snopes.com Post new topic  Post a reply
search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hello snopes.com » Urban Legends » Humor » Mpumalanga Hospital Register

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Mpumalanga Hospital Register
Mosherette
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Mosherette     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Received in my inbox today

quote:
Actual writings in a Mpumalanga Hospital (South Africa) Register

1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9.The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities



--------------------
Silence should never under any circumstances be construed as agreement. A lot of the time, it's simply a reflection that someone just said something so stupid that no response could possibly do it justice. - Ramblin' Dave

Posts: 8528 | From: Nottingham, England | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Spam & Cookies-mmm
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Spam & Cookies-mmm   E-mail Spam & Cookies-mmm   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I've seen that before, but not attributed to an African hospital. They look like standard medical transcription errors and the kind of dopey things doctors tend to say when speaking into a tape recorder.

--------------------
Did you see the Announcement?
There's a new snopes message board!

Posts: 7767 | From: Paradise Ceded | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 303 posted      Profile for Canuckistan   E-mail Canuckistan   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
list-a-chow

--------------------
People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

Posts: 8429 | From: New York run by the Swiss (Toronto) | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Spam & Cookies-mmm
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Spam & Cookies-mmm   E-mail Spam & Cookies-mmm   Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Barbara said "Some entries, though (most notably "Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities"), seem like they may be clever fabrications."

Not necessarily. A medical chart can have a very "first draft" quality to it. Some doctors tend to compose their reports into a tape recorder, from memory and their own chicken-scratched notes. I can easily picture a doctor reading off the symptoms, getting to the personal history, and then coming across one more medical history item. Rather than rewinding the tape and starting over, he just read it off, not thinking of how it would sound when it got forwarded around the internet.

--------------------
Did you see the Announcement?
There's a new snopes message board!

Posts: 7767 | From: Paradise Ceded | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Mosherette
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Mosherette     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Damn. I searched the site, but using Mpumalanga as my keyword, which obviously turned up nowt. Sorry 'bout that!

--------------------
Silence should never under any circumstances be construed as agreement. A lot of the time, it's simply a reflection that someone just said something so stupid that no response could possibly do it justice. - Ramblin' Dave

Posts: 8528 | From: Nottingham, England | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
franjava
Deck the Malls


Icon 1 posted      Profile for franjava     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Some of them look fabricated, but a few could pass for real. As an EMT , I read many a Patient Care Report (PCR) that had poor fluidity of writing. One of our guys got in trouble for purposefully making a stupid report. He picked up a transplant team at the airport (along with a kidney) and proceded to write how said kidney had no blood pressure, pulse, or respirations. Glad I wasn't in the room for THAT employee smack-down! [lol]

--------------------
Never eat anything given to you by a toddler.

Posts: 258 | From: Rochester, NY | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Virulaceous
I Saw Three Shipments


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Virulaceous   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
I've seen something like this in Reader's Digest, in one of the joke sections.

Makes me think of the joke about the doctor who accidentally signed his name under "Cause of Death" on a death certificate.

--------------------
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Posts: 86 | From: Colorado | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Izzy Quigley
Jingle Bell Hock


Icon 81 posted      Profile for Izzy Quigley   Author's Homepage     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
Most of these appear on Rinkworks in the "Things People Said" section. A lot of them do sound too good to be true.

That said, I still laugh every time I read them.

--------------------
A Viennese fellow is walking along the Karntner Strasse and notices a banana peel lying in his path. "Alas," he sighs, "now I must slip and fall down!"

Posts: 506 | From: Missouri | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
snopes
Return! Return! Return!


Icon 303 posted      Profile for snopes   Author's Homepage   E-mail snopes       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Barbara said "Some entries, though (most notably "Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities"), seem like they may be clever fabrications."
Hence the use of qualifying words such as "seem like" and "may."

- snopes

Posts: 36029 | From: Admin | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post new topic  Post a reply Close topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Urban Legends Reference Pages

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2