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Author Topic: Which Glurge has offended you the most, and why?
TB Tabby
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Mickey Blue:


Otherwise, I enjoy glurge. At least as it's posted here and then quickly de-glurged in several successive and ofter highly hilarious posts. This might just be my favorite forum here. [Smile]

Likewise. The only time I don't like this board is when a thread mutates into a long ethical discussion that goes nowhere.

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I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

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NZUL
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by BrianB:
I particularly despise the one often called "Talking to Dad."

Just read it. It barely reads as a "better back then" now tale. The concept is almost implicit, rather than explicit.

Which means, that it reads rather nicely as a "thank god things have changed" missive. [Smile] You wouldn't need to change very much at all to turn it around entirely.

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"We don't keep a certified whale-vomit expert on staff." - Larry Penny, Director, Natural Resources Department, Town of East Hampton

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Honey Bunching Oats
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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---------- Forwarded Message ----------
> Get the Kleenex out.The Heart
>
> Please send this back but only if you mean it!
>
>
> "Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began,
> "I'll open up your heart..."
>
> "You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted.
>
> The surgeon looked up, annoyed "I'll cut your heart open," he continued,
> to see how much damage has been done..."
>
> "But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," said the boy.
>
> The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. "When I see how much
> damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan
> what to do next."
>
> "But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."
>
> The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood
>
> supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well."
>
> "You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there."
>
> The surgeon left.
>
> The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged
>
> pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy:
>
> painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:, " here he paused, "death within one year."
>
> He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud.
>
> "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and
>
> You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"
>
>
> The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your
> flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow."
>
>
> The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that
> boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?"
>
> The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has
> Done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another
> lost lamb."
>
>
> The surgeon wept.. The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's
> parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?"
>
> "Yes," said the surgeon.
>
> "What did you find?" asked the boy.
>
> "I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.
>
>
> Author Unknown - Celebrate Jesus in 2005
>
>
> If you aren't ashamed to do this, please follow the directions listed below:
>
>
> Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before
> my Father.."
>
>
> I Am Not Ashamed. Pass this on only if you mean it. "Yes, I do Love God. He is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each
> and everyday. Without Him, I will be nothing. Without him, I am nothing, but with Him I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me."(Phil 4:13)
>
>
> This is the simplest test. If you Love God, and are not ashamed of all the
>
> marvelous things he has done for you. Send this to ten people and the
>
> person who sent it to you.
>

Sorry to cut and paste it I couldn't find this in Snopes. I just control C'd that from my inbox. What follows is my itemized rant.

1. The person who sent it couldn't take out the ">'s"
2. You are asked to send it back and to forward it. And the implication is that if you delete it you hate Jesus.
3. The surgeon has an emotional/spiritual breakdown. I've done 2 years of surgery residency and if you don't develope a think skin you can't make it through. I didn't make it through.
4. The boy says "Jesus is in my heart" I know it sounds cute but where the left or right atrium or ventricle? This reminds me of when I was 8 I said to my parents, " I know how Jesus gets into my heart." This was after my first communion. I explained how the consecrated host goes from my stomach into my intestines and then into the blood stream up my heart. My devout Catholic father replied that Jesus was spirit and didn't have to go through all of that. My little mind grasped the dualaity between the physical and the metaphysical.

That's why that glurge bothers me - oh - and the kleenex remark. gag!

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"When we talk about democracy, if the people's stomach is empty, democracy is also empty. Democracy cannot be installed by fiat; it must be achieved by the people themselves." Y.C. James Yen (1893-1990)

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Esprise Me
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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I just read the Talking to Dad piece, and I must say I enjoyed the part where he inadvertently revealed that, contrary to what most old-timers would like us to believe, the state of education hasn't much declined since his day:
quote:
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong, and to stand up and take responsibility for your actions.

I'm glad no one taught ME to take responsibility for YOUR actions. I might have to kill myself.

