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Izunya
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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(for full effect, imagine italics underlined in red)

LET 2006 BE THE BEST YEAR OF YOUR LIFE THROUGH FAITH AND PRAYER. GOD IS READY TO HELP YOU REACH YOUR DREAMS AND GOALS.

READ WHAT GOD IS DOING HERE AT [church].

Dear . . . Someone Connected with This Address,

People just like you are writing to this 55-year-old church, telling us of all types of blessings since this church started praying with them. They are receiving divine help in the form of answered prayer. Some are seing loved ones saved, and many of them are receiving spiritual, physical and financial blessings of all types - better jobs, raises in salaries, being able to buy and sell homes, buying new cars, and so on. Actually, these dear people are receiving so many blessings that it is impossible to mention them all in a letter. And, as you will read in the enclosed brochure a Sister Garcia used the same type of Bible faith prayer rug that we are sending to you, with this letter, and was blessed with almost $50,000! Now, we must talk to you about something we see, in the Holy Spirit, concerning you and your family's needs.

GOD's HOLY BLESSING POWER IS IN THE ENCLOSED ANOINTED PRAYER RUG WE ARE LOANING YOU TO USE!!!

WE MUST GIVE YOU THIS OPPORTUNITY FIRST . . . THEN IT MUST GO TO THE HOME OF ANOTHER DEAR FRIEND WHO NEEDS A BLESSING . . . You, or someone connected with this address, and another dear family are about to be blessed through this unusual Bible Faith, Curch, Prayer Rug, which we are placing in your care for these next 24 important hours. Because of any needs you are facing, we want you to use this Church Prayer Rug first, then we must pass it on to another dear friend of ours who also needs a blessing. As we pray for you and everyone connected with this address, WE FEEL THAT SOMETHING VERY WONDERFUL IS TRYING TO COME TO YOU.

When you use this Faith Church Prayer Rug, go into a room where you can be alone (just God and you). Turn off the television and radio and try to be by yourself when you kneel on this Holy Ghost, Bible Prayer Rug, or spread it over your knees. We want this Church Ministry, Prayer Rug to be touching both of your knees as you pray for the needs yo are facing right now. It is going to be like you are kneeling before God All Mighty at the alter inside a great church of blessings. If you need more joy, peace, health, money, a new car, a new house, healing in family communication, or whatever, we, as a very old (55 years) church, want to know about it. Check your prayer needs on page two of this letter. Talk to us. This power you and this church ministry are about to use works!

These next 24 important hours are crucial to you. Timing is important to God. After you kneel on this Church Prayer Rug, or place it over your knees, place it in a Bible, on Philippians 4:19. (If you don't have a Bible, it's okay - just slide it under your side of the bed, for tonight, if you can. If you can't do this, it is okay. Leave It There No Longer Than Tonight Only! God sees. Then, in the morning it is a must that you get this unusual blessing Church Prayer Rug out of this house and back to us, here at the church's chapel prayer room, in faith. We must also have this letter back, with whatever you need prayer for, printed on page two. You must get this Bible Prayer Rug back to us so we can rush it onto another family that's in need of a blessing. Do this without fail. Please, do not break this flow of power between us.

Notice the face of Jesus on this Church Prayer Rug. When you first look, you will notice that His eyes are closed. If you relax and continue looking straight into His eyes, you will see His eyes slowly opening, and He will begin looking back at you. Jesus sees your needs (Philippians 4:19). Use this unusuall, important Church Prayer Rug for tonight only.

Let us ask you: Would you like to have God's blessings upon your home, your family and your finances? Say, "Yes, Lord Jesus, I do need Your financial blessings upon me and my family's finances!" Deuteronomy 28.6. Just put a mark by your needs below, telling us that you want prayer. Also, check any other needs you are facing. Pray about sowing a seed gift to the Lord's work. Give God your best seed and beleive Him for His best blessing (St Luke 6:38). Now, go and use this Church, Faith, Prayer Rug. The Lord is watching and waiting. You are about to enter the Holy Spirit of God right here in your home, through this faith exercise. The, it is a must that you return it for another to use.

MAIL THIS PAGE BACK WITH THIS PRAYER RUG.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF PRAYER!

