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Being corrected in a patronizing way is pretty big for me, because it implies that I am somehow incapable of doing something right on my own, especially since 90% of the time the person in question is mistaken. Tip: assume I know how to do my job, and if you think I made a just tell me, it isn't going to shatter my ego.
Even worse is being stereotyped, or even just being a member of a stereotyped group if it isn't directed towards me. Any derivation of "all men are stupid/oversexed/violent/lazy/sexist" is something I'm going to take personally. I had (note: past tense) a friend who would make these remarks often, and would get angry at me whenever I would confront me about them, saying she didn't really mean "all". If you don't mean all, don't say all. Better yet, avoid judging people by their sex entirely. I take this as a personal insult coming from someone I know, because it means I'm not enough of a counter-example to make them think twice about that kind of statement.
Posts: 417 | From: Escondido, California | Registered: Jun 2004
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I feel ya' on the "stereotype" insult, Rando. In my life, I see it manifest as "You're crazy," thus potentially violent, dangerous around children, ill-equipped to enter into discourse, a builder of shrines, and a rover of gibberish.
One of the last conversations I had with my ex, right when I was diagnosed, began with her question: "Are you even capable of love? Do you know what that is?" Insulting and devastatingly hurtful.
...ouch...Hey, who started this thread!
-------------------- The salty fragrance of L’EauD’I’mNotDedalus - made entirely of and entirely for sea turtles. Posts: 1983 | From: Chicagoland, IL | Registered: Feb 2005
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"You're acting like my mother." (said to me by my husband)
-------------------- I don't know if I'd survive without a friend like you in my life. Brett Dennen Posts: 637 | From: Arlington, VA | Registered: Oct 2002
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"Typical American". Whilst in a horrible uh, interlude, (let's call it a discussion, shall we?) with an Indian fellow, he told me that I'm just a typical American who doesn't realize what's going on in the rest of the world.
This, right after he told me that 80% of all Muslims (of any culture or ethnicity) are inherently violent.
-------------------- "I find them to be in contradiction of the basic principles of YOUR MOM!!!" -We've Got Mail Posts: 1361 | From: Muncie, IN | Registered: Sep 2005
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I think I am most insulted when what I say is dismissed outright--particularly when I feel I should be respected because of some degree of "expertise" in an area--for some reason I want people at my church, for example, to take things I say seriously because I am, after all, a seminary student. That's silly in most cases but there are times--a few years study of Greek should give me a better grasp of the meaning of a particular word than most of my Bible study classmates, for example, but nobody wants to hear about original languages when we can discuss which translation we like better based on how it "sounds" to us...
To that end, though it hasn't (as far as I know) ever been directed at me in particular, I am deeply insulted by the term "pCm." On many levels. At least one is that for many this term of contempt equates to all forms of conservative Christianity, i.e., belief in religious exclusivism, etc.
The other side of the coin--those extremely religious people of abundance in the circles I traverse in, of the sort which believes all forms of intellectualism are TEH EBIL, and thus I must be TEH EBIL, too, since I am such an intellectual--riles me equally.
Finally, since said classmate just walked by my cubicle in the library, the classmate who stopped me on the sidewalk to ask me what made me think I had a right to be in an upper level theology elective, being, you know, a woman. I'm still proud of the calm I exercised in responding to him. (The professor was almost as aghast as I was when I told him about it--that sort of thing, thankfully, is somewhat rare.)
Avril
-------------------- There is no failure unless one stops. --Ray Bradbury Posts: 2115 | From: Oklahoma | Registered: Aug 2002
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After being with my ex, the thing that insults me the most is being told my thoughts and my opinions don't matter, and even the things that I see with my own eyes aren't real.
I damn well know what I see, feel, and think, thank you assmunch. And I'm allowed. Piss off.
-------------------- Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee. Posts: 1170 | From: Iowa | Registered: Aug 2004
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Anyone who assumes that I am dumb or incapable of anything because I am female.
People who insult my intelligence.
-------------------- "My Very Educated Mother Just Said Uh-oh! No...Pluto..."~ Steven Colbert Posts: 3256 | From: Somewhere in Ohio | Registered: Apr 2004
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I second or fourth or whatever the indignation over patronizing, condescending treatment. Nothing gets me so angry as being treated like a child. (Incidentally, I felt this way even when I was a child.)