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"If God wrote it, the grammar must be infallible. Perhaps it is we who are mistaken." -MapleLeaf

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apkjkk
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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I really hate the ones that rant about how prayer isn't allowed in schools anymore (which I seem to get every other week from a certain relative). That is not true! Those same certain people mentioned previously don't get that you can pray in schools all you want, even with a group of friends if you like. It's just that the school can't force it on anyone, or lead it (as it would give the impression on some that they are forced to participate).

Why is that so bad? I'd rather my prayer be private than imposed on by another person or group anyway.

okay, sorry about that little rant. Back to your regularly scheduled discussion.

Jen

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TheBobo
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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All Glurge is offensive(as far as insulting my intelligence) but the one I truly despise is Footsteps. Not so much because I am an atheist but because these are not the words of Jesus but rather some guy from the 20th Century. In fact I hate all those stories where Jesus or God speaks because it is not their words. Case in point that God awful(pun intended) 9/11 Silent Night spoken word song. You are lead to believe God is speaking the words of comfort to a tragic event. All it really is some moron making money of a tradegy and trying to sound profound.

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Mochrie99
I Saw Three Shipments


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Personally, I don't have one specific glurge item that I despise, mainly because the whole genre of glurge is, to me, an affront to my delicate sensibilities. How people actually find most of this bilge heartwarming and enlightening is, frankly, beyond me!

Mochrie99

Edited to remove a redundant word.

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Zorro
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by Honeybunching Oats:
That's why that glurge bothers me - oh - and the kleenex remark. gag!

Me too- I use Puffs Plus.

[fish]

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"Seize the day! Make your lives extraordinary!"
-John Keating, "Dead Poets Society"

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boogers
We Three Blings


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I despise "Footsteps" too because it seems to me to whitewash over tragedy. Face it: bad things happen and it doesn't always get better and some people don't survive the bad stuff.
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TheBobo
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by boogers:
I despise "Footsteps" too because it seems to me to whitewash over tragedy. Face it: bad things happen and it doesn't always get better and some people don't survive the bad stuff.

Well put.
Jesus tends to pick and chose who he will carry during bad times. Recently a little girl in the next neighborhood was hit by car and sadly died a few days later. I guess Jesus dropped her.

Another glurge (this time in a song) I find truly deplorable is "Everything is Beautiful" by Ray Stevens. Even as a kid when I heard that I couldn't help but think: Everything is beautiful? Even Adolf Hitler and the concentration camps?
Then there is that opening chorus (which has nothing to do with the rest of the song) "Jesus Loves the Little Children" sung by kids. Yeah he loves the little children but will send them to Hell, when adults, if they pursue a different faith,chose not to believe or become gay.

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Squoval
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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I also hate those Red Cross ads for Hurricane Katrina help. They show pictures of devastation, and sadness. While you hear "Jesus loves all the little children...".

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I can't believe it's not Square!

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YudanTaiteki
Deck the Malls


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The ones that annoy me by far the most are the "good old days" ones, like others said -- it's even worse when they say things like "if you are under 40 you won't understand" and then include things like B&W television, which a good number of 20-year olds (at least) have used. Often they haven't been researched at all and contain a lot of things that supposedly didn't exist "back then" but actually did -- i.e. in that "talking to dad" glurge posted earlier, he claims instant coffee wasn't invented, but it was invented in 1901 and marketed starting in 1938.
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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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quote:
Originally posted by Ulkomaalainen:
Apart from the fact that the Coal Miners' Glurge has to be it for the above mentioned reasons, I really and literally hate two elements:

Straw Man glurges. All these old ladies telling off students who claim something that actually no one ever claimed. Especially bad if their reasoning for being right (but then those old ladies admittedly would be veterans) is only that they served in the military.

Hate glurges. All those Christian (or sometimes, but more rarely, uberpatriotic) glurges that do not go for how much better it is to be a Christian, but tell us how everyone not agreeing is of lesser worth.

I've always hated how those glurges end with "And he walked silently away with his head down in shame." One of these days, I'm going to start re-writing, then returning to sender, these glurges so that, at the end, either they get told off, or they get boxed square in the nose. Oh, and no-one helps her up, because they're too busy cheering on the athiest, anti-war activist, etc.

