit of chemical stimulation and was on something of a comedown. I happend to find myself in the front row of the comedy tent. A guy came on and proceeded to be pretty unfunny.
I sat there, pretty zonked for about 20 minutes, before I mustered the energy to stand up and walk out. As I did so, the guy said "where are you going?" to which I replied "I'm off because I'm bored". He came back with "he's been sat there for 20 minutes before he realised that he was bored. So I just said "Yeah, I was asleep".
Got a laugh.
-------------------- seriously , everyone on here , just trys to give someone crap about something they do !! , its shitting me to tears. Posts: 16061 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2000
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I don't know if this is apocryphal, but--when John Barrymore (I think) was playing Richard III and he called out the famous, "My horse! My horse! My kingdom for a horse!" a man in the audience made a whinnying noise. Barrymore turned towards the offender and cried, "Forget the horse! Saddle yonder braying ass!"
-------------------- Si hoc comprehendere potes, gratias age magistro Latinae. Posts: 1720 | From: Charlottesville, VA | Registered: Jan 2003
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My personal fave was Alexei Sayle who simply stopped his show and informed a heckler 'Go right ahead, after all I didn't pay to come and see you'.
Simple and a devastating effect on a theatre full of people who realised that they had parted with their hard earned to be there...
-------------------- 'Do not follow in the footsteps of the wise, seek instead what they sought' Matsuo Basho Posts: 97 | From: Adelaide, South Australia | Registered: Sep 2005
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My favorite comes from Ben Folds Five's "Naked Baby Photos" album. In a live version of "Underground," Ben starts the song, "I was never cool in school, I'm sure you don't remember me....." to which someone in the audience shouts out "Who the f*** are you?" The audience erupts in laughter. Hell, I still laugh every time I hear it on the CD.
-------------------- "I shoot and crochet. I cook and mow the lawn. These things are not contradictions." -pirateslife Posts: 377 | From: Southern Illinois | Registered: Apr 2005
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