Dear Brothers and Sisters at (name of church) 55-Year Old Church,

( ) I received this Church Prayer Rug you loaned me, and I used it as instructed in this letter of faith. Now, I am returning it to you for another to use.

( ) Yes, I do need the Lord's blessings upon my family and me!

Pray for my family and me for

( ) My Soul
( ) A Closer Walk With Jesus
( ) My Health
( ) A Family Member's Health
( ) Confusion In My Home
( ) My Children
( ) To Stop A Bad Habit
( ) A Better Job
( ) A Home To Call My Own
( ) A New Car
( ) A Money Blessing
( ) I Want To Be Saved
( ) Pray for God to bless me with this amount of money: $________
( ) Please, especially pray for this person:
( ) Enclosed is my seed gift to God's work of $________

[name of church] MUST HAVE THIS PRAYER RUG BACK. PLEASE DO NOT MISPLACE IT. IT MUST GO TO ANOTHER HOME AFTER YOU USE IT.

BE SURE TO RETURN THIS PRAYER PAGE WITH THE RUG. IT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU TO DO SO. - THE CHURCH WILL PAY THE POSTAGE FOR YOU. YOU WILL RECEIVE A WONDERFUL FREE, SPIRITUAL GIFT THAT WILL BE A BLESSING TO YOU FOR A LIFETIME, AS SOON AS WE RECEIVE THIS BACK FROM YOU.

"ACCORDING TO YOUR FAITH BE IT UNTO YOU" ST. MATTHEW 9:29

PLEASE PRINT YOUR NAME.

[on ghastly purple-and-orange paper "rug," which was enclosed]

Look into Jesus's Eyes you will see they are closed. But as you continue to look you will see His eyes opening and looking back into your eyes. Then go and be alone and kneel on this Rug of Faith or touch it to both knees. Then please check your needs on our letter to you. Please return this Prayer Rug. Do not keep it.

"This Prayer Rug is Soaked with the Power of Prayer for you. Use it immediately, then please return it with your Prayer Needs Checked on our letter to you." It must be mailed to a second home that needs a blessing after you use it. Prayer works. Expect God's blessing.

[ 10. January 2006, 05:46 AM:   snopes ]

Posts: 138 | From: Knoxville, Tennessee | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
Izunya
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Oh, and there was also an enclosed page of testimonials, most along the lines of "GOD BLESSED ME WITH OVER $5,000." I'm not going to type it in, because it's written in orange and purple. I don't think I could get through it without losing my eyesight or my mind or both.

So, a question from a humble student: is this glurge? Can glurge come by snail-mail?

Izunya (not even nice orange or nice purple!)

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dookie_booty
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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Dear God, I got the same letter sent to me, also. Blech. Just made me want to puke. Made me laugh for a full 2 minutes before I threw it away. Who the hell would want to believe that sort of thing?Well, the most gullible of the population. [lol]

quote:
Notice the face of Jesus on this Church Prayer Rug. When you first look, you will notice that His eyes are closed. If you relax and continue looking straight into His eyes, you will see His eyes slowly opening, and He will begin looking back at you. Jesus sees your needs (Philippians 4:19). Use this unusuall, important Church Prayer Rug for tonight only.
Especially if you have smoked some pot that you'll see "Him" looking at you and start to talk to you. [lol] "Send me $10 million buckaroos and I'll bless your life to the fullest. More than you can ever imagine. Muhahahahaha!!!" But if you don't use the rug that night only, you'll have to suffer every nightmare and horror that God'll bring down on you. [flame]

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Don't blame me, my evil monkey did it.
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Just remember, When everything seems difficult, I'll be shining from a far, When it feels like things have gone away, I'll see you again.

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Dawnshadow
I'll Be Home for After Christmas Sales


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"...we, as a very old (55 years) church, want to know about it...."

Since when did 55 years make a church "old"? ._.;

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Major D. Saster
The First USA Noel


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Wow. This leaves me almost speechless.

If I was a believer, I'd say the repulsive thieves who wrote this will go straight to Hell for their heresy and countless blasphemies.

At least they'd deserve to.