I'm a trainer at the restaurant where I wait tables and tend bar. Our server training is intense: five days of five-hour shifts, three hours of which are "classroom time" and two hours of which trainees spend "shadowing" an experienced server. I co-taught a class last week with another trainer, who is also a friend of mine. She and I each taught two class sessions alone, then taught the last one together. It was a little weird having to combine our styles on the last day, and by "weird" I mean "excruciating." She was acting like a second-grade teacher, insisting that they raise their hands to answer a question (there were only eight of them; it's not like we couldn't manage a discussion!) and saying things like "Everyone say 'thank you' to Barry!" Although I wasn't a party to this torturous condescension, I could barely contain myself.
I also can't stand it when people attribute my righteous indignation to PMS, lack of sleep, or some other internal problem.
-------------------- "If God wrote it, the grammar must be infallible. Perhaps it is we who are mistaken." -MapleLeaf Posts: 977 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Oct 2005
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The elderly man I used to take care of who'd always say "You'd be so pretty if you'd just do something about your skin" [ie acne]. So, I'm ugly? Thanks for knocking my confidence and self-esteem back ten years.
Also, just because I have bad skin doesn't mean I don't care and/or I haven't tried to do anything about it. Believe me, I do and I have.
Ok, so it's a petty thing but it always gets to me.
The other one that gets me is being called mean, not nice, hateful, etc, because those are all things my mom called me whenever I dared to stand up for myself. I can feel the bad temper and mean streak I inherited/learned from her, deep inside me, and I have to work daily to keep it deep inside, so to have someone call me those names reminds me how much I really am like her even after I said I wouldn't be.
Posts: 628 | From: Michigan | Registered: Feb 2000
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Me, after first nookie-night with boyfriend:"So...how was that?" Insensitive man: "Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick."
Hmmm. He wondered why that was the last time I spoke to him. 18 years later, still remember. He made a lasting impression.
-------------------- "The little local company I buy from has CHEAP shipping and I have met their goats." (snapdragonfly)
"And that's one lost erection I'll never get back! You hear me Dan! I'm owed an erection!" (I'mNotDedalus) Posts: 2658 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2005
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Wait...shouldn't "better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick" have been your line, Roadie?
-------------------- The salty fragrance of L’EauD’I’mNotDedalus - made entirely of and entirely for sea turtles. Posts: 1983 | From: Chicagoland, IL | Registered: Feb 2005
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-------------------- "The little local company I buy from has CHEAP shipping and I have met their goats." (snapdragonfly)
"And that's one lost erection I'll never get back! You hear me Dan! I'm owed an erection!" (I'mNotDedalus) Posts: 2658 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2005
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"You're just a stupid little girl who doesn't know what she wants."
Also, my mom once told me that I'm "fragile." She didn't mean it in an unkind way, but it hurt because it's true.
Edited to clarify that the first one was not said to me by my mother.
-------------------- A Viennese fellow is walking along the Karntner Strasse and notices a banana peel lying in his path. "Alas," he sighs, "now I must slip and fall down!" Posts: 506 | From: Missouri | Registered: Dec 2005
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I hate, with a deep and desperate passion, being told "You don't really think that" when I've given my opinion on something. I can cope with people pointing out inconsistencies in my behaviour or my argument but someone telling me they know what I think better than I do is deeply insulting.
Dropbear
-------------------- " The villagers had said justice had been done, and she'd lost patience and told them to go home, then, and pray to whatever gods they believed in that it was never done to them. -- (Terry Pratchett) Posts: 823 | From: Hobart, Tasmania | Registered: Jun 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Lady Moon: Calling me a bigot/narrowminded/racist just because I am a Christian.
Saying or implying that because I am a person of faith, I do not use my brain.
Lumping me in with all fundamentalist Christians -- or worse, with Phelps and his crew.
I second this. While I am conservative in morals and values, this does not, by definition, make me intolerant. I have friends -- close friends-- who participate in things that to me are 'wrong' yet I don't shun them, preach to them or condemn them. I am still their friend, still enjoy their company, and still celebrate and mourn with them.
