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» Hello » Urban Legends » Entertainment » Jeff Foxworthy "quotes"

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Author Topic: Jeff Foxworthy "quotes"
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale

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This stuff has been attributed to comedian Jeff Foxworthy. I searched but couldn't find it here. Chow me if you will.

ASIDE: Funny, the person who sent me this knows I'm a lesbian and is friendly with me and my spouse. She also has black foster children. Do you think they actually READ these things?


Does Jeff Foxworthy Have Something Here?

Bet you stand up and say HELL YEAH! after you read this.

I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts!

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion. I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers.

The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the law of statistics.

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. It would be "FIRED" immediately!

I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen you should have to speak English!.

My father and grandfather should not have died in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the order" freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television, and that doesn't stop you from watching them. I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid and smack his/her little butt when necessary and say "NO".

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And please stay home until that new lip ring heals, I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me french fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness" and of all the suck ups that go along with it. I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa, so how can they be "African Americans"?

Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and no where else.

And if you don't like my point of view, tough! GET OVER IT!!! WAKE UP WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A COUNTRY TO WAKE UP TO.

If you are not ashamed of America, forward this to everyone in your address book while you can still do it for free.

Posts: 50 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
The Red and the Green Stamps

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I've seen this particular diatribe attributed to George Carlin also. It's just some ignoramus on the net venting and someone else tagged a famous name on the bottom.


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Richard W
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV

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Aren't comedians meant to be funny?

To be fair, most of that is a joke I suppose.

Posts: 8725 | From: Ipswich - the UK's 9th Best Place to Sleep! | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV

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book-a-chow Though to be fair, the snopes version was attributed to Andy Rooney, though it's mentioned that some was lifted from Bad American attributed to Carlin.


Don't Forget!
Winter Solstice Hanukkah Christmas Kwanzaa & Gurnenthar's Ascendance Are Coming!

Posts: 8671 | From: Washington, DC | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Jingle Bell Hock

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Despite the chow on the website...

Originally posted by Richard W:
Aren't comedians meant to be funny?

... those people forwarding such rubbish have no idea of what comedy is meant to be. This does not cause a chuckle at all. And even if it would make me go standing up and shouting "hell yeah" (which is does not after some experimental try) - this is not comedy, so it's no use in attributing it to one of them.

Which reminds me of this piece of... ehm... whatever... which is on the snopes site and attributed to Robin Williams which is so not Robin Williams. I think those starting these rumours have no concept about comedy at all. Just an axe to grind.

But of course that may just be me being ludicruously left winged [Smile]


Movie characters never make typing mistakes.

Posts: 586 | From: Hamburg, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator

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