If there's anything true about that 2nd coming stuff, I hope Jeeeezus will kick their greedy asses out of his Holy Temple. [fish]

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Desperate, but not serious.

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have yourself a Merry Little Galaxy
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Notice the face of Jesus on this Church Prayer Rug.
Cool! I can auction it off on E-Bay!

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I love a sunburnt country, a land of sweeping plains - that's why I live in Melbourne, where it always bloody rains.

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Ganzfeld
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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Does anyone know if it's legal to send you something you didn't ask for and then require that you send it back?
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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Izunya:
"This Prayer Rug is Soaked with the Power of Prayer for you.

Is this rug machine washable?
This glurge sounds like an ad in the National Enquirer. [Razz]

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Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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Isn't that a very monetary way to look at Gods blessings?
quote:
"Yes, Lord Jesus, I do need Your financial blessings upon me and my family's finances!"
( ) A Better Job
( ) A Home To Call My Own
( ) A New Car
( ) A Money Blessing
( ) Pray for God to bless me with this amount of money: $________

And what is that about?
quote:
Timing is important to God.


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My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

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Avril
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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As Garfield would say, ARRRGH!

I'm pretty sure all the members of my apparantly ancient by comparison (135 years) church would be appalled, as would the students at my pretty darn old (101 years) seminary.

I would take severe theological issue with what they are saying here and I would be inclined to write them a long, forceful letter about their practices. I've got half a mind to track down what church this is and write such a letter anyway.

Avril

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There is no failure unless one stops. --Ray Bradbury

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ThornyWreath
Happy Holly Days


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I got the same thing in the mail yesterday. I checked it over, wondering if they wanted money, but there wasn't anything asking for money. However, the checklist they want sent back has my address on it and a place to fill in the name (it was sent to "Resident"). I have a feeling if I were to send this back, I'd be opening myself up to more junk mail from this "church".

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A little glitter can turn your whole day around.--Junie B. Jones

Engine 3:16

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DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by Avril:
I've got half a mind to track down what church this is and write such a letter anyway.

Avril

Probably the Dewey House of Discount Worship. [Razz] Or Our Lady of Glurge

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Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

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GenYus
Away in a Manager's Special


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quote:
Originally posted by Ganzfeld:
Does anyone know if it's legal to send you something you didn't ask for and then require that you send it back?

I'm sure it is legal to send something and require you to send it back. As far as them actually being able to do anything via criminal or civil penalties to you if you don't send it back, I doubt there is anything they can do.

BTW, does it seem like this letter was written by someone who had just figured out how do to formatting including italics and bolding in Word and wanted to show off thier new skill?

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IIRC, it wasn't the shoe bomber's loud prayers that sparked the takedown by the other passengers; it was that he was trying to light his shoe on fire. Very, very different. Canuckistan

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BeachLife
The Bills of St. Mary's


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quote:
Originally posted by Ganzfeld:
Does anyone know if it's legal to send you something you didn't ask for and then require that you send it back?

IIRC you have no responsibility to pay for or send back anything sent to you unsolicited.

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Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
Jack Dragon, On Being a Dragon
Confessions of a Dragon's scribe
Diary of my Heart Surgery

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Arts Myth
The First USA Noel


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quote:
Originally posted by Izunya:
Pray for my family and me for

( ) My Soul
( ) A Closer Walk With Jesus
( ) My Health
( ) A Family Member's Health
(X) Confusion In My Home
( ) ...

Why, yes! Please, I don't yet have enough confusion in my home! Please send me more!

Arts "um, uh..." Myth

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Stupid, stupid rat creatures! - Bone
"The missionaries told us not to cut ourselves. It displeases Jesus." - Elsie Clews Parsons, Kiowa Tales, quoted in The Mourner's Dance, Katherine Ashenburg

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I saw Mommy kismet Santa Claus
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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I got that, too! I thought it was pretty weird, and wanted to keep it for entertainment purposes. Hubby wouldn't let me. The Jesus with the weird eyes on the "rug" creeped him out.

"Here's a paper imitation of a rug with a scary picture of Jesus, send us money!"

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Bassist
Chess Nuts Boasting 'Round an Open Fire


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quote:
Originally posted by GenYus:
BTW, does it seem like this letter was written by someone who had just figured out how do to formatting including italics and bolding in Word and wanted to show off thier new skill?