-------------------- I'll drive it ugly. You can't see the paint job when you're behind the wheel, anyway. Posts: 570 | From: Central Valley, California | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:While I am conservative in morals and values, this does not, by definition, make me intolerant. I have friends -- close friends-- who participate in things that to me are 'wrong' yet I don't shun them, preach to them or condemn them. I am still their friend, still enjoy their company, and still celebrate and mourn with them.
I second your second, and add the twist from others with similar values. The idea that I can follow conservative morals without wanting them legislated or opposing anyone who doesn't follow them is hypocrisy for some, and I consider being called a hypocrite a fairly stinging insult.
Posts: 417 | From: Escondido, California | Registered: Jun 2004
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Rando, you're right, you get it from both sides. I try to be the voice of reason in my church. Nobody makes derogatory comments about Muslims anymore!
-------------------- I'll drive it ugly. You can't see the paint job when you're behind the wheel, anyway. Posts: 570 | From: Central Valley, California | Registered: Dec 2005
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Telling me I'll change my mind when I get older.
Telling me I "need help" because I don't agree with someone. (That was my father's wife.)
Telling me I'm the "most stupid, lazy f-ing whore I've ever had the misfortune to meet" (the ex).
And yes, patronising me.
ETA: one that occurs on a nother message board is the result of my time here. I use the asking people to explain their illogical position type of debating on there and they can't stand it because on a number of occasions I think i've made them realise they're talking out of their behinds/haven't thought something through properly/have made sweeping and/or insulting generalisations. They now tell me to "stop being picky" and "stop pulling apart people's opinions". While making people think about their opinions is IMO a good thing, I also hate to be told to shut up because "I want to hold this badly thought out opinion and I don't want to be shown to be wrong in front of everyone".
-------------------- Silence should never under any circumstances be construed as agreement. A lot of the time, it's simply a reflection that someone just said something so stupid that no response could possibly do it justice. - Ramblin' Dave Posts: 8528 | From: Nottingham, England | Registered: Feb 2000
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The worst insults I've ever gotten in my life were from my violent/drunk/bitter father, thankfully the distance of years and moving away from home have dulled those memories. NOW, the worst thing you could say to me is that I am just like my father, which my mother occasionally says. Why it's the worst thing is because I can see some truth in it - stubbornness, bad temper, tendency to self-pity, to bottle up & not communicate etc.
Oh please, let me win out on my genes.
-------------------- If you don't cry it isn't love If you don't cry then you just don't feel it deep enough Posts: 238 | From: Ireland | Registered: Jan 2006
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This is one of the most depressing threads I've ever read. It seems like the cruelest things people have heard came from their parents. Unbelievable.
On the other hand, for those of us for whom "you are a bad mother" would be one of the worst things we could ever hear, I'd say this thread will help give some perspective on what a bad parent truly is.
-------------------- The technical term is narcissism. You can't believe everything is your fault unless you also believe you're all powerful.--House Posts: 2684 | From: Budapest | Registered: Sep 2005
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Oh, here's another one I hate- as mentioned previously, being stereotyped as a Jew. I am NOT stingy. I donate money when I can afford to. My 21st birthday present wasn't a gift to me- it was a donation to my favorite charity in the amount so that I could get a paving stone in the resort that the charity made. I also do NOT have an overly large nose. I've had people say "Wow, your nose isn't like a Jew's should be." (That was from ignorant people that lived in towns that were very small and had no Jewish communities around them)
Also, not insulting, but hurtful, is when someone I consider a friend won't stop teasing me about my height. One of my friends (J) used to do it all the time, until I snapped and said "I am not a NFBSKing midget. I am short, I know that, you don't need to keep pointing it out. The next time you say anything about it, I will not speak to you again." He hasn't mentioned another thing about my height. Ever.
-------------------- My mom, about my nervousness with Jeopardy!: "Don't worry about it. Just get drunk and you'll do fine." Blog Just call me Mickey 2 Posts: 3295 | From: Radford, VA/Herndon, VA/Orlando, FL | Registered: Jan 2006
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"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
-------------------- You have the Right to Remain Silent. Anything you say CAN and WILL be twisted around, taken out of Context and used against you.