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"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Another type of glurge that I cannot stand--that makes me grind my teeth down to the gumline--are the Jesus as superhero glurge and the symbolism in simple things. An example of the latter is the 6 year old kid likening the action of windshield wipers to Jesus' wiping away our sins. [Roll Eyes] Gah! This glurge could replace ipecac!
As far as the Jesus as superhero thing, let me be the first to say that I am a big believer in the power of prayer, and I think that God answers our prayers, but not always in a way that we think or even want. I could pray for one type of job, and I have, but what I got was unexpected and guess what? I like where I am. If I'm on a trail and get lost, I will pray for safe guidance back to my car, but I won't get anywhere by sitting on my butt waiting for devine bread crumbs to show up. I'm certainly not going to pray that I see a moose or two!
I think that such glurges trivializes prayer, the Lord and His oft-times mysterious ways, in addition to making us Christians look like pluperfect idiots.

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Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

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LittleDuck
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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I hate any glurge that ends with something like: send this to as many people you can or something bad will happen;
if you don't send this to everyone on youor list including me, I'll know you don't care;

Endings like that bug me. If I don;t send it back to you it's because I respect you more than to flood your inbox with BS. I also despise the overly religious ones (most of which I get from one source).

The best "glurge" I ever got is actually in the "Humor" section of this site. It's my favorite because the person who sent it to me believed wholeheartedly that it was true:
Burlap Sack Boy

I've read it a million times and it always makes me laugh (thinking about the friend who believed it).

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"Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie." -Apu (The Simpsons)

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Senior
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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You mean that Little Billy Evans, the boy with just a head and a burlap sack for a body, isn't real?  -

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Ad astra per asparagus.

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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quote:
Originally posted by boogers:
I despise "Footsteps" too because it seems to me to whitewash over tragedy. Face it: bad things happen and it doesn't always get better and some people don't survive the bad stuff.

BullNFBSK, Jesus, those are obviously my footprints.

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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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Senior
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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I hate the threats that many glurges end with:
quote:
Send this glurge to 13.4 people in the next 13.4 seconds or else you will be constipated for the next month. If you do send this glurge to 13.4 people in the next 13.4 seconds, you will have the opposite of constipation for the next month.


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Ad astra per asparagus.

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Aptenodytes_Forsteriis
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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quote:
Originally posted by Senior:
You mean that Little Billy Evans, the boy with just a head and a burlap sack for a body, isn't real?  -

Say it ain't so? I sent thousands of emails to Microsoft so that NASA could take them up to the angels and make Bill gates donate money for his body transplant, and now you tell me that it wasn't true? I cried for hours about his mommy's burlap allergy!

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'Hello, assorted humanoid strangers. You are standing casually in our forest. This bewilders us.' Blatherskite

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Gale
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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One of my very first posts here years ago was reaction to one of the "angelic sick kids" glurges. I had a stepson with neuroblastoma, a tumor of the brain. He was diagnosed when he was about 18 months old. He had a lot of health and learning problems. We spent a lot of time waiting to hear from hospitals and clinics. And you know what? He was not angelic. He did not always behave. He lied and sometimes acted like he was the center of the universe. He was hard to control because so many people let him get away with so much crap because no one expected him to live very long. He exploited that, and it was damned difficult to get through to him that we had the same expectations of him as we did his brother. I did and I still do resent any glurge that is about beatific sick children. The real story of what parents and children go through is heartache enough. Don't distort it with dross.
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robbiev - singin' off key
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by VersesBatman:
Here you go.

http://www.faithmouse.com/daily512.jpg

It took me a few second of looking at that picture to "get" it. That's just...well, a little dumb.

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Every time I see a good looking woman, I think, "0oooh. There's another one I'll never have!"

Corvette. The louder you scream, the faster I'll go.

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Canuckistan
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Just remembered this one: the one about Alaska Airlines Flight 261 really pisses me off. It lies about the cause of the crash, then lies about what the passengers were doing as the plane crash -- then tries to turn the tragedy into a conversion story for Jesus.

snopes said it best:

quote:
If a private company tried to turn the Flight 261 disaster into a commercial for their product, an outraged public would probably hound them out of business. Why should we be any less offended when someone fabricates the details of a tragedy in order to turn it into a commercial for Jesus?