Nope - if it was new skills in Word, they would have thrown in Underlining as well [Razz]

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"I'm singing and deranged!"

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queen of the bah-caramels
Jingle Bell Hock


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ERRR since when was Jesus mentiones in Deuteronomy

MY KJV gives Deut 28.6 as
Blessed shalt thou be when thou comest in and blessed shalt thou be when thou goest out.

Anyway the church I used to go to was only a Norman rebuild( approx 1120 ACE) of an earlier Saxon church. So not really in the running for any degree of age then [Confused]

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Focus On The Family- An opinion group who think more about Gay Sex than gay people do- Rick Mercer

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Kathy B
Angels Wii Have Heard on High


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Prayer rug coming to a mailbox near you

Side note, while searching on this, I turned up a terrific 404 page

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The plural of "anecdote" is not "data."

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ThistleSoftware
Little Sales Drummer Boy


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This is far out of the realm of any Christian teaching I have ever received. Praying for specific material benefits, praying to a false idol, God only being willing to dole out grace for a limited time, works being more important than faith, there being anything worth having other than God's grace, exaggeration... and of course the little known verse of Galatians that warns against poorly written, grammatically incorrect, and overly formatted missals.

edited for spelling. how ironic.

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Officially Heartless

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Dondi
The First USA Noel


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Here's a rather lengthy article about Saint Matthew's Churches (once known as St. Matthew Publishing Inc.) and the man behind it, Rev. James Eugene Ewing.

http://www.loper.org/~george/trends/2003/Apr/815.html

It is interesting how much revenue he cranked (no pun intended) up from the late 80's to the late 90's, according to the Annual Earnings Chart. Also, note the following quote from the article:

quote:
'Using this new method of selection we are actually picking those geographic areas that we know respond the best to our growth letters. The size of each special area is about two to four city blocks. And thank God there are 10's of thousands of them across the nation."
Which explains why some members on this board are targeted with this stuff.

Also, the bottom of the article runs through a lot of legal and tax issues Ewing and his organizations has face.

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"It won't mean a thing in a hundred years." - John Popper

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Vinnichanka
Deck the Malls


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When I saw the thread title, I thought to myself "Oooh, Muslim glurge, equal pooportunity". How disappointing...

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Ladies and gentlemen, chlorinate your gene pools!

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abbubmah
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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I've gotten these as well. Truly fascinating... on their website, they have a page about their literature, and the phrase mail fraud and mail scams is used many times, stating that they don't do that.

Related, has anyone seen the TV spot for the "Miracle Spring Water"? All the testimonials were, interestingly enough, about getting large sums of money. No healings, finding of lost dogs, or fresh air on a spring day, no....

ham "Tulsa OK is the pit of all unholy in christianity" bubba

ETA: just noticed they don't have an address on their website.

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Fundamentally Unfundie since 1975

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abbubmah
Ding Dong! Merrily on High Definition TV


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Google Phone Number lookup is my friend.

quote:
Saint Matthews Churches - (918) 582-7167 - 515 S Main St Ste 300, Tulsa, OK 74103
There is not now, nor has there ever been, nor will there ever be a Saint Matthew's Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

:snort:

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Fundamentally Unfundie since 1975

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piper
Deck the Malls


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quote:
Originally posted by Dondi:
Also, note the following quote from the article:

quote:
'Using this new method of selection we are actually picking those geographic areas that we know respond the best to our growth letters. The size of each special area is about two to four city blocks. And thank God there are 10's of thousands of them across the nation."

That's weird, but it explains a lot. We got the same letters when we lived in our old house; DH, a proud member of the American Atheists (but that's a whole 'nother thread), found it extremely amusing to stuff whatever junk mail we had (with our names and addresses taken off) into the return envelopes and send it back to them. My favorite letter was the one that contained a (plastic) gold cross and "Jesus' shoe," I think it was — something in the vague shape of a sandal that seemed to be made from dryer sheets [lol] I thought they somehow knew that it was us sending the envelopes back, and that's why we kept getting crap from them, but apparently my neighborhood was being targeted.