All we need is love and beer. Old school metal and some holiday cheer to be happy. Posts: 711 | From: Bowling Green, KY/ WKU | Registered: Nov 2005
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The worst insult? For me, it would either be something including the F-word or "retard".
- Pseudo_Croat
-------------------- "At all events, people who deny the influence of smaller nations should remember that the Croats have the rest of us by the throats." - Norman Davies, Europe: A History
God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts. Posts: 4578 | From: Sunrise, FL | Registered: Apr 2002
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quote:Originally posted by bthyb: Most insulting? Don't believe me, or act patronizing.
Oh, patronization is the worst. I can't stand being treated like I'm too stupid to understand something properly.
Yup, patronising does it for me too. I get it a lot from the techies that come to fix our school's computers. They just assume I won't get it when I can fix it quicker than they can but aren't allowed because of current union bans on teachers doing extras. It's the slow speach and condesending tone that makes me want to throw the computer at them.
-------------------- Something witty yet profound that makes me look smarter than I am. Posts: 51 | From: Sydney, NSW, Australia | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Jelly Fish Queen: Yup, patronising does it for me too. I get it a lot from the techies that come to fix our school's computers. They just assume I won't get it when I can fix it quicker than they can but aren't allowed because of current union bans on teachers doing extras. It's the slow speach and condesending tone that makes me want to throw the computer at them.
Yes, but you wouldn't believe how many people just end up looking at you blankly if you just go ahead with full geekness. It's not deliberately patronising, it's just trying to say it in terms that people you think are non-techie will understand. Maybe mention you're a techie and this will stop. Of course, there are those out there who will be patronising deliberately but we're not all like that.
Oh yeah, and were the misspellings of 'speach' and 'condesending' deliberate? If not, I'm guessing (or is that hoping?) you're not an English teacher
.) Complaining about my voice. I mean I know that I am no bird when it comes to talking. But he... I got get compliments over my telephonvoice so it can't be THAT bad.
.) Trying to explain something to me because I am female and probably not that able when it comes to that terribel complicated techical things. If I need help..I ask....other for gods sake let me at least have a look at things before assumed I won't be able to use them.
-------------------- FAMILY(n): Where the term insane is a RELATIVE term //Threadkiller: Watch this line.....it might be the last on this topic........ Posts: 2146 | From: Austria | Registered: Oct 2001
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Interesting. I'm unlikely to feel insulted no matter what anybody says to me - this is either derived from an utter arrogance that tells me no matter what you accuse me of, you're wrong, and i'll take great pleasure in explaining to all-comers why.
Passing insults mean nothing either, I shrug those off with ease, but insult my loved ones and you'll be very lucky to get away without physical harm being meted out upon you in no small measure. You will of course be invited politely to take it back first
This of course makes very little sense - a sanguine approach to personal insults marred by a violent response to insults aimed at people who aren't even present, or if they are, are more than capable of dealing with insults their own way.
-------------------- This is where I come up with something right? Something really clever... Posts: 6552 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2002
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I find it very insulting when I'm made to feel useless by throwaway comments. I know I've worked hard for what I've achieved, and often feel that my efforts are thrown back in my face at times.
-------------------- Come sail your ships around me And burn your bridges down.. Posts: 232 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2004
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"Thou art a slight, unmeritable man, meet to be sent on errands."
Joking aside, the C-word is probably about the most vile phrase that comes to mind.
-------------------- High on the wind, the Highland drums begin to roll, and something from the past just comes and stares into my soul... --Mark Knopfler Posts: 3402 | From: New Bern, NC | Registered: May 2004
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I'll come to in a round about way: I was at work and talking to one of my colleagues about one of my other work colleagues, and she said
"Oh, the paedophile".
I said - "What the hell are you talking about?" and she says "He just looks like one". (For the record, he is not)
I was flabbergasted. I reckon "paedophile" is just about the worst thing that you could call a person, especially behind their back. I would hate to think that a group of people though so low of me as to give me that brand. And of course if enough people say it, next thing you know other people start thinking "Well, there's no smoke without fire..."
-------------------- All the way with Paulie Jay Posts: 476 | From: Sydney, NSW, Australia | Registered: Jun 2006
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