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People need to stop appropriating Jesus as their reason for behaving badly. It's so irritating. (Avril)

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VersesBatman
Markdown, the Herald Angels Sing


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quote:
Originally posted by DawnStorm:
Another type of glurge that I cannot stand--that makes me grind my teeth down to the gumline--are the Jesus as superhero glurge and the symbolism in simple things. An example of the latter is the 6 year old kid likening the action of windshield wipers to Jesus' wiping away our sins. [Roll Eyes] Gah! This glurge could replace ipecac!
As far as the Jesus as superhero thing, let me be the first to say that I am a big believer in the power of prayer, and I think that God answers our prayers, but not always in a way that we think or even want. I could pray for one type of job, and I have, but what I got was unexpected and guess what? I like where I am. If I'm on a trail and get lost, I will pray for safe guidance back to my car, but I won't get anywhere by sitting on my butt waiting for devine bread crumbs to show up. I'm certainly not going to pray that I see a moose or two!
I think that such glurges trivializes prayer, the Lord and His oft-times mysterious ways, in addition to making us Christians look like pluperfect idiots.

Very well put.

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It's like they took a bunch of movies, put them in a blender and turned it on really fast!-Mystery Science Theater 3000

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Squoval
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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quote:
Originally posted by robbiev427:
quote:
Originally posted by VersesBatman:
Here you go.

http://www.faithmouse.com/daily512.jpg

It took me a few second of looking at that picture to "get" it. That's just...well, a little dumb.
I just went through that site, www.faithmouse.com, and it drools with idiocy. It is classic pCm, in comic form. It even thinks the ACLU is evil, and all babies must be born. It seems like the person or people behind the site won't concede to medical reasons to abort, or the possibility that an unwanted child would probably be abused, and might even die from that abuse. It doesn't seem to propose how to stem abortion need. It absolutely opposes the right for gay couples to marry. It has comics on Stop The ACLU. Notice the hammer and sickle in place of the C? Lovely. That ignores the fact that the ACLU is not communist. Also, it looks down upon liberals. It doesn't promote political unity, for the benefit of the people, to ensure that important issues get handled. My rant is over. (Note: I do, however respect the right of everyone to speak their mind)

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I can't believe it's not Square!

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TB Tabby
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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You should see that site's cartoons about Terry Schiavo. Being against the idea of allowing her to die is one thing, but comparing her to Jesus...I wasn't aware that Christ died of anorexia, rather than crucifixion.

But for REALLY smug ignorance, you can't beat "Allah or Jesus?" Yeah, that's right. The entire Muslim faith centers around torturing the infidels. Christians would NEVER commit such acts, except for all the times in history when they have.

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I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

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Squoval
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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A review of Faithmouse. Faithmouse response. Comments for the post.
quote:
I was struck by "Nixon's" incredible lack of imagination and abiltiy to recognize insight! He cannot see the connection between Nazism and eugenics and Terri Schiavo? Furthmore, the vulgarity of the entire post is truly extraordiary. Perhaps "Nixon's" fondness for video games (the topic of the majority of the site) explains my observations.
What? Seriously, WHAT?! I like video games, does that make me a bastard? No.  -

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I can't believe it's not Square!

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Queen of Slugs
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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quote:
Originally posted by Senior:
I hate the threats that many glurges end with:
quote:
Send this glurge to 13.4 people in the next 13.4 seconds or else you will be constipated for the next month. If you do send this glurge to 13.4 people in the next 13.4 seconds, you will have the opposite of constipation for the next month.

What- not forwarding glurge results in IBS? Geez. Someone should tell my doctor about this! She could win a Nobel for finally discovering the cause! [Razz]

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"The test of our progress is not whether we add to the abundance of those who have much. It is whether we provide enough to those who have little." ­ Franklin Delano Roosevelt

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A Guy Named Goo
Carol of the Bills


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That faithmouse site is just a trainwreck, although I laughed out loud at the "I was an abortion and all I got was this lousy shirt" one. Probably not for the reasons they intended, though. It was just so random, tasteless, and absurd, the kind of thing you'd find on random, tasteless, and absurd non-religious sites.

