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Author Topic: An Old Farmer's Advice.
BrianB
Happy Holly Days


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This is the first glurge I have received in over a year. (Most people I know have learned not to send me any. [Big Grin] ) I searched on the main site, this forum, and the glurge archive and couldn't find it.
quote:
An Old Farmer's Advice...

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God!

Brian

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"Dear Big Foot Smellers: Please don't quote me on some of this information." John F. Winston

Posts: 1707 | From: Camarillo, CA | Registered: Mar 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
TB Tabby
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by BrianB:

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Glurge writers take note.

--------------------
I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

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Drainfluid
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Especially if you are passive-aggressive.
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Tarquin Farquart
The First USA Noel


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The most annoying thing about this is the faux-folksy bits. Like all old farmers talk like that...

quote:
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.



--------------------
I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from "Now We Are Six" through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty's giant poisoned electric head. So there!

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Richard W
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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The sentiments aren't too bad, but they missed "Now get orf moy laaand!" from the end...
Posts: 8725 | From: Ipswich - the UK's 9th Best Place to Sleep! | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Jay Tea
The "Was on Sale" Song


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'im were worryin' moi sheep!

 -

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This is where I come up with something right? Something really clever...

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BlushingBride
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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My father in law is an old farmer. He's given me some advice. It was more like:

Don't try to fix a broken porchlight in a rainstorm. (FZZZT!)
-corrolary: Disconnect power to the sprinkler system before fiddling with the wiring. (FZZZT!)
If you wear longer socks, the chiggers won't bite you.
Cool Whip makes everything taste better.
Do whatever your mother in law says.

--------------------
"In perfume, as in underwear, the scantiest of applications provides the greatest of returns." -Silas Sparkhammer

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Yeah, but you try getting a bumble bee to plow your fields. With the tiny little plows attached to their wings and all, it could take days.

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Canuckistan:
quote:
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Yeah, but you try getting a bumble bee to plow your fields. With the tiny little plows attached to their wings and all, it could take days.
That's why you use worker bees.

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Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

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LeaflessMapleTree
The twelve shopping days 'til Christmas


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quote:
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly...
And above all else, verb adverbly

--------------------
"For me, religion is like a rhinoceros: I don't have one, and I'd really prefer not to be trampled by yours. But it is impressive, and even beautiful, and, to be honest, the world would be slightly worse off if there weren't any."
-Silas Sparkhammer

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Methuselah
Happy Holly Days


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quote:
Originally posted by BrianB:
An Old Farmer's Advice...

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

I'm not sure of the lesson here...you should leave a bunch of tree stumps in your farm fields? But then you lose valuable real estate, the crops have to compete with the tree roots, and combine harvesting is significantly more dangerous. Maybe, if you take just a little time to remove the stump properly, it pays dividends and saves you time and energy in the long run.

quote:
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Good to know. That'll come in real handy when my corn isn't growing. Here's some news for you...LOTS of things are faster than a John Deere tractor, like dogs, my car, deer, birds... [Roll Eyes]

quote:
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Oh, so I shouldn't worry about not being able outrun a bumble bee on my John Deere tractor? Thanks.

quote:
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
But not when the waitress is asking what you'd like on your pizza. [Razz]

quote:
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

Like gays who want to get married?

quote:
Always drink upstream from the herd.

But, unless your at the absolute source of the river, there's always another herd further upstream...

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"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him." - G.K. Chesterton

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Tabbymago
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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This reminds me of the episode of Frasier where he first got paired up with the Standard Issue Sassy Black Woman (SISBW) who kept trotting out mindless aphorisms from her fictional uncle. Never have I felt so much sympathy for the character.

-Tabby
the princess with claws

--------------------
If you don't appreciate the irony, the irony appreciates.

"Sappiness and medieval violence: it's a wonderful combination. Like chocolate and peanut butter for the mind." -me on my fantasy novel-in-progress

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Open Mike Night
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

But life is a lot cooler, and more productive if you go down to the general store, buy a few blasting caps, and blow that mother to kingdom come.

quote:

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

But a Massey Ferguson, now that's a tractor.


quote:

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

But you can start it out with "I don't mean to be rude, but..." or "Don't take this personally, but..."

quote:

Every path has a few puddles.

Except when it doesn't, like during a drought, or in the desert, where you die of dehydration, and the sun bleaches your skeleton.

quote:

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Unless the question is "what's the maximum decibel level a human can stand."

quote:

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

But you'll always regret not taking that roll in the hay with Mary Lou when ya coulda'

quote:

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

lessen course ya want a bigger hole, or a basement.

quote:

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God!

There's my problem, I've been living deeply, loving simply and speaking generously.

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On the crusade to eliminate Moral Asshattery wherever it exists
Member: AAMAH

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Ligeia
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
I knew it. I knew that SOB had a camera in there. Well, I've finally had enough. I'm going to the police.

--------------------
Fight evil diaper rash!

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