I wonder if that also explains why we had so many church groups coming through the neighborhood. I'd never seen so much door-to-door proselytizing, and I live in a rural area in the heart of the Bible Belt.

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"I shoot and crochet. I cook and mow the lawn. These things are not contradictions."
-pirateslife

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NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


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"( ) Enclosed is my seed gift to God's work of $________"

It's basically a scam for free money. They're hoping that people will send money in hopes that it will help their prayers come true.

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"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

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Cactus Wren
Jingle Bell Hock


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The word "rug" is itself working wonders. Am I the only one seeing ads for hardwood flooring at the top of this page?

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.” -- Edward R. Murrow

IOToriSparrowANK!

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Don Enrico
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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quote:
Originally posted by Cactus Wren:
The word "rug" is itself working wonders. Am I the only one seeing ads for hardwood flooring at the top of this page?

I'm not getting any ads at the top of this page, but I do get ads about going to India on the forum home page.

Don "by a flying rug?" Enrico

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My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. - Pooh Bear

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a mad scientist
Ron Mexico


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I worked for the Better Business Bureau once and we got a LOT of calls from idiots asking if this was for real *LMAO*
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Spamamander in a pear tree
We Wish You a Merry Giftmas


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I just have this image of "god" in whatever form looking down upon the Earth while a mother prays for the health of her child... lifting his hand to lay a blessing upon the child then going...

"WAIT! No tacky rug! I'm off to give money to the guy next door instead!"

... the BBB calls made me spit coffee. "Is this for real?" um, yes, the Better Business Bureau has powers beyond all religions to see into the spiritual validity of this thing. Dayum, forget electing a Pope or attending a seminary or whatnot, call the BBB they have all the answers!

The Spamamander (atheist with berber)

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"There is a race between mankind and the universe. Mankind is trying to build bigger, better, faster, and more foolproof machines. The universe is trying to build bigger, better, and faster fools. So far the universe is winning." -Albert Einstein

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nobodytil2013
Ron Mexico


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yeah, i got this in the mail about a year ago...it was too funny to throw away, so i hung it on my wall. the eyes are supposed to open as you stare at it...

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c387/nobodytil2012/Imagescanned2006-01-11at23-39.jpg

Posts: 27 | From: Fairview Heights, Illinois | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
DawnStorm
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by nobodytil2013:
yeah, i got this in the mail about a year ago...it was too funny to throw away, so i hung it on my wall. the eyes are supposed to open as you stare at it...

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c387/nobodytil2012/Imagescanned2006-01-11at23-39.jpg

I wouldn't have this hanging in my bedroom!

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Leashes?! We don't need no stinking leashes!!

Posts: 4771 | From: The Berkeley of the East Coast: Montgomery County MD | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?
Carol of the Dells


Icon 86 posted      Profile for NocturnalGoddess- naughty or nice?     Send new private message       Edit/Delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by nobodytil2013:
yeah, i got this in the mail about a year ago...it was too funny to throw away, so i hung it on my wall. the eyes are supposed to open as you stare at it...

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c387/nobodytil2012/Imagescanned2006-01-11at23-39.jpg

Wouldn't that make a great screamer? Like, some uber-Christian is staring into Jesus's eyes, waiting for them to open, and then the face of Satan and a blood-curdeling scream pop-up?

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"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, EVIL stuff... and I want in."- Homer Simpson

Posts: 2161 | From: Delaware | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
I saw Mommy kismet Santa Claus
Happy Xmas (Warranty Is Over)


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The eyes really do open, sort of. The picture has the open eyes printed lightly just above the eyelids. You can see the eyes open or closed depending on how you look at the page. The open eyed picture is more creepy than the close eyed one.
Posts: 2115 | From: Texas | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
the Virgin Marrya
Let There Be PCs on Earth


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quote:
Originally posted by DawnStorm:
quote:
Originally posted by Izunya:
"This Prayer Rug is Soaked with the Power of Prayer for you.

Is this rug machine washable?
Places soggy wad of paper into reply envelope.

Marry "probably not" ya

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Windows cannot open this file. To open this file correctly, defenestrate, then try running the file again...

Posts: 5383 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a moderator
   

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