Although for the Terry Schiavo one (notice they don't spell her name right on the front page...), I actually have to confess that if the subject matter wasn't trying to deify her or make her look like the Messiah, and, in fact, wasn't about her or anything similarly political at all, I would actually really like that image. It's interesting and thought provoking when taken on its own as a whole. Maybe that's just because I'm a really weird writer and I look for ideas everywhere, though. I definitely agree that it is pretty stupid and offensive when 1.) you realize it's Terry Schiavo and 2.) you realize they are comparing her to Jesus, though.

Personally, the Terry Schiavo one I found most offensive was the one of her in her hospital bed with a half-inflated mylar balloon tied to the bed and some sort of creature bringing her a bowl of food. Although the photo manip of her with her mouth removed and her eyes wide and frightened seriously creeped me out.

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“I really feel like this is part of my life's work....It's part of what I want to do with my time here....So if I can make a difference at all by talking openly about myself, I'm glad.” - Anthony Rapp, Without You, pp. 206-207

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prof. yanaibara
The First USA Noel


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I hate the angels in the alley glurge, along with all the other glurges that are supposedly "Christian" and actually a lie (sure, I know some of them started as parables and some unsuspecting fool just thought they were real, but still...)

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away...

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Jefuemon
I'm Dreaming of a White Sale


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quote:
Originally posted by VersesBatman:
Here you go.

http://www.faithmouse.com/daily512.jpg

Ahhh, good old Faithmouse. Full of crazy and "what the hell was Dan Lacy thinking?" moments.

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Preston: Actually, Catholics believe in Transubstantiation, wherein bread and wine become Christ's actual body and blood. You'd think Jesus would know that.

Abe: I Googled "Catholic Trannies" and nothing came up.

"Alien Loves Predator" #147

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Squoval
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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Hey, wait a minute. Wasn't there a thread on a comic Dan Lacy did, that showed aborted fetuses?

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I can't believe it's not Square!

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ThistleSoftware
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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The villain character from Faithmouse seems to be a pig or mouse with a Star of David for a nose. Am I insane? Is that weird nose appendage supposed to symbolize the ACLU or am I correct in interpreting it as anti-semitic?

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Officially Heartless

Posts: 3065 | From: The Montgomery County of the West Coast- Berkeley, CA | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
A Guy Named Goo
Carol of the Bills


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quote:
Originally posted by ThistleS:
The villain character from Faithmouse seems to be a pig or mouse with a Star of David for a nose. Am I insane? Is that weird nose appendage supposed to symbolize the ACLU or am I correct in interpreting it as anti-semitic?

One of their comics said his name was "Judge Starmole". I take it he is supposed to be a star-nosed mole. I didn't consider the anti-semitic angle, though. I was just really confused as to why they'd choose such a random animal as their villain.

Also, I like their Gay Bear character, with his rainbow eyes and nose. See, even though he's gay, he's still a good Christian. He wouldn't be gay if his Satan-worshipping boyfriend wasn't forcing him into a life of sodomy.

...I spent way too much time in their archives last night.

ETA: A star-nosed mole. For no reason other than they're a really neat animal, in a freaky, ugly sort of way.

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“I really feel like this is part of my life's work....It's part of what I want to do with my time here....So if I can make a difference at all by talking openly about myself, I'm glad.” - Anthony Rapp, Without You, pp. 206-207

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Brandi
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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quote:
Originally posted by A Guy Named Goo:
One of their comics said his name was "Judge Starmole".

Her. She's an EVAL LIBRUL BULLDYKE.

I wish I was kidding.

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Squoval
It Came Upon a Midnight Clearance


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And here's proof she's not kidding

quote:
Ms. StarMole: An adamant atheist, feminist, and liberal, often portrayed as a judge or abortion advocate.


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I can't believe it's not Square!

Posts: 3147 | From: W-S, North Carolina | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
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